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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26724358">Consolation in D Flat Major</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthStarofJakku/pseuds/NorthStarofJakku'>NorthStarofJakku</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Classical Music, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bartender Rey (Star Wars), Cellist Ben Solo, Child Abandonment, Dark Past, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Han Solo, Driving, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Minor Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Minor Poe Dameron/Rey, Mutual Pining, Past Drug Addiction, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Rey Needs A Hug, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, Soft Ben Solo, Texting, domestic ben solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:42:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>77,869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26724358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthStarofJakku/pseuds/NorthStarofJakku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A Modern AU about bartender/poet Rey and Uber driver/cellist Ben Solo!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Finn &amp; Rey (Star Wars), Jannah &amp; Rey (Star Wars), Rey &amp; Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>460</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ijustfellintothissendhelp, The Best of Reylo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Shit.”</p><p>Rey hung up the phone, shaking her head. “Poe’s not answering,” she announced. “He must be asleep.” She didn’t know why she expected anything different, it was past 2 AM after all, but she had made it perfectly clear to Poe when she let him borrow her car for the week that she got off of work bartending for the Niima Outpost nightclub at 2 AM Tuesday through Saturday and she would need a ride home at <em>exactly</em> that time. He had agreed, swearing up and down that he would be there at 2 AM—<em>before </em>then, even, to be sure—and yet here Rey was, standing in a patch of gray ice outside the club that was too stubborn for the salt to melt completely, glaring at her outdated iPhone and the five—<em>five</em>—attempted calls she had made, unsuccessfully, to her boyfriend.</p><p>Finn’s lips twitched in sympathy. He had been friends with Poe and Rey for years but never really saw them as <em>right</em> for each other, at least not romantically. But he bit his tongue (literally) before he finally asked, “Do you need me to give you a ride home? Kaydel will be pissed but they should be fine for a few minutes.”</p><p>Rey scoffed at first but quickly overrode it, remembering she should be grateful. “Thank you, but I don't want you to get in trouble,” she said with a sigh. She rubbed her eyes, groaning softly. “I’ll just call an Uber.”</p><p>Finn’s eyebrows lifted in concern. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to be alone.”</p><p>Rey nodded, uncertainly, looking down. “Yeah, it’s fine,” she said.</p><p>Finn glanced back at the club. “Okay. I should probably get back to work, but I can hang out here until your ride shows up?”</p><p>Rey shook her head. “I’ll be okay,” she said. “Thanks, though.”</p><p>Finn nodded. “Be safe,” he said, putting a hand on her arm. “Text me when you get home so I know you’re okay.”</p><p>“Will do,” Rey said, scrolling to the app and tapping a few times with her thumb to request the ride. “Okay. Looks like,” she squinted, trying to read around the cracks that split through her screen and made reading difficult sometimes, “Ben will be here in a white Honda Civic in five minutes.”</p><p>“What’s his rating?” Finn asked, furrowing his brow.</p><p>Rey shrugged. “Four stars,” she said, “but he hasn’t been doing this for long.”</p><p>“You’re <em>sure</em> you don’t want a ride home.”</p><p>Rey sighed in exasperation. “I’m sure. You should go back there. You know Kaydel will give you hell to pay if you’re gone too long.”</p><p>Finn straightened his jacket. “Smoke breaks are fifteen minutes,” he reminded Rey crisply.</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes. “You don’t smoke, Finn.”</p><p>Finn lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Kaydel doesn’t need to know that,” he said, his eyes lighting up as he held back a laugh.</p><p>Rey chuckled and punched him lightly in the arm. “Well, you better get back to work,” she said. “I’ll text you when I get home. Promise.”</p><p>“Okay,” Finn said. “And if this Ben guy is weird, give me a call and I’ll get you right away, okay?”</p><p>Rey nodded. “Okay. Goodnight, Finn.” She waved, and Finn hitched his chin in response, turning on his heel to walk back to the club.</p><p>Now alone, Rey sucked in a big breath, the cold January air filling her lungs, then released it in one steady puff of vapor. She hated being alone late at night. Niima Outpost wasn’t in a particularly great part of town, and she always felt like she had to watch her back at all times. But she needed a full-time job, it paid decently, and it was the only place that was hiring at the time. Two years later, and she still hadn’t gotten out—job hunting was hard on its own, but it was even harder when you’re still struggling to find your place in the world.</p><p>Feeling another ball of anxiety in her chest, she tried to look inconspicuous, pulling her hat further down on her head and looking down at her shoes—white Converse, now turning grey from wear—hoping that no one approached her.</p><p>The sound of tires grinding salt pellets into the pavement as they came to a stop made her look up. “Are you Rey?” the driver asked, poking his head out of the window.</p><p>Rey looked from her phone to the car. White Honda Civic. Yep, this must be Ben. “I am,” she called back. “You’re Ben, right?”</p><p>The driver nodded. “Hop in.” He disappeared back into the car, rolling the window back up.</p><p>Rey pulled on the door handle and tossed her purse into the backseat ahead of her, then climbed in and looked around. At very least, the interior was clean, the upholstery and the floors meticulously vacuumed, despite the snow and salt that his passengers were inevitably dragging in. She pulled her seatbelt across her lap, still clutching her phone, in case Ben was weird.</p><p>“All set?” His voice was a low rumble, but smooth and warm—Rey, with bartending still on the brain, thought it reminded her of a fine whiskey.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Without another word, Ben glanced at his mirrors, put the car into gear, and drove off.</p><p>After a few moments of silence, Ben finally said, “You’re out late. Just get off work?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Didn’t look like you were out clubbing.”</p><p>Rey looked up at him, wondering if this was going to be one of <em>those</em> rides, where the driver won’t stop talking and then she had to beg him to let her off a block ahead of her destination because she couldn’t stand it anymore. But Ben had nothing more to say, looking straight ahead, checking his side mirror occasionally, his left hand at the twelve o’clock position on the steering wheel and his other arm resting on the middle console. She could only catch glimpses of his profile, illuminating briefly and then fading as streetlights passed over them, but she could tell he had dark hair that fell just above his shoulders, and a strong, solid nose. Somehow he looked too big for the car, but he didn’t seem bothered by it, a man content with the vehicle he had, even if he wasn’t totally comfortable in it.</p><p>Rey settled back in her seat, gazing out the window, one eye on her phone. Dammit, Poe wasn’t even going to bother calling her back, was he? She rolled her eyes, sighing to herself, but then at once becoming aware of the sounds of a piano and an orchestra playing softly through the speakers, Ben’s hand tapping the tempo on the steering wheel. Oh, God. He was really listening to <em>classical</em> music. This big beefy man who was too big for his car was listening to an <em>orchestra</em> and <em>enjoying </em>it.</p><p>Curious despite herself, she opened her mouth. “Look, normally I prefer to not talk during rides, but I have to ask you something.”</p><p>“That’s certainly a statement to open with, but go ahead,” Ben replied mildly, flipping his turn indicator and glancing at his side mirror before changing lanes.</p><p>“<em>What</em> are you listening to?”</p><p>She could detect a trace of a smile in the glow of the fleeting lights. “Rachmaninoff,” he said. “Piano concerto number three. D minor.” He glanced at her over his shoulder, but not long enough for her to really see his face. “If you don’t like it, I can change it.”</p><p>“I’d rather not listen to anything right now,” Rey sighed irritably.</p><p>“Sure.” Ben reached up and pushed the power button on his stereo. His arm settled slowly back onto the console, a muscle on his jaw twitching as he frowned.</p><p>Rey thought about apologizing, but she was pissed. She shouldn’t even <em>be</em> in this Uber. Poe should have picked her up. She shouldn’t have lent him her car. No. Not just that. She shouldn’t be working nights. She shouldn’t be bartending. She should…</p><p>A hot tear of frustration spilled out over her cheek and she scrubbed at it, thinking of all the mistakes she had made to lead her to <em>this particular Uber</em> of all things.</p><p>Ben’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I have some Kleenex in the console if you need some.” He didn’t look back at her as he slowed to a stop at a red light.</p><p>“I’m fine.” Rey hunched over in her seat, covering her face with her hand, waiting for the ride to be over.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Rey stayed hunched over, scrolling angrily through her phone, as Ben came to a stop in front of her apartment building. “We’re here,” he said softly, putting the car in park.</p><p>“Thanks,” Rey grumbled, shoving her phone into her pocket and swiping a hand over her face. She grabbed her purse, opened the door, and got out of the car, using the frame as support as she pulled herself upright.</p><p>“Hey, I hope the rest of your night goes better,” Ben called after her, finally turning to look at her. His eyes were warm, a soft dark brown, and he looked at her with such sincerity that Rey immediately looked down at a pile of grey slush in the road.</p><p>“Uh, thanks,” she said again, tugging at the cuffs of her coat. “You too.” She pushed the door shut and started to walk away from the car, reaching for her phone in her pocket.</p><p>She turned back briefly to see him reach up to turn the stereo back on before he drove away.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Would you like to leave a rating for your driver?</em>
</p><p>Rey gazed down at her phone for a minute as she dug around her purse to find the key to her apartment. She thought for a moment, and began to type.</p><p>
  <em>Nice enough guy. Weird taste in music.</em>
</p><p>Three stars.</p><hr/><p>Rey, finally in her pajamas, settled on the couch, balancing a bowl of ramen on her knees, and she flipped on the TV to listen to whatever sitcoms were on at 3 AM. She blew steam away from her bowl, and reached for her phone.</p><p><em>Got home safe</em>, she texted Finn.</p><p><em>Oh good,</em> Finn replied. <em>Poe ever call back?</em></p><p>Rey frowned. <em>No.</em></p><p>
  <em>:(</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Doesn’t matter. I’m home. I’m gonna eat and go to bed. See you tomorrow?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You know it! Goodnight, Rey :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Night.</em>
</p><p>Rey set her phone on the couch next to her and began to slurp up some noodles, her eyes on the television but not fully comprehending what she was watching.</p><p>Her phone buzzed, startling her. Puzzled, she reached for it, finding a new text from Poe.</p><p>
  <em>Oh shit babe I’m SO sorry. I had an alarm set for 2 but it never went off.</em>
</p><p>Rey glowered, setting her bowl on the coffee table. <em>I got off work AT 2, which meant you should have been there AT 2,</em> she typed back, her thumbs tapping the screen furiously.</p><p>
  <em>Ahh fuck. Sorry babe. Are you home?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes, I called an Uber.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sorry. I’ll send you the money.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Doesn’t matter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It does to me. I know you hate being out alone.</em>
</p><p>Rey sighed. Poe was an idiot, but he at least he had his thoughtful moments.</p><p>
  <em>It’s fine.</em>
</p><p>A long pause. Rey waited to see if Poe would respond, and when he didn’t, she started to type again.</p><p>
  <em>I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.</em>
</p><p>Another long pause. <em>Okay. Goodnight babe. </em>Another pause. <em>I love you.</em></p><p>Rey sighed, her mouth twisting to the side as she thought about how to respond. She began typing, slower this time.</p><p>
  <em>I know. Goodnight.</em>
</p><p>She tossed her phone to the side, just enough out of her reach so that she wouldn’t be tempted to pick it up again, and picked up her bowl of ramen, giving it a stir with her chopsticks.</p><p><em>Someday,</em> she told herself, like she did every night, <em>I’ll have it all figured out.</em></p><hr/><p>It was nearly 4 AM when Ben opened the door, shutting it carefully behind him before tiptoeing quietly up the stairs to the upper level of the duplex. The last thing he needed was to get chewed out by his downstairs neighbor <em>again</em> for making too much noise. Armitage was such an entitled asshole, and Ben did everything he could to avoid having to interact with him, biding his time until either he found a cheaper place to live <em>or</em> Armitage did something stupid enough that the landlord would finally evict him and he would be free.</p><p>Then again, there was the very distinct possibility that that stupid enough something was Armitage finally murdering Ben in his sleep, so better to keep his distance when he could.</p><p>He unlocked the door at the top of the stairs, and as he pushed it open, he heard the jingle of ID tags as his scruffy little dog ran to greet him. “Hey, Chewie,” he said, smiling as the dog began to jump up around him, barely able to contain his excitement at seeing his human back home again. He scooped the dog up and Chewie squirmed and trembled in his large hands, tail wagging furiously. “Yes, it’s good to see you too.”</p><p>He set Chewie down and the dog immediately began to zoom around. Ben chuckled to himself as he tossed his keys on his table—not quite a <em>dining</em> table, more like his <em>everything that requires a surface </em>table—and shrugged off his jacket, hanging it on the chipped wooden thrift store chair that didn’t match the one that sat across it.</p><p>He flopped down on the couch, and Chewie, finished with racing around the apartment, leaped up next to him, climbing onto his lap and whining to be pet. Ben scratched him behind his ears, noting that it was about time to get him in for a haircut—his eyes were totally hidden in his scruffy fur, so he comically looked like a ball of brown fluff with a pink tongue hanging out of it.</p><p>“I did it, Chewie,” he told the dog. “I made it through another night.”</p><p>Chewie responded by licking his hand.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all!</p><p>I'm new to this, and this is my first published work! Hope you enjoy it :)</p><p>I'll be referencing classical pieces throughout this fic, and at the end of each chapter I'll post links to them so you can listen. I love classical music and I loved selecting the pieces to write about, and I hope you love them as well.</p><p>The title is a reference to this piece: <a>https://youtu.be/ss6iPXJxlfY</a><br/>The Rachmaninoff piece that Ben is listening to: <a>https://open.spotify.com/album/31IelQ1iYRclCRs64ywf0s?si=zCrYgZyRShi74giC8Uo6_g</a> (Fun fact: this is a favorite of Adam Driver's!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey wasn’t sure what exactly woke her up first, the light streaming through the blinds—she really needed to get something more <em>sunproof</em>—or her phone ringing, but she was awake and immediately aware of both.</p>
<p>She grabbed her phone before the buzzing could drive it off of the nightstand, swiping to answer it. “Hello?” she asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes. What time was it?</p>
<p>“Uh, hi, Rey, this is Rose,” a nervous voice answered. “I’m so sorry, I know today’s your day off from the bookstore, but Jess called in sick and we can really use you to...”</p>
<p>“What time is it?” Rey squinted at the ancient clock radio that sat by her bed.</p>
<p>“Ten fifteen,” Rose replied helpfully. “Anyway, we need help for the full day but even if you could work during the lunch hour…” She trailed off. “Paige said she’d be willing to pay you time and a half.”</p>
<p>Rey repressed a sigh, putting a hand to her face. They were desperate. But she could use the money. She quickly did the math in her head. She’d be able to make rent…buy groceries…and there would be some <em>left over</em> for her to buy whatever she wanted. “I’ll do it,” she said. “I don’t have a car, so I’ll have to take the bus…I might be a little late.”</p>
<p>“Oh that’s fine,” Rose said quickly, sounding relieved. “We can hold down the fort until you get here. <em>Thank you.</em>”</p>
<p>Rey hung up without responding, already scrolling to look at the bus schedule. <em>Shit</em>. She didn’t have a lot of time to work with. But now that she had that concept in her head of having money to <em>treat herself</em>—she could make it happen.</p>
<p>She took a quick shower, grabbed the first clean sweater and pair of jeans she could find, dressed herself in record speed, and as she was blow-drying her hair, her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth, her phone buzzed.</p>
<p>Poe again. <em>Good morning my Rey of sunshine :)</em></p>
<p>Rey rolled her eyes. <em>Not now. They need me to work the bookstore</em>, she typed back with one hand as she set her blow-dryer down to scrub at her teeth a little more.</p>
<p>
  <em>But today’s Wednesday.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know. They’re paying me time and a half. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Wow they must really need you. </em>He paused. <em>How are you going to get there?</em></p>
<p>What an idiot. Rey rinsed her mouth, spit, and replaced her toothbrush back in its cup. <em>You have my car, so I’m taking the bus,</em> she typed as she resumed juggling her blow-dryer.</p>
<p>
  <em>I can come pick you up. When do you have to be there?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Now.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All right I’m on my way. Be there in 5 okay?</em>
</p>
<p>Rey sighed. It <em>would</em> be nice to not have to wait for the bus, she decided.</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay. It better be 5 minutes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I promise.</em>
</p>
<p>Rey set down her phone and unplugged her blow-dryer. <em>Makeup.</em> She looked at herself in the mirror. Well, she didn’t have much time, but she wanted to at least look like she made an effort. She carefully but efficiently applied eyeliner and swept on some mascara, almost poking out her eye in the process. Crisis averted and successfully looking like an effort was made, she toed into her Converse, tying them as she held an English muffin in her teeth, and her phone buzzed again. She cursed, hopping over to the coffee table where she had left it. Probably Poe, telling her he was outside.</p>
<p>Nope. <em>Hey, it’s gonna be more like 10 minutes okay?</em></p>
<p>Rey groaned. Well, it was either wait five more minutes for Poe or an extra fifteen for the bus. <em>Fine. Are you on your way?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p>
<p><em>Good. See you.</em> She finished tying her shoe and proceeded to gnaw grumpily at her English muffin. It always felt like she was in a rush when Poe never was—well, at least in the mundane things like this. In their relationship, she was the one who dragged her feet the most, wanting to take steps only when they <em>felt</em> right. It took three dates for her to let him hold her hand, two after <em>that</em> for her to let him kiss her, and they had been seeing each other for nearly three months before she finally changed her relationship status on Facebook. She told herself her apprehension was normal—they had known each other for years before Poe finally asked her out, and the transition from friends to, well, <em>more</em> than friends was awkward. She would get past it, and things would feel natural, one day.</p>
<p>Eight months later and it still felt like they were figuring it out. After dating for six months, Poe, knowing Rey struggled to make the rent on a monthly basis, had asked if she wanted to move in with him, and she struck down the idea—one of those things, she said, that she wasn’t <em>ready</em> for. Poe said he understood and respected her for it, but she could tell just by the look in his eye that it hurt him.</p>
<p>Even now, when they had a rare free evening together and would be on his couch, or hers, and things started to get hot and heavy, Poe would ask her, in a low whisper, if she wanted to go to the bedroom, and always, <em>always</em>, Rey would push him away. Another thing she wasn’t ready for. She wanted it to feel <em>right. </em>She knew Poe occasionally complained about it to his friends, especially Finn, and it was embarrassing to her, but if there was one thing she wanted in life it was to live on her own terms and not push herself into something out of shame. She had spent her entire childhood living in shame, and she never wanted to look back.</p>
<p>She sighed. She <em>did </em>love Poe, despite his faults. It was a lot of little things—the way he listened to her vent about work, the way he told her she was beautiful even when she looked awful, the way he would bring her favorite coffee drink, peppermint mocha, to the bookstore when his work took him to the area, the way his entire face lit up when he saw her. He always let her pick the movie when they went out on dates, and never complained even if he was bored as hell. He was devilishly handsome, with a charming smile that even now made her knees weak. What’s more—she felt <em>safe</em> around him, like she could tell him anything without judgment. Maybe she didn’t love <em>everything</em> about him, but so much of him had grown on her already, so maybe someday she <em>could</em> love everything about him, or at least as much of him as she possibly could. Who loved everything about their partner anyway? It was impossible.</p>
<p>Rey crammed the rest of her English muffin into her mouth, brushing crumbs off of her hands. Her phone buzzed.</p>
<p>Poe. <em>Here.</em></p>
<p>About damn time. Rey shoved her phone in her coat pocket, grabbed her purse, and left her apartment, locking the door behind her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“How’s my best girl?” Poe kissed her cheek quickly before putting the car into gear and driving off. “Sorry I’m late.”</p>
<p>Rey made a face at the music blasting from the stereo. “Do you have to get <em>everyone</em> to listen to your music?” she asked, turning it down until it was just a low rumble.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I didn’t realize it was that loud.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you need to get your hearing checked.”</p>
<p>Poe laughed. “Ahh, maybe,” he conceded. Then his expression changed, looking uncomfortably askance at her. “Listen, Rey, I just got a call from the mechanic…”</p>
<p>Rey’s face hardened. “Yes?”</p>
<p>“Please don’t get too mad, okay?”</p>
<p>“Just tell me what the mechanic said.”</p>
<p>“The entire transmission is shot. It’s a $1600 repair. I don’t have the money for it now but I can pay him next week, so I was hoping…”</p>
<p>“…You were hoping you could borrow my car next week,” Rey finished bitterly.</p>
<p>“<em>Please</em>, Rey. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll pay for gas for a month. I’ll change your oil for life. We can have dinner at the fanciest restaurant, you can pick.”</p>
<p>“I work until 2 AM Tuesday through Saturday.”</p>
<p>“I’ll pick you up <em>every day.</em> I’ll even be there at 1:30. I’ll set four alarms to make sure I’m there. I <em>promise</em>.”</p>
<p>Rey sighed and looked out the window. “Okay,” she said finally.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Rey,” Poe said, relieved, pulling into the parking lot. “You’re the best. I love you.”</p>
<p>“Love you too,” Rey mumbled.</p>
<p>“When do you get off of work here? I can pick you up and get you to Niima Outpost tonight.”</p>
<p>Rey shrugged. “Probably five,” she said, “but I’ll need to get back to my apartment to change.”</p>
<p>“Can do,” Poe said. “I’ll even pick up dinner. You know, to make up for, well, everything. Chinese okay?”</p>
<p>Rey’s face lit up. No matter how upset she was at Poe, he always knew the way to her heart. “Perfect,” she said.</p>
<p>Poe grinned, that perfect smile that made Rey’s heart skip a beat. “Okay,” he said. “Pick you up at five.” He leaned over, cupped the back of her head in his hand, and pulled her in for a kiss.</p>
<p>Rey giggled as their lips parted. “I can never stay mad at you, you know,” she told him.</p>
<p>Poe winked at her. “I know,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey watched him drive away, thinking that, at least for now, the part of her that always seemed to feel the emptiest was satisfied.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“You look like hell.”</p>
<p>Rose shot a look at Beaumont, the trust fund asshole working at the bookstore’s coffee counter. “Shut up, Beaumont, she looks <em>beautiful</em>,” she said, turning a smile bright as sunshine to Rey. “Thanks for helping out, Rey. You’re a hero.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded. “No problem.”</p>
<p>Rose clapped once, immediately back to business. “Okay, once you punch in, I need you to reset the display in the children’s section. We had some, uh…young customers this morning.”</p>
<p>“Three-year-old twins,” Beaumont told Rey. “They were <em>terrors</em>.”</p>
<p>Rey shrugged. “Sure.” She walked back to the office, punched in, hung up her coat, and stepped out onto the sales floor and looked around. The bookstore was mostly empty, except for the three employees and one tall, broad man flipping through records in the used vinyl section.</p>
<p>She found the display in question, and it sure looked like two small children had been through. There were books scattered everywhere, plush toys far from their homes, and coloring pages, with thick crayon scribbling, abandoned all over the floor.</p>
<p>Retail. Another thankless job. Rey started picking up the papers, and cursing at the broken crayon pieces that were ground into the carpet.</p>
<p>“All set?” she heard Rose say. “Did you find something good?”</p>
<p>“I’ll say,” the customer responded, a warm, low rumble that sounded immediately familiar to Rey for some reason. “The Toscanini recording of Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony? Who would give up such a treasure?”</p>
<p>Rose laughed. “Well, I’m glad <em>someone</em> did, so you could find it,” she said cheerfully.</p>
<p>Rey, trying to stay inconspicuous, peered over the display to look at the customer. He wore a black jacket over a blue plaid shirt, and a dark red hat over his dark hair, which fell just above his shoulders, and his eyes—</p>
<p><em>Oh, God</em>. Rey ducked back behind the display. It looked just like her Uber driver from last night. She couldn’t be sure, but better to hide and avoid recognition.</p>
<p>“Well, enjoy your new treasure,” Rose told him.</p>
<p>“Thanks, I will. See you next week.”</p>
<p>“For sure, good to see you, Ben!”</p>
<p>The bell on the door jingled as he walked out and Rey knew she was safe. She wandered closer to the counter, leaving behind the disaster zone in the children's section.</p>
<p>“Who was that?” she asked curiously.</p>
<p>“Oh, that was Ben,” Rose said with a smile.</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen him here before.”</p>
<p>“He only comes in on Wednesdays, so I don’t think you’ve ever seen him before.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Rey straightened a stack of books. “Do you…do you happen to know if he drives an Uber?”</p>
<p>Rose looked confused. “He might,” she said. “He’s never mentioned it. Why do you ask?”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head. “Ahh, it’s nothing, he just looks like my Uber driver from last night.” <em>The one I gave three stars,</em> she recalled with maybe a bit of embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Rose looked thoughtful, but shrugged it off. “Anyway, I think you’d really like him. He’s very nice, and I think he’s single.” She raised her eyebrows at Rey suggestively.</p>
<p>Rey blinked at her, confused, then caught on to her meaning and barked a laugh. “He may be, but I’m not,” she said curtly.</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re still with Poe then?” Rose asked, trying to mask a concerned look.</p>
<p><em>Why was everyone like this?</em> Rey clenched her hands. “Yes. I’m still with Poe,” she explained patiently.</p>
<p>Rose shrugged. “Ah well,” she said. “He seems like your type.”</p>
<p>Rey scoffed. “I’m going to finish resetting the display,” she said, heading back to the children’s section.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all! Thanks for reading Chapter 2!</p>
<p>Only one work referenced in this chapter, but here is a segment of the specific recording that Ben was so excited about: <a>https://youtu.be/Jq235KF9ysk</a> (Arturo Toscanini is my all-time favorite conductor, so I would have been excited about it, too!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey all, thanks again for reading! Just a real quick CW for this chapter, there is a very brief situation of sexual harassment, so please proceed with caution if you are uncomfortable with that subject matter. (As I mentioned, I'm very new to this, and I thought the scene was so brief it didn't require an overarching tag on the entire work, but if you think I should change that, please let me know...I don't want anyone to get upset because of my writing.)</p>
<p>I was originally only going to post the first two chapters right away, but I'm just so excited about this fic and really wanted to share it, so I decided to post a third. After this, I will likely be spacing out posting the chapters, primarily because...I still need to finish writing the story. I've got about 14 or so chapters written already so if I spread them out I should (hopefully) have a good chance to finish the work. I think I might post chapters on Fridays, or perhaps post one chapter twice a week (perhaps Sundays and Fridays), but I will definitely update when I decide what I want to do. I want to share as much of this story as I can as quickly as I can but I also don't want too much lag time between posting what I've already written and what I still need to write.</p>
<p>Anyway, here's Chapter 3, I hope you like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“God <em>damn it!</em>”</p>
<p>Rey hung up, her head lolling backwards. “Un-fucking-believable,” she told Finn. “He fucking picks me up late from my other job, and now he’s not answering his fucking phone.”</p>
<p>Finn grimaced. “Poe, my boy,” he groaned, putting a hand to his head.</p>
<p>Rey’s eyes stung with hot tears of frustration, but she swiped them away. “Asshole,” she hissed.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>Rey sighed. “Call another Uber, I guess.”</p>
<p>“You need me to wait with you?”</p>
<p>A commotion started inside the club, nothing major, but clearly someone unable to hold their liquor yelling and the sound of broken glass.</p>
<p>Rey raised her eyebrows, hitching her chin towards the club. “Sounds like they need you in there more.”</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Finn said, turning around to hurry back inside. “Text me when you get back home, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey called after him. Shivering, she scrolled to the app and requested a ride.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she heard a voice behind her. She turned around. A man was walking towards her, a cigarette in one hand. “Got a light, baby?”</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said, shoving her phone in her pocket, her hand closed around it.</p>
<p>“Ah, well, that’s all right. How're you doing, baby girl?”</p>
<p>“Fine, and I’m not your baby girl,” Rey said, turning her shoulder to him.</p>
<p>“Ahh, I see, you’re too good for me, aren’t you? What're you doing out here all alone?”</p>
<p>“Go away.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be like that.” The man grabbed her arm.</p>
<p>“Let me go, asshole!” Rey shrieked, pulling away. Her heart raced, every muscle in her body screaming at her to <em>run</em>.</p>
<p>“<em>Hey!</em>”</p>
<p>Rey looked up, shocked, to see Ben getting out of his car, slamming the door shut as he walked towards them.</p>
<p>“Listen man, we’re just talking,” the strange man told him, tugging on her arm.</p>
<p>Ben looked from him to Rey. “Do you know him?” he asked her.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey whimpered, too humiliated to look him in the eye.</p>
<p>“Get out of here, asshole,” Ben told the stranger, stepping even closer. “Don’t make me ask you again.”</p>
<p>The stranger, sensing that Ben wasn’t about to back down, released Rey’s arm and took off back towards the club.</p>
<p>Ben watched him go, then turned back to Rey. “Are you okay?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I can handle <em>myself</em>, you know,” Rey snapped, feeling humiliated, relieved, and indignant all at once, a cyclone of emotions churning around her. Tears spilled down her face like a faucet. “I’ve taken self-defense courses.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Ben said. “Well, I don’t <em>know</em>, but I’m sure you can handle yourself. I only wanted to help.” He lifted his hand and it hovered over her arm, but he thought better of it and let it fall back to his side. He cleared his throat. “Come on, it’s a lot warmer in the car. I’ll get you home, okay?”</p>
<p>His voice was soft, so gentle that it made Rey look up at him. His eyes were looking down at her in genuine concern, his sincerity so pure and distilled that it was almost disarming.</p>
<p>Rey scoffed, a smile spreading across her face despite herself. “Is this part of your Uber training?” she asked.</p>
<p>Ben tilted his head. “Wasn’t in the video they made me watch, so I figured I’d improvise in this situation.”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head, unable to suppress a laugh.</p>
<p>“It <em>is </em>part of my Uber training to tell you the meter’s running, though,” Ben said with a smirk, gesturing back to his car. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”</p>
<p>“Can’t argue with that,” Rey said, walking back to the Honda. Her hand reached for the front passenger door handle but she paused and hesitated, her fingers still stretched towards it. <em>What am I doing</em>, she asked herself.</p>
<p>She reached for the back door handle and pulled it open, tossed her purse in, and climbed into the seat.</p>
<p>Ben slammed his door shut, clicked his seatbelt into the buckle, and reached for the stereo to turn the music off.</p>
<p>“You can keep the music on,” Rey said. “I don’t mind.” It was the least she could do, after all.</p>
<p>“In a better mood tonight, I see,” Ben remarked, a smile in his voice, as he pushed the power button. The melodious sounds of an orchestra filled the car as he eased the volume up. He checked his mirrors and pulled away.</p>
<p>“What are you listening to?” Rey asked, trying to make polite conversation. “Is this…Beethoven?” She remembered the record from the bookstore earlier that day.</p>
<p>Ben laughed. “Not even close,” he said.</p>
<p>“I don’t know these things, just tell me,” Rey sighed.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…it’s Tchaikovsky.”</p>
<p>There was something particularly wonderful about the way he said <em>Tchaikovsky</em>, like he was talking about a friend he was proud of and not a long-dead composer, and it was endearing enough for Rey, as crabby as she was, to smile.</p>
<p>“You really like classical music, don’t you?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I do. It’s wonderful. Don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Not really. I had to listen to it in music appreciation class in school, and I thought it was boring.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Ben checked his mirror before changing lanes, the streetlights illuminating his face in slow flashes. “Well, give it a try again sometime. You might like it more than you think.”</p>
<p>Rey scoffed. “Yeah, maybe.” She looked out the window, watching the buildings pass. “Were you like a band kid in school or something?”</p>
<p>“Orchestra,” Ben said, slowing to a stop at a red light.</p>
<p>“What did you play?” Rey reached into her purse for her apartment key and tucked it into her pocket.</p>
<p>“Cello.”</p>
<p>“Wow, really? Were you good?”</p>
<p>Ben’s hand smoothed over the surface of the steering wheel and he shifted in his seat as he waited for the light to turn green. “I guess I was,” he said. “Anyway, it was in another lifetime.” His tone was flat and detached, like he was repeating a weather report, and Rey could sense he didn’t want to talk about it any more.</p>
<p>Rey looked down at her phone and saw a new text from Poe. <em>Sorry, I overslept. I’m outside the club, where are you?</em></p>
<p>She tucked her phone back into her pocket.</p>
<p>“Anyway, uh, thank you.” Rey’s voice trembled nervously. “Um, you know. For back at the club.”</p>
<p>“No need to thank me. Like you said, you could have handled yourself. I just showed up.”</p>
<p>“Still, thank you. Really.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>“But I have to ask something.”</p>
<p>“Go ahead,” Ben said, slowing down in front of Rey’s apartment building.</p>
<p>“Are you the only fucking Uber driver in town or something? Don’t you think this is strange, two nights in a row?”</p>
<p>Ben shrugged. “Who knows. Maybe so.” He put the car into park. “Have a good night, Rey.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled. “You too, Ben.”</p>
<p>She didn’t realize her purse was still in his car until she got to the door of her building, but when she turned back to try to stop him, he had already pulled away and was gone.</p><hr/>
<p>Ben never believed much in fate. To him, everyone’s lives were made up of a series of decisions, some their own and some not, and where you are now was a sum of those decisions, and you just keep making decisions until eventually you die.</p>
<p>Perhaps it was fatalistic of him, but he was the one driving around town at three in the <em>fucking</em> morning. A lot of decisions led him here.</p>
<p>It was easy to dismiss the thing with Rey. He had been driving in the area when the request came in, and he accepted it without looking at it or thinking about it. It wasn’t until he pulled in front of the club and he saw Rey outside, and then that <em>guy</em>—</p>
<p>He shook his head. <em>Forget about it. She’s okay.</em></p>
<p>“How’s everyone doing tonight?” he asked as three young women, college aged, he guessed, slid into the back of his car. Even though it was a Wednesday night, they had clearly been clubbing—the unmistakable smell of a spilled cosmopolitan on someone’s dress permeated the air.</p>
<p>“Good,” they said in unison, clearly drunk and exhausted, a one syllable word stretching out for an entire three seconds.</p>
<p>“Um, excuse me, sir,” the girl in the middle seat said, politely but just a bit too enthusiastically, “I think someone left their purse in here.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really? I’ll take it,” Ben said, holding out his hand to accept it.</p>
<p>“Quick, check to see if there’s any cash in there!” the girl in the passenger side seat whispered loudly.</p>
<p>“Don’t do that,” Ben said, with the same patient tone he would use to speak to a child. “Give it to me.”</p>
<p>The girl handed it over, and he set it down in the seat next to him. “All right, off we go.”</p>
<p>They started chattering at each other, something about some paper they needed to write for tomorrow, the sounds of their voices washing over Ben. He reached for the volume and gently nudged the dial up, if anything so he could hear the Tchaikovsky over their conversation.</p>
<p>“All right, ladies, have a good night,” he said, trying to hide his relief as he put the car in park and let them out in front of their apartment complex. Once the door slammed shut behind them, he rested his forehead on the steering wheel, rubbing at his eyes.</p>
<p>A lot of decisions led him here, driving drunk college girls home from the club at three-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday…or Thursday. Whatever day it was.</p>
<p>He forgot about the purse until he pulled into the driveway of the duplex and looked over at the passenger seat. It was small, dark red, made from this plastic-leathery material, glowing faintly in the dim garage light. Curiously, he picked it up, wondering who could have left it, unsure if he should open it.</p>
<p>Well, he might as well, just so he could tell whoever left it that he had it. He unzipped it, finding a wallet almost immediately. His hands just slightly shaking, he turned it over to see a driver’s license in a clear window.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.</em>
</p>
<p>He couldn’t quite make out the name and address, but that face, that smile, was unmistakable. It was Rey’s.</p>
<p>His heart thudding, he shoved the wallet back into the purse and quickly zipped it shut, but out of fear or respect, he could not tell. Either way, the series of events was eerie, to say the least. He had driven her home <em>twice</em>, and now will have to see her again to return her purse.</p>
<p>
  <em>What is going on?</em>
</p>
<p>He reached for his phone, and sure enough, there was a new message: <em>Hey, this is Rey. You drove me home earlier tonight. Sorry about this, but I left my purse in your car. Can we arrange a way for me to get it back?</em></p>
<p>Ben shook his head in disbelief.</p>
<p>Maybe fate did make some decisions every now and then.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed Chapter 3!</p>
<p>I didn't reference any specific works in this chapter. If I had to guess at what Ben is listening to when he's driving Rey home, I would think it's <a href="https://youtu.be/A-2HzeAAf_A">this piece</a> or maybe <a href="https://youtu.be/WKSNgJ2sbgg">this piece</a> but I think our boy just loves Tchaikovsky so pretty much anything would work (except for the ballets, I think he'd think those are too mainstream for his tastes). </p>
<p>(Very minor spoiler, if you haven't figured it out by now: Ben's a late Romantic era stan! That just feels right. And hopefully not because I'm biased and also love the late Romantic period, haha!)</p>
<p>Also, I want to take a second to thank my wonderful friends who encouraged me to post this in the first place and have been reading and sending me their thoughts. I definitely didn't expect them to latch onto Rey's first Uber review for Ben (ope!), but trust me, it will all get better!</p>
<p>Thanks again for reading! See you very soon with Chapter 4!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey all! Thanks again for reading! I realized that I already had more chapters written than I thought, so I've decided that I will be posting chapters three times a week. I will definitely post on Fridays and Sundays, but haven't quite decided on the third day that I will be posting. I'm about to start a new job so it'll ultimately depend on my new schedule, but likely it will be Tuesdays or Thursdays (or, perhaps, I'll just keep it a surprise!). There may be weeks where I only post two chapters, but I am planning on doing three a week as often as possible.</p><p>I'm actually very excited about the upcoming chapters so it's going to be very hard for me to not post them all immediately. I hope you find they're worth the wait!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Poe, I keep telling you—I get off of work <em>at</em> 2 AM, so you need to be there <em>at</em> 2 AM. I literally could not make myself clearer.”</p><p>“I don’t understand why you can’t just wait inside. Finn was there, he could have looked out for you until I got there.”</p><p>“You weren’t answering your phone, and anyway, I don’t need babysitting.”</p><p>“So that’s how it is, huh? You don’t want to wait ten minutes for me so you take off with some <em>guy</em>?”</p><p>“<em>He was my Uber driver.</em>” Rey snatched up a pillow from her bed and threw it on the floor in frustration. She felt the muscles in her neck clench, like a rubber band about to snap.</p><p>“I don’t know, Rey, they said that he didn’t <em>look</em> at you like an Uber driver.”</p><p>A tension headache gnawed at the nape of her neck. “Who told you that?”</p><p>“Finn.”</p><p>“Finn was <em>inside</em>,” Rey pointed out.</p><p>“I don’t know, he said he saw you.”</p><p>“So you don’t believe me then?”</p><p>Poe paused.</p><p>Rey waited.</p><p>“I don’t know what to believe, Rey,” Poe said with a sigh, and she knew even just listening to him over the phone that he was uncomfortably rubbing the back of his neck.</p><p>“You should believe <em>me,</em>” Rey told him.</p><p>Poe didn’t say anything. She could only hear him breathing.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“Listen. We’re both tired and maybe a little volatile. I think we should just go to bed and talk about it later.”</p><p>Rey scoffed. “Fine.”</p><p>Poe paused again. “Rey? I love you, okay?”</p><p>Rey fell silent, her lips pressed together. Her eyes began to mist.</p><p>“I love you, Rey,” Poe said again, like an actor prompting his scene partner to remember a line she forgot.</p><p>With a sniffle, Rey pulled the phone away from her ear and hung up, unable to say the words, too tired to play the role. She threw her phone away from her, not even looking up to see where it landed when it fell with a soft thud, as she covered her eyes and began to weep—from exhaustion, from frustration, from <em>everything.</em></p><p>She didn’t know how much time had passed before she heard her phone buzz. Wearily, she stood up and found her phone by her closet door, expecting to see a text from Finn or Poe.</p><p>
  <em>Hey Rey, it’s Ben. Uber driver. Sorry I got back to you so late. I have your purse. Let me know how I can get it back to you.</em>
</p><p>Rey paused, then started typing. <em>Hey Ben, thanks for getting back to me. Do you by chance know of Paige’s Books? The used bookstore.</em></p><p>Ben started typing back a message immediately. <em>Know it? I love that place!</em></p><p>
  <em>I work there part-time. My shift is 11 to 5 tomorrow. Do you think you can drop it off sometime then?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Absolutely. See you then.</em>
</p><p>Rey thought about setting her phone aside and just ending the conversation, but something prompted her to continue. <em>Wait. Were you there earlier today? Buying a record?</em></p><p>Ben didn’t answer right away and Rey rolled her eyes at herself. “Stupid, stupid,” she hissed, rubbing circles into her forehead with her thumb and middle finger.</p><p>
  <em>Yes. Were you there?</em>
</p><p>Rey sighed in relief. <em>Yes, hiding behind a display. Sorry, I wasn’t sure if it was you or if I should say hello.</em></p><p>
  <em>Oh of course. Next time though, say hello. I don’t mind.</em>
</p><p>Rey paused, her fingers hovering over the screen. <em>Do you like it? The record.</em></p><p>Ben typed for a while, as if he was starting a message and deleting it and starting over, Rey holding her breath the entire time, before the final message appeared on her screen.</p><p>
  <em>It’s incredible :)</em>
</p><p>Just two words, and yet it brought an instant smile to Rey’s face, the dried tears on her skin cracking as if she was finally shedding a mask.</p><p><em>Well, I gotta go to bed. I’ll bring your purse tomorrow. </em>Pause. <em>Good night, Rey.</em></p><p>
  <em>Good night, Ben. Thank you.</em>
</p><p>Rey closed the messaging app and scrolled through to pull up Spotify. She hit the search bar and began typing.</p><p><em>Beethoven 7</em> <sup> <em>th</em> </sup> <em> symphony toscanini</em></p><p>She tapped on the first album that came up, and set her phone on her nightstand as she lay back, closing her eyes as the music washed over her like waves, lifting her and pulling her gently back to a soothed and peaceful sleep, where she dreamed of a boy with dark hair and sincerity in his eyes, who played the cello for her, his large hands delicate on the strings and bow.</p><p>She wondered, in her dreaming mind, if those large hands would be just as gentle on her, imagining that those skilled fingertips, like a whisper, could touch those places that no one else could, coaxing her secrets out of her like he could coax beautiful music from steel and horsehair.</p><hr/><p>Rey woke to her alarm blasting at her, the dreams fading from her memory as she picked up her phone and tapped it to stop.</p><p>Six unread messages from Poe. Three from Finn. She didn’t want to answer any of them. She just wanted to lie back on her pillow and fall back into her dream world, back to where she felt safe and loved.</p><p>But she had to deal with reality now. She swept up to open the messages from Finn first.</p><p>
  <em>I hope you’re not mad at me, Rey. I was walking that drunk guy out and I saw you with that guy. Poe asked where you went and I told him I saw you leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Was that your Uber driver? I feel like an asshole.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry, Rey, please text me back.</em>
</p><p>Rey sighed. <em>Yes, he was my Uber driver. There was some creep outside the club and he got out to tell him to leave me alone.</em></p><p>She paused. <em>I think Poe is pretty mad at me about it, but I’m mad at him more. If he had just answered his phone I wouldn’t have needed an Uber.</em></p><p>She didn’t expect Finn to be awake, but she saw him starting to type back. <em>So what are you going to do?</em></p><p>Rey typed, deleted, typed, deleted.</p><p>Finally: <em>I don’t know.</em></p><p>Finn didn’t answer right away. <em>Well, you guys have been through it before. You’ll be ok.</em></p><p>
  <em>I’m not sure this time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know. It just feels bigger.</em>
</p><p>Finn typed, typed, typed. <em>Ok. Well no matter what happens, remember that I’m on both of your sides, ok? You’re my two best friends. I want whatever’s best for you both.</em></p><p>He stopped.</p><p>
  <em>Even if it means you’re not together.</em>
</p><p>The reality hit Rey in the chest like a brick. Maybe it just wouldn't work for them. She hadn't even considered the possibility but it was there.</p><p><em>I understand</em>, she finally typed, haltingly, her fingertips numb. She tapped “send,” then went back to read the messages from Poe.</p><p>
  <em>Hey baby I know you’re pretty upset with me. Truth be told I’m pretty upset with you right now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think I was just worried because you weren’t at the club when I got there, and then when I heard you had left with some guy…I just overreacted.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know he was your Uber driver, ok. I get it. I’ll pay you back the money for the ride. But Rey. You couldn’t wait 10 minutes?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s just that I’ve been waiting on you for everything for so long and it hurt that you didn’t wait for me this one time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry babe. I don’t like it when we fight like this. Let’s have dinner and talk about it ok? Figure things out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>That feeling hit Rey’s chest again. Reality. It really <em>was</em> bigger this time.</p><p>Forget that Poe was an idiot that didn’t answer his phone, and then ended up arriving at the club not ten minutes, but <em>twenty minutes</em> late. Forget that he <em>knew </em>she hated being outside late at night alone. Now it was all about her and her struggle to commit.</p><p>They had never left the figuring things out stage. Maybe they never would.</p><p><em>I’m working all day today</em>, Rey typed back. <em>I need some time.</em></p><p><em>Of course. I think we both do.</em> He paused. <em>Do you need a ride to work at all?</em></p><p>Rey cursed. Ben had her purse, so he had her bus pass and what little cash she had. <em>Yes please. I left my purse in the Uber last night.</em></p><p>
  <em>Ok. I have a sales call to make in the area anyway, so I’ll pick you up on the way, ok?</em>
</p><p><em>Okay,</em> Rey typed back.</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>Rey paused, fingers poised.</p><p>
  <em>I know. See you soon.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Beethoven's Symphony No. 7 in A Major, conducted by Arturo Toscanini, can be found <a>here</a>. I personally don't think it's good sleepy time music, but I guess if you're as tired as Rey is, it probably can be :)</p><p>Thanks again for reading! See you for Chapter 5 :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rey, would you <em>stop</em> clicking that pen, <em>please</em>, you’re stressing me out!”</p><p>Rey, unaware that she <em>was</em> even clicking the pen in the first place, dropped it on the counter. “Sorry,” she mumbled.</p><p>“You’re really antsy today,” Rose pointed out. “What’s going on?”</p><p>The bell on the door jingled as it opened, and Rey’s neck snapped towards the sound. Her face fell as an older man came over the threshold, removing his hat and stomping slush off of his boots.</p><p>“Oh,” Rey said, crestfallen.</p><p>Rose cleared her throat. “Good morning, sir, how can we help you today?” she said deliberately, nudging Rey.</p><p>“I’m just browsing, thanks,” the man said, looking from Rose’s cheerful face to Rey’s forced smile.</p><p>“Sure, let us know if you need anything,” Rose told him, then glared at Rey. “Okay,” she said in a low voice. “What’s going on?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Rey said. “It’s just that…”</p><p>Her voice trailed off as the bell on the door jingled again, and Ben stepped inside. A gasp caught in Rey’s throat, causing Rose to glance at her in confusion, then back at Ben.</p><p>“Ben,” Rose greeted him, “it’s good to see you! On a Thursday, no less.”</p><p>Ben smiled, his eyes crinkling up adorably. “I’m here to see Rey,” he said. “She left her purse last night.” Noticing Rose’s shocked expression, he shook his head quickly, overriding himself. “No, I mean, I was her Uber last night and she left her purse. I’m returning it.” He noticed Rey for the first time, his face relaxing in relief. “Oh, hey, Rey. Here.” He held out her purse. “I only took the cash,” he joked.</p><p>Rey laughed and took her purse from him, amazed at how small it looked in his massive hands. “Thank you,” she said, clutching it.</p><p>Ben looked at the floor, clearing his throat. “So listen,” he said. “I know this is a little weird of me to ask but…do you want to have coffee sometime?”</p><p>That heavy feeling in her chest again, dragging her back down to earth. “Oh, um,” she stammered, “I, uh, I have a boyfriend.”</p><p>Ben looked unfazed. “As friends then,” he continued, nodding in understanding.</p><p>Rey looked up at him, hugging her purse tighter to her chest. “Is that what we are now?” she asked.</p><p>Ben tilted his head, an easy, lopsided smile on his face that warmed Rey’s soul like hot chocolate. “Not sure,” he said, “but I’d like the chance to figure it out.”</p><p><em>Figure it out.</em> The words coming from Ben, with his warm fine whiskey voice, sounded hopeful, and Rey had been short on hope these days.</p><p>“Um, sorry to butt in, Rey,” Rose said softly, “but I was wondering if maybe you’d like to take your lunch break now?” She glanced from Rey’s shocked expression to Ben’s confused one, then back to Rey.</p><p>“Uh, I don’t usually get a…”</p><p>“You’ve been working hard. I’d like you to take one. Right now okay for you?”</p><p>Rey looked at Rose, back at Ben, and back at Rose. “Uh, okay,” she said. She looked back at Ben. “Would you like to go…now?”</p><p>Ben smiled again. “Now is perfect,” he said.</p><p>“Let me get my coat.”</p><p>“We can have coffee here,” Ben said, gesturing to the coffee counter. “I don’t mind.”</p><p>Rey looked over at Beaumont, who was currently leaning at the counter looking bored, texting whatever girlfriend he was with now. “Nah, I know a place,” she said. “I could use some fresh air, anyway.”</p><hr/><p>“I’ll have a ham sandwich and a cold brew,” Ben told the cashier, glancing at the menu over his head. “No cream or sugar. And whatever she’s having.” He gestured to Rey, who was fumbling to get her debit card out. “Order whatever you want,” he told her.</p><p>Rey blinked at him. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Of course,” he said. “Go ahead.”</p><p>“Uhh,” Rey stalled, sliding the card back into her wallet. “Can I get a grilled cheese, and,” she looked up at the drink menu, “uh, do you still have peppermint mocha?”</p><p>“Sure do,” the cashier replied, tapping her order in. “Whipped cream?”</p><p>“Yes please,” Rey said, radiating so much delight that Ben couldn’t help but smile. He never thought a girl’s coffee order could be so—well, <em>adorable</em>—and that alone was worth every penny.</p><p><em>Easy, Ben,</em> he told himself, punching his PIN into the chip reader. <em>She has a boyfriend. It’s not a date.</em></p><p>“You really like peppermint mocha, don’t you?” Ben asked, sliding into the booth across from her, standing up the little sign with their order number on it.</p><p>“You’re making fun of me,” Rey accused, her lips twitching in amusement.</p><p>“Not even a little. I’ve just never seen anyone in my life so excited for whipped cream.”</p><p>Rey scoffed, picking at a scratch in the surface of their blue Formica table. “You get excited about Tchaikovsky, I get excited for a coffee drink with whipped cream,” she said. “We’re even.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, thanks for paying. You didn’t have to do that. I’ll pay you my share.” She reached for her phone.</p><p>Ben held up a hand, nodding politely at the barista who brought their order over to them. “My treat,” he said. “Really.” He smiled as the barista set down a big red mug in front of Rey, practically a bowl with a handle on it, with a healthy dollop of whipped cream on top, and felt his gut twist as her eyes lit up.</p><p><em>It’s not a date,</em> he reminded himself, reaching for his coffee.</p><p>“So I took your advice,” Rey said, delicately scooping a taste of whipped cream with her spoon. “I listened to classical music.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Ben asked, popping a potato chip into his mouth. “What did you listen to?”</p><p>“Beethoven. The Seventh Symphony? Conducted by the Tosca-whatever-his-name-was.”</p><p>“Toscanini,” Ben finished, his interest piqued. “What did you think?”</p><p>“I fell asleep,” Rey admitted, setting her spoon on her plate.</p><p>Ben shrugged. “That’s okay. Some of it makes me fall asleep. Bach <em>always</em> makes me sleepy. So hypnotic.”</p><p>“I promise I wasn’t bored by it,” Rey said quickly. “It was late and it was so…relaxing.”</p><p>Ben nodded. “The Seventh Symphony is beautiful,” he said. “That second movement…” He trailed off, unable to find the right word to describe it. He picked up his coffee and took a sip. “Well. I’m glad you liked it. If you’d like, I can loan you some of my records.”</p><p>Rey poked her chips around her plate. “I don’t own a record player,” she admitted.</p><p>“Then maybe we should go see the symphony sometime,” Ben said, then caught himself. “Ahh, I mean <em>you</em> should go see the symphony. With your boyfriend?” Inwardly he smacked his forehead. <em>Smooth, Ben, real smooth.</em></p><p>Rey frowned, her brow furrowing, eyes still cast down on her plate. “Poe’s not really into classical music,” she muttered. She shook her head. “Sorry. My boyfriend and I are kind of fighting right now.”</p><p>“Oh. Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>She did, he could tell, but she hesitated, biting her lip. “I feel so weird,” she told him, laughing derisively at herself. “You were just my Uber driver two days ago. You don’t need to hear about my relationship drama.”</p><p>“On the contrary,” Ben said, “Uber drivers are well qualified in listening to problems. People treat my backseat like it was a confessional. I’ve heard some <em>stories.</em>” He picked up his sandwich. “So. If you need to talk, tell me.”</p><p>Almost instantly, as if he had broken down a floodgate, everything spilled out of her. Ben listened attentively, nodding at her to continue, his chin propped up in one hand.</p><p>“And now,” Rey finished, her voice breaking, “he’s turned all of it on <em>me</em>, because I can’t commit.”</p><p>“Can’t commit? You’ve been with him eight months. That sounds like commitment.”</p><p>Rey took a bite of her sandwich. “I won’t move in with him,” she said softly. “Everything moves in slow motion between us because I want it to <em>feel</em> right.”</p><p>“I may be overstepping my boundaries here,” Ben said, “but have you ever considered that it’s never <em>felt</em> right because…you’re <em>not</em> right?”</p><p>“I don’t follow,” Rey said.</p><p>“I mean, I am just a casual observer. I’m just that guy that drove you home from work a couple times. But maybe you and Poe never got out of that awkward phase because you aren't right for each other?”</p><p>Rey pressed her lips together, and Ben could tell that she had this thought before. She paused, taking a long sip of her coffee and holding it in her hands thoughtfully. God, she was so beautiful. He wished he could photograph that moment, of Rey’s hazel eyes gazing out the window, balancing the large red mug in her hands, her oatmeal-colored cable knit sweater just a little too big for her, but just right at the same time.</p><p>
  <em>Focus, Ben. It’s not a date.</em>
</p><p>“You know when…you’re putting together a puzzle, and you have these two pieces that <em>sort of</em> fit together, and when you squint at them it looks like it works, but they’re just not right somehow?” She set her mug down. “That’s me and Poe. We sort of fit, but, just not perfectly.”</p><p>Ben nodded sympathetically, taking a sip of his coffee.</p><p>Rey swiped at her eyes. “God, I’m just a wreck right now, aren’t I?” she laughed.</p><p>Ben smiled. “Not at all,” he said. He took in a breath. “Well, I’ll tell you what. I do a lot of driving late at night. If Poe doesn’t come to get you after work, call me. I’ll get you home, okay? Free of charge.”</p><p>Rey laughed and shook her head. “I couldn’t put you out like that,” she said, picking up her sandwich.</p><p>“Why not? We’re friends.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes lit up as she chewed on a bite of her grilled cheese. “Have you figured that out?” she asked, with a teasing smile that warmed his heart.</p><p>“I have,” he said. “I think we should be friends.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “All right,” she said. “Friends, then.” She checked her phone. “Shit! I should be getting back to work.”</p><p>“Let’s go, then,” Ben said, sliding out of the booth. “I’ll walk you back.”</p><hr/><p>“How do you like working at the bookstore?” Ben asked, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.</p><p>Rey shrugged. “I like it better than bartending,” she said. “Truth be told, neither of them are jobs I really enjoy.”</p><p>“What would you enjoy?”</p><p>Rey paused, pulling the collar of her coat tighter around her throat. “I used to write a lot,” she said finally.</p><p>“Really? What did you like to write?”</p><p>“Poetry. It’s silly, I know.”</p><p>“Not at all. Why did you stop?”</p><p>Rey shrugged. “I don’t know. Just always being busy. Poe used to tease me about it. Said you can’t just <em>be</em> a poet.”</p><p>Ben frowned. “Is that why you stopped? Because of Poe?”</p><p>“Not really,” Rey said. “But it didn’t help.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter though. I am where I am now.”</p><p>Ben fell silent, looking sideways at her. “Well, maybe you should try it again,” he said softly.</p><p>“Maybe.” She looked up. “Well, here’s my stop. Thanks for lunch. Really.”</p><p>“Of course. And think about what I said.”</p><p>Rey wasn’t sure if he meant something specific, but she knew after talking to him that she really had a lot to think about. “I will.” She opened her arms to give him a hug, and surprisingly, he returned the favor, although it didn’t last nearly as long as she wanted it to.</p><p>“See you later,” he said, smiling and waving.</p><p>“See you,” Rey said, waving back before disappearing into the store.</p><p>Rose was watching with an approving look as she came through the door. “So,” she observed, “looks like coffee went well.”</p><p>Rey could barely contain the smile on her face. “Yes,” she said, feeling a blush creep up her neck.</p><p>“So are you going to see him again?”</p><p>Rey walked back towards the office to hang up her coat. “I hope so,” she said, not sure if she was talking to Rose or to herself.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I promise there will be more references to classical pieces as the story continues. Until then, in case you missed it in a previous chapter, <a href="https://youtu.be/Jq235KF9ysk">here's</a> that second movement of Beethoven Symphony No. 7 that Ben loves so much. (Man, I love it, too. Am I just projecting my musical tastes onto Ben? Sometimes I wonder.)</p><p>Bach also makes me very sleepy. One time I almost fell asleep during a tacet movement when my chorus performed the <em>St. Matthew Passion</em>. <a href="https://youtu.be/HMdDHqfjCTg">Here's</a> the movement in question (not my chorus performing it, though). Viola da gamba solos are HELLA hypnotic.</p><p>Thanks for reading, see you for Chapter 6!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey all! Just really quick, I wanted to say that I really appreciate the kudos and wonderful comments, they've really brought a smile to my face! I was very nervous about sharing this story and honestly I am very touched by the response...I'm really excited to share this fic with you all, and hopefully more to come!</p>
<p>All right, anyway, on to Chapter 6 :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey set down a rum and coke in front of a customer and swept some empty glasses off of the bar, poking the bills that were left behind into the tip jar.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rey.” Jannah, working the bar with her, gestured behind her. “You wanna punch out a couple minutes early? You’ve got a visitor.”</p>
<p>Rey’s heart lifted, her mind immediately going to Ben. She didn’t know why but she had been thinking about him her whole shift, secretly hoping that Poe would forget to show up again so she could call Ben and he could take her home and they would listen to more of his favorite music and just <em>talk</em>.</p>
<p>And maybe, just maybe, she could talk him into coming up to her apartment for a while, and—</p>
<p>No. She was still with Poe. They still needed to figure things out.</p>
<p>But she couldn’t fully explain it. She had just met Ben this week and yet there was something intriguing about him, something that made her feel <em>alive</em>. Just the way he listened to her talk, and asked her questions like he really wanted to know the answer, and his soft beautiful eyes gazing into hers like she was the most interesting person he'd ever spoken to—it made her feel like she was dancing on the edge, afraid but deliciously so, the kind of fear that made life exciting.</p>
<p>Even though she knew she shouldn’t, and she didn't understand why or how, she felt as if she was falling for him.</p>
<p>“A visitor? Where?” Rey asked Jannah.</p>
<p>Jannah pointed, and Rey’s heart sank again as Poe, sitting on a bar stool and smiling that devilish smile, waved at her.</p>
<p>“Poe?” Rey asked, trying to look happy to see him. “You’re here?”</p>
<p>“Thought I’d get here early,” he said, picking up his glass of soda. “Didn’t want my best girl waiting out in the cold for me.”</p>
<p>Rey blinked, her mouth twisted in what she was sure was the fakest smile in the history of mankind. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she finally said, hoping it sounded sincere.</p>
<p>Jannah looked at her uneasily, then back at Poe. “Uh, you’re good to leave whenever you want to, Rey,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>Rey looked at Jannah, understanding passing between them. Jannah lifted an eyebrow. She didn’t know about Ben yet, but she had heard <em>plenty</em> about Poe.</p>
<p>“Let me grab my things,” she finally told Poe. Poe nodded to her, giving a little toasting gesture with his drink.</p>
<p>Rey walked back to her locker, trying to suppress the hot tears that threatened to leak from her eyes. All week Poe had been disappointing her and now, the one time she was expecting him to let her down, he actually came through—and that was the biggest disappointment of all.</p>
<p>She punched out and put on her coat, slowly and deliberately, wondering what music Ben was listening to tonight.</p><hr/>
<p>Ben glanced at the clock on his stereo. 1:43. Rey would be off work soon.</p>
<p>Fortunately, his current passengers were in the area—a very exhausted young couple that he had picked up from the airport, too tired to even say a word to each other, but their hands still touching as they each looked out of their own window. Ben dared to peek at them, their hands resting together on the middle seat, and he smiled to himself as he gently nudged up the volume on the Mahler symphony he was listening to. He had picked it special—Mahler was another one of his favorites, and he wanted to share it with Rey.</p>
<p>He hoped he wasn’t completely embarrassing that afternoon. He was surprised when Rey opened her arms to hug him, and he didn’t trust himself to not hold her too close—she had a <em>boyfriend</em>, after all—so he let her go quickly. He was keenly aware that they had just met and that Rey probably didn’t reciprocate the crush he had on her—after all, coming on this quick, it <em>had</em> to be just that, a crush—and so he didn’t want to come on too strong and make her feel uncomfortable.</p>
<p>They should be friends. But it was so fucking <em>hard</em> to not let himself think that just maybe they could be more.</p>
<p>He stopped in front of the couple’s house and helped them get their luggage out of the back of his car. “Have a good night,” he told them, slamming his trunk shut.</p>
<p>They murmured thanks, and Ben climbed back into the driver’s seat. 1:50. He signed out of the driver’s app, put his car into gear, and headed towards the club. He wanted to be sure he got there so that Rey didn’t have to wait outside by herself.</p>
<p>He had almost gotten there when he got a text. He looked up at the clock. 1:56. He pulled over and checked it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Poe came and got me from work. I don’t need a ride.</em>
</p>
<p>Ben’s head rolled back, hitting the headrest. Of course. Poe came through for her. He was being a good boyfriend for her, for once.</p>
<p>He and Rey were friends.</p>
<p>Grudgingly, he signed back into the driver’s app, accepted a ride request, and headed off into the night.</p><hr/>
<p>Rey sat cross-legged on her bed, one hand holding open the cream-colored pages of a notebook—one of those impulse purchases she had made at the store, at a time when she thought she would be able to use it—an uncapped pen in the other.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe you should try it again.</em>
</p>
<p>She took a deep breath, and then began to write, her heart guiding her pen.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Something</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Inside me</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Has always been there,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>But now it’s awake.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/>
<p>Ben flopped down on the couch and Chewie hopped into his lap, his tongue out and tail wagging madly.</p>
<p>“I know, I’m home a little early,” he told the dog, scratching behind his ears. “I couldn’t focus.” Driving was usually his distraction, but he had felt <em>too</em> distracted, so he had signed out and went back home.</p>
<p>His phone buzzed in his pocket. Chewie grumbled, annoyed that Ben had stopped petting him to fish it out, swipe up, and read the new message.</p>
<p>Rey. He held his breath. <em>I can’t sleep. Tell me what to listen to.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>What do you mean?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You said some music makes you sleepy. Tell me what I should listen to so I can sleep.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Is everything okay?</em>
</p>
<p>A long pause. <em>Just a lot on my mind.</em></p>
<p>Ben wanted to ask more, but he didn’t want to push. It was none of his business.</p>
<p>Rey started typing again. <em>I guess I’m glad that Poe picked me up, but I guess I was looking forward to hearing some more of your music. </em>Pause. <em>I think I’m starting to like it, haha.</em></p>
<p>Ben smiled. <em>I thought you would.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Can you give me something with cello in it? I want to hear your instrument.</em>
</p>
<p>He paused. It had been years since he had played the cello. His instrument was long gone—he had sold it during the darkest time of his life, and he hadn’t even touched a cello since. But now, remembering it, thinking of the pieces he used to play, it hurt in a place he had forgotten was there.</p>
<p>Haltingly, he typed. <em>Bach. The cello suites. They’re beautiful.</em></p>
<p>Rey was silent, then <em>Thanks :)</em></p>
<p><em>Sleep well, Rey. </em>He paused. <em>Remember, you’re not alone.</em></p>
<p>He held his breath, wondering if he should have said that. Maybe not. Oh God, what if she thought—</p>
<p>
  <em>Neither are you :) Good night, Ben.</em>
</p>
<p>He kept staring at the screen, rereading her words, unable to completely believe what was happening. Was Rey—could she—was this—</p>
<p>He shook his head. No. They were friends.</p>
<p>Chewie jumped off his lap and waddled off to his water dish, noisily slurping from it. Ben, his hands shaking, scrolled to Spotify and began to search:</p>
<p>
  <em>Bach cello suites</em>
</p>
<p>He scrolled through the results—he was <em>very</em> picky about recordings—until he finally tapped on one he hadn’t heard before, setting his phone on the cushion next to him as it started to play. He leaned back in his seat so he was staring at the ceiling.</p>
<p>Unconsciously, his left hand swept up and down, his fingers playing on an invisible fingerboard, his right hand drawing an imaginary bow. His eyes closed and he was back in a practice room, in a lesson studio, in an empty auditorium, practicing until the music was etched in his fingers, the cello’s strings an extension of his soul.</p>
<p>He didn’t realize until the music stopped playing that he was weeping.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I could NOT POSSIBLY write an AU fic about a classical musician without tipping my hat to Gustav Mahler! (If you love John Williams, you would <em>adore</em> Mahler. I definitely heard some Mahler influence in the score for Rise of Skywalker...we see you, king!) Anyway, Mahler's symphonies are quite long, but I think Ben was likely listening to Symphony No. 9 so he could hear <a href="https://youtu.be/SY301g42vO8">that fourth movement</a>. The strings are just <em>glorious</em> and I think Ben would be very into that. If you're on the internet as much as me, you might recognize it from that <a href="https://youtu.be/EBF1o7ThQMc">video of the black cat listening to classical music</a> that has been making the rounds for a little while. (I love that video; I am that cat listening to Mahler.)</p>
<p>Much like Ben, I am pretty particular about recordings, I actually nixed a couple when I was looking for a link to share for the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/6hYSTVN7DLSPZK9DKzterD?si=0AR0ytKyQDSYNHe7r8TdWA">Bach Cello Suites</a>. And yes, the Cello Suites make me sleepy. I think Rey probably got a good night's rest from listening to them :)</p>
<p>Thanks again for reading! See you soon for Chapter 7!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Friday nights at the club were by and far the busiest, the bar a cacophony of ice clinking against glasses, the bartenders throwing drinks in front of customers, who were relieved that the week was over with and came to the club to blow off some steam.</p><p>But Rey moved in slow motion, her head in a fog. She had dropped one highball glass and messed up two—<em>two</em> vodka tonics. Jannah kept asking her what was wrong, but Rey couldn’t talk about it. She wanted to keep the secret tight against her heart.</p><p>She thought she was in love with Ben.</p><p>It was silly, she knew—Ben listened to her, and was sweet and kind in ways that Poe wasn’t, hadn’t been for a while, and she had been craving the kind of attention he gave her. Ben was content with being her friend and talking to her, while with Poe she felt like he always wanted more from her, more of something she couldn’t give. Maybe it was natural to feel attracted to him.</p><p>“Shit,” she exclaimed, realizing that she had filled an entire glass with Coke and had forgotten to put in any rum.</p><p>Jannah glared over at her. “Rey, I swear to <em>God</em> if you don’t get your head out of your ass I’m putting you on barback duty.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Rey fretted, shaking her head at herself in frustration, grabbing a fresh glass. She quickly remade the drink—<em>with</em> rum this time—and handed it to the customer, then grabbed the full glass of Coke, about to dump it out.</p><p>Finn, taking a short break from the front door, appeared at the bar, pointing at the glass in Rey’s hand. “Is that just soda? Let me have it.”</p><p>Rey set the glass on the bar in front of him. She slumped forward, palms flat on the bar, letting out a deep sigh.</p><p>“You doing all right?” Finn asked in bewilderment, taking a sip.</p><p>Rey shook her head. “Fine, I guess,” she said grimly, “it’s just…<em>everything</em>.”</p><p>“With Poe?”</p><p>“Has he said something to you?”</p><p>Finn’s eyes slid away from her, and she knew that he had said probably more than she wanted to know. “Just that you’ve been having…problems.”</p><p>“We’ve been fighting.”</p><p>“That’s what he told me.” Finn took another pull from his drink. “So have you figured it out yet?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You probably should do that, and soon,” Finn advised. “I can’t stand it when you guys are fighting like this, and when you really should…” He trailed off, clamping his mouth shut.</p><p>“Really should <em>what</em>?” Rey prompted him.</p><p>“Listen, I love both of you guys, okay?”</p><p>“I know,” Rey said. “But?”</p><p>Finn pressed his lips together. “I really think you guys need to call this one off.” He held up a hand. “It’s not my place to tell you this. You’re adults, do what you want. But I know you two better than anyone and it’s <em>not working</em>. I hear you complain about him and he complains about you and it’s pretty clear that you’re each looking for something different.”</p><p>Rey bit her lip, looking down at the bar.</p><p>“I care about you, Rey,” he went on, earnestly. “I just want you to be happy.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “I’ll think about it,” she said, still looking at the bar.</p><p>“Yes, but not for too long,” Finn warned. He drained the glass and set it in front of him. “You drag this out too much and you’ll both be miserable.”</p><p>Rey took the empty glass and set it under the bar. “Hypothetically, though,” she began. “What if Poe and I break up and I start dating someone else right away? Hypothetically.”</p><p>Finn looked uncomfortable. “As Poe’s friend? I’d be pissed. As your friend? I’d be happy for you.” He playfully hit her arm and she smiled. “I gotta go back out there. See you in a bit?”</p><p>“For sure,” Rey told him.</p><p>Finn walked away, and Jannah appeared behind her. “Everything okay?” she asked.</p><p>Rey straightened up. “I’m fine,” she said, hoping that Jannah couldn’t hear the lack of conviction in her voice.</p>
<hr/><p>“Mind if I come up for a little bit?”</p><p>“Not tonight, Poe, I’m really tired.”</p><p>Poe nodded. “I know you’re still upset with me. I get it.”</p><p>Rey looked down at her hands in her lap. “Yeah.”</p><p>“So when did you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Rey shook her head. She opened her mouth, closed it. “Poe,” she said finally. “Have you thought that maybe I’ve just never felt right because…we’re not right?”</p><p>Poe looked shocked, then confused. His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“We keep fighting about stupid things and…I don’t know, it doesn’t feel normal.”</p><p>“Lots of couples fight, Rey.”</p><p>“Sure, but…maybe I’m starting to think we’re never going to figure it out.”</p><p>Poe’s eyes were hard. “So what are you saying?” he asked, his voice flat.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Rey said finally.</p><p>Poe waved his hand, indicating he had had enough. “Okay. Well, we’re both tired. Let’s not rush into things right now. I think we have a lot to think about here.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>“I love you, Rey.”</p><p>She looked at him then, searching his eyes, but she saw no sincerity, just the look of a man trying to hold on for too long, gone too far to let things fall apart. She knew that something would have to give.</p><p>“I know,” she whispered. “I know you do.”</p><p>She got out of the car without another word, walking alone into the freezing rain.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Are you awake?</em>
</p><p>A long pause. Then finally: <em>Yes. Are you okay?</em></p><p>
  <em>I just feel really alone right now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you want to meet somewhere?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Can we just drive around for a little while?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sure. Be right over.</em>
</p><p>Rey watched as his car pulled up in front of her building and she immediately hurried down the stairs to meet him. She almost reached for the back door handle, but she shook her head. They were friends. This was not an Uber ride.</p><p>“Thanks for picking me up,” she said, climbing into the seat next to him. “Sorry if I’m making you go out of your way.”</p><p>Ben shook his head. “Don’t worry about it,” he told her. “I was up anyway.” He put the car in gear and they drove off.</p><p>They drove in silence for a moment, and finally Ben glanced over at her. “So…do you want to talk?” he asked.</p><p>“I think Poe and I are going to break up,” she said flatly, without hesitation.</p><p>“Oh.” Ben slowed down to stop at a red light. “How do you feel about that?”</p><p>“I don’t know. How are you supposed to feel about it?”</p><p>“Sadness?” Ben offered. “Regret, perhaps?”</p><p>“Failure,” Rey said finally.</p><p>“Explain?” Ben prompted, pushing on the gas pedal once the light turned green.</p><p>“I thought we really had something. Maybe we did. But I couldn’t be what he wanted.”</p><p>“How does that make <em>you</em> a failure?”</p><p>“Maybe I could have met him halfway.”</p><p>“You think that your problems with Poe are all because you wouldn’t move in with him?”</p><p>Rey shrugged. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“I do know,” Ben said. “They’re not.” He turned left, and sighed. “I think that in life, but especially in relationships, we all just make decisions, and where we are is the outcome of those decisions. Maybe some were yours, but Poe probably made some of his own.”</p><p>Rey nodded thoughtfully. She didn’t speak for a moment. Finally, she said, “I listened to the cello suites. They’re lovely.”</p><p>“I’m glad you liked them,” Ben said, relieved. As much as he wanted her to talk about what was bothering her, he was glad he didn’t have to keep talking about Poe.</p><p>“Was that something you used to play?”</p><p>Ben chewed on his lip as he made a right turn. “You could say that,” he said.</p><p>“How come you don’t play anymore?”</p><p>“I sold my cello years ago.”</p><p>“Sold it? Why?”</p><p>“Reasons,” Ben said, his voice flat. “Reasons I’m not proud of.”</p><p>Rey looked at him and could tell by the way his jaw tensed that he really didn’t want to elaborate. “Have you thought about playing again?” she asked.</p><p>“Not for a while,” Ben admitted. “But recently I’ve been feeling like maybe I should.”</p><p>Rey brightened. “If you do, you should play a recital for me.”</p><p>Ben grinned. “Sure. My place or yours?”</p><p>Rey laughed, feeling heat rise on the back of her neck. Were they flirting? Was Ben flirting with her? Was this another dream?</p><p>She pinched her palm lightly. Nope. She was awake for this. This was really happening. She was really in a car with Ben, driving around town aimlessly, feeling that same fear, but feeling alive for once.</p><p>Their destination was unclear, but to Rey that didn't matter. All that mattered was the moment, now, directionless in the night, going nowhere, but going there together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The plot thickens... ;)</p><p>No references this chapter so I thought I'd share a few pieces I myself enjoy.</p><p>Full disclosure: I am a choral singer so while I do love orchestral music, choral and orchestral music is the closest to my heart. I tend to like really big, broody, angsty pieces in majestic tempos and darker keys (is it any wonder why I ship Reylo? haha!). Here are a few that I have really enjoyed performing:<br/>1. <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/49O4zv8fAuvgtGVVDYhoG1?si=M8dTEpYpQpe19KvjnVIWqw">Mendelssohn's <em>Elijah</em></a>. The first choral movement, <a href="https://youtu.be/Gfk2t4_GiYc">"Help, Lord! wilt Thou quite destroy us?"</a> has so many great lines and is an entire 2020 mood.<br/>2. <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/4b7wdsIFulf4lyeEQefJzN?si=QyXhk9u6Sl-qPzQItwQ2JQ">Mozart's <em>Mass in C Minor</em> ("Grosse Messe")</a>. Mozart is the most extra composer in history because he knew his fiancee loved fugues so he wrote TWO really intricate (and difficult!) fugues for double chorus to impress her, and he wrote the soprano solo for her to sing at the premiere. (There's a Reylo AU in there somewhere...just putting that in my file...) Also he just straight up did not finish writing this one, which is a power move. Anyway, the <a href="https://youtu.be/l6TyU8zk-jU">"Qui tollis peccata mundi"</a> movement is one of my most favorite pieces ever.<br/>3. <a href="https://youtu.be/k4zYL1mbWJI">Ola Gjeilo's "Dark Night of the Soul"</a>. This one is more modern (within the last 10 years) and it's gorgeous, and even though the text has spiritual origins, to me it has all kind of Reylo vibes. (I mean, the first line is "one dark night fired with love's urgent longings," so...) I was basically in love with it before we even started rehearsing it.</p><p>Anyway, there is more where that came from, and I may share more in future chapters. Until then, I am very excited to share Chapter 8 with you! See you soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben pulled in front of her apartment building and put the car into park. “Thanks for letting me ride with you,” Rey said, unbuckling her seatbelt.</p><p>“Wait,” Ben said, reaching for his phone. “One more. Please.”</p><p>Rey smiled and nodded. “Okay. One more.”</p><p>Ben touched the screen and set his phone down. “You remind me so much of this one,” he told her, with a shy smile.</p><p>A string orchestra began, playing slow, achingly beautiful notes that filled the car as he guided up the volume. “What is it?” Rey whispered, awed.</p><p>“Barber’s Adagio for Strings,” Ben whispered back.</p><p>“Oh, it’s gorgeous,” Rey sighed.</p><p>They sat back, listening, and Ben turned his head to watch Rey, who was gazing out at the snow falling on the windshield, entranced by the music. He felt his fingers twitching, his left hand remembering where the notes were, his right hand closing around an imaginary bow.</p><p>Rey turned her head and looked up, seeing his eyes on her, and she looked into them for a moment, her lips unconsciously pulling into a smile as she recognized the tenderness that they held, before her own eyes dropped to look at his mouth. The strings began to build, and Ben could sense that neither of them could breathe, the air throbbing between them, time slowing down. Ben leaned over the console just a little, restraining himself just enough, afraid that he was reading her wrong, afraid he was about to take it too far, but then Rey leaned towards him and as the strings rallied into a brilliant, cathartic height, she kissed him, one hand reaching up, her fingers lightly tracing his jaw as electricity coursed through his entire body. Her lips felt so soft and warm against his, and he could taste a hint of her lip gloss as they parted and met again, kissing over and over. His hand slid up her back, his fingers tracing her spine as if she was his instrument, pressing down gently to encourage a delicate vibrato, drawing her into the music that he loved so much, so that they were a part of it. Rey’s head dropped to his shoulder with the softest sigh and he rested his cheek in her hair, his eyes closing, still stroking her back, guiding the moment to a quiet resolution.</p><p>For a thrilling moment, everything felt <em>right</em>.</p><p>But then the music ended and the spell was broken. Rey lifted her head and her face changed, like she just realized what had happened. “Oh, my God,” she gasped, covering her mouth as she pulled away from him. “Oh, my God, I shouldn’t have done that.”</p><p>“Rey, it’s okay,” he soothed, trying to gently guide her back towards him. “It’s okay.”</p><p>She shook her head. “I shouldn’t have done that,” she repeated. “I don’t know what came over me.”</p><p>Ben could only look at her, his eyebrows raised in confusion. “So you…I don’t understand.”</p><p>“I’m still with Poe. We haven’t broken up yet. Oh, my God.” She covered her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ben, I’m just so exhausted and I don’t know what came over me.” She shook her head and reached for the door handle.</p><p>“Rey,” he said softly. “Don’t go. Please.” He held out a hand to her, entreating her.</p><p>She shook her head again. “I can’t do this now,” she said, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I have to go.” She pulled the handle, stumbled out of the car, and left him there, his hand still outstretched.</p>
<hr/><p>Rey lay awake, watching the blue light of dawn seeping through her window and stretching across her ceiling, long shadows looming over her head.</p><p>
  <em>Oh God, what did I do?</em>
</p><p>She kept replaying the moment in her head—the music, the soft look in Ben’s eyes as he looked at her, the <em>kiss</em>…Her breath caught in her throat as she remembered it. He was so gentle with her, his kisses warm and tender, and the way his fingers moved up and down her back was <em>thrilling</em>, her whole body set on fire with his touch. It was spontaneous and passionate—something that she had never felt with Poe…</p><p>…but Poe was still her boyfriend, and even though he had hurt her, he didn’t deserve to have his trust betrayed.</p><p>Nor did Ben deserve to be strung along in her current lovelorn, fucked up state. He was too good for that.</p><p>Her head was a swirling of emotions, for Poe, for Ben, for herself.</p><p>She reached for her notebook and pen and began to write.</p>
<hr/><p>Ben sat on his bed, staring at nothing. He had driven home from Rey’s apartment, completely numb, having experienced a swing of emotions so jarring he couldn’t fully process it. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t get her out of his head. The way she leaned back in her seat, listening to the Adagio like it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever heard. The way she looked at him and smiled. The <em>kiss…</em></p><p>But then the look on her face…what was it?</p><p>Like being woken from a dream. Being shocked by reality.</p><p>He buried his face in his hands and began to cry, feeling a pain in his chest that prompted a tiny, impulsive thought that he should take something for it—but he quickly forgot it as he wondered to himself what he had done wrong, why Rey wouldn’t stay with him.</p><p>Even though he knew he shouldn’t, he reached for his phone and started texting.</p><p>
  <em>Rey. I’m so sorry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know you’re probably upset with me. I understand if you are.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please just say something. Even if it’s to say you hate me. Just say something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rey, tell me what I should do. I’ll do it. Tell me what to do.</em>
</p><p>He paused.</p><p>
  <em>I really, really liked it though.</em>
</p><p>Delete, delete, delete.</p>
<hr/><p>Rey read Ben’s texts, feeling her heart tearing in half. She carefully put her phone on her nightstand, face down, and kept writing.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I had come here for answers,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>But I was wrong.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I had never felt so alone.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>But he said I was not alone.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>“Hey baby, what’s up?” Poe tried to sound casual, but Rey could sense a note of anxiety in his voice.</p><p>“I think we need to talk,” Rey said, her voice trembling.</p><p>“Yeah. We should talk. You want me to come over?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“All right, see you soon.” He waited for Rey to respond.</p><p>Rey hung up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a>Barber's Adagio for Strings</a>, which is one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever written, and I 100% believe this is what Ben hears in his head when he thinks about Rey &lt;3</p><p>And also, because I'm a choir nerd through and through, I feel compelled to share the <a href="https://youtu.be/VGiB_ohUszs">choral arrangement</a>, which is difficult to sing because unfortunately human voices are not a string orchestra and can't be used in the same way, but it is surely transcendent and I adore it.</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 9!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good morning, babe.” Poe leaned in to kiss Rey, but she made no move to reciprocate. He faltered, looking at her uncertainly. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Rey pointed to her dining table. “Have a seat. Please.”</p><p>He did so, one arm tucked casually around the back of the chair. Rey felt a pang, remembering how once some past version of herself would have melted at the sight of him. She really thought she loved him once.</p><p>“So who talks first?” he asked.</p><p>Rey took a breath. Uncertain that she would be able to stand, she herself sat down. Her fingers twined together nervously. “Poe…” she began, then bit her lip. “I think…”</p><p>Poe nodded, gesturing to encourage her to continue. “It’s okay. Go on.” His face was neutral, but his eyes were gentle.</p><p>Rey looked down at her hands. “I think we should break up,” she said bluntly, but softly, thinking that her tone would make the words hurt less. She looked back up at Poe. His mouth had pressed into a firm line, his eyes hardened, staring back at her like her words weren’t a total surprise but still unexpected. She pulled her hands apart and spread them out in one gesture, inviting him to respond.</p><p>Poe looked down, his eyebrows rising quickly, considering his response. “Can I ask why?” he finally asked.</p><p>Rey pursed her lips. “You really aren’t seeing it?”</p><p>“Seeing what?”</p><p>“It’s not <em>working</em>.” Rey leaned forward. “Poe, you can’t honestly tell me you think this is working.”</p><p>“I see. So it’s me.”</p><p>“No,” Rey began. “I mean…”</p><p>Poe snapped out of his casual position and sat straight up, instantly defensive. “After everything, you have the <em>nerve</em> to act like it’s my fault.”</p><p>“Poe, I…”</p><p>“No.” Poe leaned forward, a finger pointed at her face. “Let’s talk about stagnation, Rey.”</p><p>“Poe, <em>stop</em>.” Rey held up a hand, fingers trembling slightly.</p><p>Poe went on as if she hadn’t said anything. “I really thought we had something, Rey. Was any of this going anywhere? Was this just <em>fun</em> for you?”</p><p>“I wasn’t ready for…” Rey started, her voice small, then trailed off.</p><p>“Clearly you weren’t. I devoted everything to you, Rey. I thought you gave a shit.” He backed off, holding up a hand. “I get that you weren’t ready to move in with me, or any of that. Fine. But <em>fuck</em>, Rey. Were you just happy being stuck in the same place?”</p><p>Rey looked up at him, directly into his eyes. “No,” she said, her voice hard. “I wasn’t. And that’s just it. I wasn’t <em>happy</em>.”</p><p>“Explain.” Poe crossed his arms over his chest. “Tell me how you’re not happy.”</p><p>“Poe, we fight over stupid shit. You and I both complain to Finn about each other. You make promises you don’t keep.”</p><p>Poe laughed derisively, shaking his head.</p><p>Rey ignored him and continued. “We don’t <em>fit</em>, Poe. You and I—we’re those puzzle pieces that look like they match, but they don’t. I don’t think you deserve that.” She paused. “And if you care about me the way you say you do, I think you’d agree that <em>I</em> don’t deserve it either.”</p><p>Her phone buzzed, the screen lighting up. Poe glanced down at it and Rey felt her blood run cold.</p><p>
  <em>Please let it not be Ben. Not now.</em>
</p><p>Poe blinked, still staring at her phone as the screen shut off. Rey held her breath.</p><p>“Who the fuck is Ben?” he asked quietly, his voice level but dripping with foreboding, like a trap about to go off.</p><p>“He’s no one,” Rey said quickly, her heart racing, grabbing her phone and putting it in her pocket.</p><p>“Rey.” Poe raised his voice slightly, still level but he couldn’t look at her, looking at the spot on the table where her phone had been. “Who is he?”</p><p>“He’s my friend.” Rey’s voice trembled.</p><p>“The Uber driver? He wasn’t really an Uber driver, was he? You were seeing some <em>guy</em> named Ben behind my back?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You didn’t want to fuck me, so you fucked me over instead?” Poe stood up, almost knocking the chair over. “Tell me, Rey, were you fucking <em>him</em>?”</p><p>Rey felt her face flush hot, her fight-or-flight instinct immediately going to fight. “Okay, you want the truth?” she snapped, physically shaking from the fury coursing through her body. “I kissed him. <em>One time</em>. That was all. And I haven’t spoken to him since then because you know what? I felt bad for betraying your trust. But to hell with you, Poe. You’ve always made me feel bad for doing what feels right, and <em>it felt right</em>, and I’ve finally figured it out. I’m <em>done</em> with you.”</p><p>Poe took a step back as if she had struck him, his entire frame shaking with rage, his eyes cold and dark, but Rey didn’t care.</p><p>“I wanted this to end amicably,” Rey told him. “But now I can see that that’s not possible.”</p><p>“That’s for <em>damn</em> sure.” Poe reached into his pocket, fished out her car keys, and threw them on the table. “Fuck you, Rey.” He stormed out of her apartment, slamming the door behind him.</p><p>Rey, still shaking, reached into her pocket to pull out her phone, scrolling up to look at the text that had gotten her in so much trouble.</p><p>
  <em>Rey. Please say something.</em>
</p><p>She put her phone down without replying, then put her head down, resting on her arms, and started to cry.</p><hr/><p>Rey climbed into the driver’s seat of her car, assessing the mess that Poe had made. There were fast food bags and wrappers strewn about the back seat that he hadn’t bothered to throw away, and gum wrappers in the cup holders, along with some sticky stuff that was probably from a soda that he spilled. She sighed, pulled the lever to slide her seat closer to the pedals, and adjusted the rear view mirror so she could see.</p><p><em>What a disaster,</em> she thought.</p><p>She was about to put her key in the ignition when her phone started ringing from her purse. She unzipped her purse and took it out, praying that it wasn’t Ben.</p><p>It wasn’t, but her relief only lasted about half a second because it was Finn calling.</p><p>“Rey. You really cheated on Poe? What the <em>fuck</em> is going on?” Finn was audibly worked up, conflicted about who to be angry for. (Clearly at the moment it was Poe.)</p><p>Rey slumped forward, her forehead softly bumping against the steering wheel. “Finn, I can explain.”</p><p>“Go ahead.”</p><p>She carefully explained things, avoiding some parts because they felt too personal to describe, but about how Ben <em>listened</em> to her and how neglected she had felt by Poe and how, in a moment of weakness, she had kissed Ben—omitting that she really, <em>really</em> liked it—but felt immediately awful about it.</p><p>Finn was silent for a minute, and Rey dreaded his answer.</p><p>Finally, he spoke. “Rey. You’re one of my best friends, and you know I care about you, right?”</p><p>“Yes.” Rey picked at a worn spot on the steering wheel. “I know.”</p><p>“But so is Poe, and this is a really hard thing to overlook.”</p><p>Rey felt her eyes well up with tears. “I know,” she said, with a sniffle.</p><p>“It’s just—Rey. This isn’t like you.”</p><p>Rey slammed her hand on the steering wheel. “God dammit,” she hissed, “I am so fucking <em>tired</em> of people acting like they know me. No one does.” She hung up the phone and threw it on the floor in front of the passenger seat, where it landed on one of Poe’s sweatshirts—great, <em>another</em> thing that he just <em>left behind</em>—and angrily turned the key in the ignition, screaming in frustration as she realized that Poe had left her with a nearly empty tank.</p><hr/><p>Ben picked up his phone for what felt like the millionth time to check to see if he had any new messages, even though he hadn’t heard his phone go off. Maybe he had put it on silent by accident, might as well check to be sure.</p><p>Nothing. He slowly set his phone back down.</p><p>He was in an unsettled state, unable to sit still. He had called his therapist about an hour before and talked to her for a few minutes, and she had suggested that he come in that afternoon for an additional session. The earliest she could see him was 2:00, and it was now nearly 11:00 and he struggled to fill the time so he wouldn’t think about Rey. He had taken Chewie out for a walk, avoiding a murderous glare from Armitage as he came back up the driveway, started a record, changed it to a different one, then to a third one before finally turning off his record player, made coffee, didn’t drink any of it, made breakfast, couldn’t eat it, and found himself back on the couch every five minutes, waiting for a text back.</p><p>Still nothing.</p><p>He tried to sleep but his brain could only replay the kiss, and Rey’s shocked face as she pushed herself out of the car.</p><p>He wondered if she was angry with him. Worse, he wondered if she was still going to break up with Poe, or if they were going to work it out and stay together.</p><p>Maybe she would tell Poe what happened and he would come over and kick his ass.</p><p>Ben threw an arm over his eyes. He wished Poe would, honestly. It would be an answer at least.</p><p>He checked his phone again.</p><p>Still nothing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No references this chapter so please allow me to nerd out about a couple more of my favorite pieces. Allow me to offer you these peaceful a cappella choral beauties:</p><p>1. <a>Rachmaninoff's <em>All-Night Vigil,</em> Op.37</a>. This is the kind of music that makes you feel like you are in a darkened cathedral illuminated with candles. (When my chorus performed this piece, I wished we could have performed it that way, but it's also super hard so we kind of needed to be able to see our music...tragic.) My most favorite movement is <a>"Blessed Is the Man,"</a> and I still listen to it when I've had a tough or draining day. Really though the whole thing is very near to my heart. I really recommend listening to it in the dark.<br/>2. <a>Ralph Vaughan Williams' <em>Mass in G Minor</em></a>. Ralph Vaughan Williams is one of my all-time favorite composers and I have not encountered a choral piece that he wrote that I didn't love. It's also relatively short, so if you're interested in some lush choral writing without listening to something really lengthy, this is a good one. I still think about the <a>"Agnus Dei"</a> like at least three times a week.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh my God, Rey, you look <em>awful</em>,” Rose gasped. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>Rey looked at Rose blankly. “Poe and I broke up,” she mumbled. “I don’t want to talk about it.”</p><p>“Oh no, Rey, I’m so sorry,” Rose said, trying not to look <em>too</em> relieved. “Well, if you want to talk, let me know.” She perked up, and Rey could almost see a lightbulb over her head. “I know! You should ask Ben out!”</p><p>Rey felt her face flush. “Uh, thanks, but…I think I just need some time for myself.”</p><p>Rose nodded knowingly. “Well, I’ll plant some seeds in his head,” she said with a conspiratorial wink, “for when you <em>are</em> ready to date again.”</p><p>Rey smiled weakly. “Thanks,” she said, then went into the office to punch in.</p><p>It was unusually slow for a Saturday, and Rey leaned on the counter, staring out the front window. Between the thing with Ben, the thing with Poe, the thing with Finn, <em>and</em> the very little sleep she had gotten, she was exhausted, wondering how she was going to pick up the pieces. She had hoped she could have stayed friends with Poe, but now <em>that </em>didn’t look likely, and she hoped that Finn would still be her friend, but now <em>that</em> seemed tenuous, at least for now. And Ben…</p><p>Well, she didn’t know where she was with Ben. She bit her lip, looking down at the counter. She hadn’t returned his texts, didn’t know how, and she knew it was probably hurting him. But what was she supposed to tell him? That they had made a mistake, but she had enjoyed it, and she had feelings for him but she had just broken up with Poe and was too fucked up right now?</p><p>“Hey.” Beaumont appeared next to her, holding out a coffee. “You look like you could use some caffeine.”</p><p>Rey accepted it. “Thank you.” She smiled faintly. Beaumont was kind of a dick most of the time, and this was uncharacteristic of him.</p><p>“It’s not peppermint mocha,” he said with a smirk, “but it’s a triple espresso, so it’ll wake you up.”</p><p>“Thanks, Beaumont, that’s really…that’s really nice of you.” She hoped her smile was more sincere than she sounded. “Really.” She took a sip, trying to not choke on how strong it was.</p><p>Beaumont tilted his head. “Listen. I overheard you and Rose talking and…I know we’re not really friends, but I think she’s right. You should date that Ben guy.”</p><p>“Look, Beaumont, I…”</p><p>Beaumont held up a hand. “I know, I get it, you just broke up with Poe, you need some time, but Ben’s a nice guy. I don’t know him too well but he’s always really cool to us.” One corner of his lip cricked up. “Besides, you guys would look good together.”</p><p>Rey took another sip of coffee. “I appreciate your honesty, Beaumont,” she said. “Thanks.”</p><p>Beaumont nodded. “Anyway, enjoy the coffee,” he said with a thumbs-up, walking back to the coffee counter.</p><p>Rey shook her head, smiling into her coffee. Maybe not <em>everything</em> was awful.</p>
<hr/><p>Ben shifted nervously on the couch in his therapist’s office, watching Dr. Kanata finish taking notes.</p><p>“So.” Dr. Kanata folded her hands. “You’ve had quite a week.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“So how are you feeling right now? Let’s check in.”</p><p>Ben rubbed at his knees with the palms of his hands. “Anxious,” he said finally.</p><p>“What are you anxious about?”</p><p>“I just want her to talk to me.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata blinked. “Why?”</p><p>“I want to know where we are.”</p><p>“’Where we are,’ meaning?”</p><p>“Are we still friends? Does she even want to talk to me again?”</p><p>“Anything else?”</p><p>Ben shook his head. “Nothing else.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata looked at him through her thick glasses.</p><p>He squirmed. “I guess…maybe I’m just worried that she’s going to stay with Poe.”</p><p>“But that’s her choice.”</p><p>“He’s wrong for her.”</p><p>“Maybe. But that’s not up to you to decide. You’ve just met her this week. She has history with Poe.”</p><p>Ben ran a hand through his hair. “I know. I know.” He exhaled. “I really like her. I just want to talk to her.”</p><p>“Ben.” Dr. Kanata set aside her notepad. “You can't force these things to happen. She’s probably going through a lot right now too. She’s probably overwhelmed.”</p><p>Ben hunched his shoulders. “And what if she never talks to me again?”</p><p>Dr. Kanata shrugged. “What if she doesn’t?”</p><p>Ben considered. “I don't know, I guess.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata adjusted her glasses. “I think you do know,” she said, “and maybe you're not ready to admit that to yourself.”</p><p>Ben swallowed, shrugged.</p><p>“I'll let you think about that one,” Dr. Kanata said. “For now, I think it's best if you just give her some space and let her decide what <em>she</em> would like to do. And whatever the outcome, we’ll work through it together.” She smiled wisely. “I hope she does call you. She sounds special.”</p><p>Ben smiled. “She is.”</p><p>“Did anything else happen this week?”</p><p>Ben thought for a moment. “I’ve been thinking about playing the cello again,” he said finally.</p>
<hr/><p>“On the plus side,” Rey said with a weak smile, “Poe gave me my car back.”</p><p>Finn nodded, his smile equally weak. “That’s good, right? No more Uber rides?”</p><p>“I guess.” She set a glass of soda in front of him. “Are we still friends, though?”</p><p>Finn picked up the glass. “I can’t say I’m okay with what you did, Rey,” he said, watching the ice as he swirled the drink around in his hand. “But I get it. So yeah, we’re still friends.”</p><p>“Sorry that you’re in kind of a shitty position,” Rey said, making a face.</p><p>Finn took a sip, waving dismissively with his other hand. “Don’t worry about it. How are you doing?”</p><p>“Fucking miserable,” Rey grumbled. “I mean, it was a long time coming, but I didn’t mean for it to end like <em>that</em>.”</p><p>“No, of course not.” He took another sip. “Hey, you’re punching out soon, aren’t you? I haven't taken my break yet. Maybe hang out with me for a little bit, have a drink? You need to blow off some steam.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “You’re right. Okay, one drink. What the hell.”</p><p>“Sounds good.” He drained his glass and set it on the counter. “See you in a bit?”</p><p>“See you.” Rey swept the glass under the bar.</p><p>Finn patted her on the arm. “It’s gonna be okay,” he told her.</p><p>“Yeah. Great,” Rey mumbled at his retreating back.</p><p>“Hey, you doing okay?” Jannah asked, appearing behind her to close out someone’s tab.</p><p>“It’s just been a hard day,” Rey said.</p><p>“Oh yeah, I heard about you and Poe. Is it true that you kissed some other guy?”</p><p>“Where did you hear that?”</p><p>Jannah pointed, and Rey looked over to see Poe, who nodded at her, his eyes hard.</p><p>“Fuck me.” Rey turned around to avoid looking at him.</p><p>Jannah winced. “Yeah, he just wouldn’t stop talking to me. Dude is unhinged. I’m <em>so</em> glad you guys broke up.”</p><p>“Me too,” Rey said faintly. She checked the time. “Hey, you mind if I punch out a few minutes early? I just can’t deal with him right now.”</p><p>Jannah nodded, smiling. “Yeah. We’ll be fine. Besides, I got Snap here if we’re in a jam.” She gestured over to Snap, the weekend bartender, who nodded back at Rey.</p><p>“Thanks, you’re the best.” She started towards the office to punch out and grab her things.</p><p>She was about to head downstairs when she heard a voice behind her. “Rey.”</p><p>She turned around, seeing Poe. “I don’t want to talk, Poe,” she said.</p><p>“Fine. Then listen. What you did was shitty.” He was slurring his words, clearly having trouble standing straight.</p><p>“It’s not up for discussion.”</p><p>“Fuck discussion. I want to know how long it was happening.”</p><p>“You’re drunk.”</p><p>“You know what, maybe I am. And you know what, maybe it’s because my fucking <em>girlfriend</em> dumped me so she could be with some Uber driver or something.” He moved closer. “You act so fucking high and mighty when we both know what you are. A <em>cheater.</em>”</p><p>“Poe, that’s <em>enough.</em>” Finn appeared behind Poe, taking him by the shoulders. “Leave her alone. Listen, let me call you a cab.”</p><p>“You bitch,” Poe spat at Rey.</p><p>“Easy, easy,” Finn said, pulling him away. “Rey, punch out, I’ll meet you at the bar.”</p><p>Rey could only stand frozen in place like a terrified deer, her legs wobbling under her, as Finn pulled Poe away, Poe yelling at anyone who would listen that she was a cheater and a liar.</p><p>Snap and Jannah looked back at her, horrified, their mouths agape. Rey stared back at them, feeling a burn of humiliation racing down her neck like someone poured boiling water on her.</p><p>As if someone else was taking control of her body, she walked down the stairs, taking each one slowly and deliberately. With shaking hands, she punched out and put on her coat, and went back up the stairs to sit at the bar, her legs numb, her eyes focused straight ahead, ignoring everyone else who was looking at her. She wanted to cry, but with so many eyes staring at her, the tears never came. She set her jaw in defiance.</p><p>“Snap, make me a gin and tonic,” she said, her voice even.</p><p>She lost track of how many drinks she had before she stopped remembering.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well...it's been quite a busy week for me...I just started a new job, which is exciting! I just haven't had as much time to write or dig up some good recordings of my favorite pieces for you. Fortunately I am already pretty far ahead with the writing, but I feel bad that I haven't found some good music for this chapter!</p><p>For now, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37aeWiBPYpiGqaoevjQTL0?si=7w-py1_WTlePtPA-_peMOQ">here</a> is a playlist of some cello music for you. Hope you enjoy, and I'll see you soon for Chapter 11!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben dropped off his passenger, then checked the time. 2:23.</p><p>He checked his phone. Nothing.</p><p>He put his car into gear and began to drive, waiting for another request to come in, letting out a deep sigh. He thought about not driving tonight, but he needed the money.</p><p>Even so, it felt strange somehow. He wished he could have gotten Rey from work, and just talked. He didn’t need things to be romantic. Just being around her was enough.</p><p>Even playing music felt strange. He missed her asking what was playing. He just drove in total silence.</p><p>Another ride request came in, and he accepted it. He squinted at the screen, and realized that his passenger was headed to Niima Outpost.</p><p>Well, Rey was off work by now, but it wouldn’t hurt to check to see if she was okay.</p><p>“How are we doing tonight?” he asked as four passengers crowded into his car. “Heading to Niima Outpost?”</p><p>“Yeah, we’re bar hopping,” said the guy in the back passenger seat.</p><p>“Sounds like fun,” Ben said casually, then put the car in gear and drove away.</p><p>His passengers chattered amongst themselves, but it was all white noise as he nervously tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. He didn't know if this was a good idea. Maybe Rey wouldn't be there. Maybe she wouldn't want to see him. Maybe she would never want to see him.</p><p>But he had to see her. If anything, he wanted a chance to apologize.</p><p>“Here we are.” Ben parked and let his passengers out, nodding politely as they wished him a good night. The doors closed behind them and he gripped the steering wheel, taking a deep breath.</p><p>He checked his phone. 2:35.</p><p>He got out and headed towards the club.</p>
<hr/><p>“Jesus, Rey, what were you <em>thinking</em>?” Finn fretted, trying to get Rey to stand. “I said <em>one drink</em>.” Rey slid away from his grip, grumbling. “God, what a fucking mess. Let’s get you outside and call you a cab.”</p><p>He tried to scoop Rey up, but she elbowed him. “Fucking <em>stop it</em>,” she snapped, her words slurred.</p><p>“<em>Fine.</em> Then help me <em>walk</em>.”</p><p>“I <em>can’t</em>,” Rey bawled, prompting a bachelorette party to glance over at her.</p><p>Finn gritted his teeth. “God dammit.”</p><p>It took a lot of encouragement, but somehow he managed to get Rey outside. “Wait here,” he told her, planting her on the sidewalk. “I’m gonna call you a cab to get you home.”</p><p>“Rey? Is everything okay?”</p><p>Finn looked up to see a tall, wide man with dark hair approaching them. “Who are you?” Finn demanded, sizing him up. He would have made a killing as a bouncer, as built as he was.</p><p>“I’m Ben,” the man said, holding out a hand. “I’m a friend of Rey’s.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck, not <em>you</em>,” Finn groaned. “Haven’t you done enough damage?”</p><p>Ben looked stunned. “I’m sorry?”</p><p>“You’re the one Rey cheated on Poe with,” Finn hissed. “I should beat your ass.”</p><p>Ben swallowed. “Look…I…Rey is my friend.”</p><p>“You must not have heard, then.”</p><p>“Heard what?”</p><p>“Rey broke up with Poe. But Poe found out about you guys and he’s fucking pissed.”</p><p>Ben’s shoulders slumped. “Listen. It was one of those things that just…happened, you know? But it’s not important. What’s wrong with Rey?”</p><p>“I need to lay down.” Rey, her eyes half-open, tried to shove Ben out of the way, almost losing her balance in the process.</p><p>“Easy, easy,” Ben said, grabbing her by the shoulders. “It’s okay.” He looked at Finn. “She’s drunk, isn’t she?”</p><p>Finn, knowing he should still be mad at Ben, looked concerned for his friend. “Yeah, I was going to meet her at the bar but I got sidetracked. She started without me.” He sighed. “I was just going to call her a cab.”</p><p>“You can’t let her just go home alone like this,” Ben said, as Rey kept trying to push him, shrieking in frustration. “I’ll take her to my place.”</p><p>“You can’t be fucking serious.” Finn’s face snapped back to anger. “After all the shit you’ve put her through today, you want to take her to <em>your place</em>?”</p><p>“Does it matter?” Ben retorted. “You and I both want to help her, right? Let me take her and look out for her.”</p><p>“How do I know I should trust you?”</p><p>“You just have to.”</p><p>Finn stared at Ben coldly. “Give me your fucking phone. Unlock it first.”</p><p>Ben reached into his pocket, unlocked his phone, and handed it to Finn. “What are you doing with it?”</p><p>“Texting myself from your phone, so I have your number,” Finn told him, typing quickly. “In case I need to call the fucking cops.”</p><p>“You won’t,” Ben promised, accepting the phone from Finn.</p><p>“I’m going to call you when I get off work to check on her and if you don’t answer I’m finding you and coming over. Deal?”</p><p>Ben nodded. “Deal. I’ll answer.” He looked down at Rey. “All right, Rey, come on, I’m going to take you somewhere safe.”</p><p>“I’m so <em>tired,</em>” Rey whimpered.</p><p>“I know,” Ben said. “You can sleep on my couch, okay?” He nodded to Finn, who was looking back worriedly at them. “Trust me, okay?”</p><p>Finn still looked uncertain, but nodded back.</p><p>“Ben,” Rey whined, as he took her arm and guided her towards the car. “Are you gonna play the cello for me?”</p><p>“Not a good time for that,” Ben told her patiently. “We’re going back to my place.”</p><p>“I don’t feel good,” Rey slurred, stumbling, losing her balance.</p><p>Ben steadied her gently. “I know. We’ll be home soon.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Me: I'm going to write a Reylo AU with classical music in it<br/>Also me: *notices how many chapters I wrote without a single music reference*</p><p>Well, anyway, a friend of mine recently asked me to help put together a playlist of classical music, and it's honestly been a lot of fun to uncover some pieces that I love that I hadn't heard in a while. Here are a couple that I really love:</p><p>1. <em>Romeo and Juliet,</em> Op. 64, Act 1, No. 13 "<a href="https://youtu.be/IhVtglR8lkI">Dance of the Knights</a>" by Sergei Prokofiev. I'm all about those dark dramatic strings!<br/>2. <a href="https://youtu.be/FzNuJu5ONEM">Cantique de Jean Racine</a> by Gabriel Faure. Just such rich, dreamy writing...also the cellos get this really wonderful line that I think Ben would be really into.<br/>3. <a href="https://youtu.be/aeHVGe5erJA">Fantasia on Greensleeves</a> by Ralph Vaughan Williams. Basically I wish I could write half as well as Vaughan Williams could, this is honestly so splendid and ethereal.</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 12!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After struggling to get Rey into the car, and enduring what felt like a long ride where she mostly loudly cried in the passenger seat, Ben exhaustedly parked in the driveway of the duplex, then came around to help Rey get out of the car.</p><p>“Can you stand?” he asked her.</p><p>Rey grabbed his arm and pulled herself out of the car, and promptly almost fell over. “No,” she wailed, clinging to his arm for balance.</p><p>“Okay. I’ve got you.” He bent over and picked her up, bridal style, and kicked the car door shut.</p><p>Rey whimpered and buried her head in his chest. “You’re comfy,” she told him with a giggle.</p><p>Ben smiled. “Thank you.”</p><p>Somehow, he managed to unlock the back door, but in the process jostled Rey around so much that she started crying again, and as he tried to carry her up the stairs, one of her shoes came off, rolling back down the stairs with painfully loud thuds. Ben winced, knowing what would surely happen next.</p><p>Sure enough, seconds later, Armitage’s back door opened and he poked his head into the stairwell. “Ben Solo, I am going to fucking kill you,” he snapped.</p><p>“Can you do that tomorrow, and be a decent human being and help me here?” Ben grunted, trying to keep from dropping Rey.</p><p>Armitage stared at him in horror and amazement. “What the fuck is happening?”</p><p>“It’s my friend, Rey,” Ben explained. “She’s really drunk and I’m letting her crash at my place.” He tried to toss Armitage his keys but instead they fell onto one of the stairs between them.</p><p>“You didn’t…um…you’re not…” Armitage stammered, trying to find the right words.</p><p>“What the <em>fuck</em> is wrong with you? No. I’m just going to put her on the couch and let her sleep it off. I don’t want her to be home by herself.”</p><p>Armitage nodded, and reached for the keys.</p><p>“Ben, I’m going to be sick,” Rey whimpered.</p><p>“It’s okay, just let me get upstairs, hold on,” Ben told her, looking back at Armitage in a panic. “Can you get the door open, <em>please.</em>”</p><p>Armitage moved past him and unlocked the door, stepping aside to get out of Ben’s way as he stumbled through the door, trying not to drop Rey.</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Armitage said, tossing the keys through the doorway and yanking the door shut.</p><p>“Thanks,” Ben muttered through his teeth, lowering Rey down to sit on the floor. “You doing all right? Do you feel sick?” he asked her.</p><p>Rey flopped on her back, giggling as Chewie ran over to her and sniffed her face. “I did, but I’m okay now,” she said, smiling exaggeratedly.</p><p>Ben nodded, satisfied, hanging his jacket over one of his mismatched dining chairs. “I’ll get you some water,” he said.</p><p>Chewie began to lick Rey’s face, and she broke into a full belly laugh. “I love your doggie,” she declared.</p><p>Ben handed her a glass of water. “Can you sit up and drink all of this?” he asked her.</p><p>Rey sighed loudly. “I guess so,” she grumbled, sitting up and grabbing the glass from him, taking a sip.</p><p>Ben sat down on the floor next to her. “So…do you want to talk?” he asked.</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“I heard about Poe.” Ben picked at a loose thread on the carpet. “Did you want to talk about that?”</p><p>“I don’t fucking want to talk about Poe,” Rey growled into the glass.</p><p>“Okay. Well, I think it’s bothering you and if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”</p><p>Rey smiled faintly. “You’re cute,” she said, reaching out and patting his arm as she drank the rest of the water.</p><p>Ben took the empty glass from her and set it aside. “I’ve been worried about you,” he said softly.</p><p>“I’m <em>fine</em>,” Rey insisted, shrugging her coat off. “Poe is an asshole. Good fucking riddance.”</p><p>“I’m not sure you’re fine, though.”</p><p>“Well, you don’t know me.” She pressed a hand to her forehead, then whimpered as she leaned into him. “I didn’t mean that.”</p><p>Ben put an arm around her, gently rubbing her shoulder. “I know.”</p><p>“Ben, I’m just so fucked up right now.” Her eyes closed as her cheek settled into his chest. “But with you…things just feel…<em>less</em> fucked.”</p><p>Ben felt that familiar twist in his heart. “That’s how I feel about you,” he said, so soft he wasn’t sure she could hear. “It’s all less fucked with you around.”</p><p>Rey reached for his free hand and he let her take it, marveling at how small her hand was compared to his. Their fingers twined together as her thumb lightly traced his palm, and he tightened his arm around her, his long frame sheltering her slumped figure. His heart twisted even more as he looked down at her face—her eyeliner and mascara were smudged from crying, strands of hair had come loose from the bun on her head, but somehow she looked even more beautiful, even more real. He felt a muscle in his neck tighten as he wished he could lean down and kiss her, but she made no move to encourage it, and he held back. He continued rubbing her shoulder, hoping that she felt safe with him.</p><p>Rey sighed, releasing his hand. “I’m sleepy,” she announced.</p><p>Ben loosened his arm. “Can you stand?”</p><p>“No. Help me?”</p><p>“Of course.” He helped Rey get to her feet and walked her over to the couch, where she collapsed. Her eyes closed as he put a blanket over her, and he dragged a wastebasket by her head in case she got sick. Chewie leaped up next to her and curled up with a little sigh, resting his head on her legs.</p><p>Ben went to put the glass back in the kitchen, and hung up her coat on the other dining chair, trying not to admire the visual poetry of their outerwear hanging across from each other on a pair of mismatched chairs. He walked back around the couch to check on Rey.</p><p>She was asleep, her breathing slow.</p><p>Ben's heart was twisting so hard he thought it would drag him to his knees in front of her. “I don’t know if you’ll remember this when you’ll wake up,” he said softly, shakily taking a seat in his recliner, “and maybe it’s for the best, but…I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Rey. I think I’ve been falling ever since I saw you crying in the backseat the first time you got into my car. I don’t know how it happened so fast, but it did, and now I don’t know what to do.” He shook his head. “I don’t expect anything. You can leave tomorrow and never speak to me again. To be honest, considering the trouble I got you in with Poe, I don’t blame you. But I just wanted to tell you, out loud, that I love you, okay?”</p><p>Rey’s eyelids fluttered and she settled further into the couch. Chewie's head popped up to check on her, alert, but settled back against her, looking sleepily at Ben.</p><p>“I’m going to stay right here,” he whispered. “If you need me.”</p>
<hr/><p>He had dozed off briefly when his phone started buzzing. Rey's friend from the club, he guessed, reaching for it and swiping to answer. “Hello?”</p><p>“Ben? It’s Finn. Rey's friend. Is Rey okay?”</p><p>Ben rubbed his eyes. “She’s fine. She’s asleep on my couch.”</p><p>“Good.” Finn sounded relieved. “Listen, what I said back at the club…”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” Ben said. “You were worried about her.”</p><p>“Yeah. Well, I can’t say I like you, Ben, but thanks for taking care of her.”</p><p>“Of course.” He looked over at Rey, who was struggling to sit up. “Oh shit, gotta go, Rey’s getting up.” He hung up the phone and set it aside. “Rey?”</p><p>“I’m going to be sick,” Rey groaned.</p><p>“Shit.” Ben dove to get the wastebasket in front of her face, gathering her hair in his other hand as she puked.</p><p>“God dammit,” Rey cried, her voice strangled, tears springing from her eyes.</p><p>“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Ben soothed, rubbing her back. “Let me get you some water.” He rushed to the kitchen to refill the glass and back to hand it to her.</p><p>Rey accepted it, sipped weakly. “Some Saturday night for you, huh,” she said finally, still slurring a little. She lazily rubbed at one eye, smudging her eyeliner even more.</p><p>“I don’t mind,” Ben told her. “Better this than spending it driving drunk people around in my car.”</p><p>Rey scoffed with a little smirk, taking another sip of water. “Well, you’re sweet.” She handed the glass back to him.</p><p>“Thanks.” He set it on the coffee table.</p><p>Rey wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and lay back down on the couch. “Ben?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Can you play some music? To help me sleep?”</p><p>Ben smiled. “I’ll put on some Bach, just for you.” He swiped on his phone and chose a playlist, setting it down on the table.</p><p>“Ben?” Rey’s eyes were closed, her head resting on her hands.</p><p>“Yes, Rey?”</p><p>“Is it weird that maybe I have a crush on you?”</p><p>Ben's heart twisted again. “Not weird at all.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks. Goodnight.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Rey.” He sat back down on the recliner, and settled back in, as they both let the music drift them away to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I like to think that Ben played "<a href="https://youtu.be/QQnAFh_7Bxc">Air on a G String</a>" for Rey. Gentle boy selecting some gentle music so his crush can sleep well &lt;3</p><p>I think Ben likes to take time to curate his own playlists of only good recordings and music he likes, but I also found this <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DWU1JctQodQRj?si=jOW7ktvOTPiQjQvCNJRljg">playlist</a> of some soothing Bach music for you :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>All righty, folks, just real quick, we're about to go into Rey and Ben's backstories so friendly reminder to mind the tags &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey opened her eyes, blinking at the light coming through the windows, her head pounding. She looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings, trying to figure out where she was, why she was still in her bartending clothes, and why she felt like absolute <em>shit</em>.</p><p>“Good morning,” Ben said. He held out a tablet and a glass of water. “Here’s some ibuprofen. Take it and then drink all of this.”</p><p>“Where am I?” Rey took the tablet, washing it down with the water.</p><p>“You were drunk last night. You’re my guest.”</p><p>“We didn’t…” Rey broke off, too embarrassed and hung over to think of the right words. She gestured vaguely, hoping Ben would follow.</p><p>He looked at her, puzzled, then caught on. “Oh <em>no</em>. I just brought you home and you went to sleep on my couch. Nothing else.”</p><p>Rey nodded, putting a hand to her forehead, feeling as if her brains were going to explode out of her eye sockets. “Did I throw up?” She peeked through her fingers at Ben, who smiled politely and tried to avoid looking at the wastebasket next to her. She closed her eyes and groaned.</p><p>Ben changed the subject. “So. How about some breakfast? I know a diner that makes perfect hangover food. What do you say?”</p><p>Rey nodded, still covering her eyes. “Give me a few minutes, okay? I feel like shit.”</p><p>“Take all the time you need. We have all day.”</p><p>She tried to get up but only succeeded in flopping over herself, holding her head. “Ben?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I, uh, wasn’t totally embarrassing last night, was I?”</p><p>Ben looked surprised. “Embarrassing? How?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know. Did I say anything?”</p><p>Ben swallowed. “No,” he said after a beat.</p><p>Rey shook her head. “Fuck,” she muttered.</p><p>“Hey.” Ben’s voice was gentle. “Don’t worry about it. Drunk people get sick and talk a lot. Trust me, I’m an Uber driver.” He laughed weakly, but Rey only groaned. “Come on, let me help you up. Let’s get you something to eat.” He held out a hand.</p><p>Rey took it and let him pull her up, but stumbled into him. “Sorry,” she mumbled.</p><p>Ben helped her stand upright, his hands lingering on her arms. “It’s okay,” he said, looking away as he let go of her, wishing he could let her fall against him, hoping his blush didn't give him away.</p>
<hr/><p>Rey barely looked at the menu before she looked up at the waitress and asked, “Can you just have them make me scrambled eggs with like, a lot of cheese?”</p><p>The waitress, unfazed, made a note on her pad. “Can do. Anything else?”</p><p>“Yeah, hash browns, lots of them, <em>please</em>.”</p><p>“And for you, sir?” the waitress asked Ben as Rey's head thudded back down on the table.</p><p>Ben, still looking at Rey, stammered for a second. “Uh…I’ll have the ham and cheese omelet. And coffee, for both of us, and keep it coming.”</p><p>“You got it.” The waitress scribbled a few notes. “You guys look like you had a rough night.”</p><p>Rey grumbled. “You could say that,” Ben said to the waitress.</p><p>The waitress nodded knowingly. “I’ll be back with your coffee.” She walked away.</p><p>“Rey,” Ben said gently. “You think you want to talk about it now?”</p><p>“Talk about what?” Rey asked, her voice muffled.</p><p>“I think something’s going on,” he said. “Why did you have so much to drink last night?”</p><p>Rey lifted her head. “Do I have to have a reason?” she asked, raising one eyebrow.</p><p>“It sounded like you had a stressful day,” Ben said, nodding to the waitress as she set two steaming mugs of coffee on their table. “Your friend Finn mentioned that you had broken up with Poe.”</p><p>“Yeah, so?” Rey asked, emptying two creamers into her coffee. “That <em>is</em> stressful. It didn’t go well.”</p><p>“What happened?” Ben folded his arms and leaned forward.</p><p>“Is all this because of the other night?” Rey asked, stirring her coffee, wincing as her spoon hit the sides of the mug. “I’m suddenly available and you’re trying to work an angle?”</p><p>Ben felt the blood drain from his face. “Rey. I think something is bothering you. There is no angle. I want you to talk to me about it so you can feel better.” His voice trembled slightly, praying that she didn’t remember his confession from the night before.</p><p>“Look. I had a rough day. I had a few too many drinks. That’s <em>all</em>.” Rey blew steam away from her mug and took a sip.</p><p>Ben looked at her for a long moment. “Do you want to know why I sold my cello?” he asked finally, his fingers fidgeting over a sugar packet.</p><p>“I have a feeling you’re about to tell me anyway,” Rey muttered.</p><p>Ben ignored her remark. “My mother was musical. So was my uncle. My mom played harp for the symphony orchestra in my hometown.” He waved dismissively. “Anyway, I started playing cello when I was six, and I was <em>good</em>. I got all the solos in middle school and high school. I loved it. I wanted to play professionally so badly.” He cleared his throat, turning over his spoon on the table. “Anyway, I got into a conservatory where my uncle was a professor, this really prestigious, competitive program. And I started to burn out. I loved what I was doing but I was just constantly pushing myself to be <em>better</em>.”</p><p>Rey set her mug down and leaned forward on the table. “Then what happened?”</p><p>Ben shrugged, continuing to turn over the spoon. “I was helping my friend move and I hurt my back. The doctor prescribed me some muscle relaxants and…” He drifted off, looking at the table with a faraway stare. “I got hooked. I became addicted.”</p><p>“Ben.” Rey’s grumpiness had melted, her eyes now full of sympathy. “Jesus Christ. That’s awful.”</p><p>Ben looked at her, pain etched on his face. “I was out of control. I was putting together my senior recital and having to practice for three different ensembles I was in, and something just <em>broke</em>. I was constantly making up new pains hoping the doctor would prescribe me something. Sometimes they did. Sometimes not. I stopped practicing and slept most of the time. I dropped out of school and just worked part-time job to part-time job to support my habit.” His eyes dropped again, and he began to trace the rim of his coffee mug with one finger. “That’s why I sold my cello. To pay for more painkillers.” His voice was calm and neutral, like he was describing an event that happened to someone else, but Rey could tell by the way his shoulders slumped forward that this was something he deeply regretted.</p><p>“I think the worst part of all of it was the way my parents <em>looked</em> at me,” he went on. “Like I wasn’t really their son. Like I was…some kind of monster.”</p><p>“I’m sure they didn’t think that,” Rey told him.</p><p>Ben shrugged, leaning back, taking a deep breath. “Anyway,” he continued, “I got clean. It took a lot of tries but I’m there. Eighteen months sober,” he said with a proud smile.</p><p>“That’s incredible.”</p><p>“It’s why I became an Uber driver. I live alone, and the nights are really hard for me, so instead of being alone with my thoughts I just go driving. Clear my head, listen to some music.” He looked meaningfully at Rey. “Meet new people.” He picked up his coffee and took a sip from it. “Actually, I’ve been seeing a therapist near the bookstore. On Wednesdays I go to therapy, then buy myself a record.” He grinned sheepishly. “Maybe it’s not the most healthy way to cope, but I’d rather spend my money on music than drugs.” He set down his mug. “And now you know my baggage,” he said, spreading his hands.</p><p>Rey’s eyes dropped. “My parents were alcoholics,” she said. “I had to learn how to take care of myself when I was a little kid. You know, getting up for school, walking myself to the bus stop.” She shook her head. “Sometimes they’d forget to feed me, or have clean clothes for me.”</p><p>Ben’s lip twitched. “That’s terrible.”</p><p>“One day, they just took off. I kept going to school like everything was normal, but you know, being six, there was only so much I could do to feed myself.”</p><p>Ben looked horrified. “No. Not when you were six years old?”</p><p>Rey nodded, swiping at her eye. “Six years old. I lasted two days before I finally ran out of PopTarts and went to a neighbor’s.”</p><p>“Oh my God.” Ben shook his head. “Did you ever hear from them again? They never came back for you?”</p><p>Rey bent over her coffee, her hands curling around the mug. “Never. I was in foster care until I aged out.”</p><p>“Jesus.” Ben leaned back, still shaking his head in disbelief.</p><p>Rey shrugged. “I can take care of myself,” she said.</p><p>“You can,” Ben insisted, “but that still sounds lonely.”</p><p>Rey studied her coffee cup. “I guess so.”</p><p>“Is that it? Loneliness?”</p><p>Rey pursed her lips. “I don’t know. Maybe…” She drifted off, staring out the window. “I wonder if I wanted things to work between me and Poe because in a way I needed him. Or I thought I did. But I wasn’t happy.”</p><p>“You didn’t want to be alone.”</p><p>Rey looked down at the table, then back up at Ben, her eyes lit up in a way that he couldn’t fully understand, but made him hold his breath anyway. Her lips cricked up in a hint of a smile. “But then you told me I wasn’t alone.”</p><p>“You’re not,” Ben agreed, his face softening, leaning towards her.</p><p>Rey unconsciously leaned forward, mirroring Ben, and that same breathless feeling passed between them.</p><p>“What would make <em>you</em> happy?” Ben asked softly.</p><p>Rey rested her chin in her hand. “Lots of things,” she said. “Not working late nights. Writing. Loving, and feeling loved.” She smiled, her eyes wistfully looking out at some dream that only she could see. “How about you?”</p><p>“Much the same.”</p><p>Rey scoffed, her smile still lighting up her face. “One day we’ll figure it out, you think?”</p><p>Ben cleared his throat, looking down at the table. “We’ll get there, someday.”</p><p>The waitress appeared, carrying a big round tray. “All right, sorry for the wait, here’s your order.” She plunked the plates down in front of them, and they both leaned back to get out of her way, the feeling passed. “Careful, they’re hot. You two need anything else?”</p><p>Rey and Ben shook their heads.</p><p>“Okay, enjoy.” The waitress left them with a wave.</p><p>They began to eat in silence, not looking at each other, the veil between them once more.</p>
<hr/><p>“Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Did you really mean what you said last night?” Rey glanced at Ben sideways, unsure of whether she wanted to know the answer.</p><p>Ben flushed. “What do you mean?” he stammered.</p><p>Rey bit her lip. “I heard you say something like…ah, shit. That you were…falling for me.”</p><p>“You <em>heard</em> that? I thought you were asleep!”</p><p>“Not all of it. I was half-asleep, but I thought maybe I was dreaming it.” She kicked at a stone. “So you <em>did</em> say it.”</p><p>Ben didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity. “Yes,” he said finally, the word short but drenched with anxiety.</p><p>Rey looked at her shoes crossing the pavement. “Did you mean it?”</p><p>“Yes.” Still short, but softer this time, vulnerable.</p><p>She nodded, considering this information.</p><p>“Did you mean what <em>you</em> said?”</p><p>Rey looked up in surprise. “What did I say? You can’t hold it against me if I was drunk.”</p><p>“You told me you had a crush on me.” Ben had a teasing smile on his face but something in his eyes made it seem uneasy. “Is it true?”</p><p>Rey didn’t answer. Finally she breathed in, held it for a beat, then said, “It wasn’t the <em>only</em> reason I broke up with Poe, but…it was a reason.”</p><p>Ben stopped walking, causing Rey to abruptly stop and turn a pace later. “So…where does that leave us?” He looked down at her with an entreating look, hopeful, but already afraid of her answer.</p><p>Rey blinked back at him. “I don’t know,” she said.</p><p>Ben’s jaw tensed, not from anger, but from a clear restraint, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as if he wanted to move towards her but was stopping himself. “I’m not asking you to make up your mind,” he said softly, so only she could hear him. “I just want you to know that…since you kissed me the other night, I haven’t stopped thinking about how I’d like to kiss you again.”</p><p>Rey’s lips twitched into a shy smile. “I’ve thought about it, too,” she said, her voice equally soft.</p><p>“But?” Ben’s lips trembled, already knowing what she would say.</p><p>“Ben…” Rey looked down. “I’m just so fucked up right now. I just broke up with Poe, and now it’s just dragging up a bunch of shit…” She broke off and took a breath. “Ben, you don’t deserve to be a rebound.”</p><p>Ben nodded slowly, casting his eyes down. “I understand,” he said.</p><p>Rey looked up at him, her eyes beginning to wet with tears. “Listen,” she said, wiping at them quickly, “I really care about you. I don’t think I’ve ever clicked with anyone as quickly as I have with you. I just…don’t want to rush into something and hurt you.”</p><p>Ben looked back up, meeting her eyes for a moment, then dropping back down. He nodded again. “I get it. Thank you.”</p><p>Rey bit her lip. “So…maybe I should go.” She opened her arms, and he enveloped her in his, their bodies tensing, wanting to melt into each other but knowing they shouldn’t, their breaths shuddering as they tried not to cry, two people relieved to know their feelings were not unrequited, but knowing this was not it, this was not their time.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Rey whispered, the tears stinging her eyes so she had to squeeze them shut. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Ben murmured, resting his cheek on her hair. “It’s okay.”</p><p>They let each other go, and without exchanging another word or look, they walked away from each other.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...and before you get too mad at me, friendly reminder that when I say "mind the tags," mind ALL the tags &lt;3</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 14!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A short chapter this time...I'm not in a habit of splitting up chapters as I'm writing, which is partly why the chapters have been so uneven so far, but in this case I really goofed up a break. The next chapter is pretty long, so hopefully that'll make up for it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey squirmed uncomfortably across from Dr. Kanata, who looked at her with a piercing gaze, made even more piercing by her giant Coke-bottle glasses.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’ve never really done this before,” Rey admitted.</p><p>Dr. Kanata shrugged. “Understandable. But you’re coming here to heal, and I’m here to help.” She folded her hands over her notepad. “So. Tell me about yourself.”</p><p>Rey crossed her legs, hunching over slightly. “Um. I’m Rey.” She took a deep breath. “Um, if we want to start with the real shit, my parents were alcoholics that abandoned me when I was six years old.”</p><p>“Oh,” Dr. Kanata said sympathetically, making notes on her notepad. “That is some real trauma in your past. Thank you for sharing that with me right away.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “Well, anyway, I just broke up with my boyfriend of eight months and even though we weren’t right for each other, I still feel pretty miserable about it because…I don’t know, I guess I wanted <em>someone</em> to stay in my life? I didn’t want to feel alone. But it didn't go well, and it's just dragging up a lot of shit from my past.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata nodded, making more notes. “And how have you been handling that? What coping mechanisms have you been using?”</p><p>Rey stopped and smiled. “I've been writing.”</p><p>“Oh? What do you like to write?” Dr. Kanata’s smile was kind and encouraging.</p><p>“Poetry.” Rey’s smile got bigger.</p><p>“Art is so good for healing,” Dr. Kanata said.</p><p>Rey nodded, drawing circles in one hand with her thumb. “Yes.” She frowned. “It’s weird, though. I don’t miss Poe. Maybe sometimes I do, but I’m not <em>pining</em> or anything, you know? I don’t regret breaking up with him. But I do miss Ben.”</p><p>“Who’s Ben?”</p><p>Rey thought about it. “A friend,” she said after a moment. “I just miss him a lot.” She waved dismissively. “Anyway.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata stroked her chin. “Sounds like there’s more to the story,” she said thoughtfully.</p><p>Rey bit her lip. “We…we kind of liked each other,” she admitted. “Like, in a non-platonic way. But I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. It just felt like too much all at once.”</p><p>“And how do you feel about that? Check in.”</p><p>Rey closed her eyes and sighed. “I don’t regret breaking up with Poe, but I really regret letting him go.”</p><p>“So why don’t you reach out to him?”</p><p>Rey sat back on the couch. “It doesn’t feel right yet.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata nodded. “So let’s work on making it right. Starting at the beginning.”</p><p>Rey nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Okay.”</p>
<hr/><p>Rey climbed into her car, shut the door, and turned the key in the ignition. She cranked up the heat and blew on her fingers, numbed by the winter chill, to warm them up.</p><p>Satisfied, she reached into her glove compartment and flipped through the CDs she had stored there—they were in the dollar section at the bookstore, their cases gummy from age, the inserts faded and worn, and she had figured that they should go to a new home, and it might as well be hers.</p><p>She recognized a few names—Mozart, Bach, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven—and barely recognized others—Brahms, Stravinsky, Corelli, Chopin—and she knew nothing of the titles—whatever a Requiem was, or concertos or preludes or symphonies with numbers and letters that meant nothing to her—but to Rey they were new worlds unexplored.</p><p>She didn't even know where to start, but she figured she'd start with a familiar name. She flipped to the Tchaikovsky CD and opened the case. <em>Symphony No. 5 in E minor, </em>she read as she slid the disc into her CD player and turned up the volume.</p><p>It started off quietly, with some dark-sounding reed instrument playing low with the strings accompanying it, the combined sound rich and mournful. Rey sat back and listened with fascination as they repeated the theme, thinking that it sounded kind of mysterious to her, a story told with music unfolding.</p><p>The orchestra began to build, the brass and woodwinds joining in, their tempo quickening so it was almost a dance. Rey gradually turned the volume up, surrounding herself with the sound before putting her car in reverse and pulling out of the parking spot.</p><p>As Rey headed for home, she was impressed by just the—<em>depth—</em>of the sound. She knew nothing about orchestras or most of the instruments, but she couldn't even hear the cello, so she knew it had to be a very large group, and Tchaikovsky definitely wanted everyone in it to get involved. They repeated the same melodic pattern frequently—that much she could pick up—but never in a way that sounded boring, almost like it was a new pattern every time.</p><p>She couldn't quite describe the way it made her <em>feel</em>. It was dark and moody but also bright and joyous, it just made her feel...</p><p>
  <em>Alive.</em>
</p><p>She slowed to stop at a red light, shaking her head in amazement, wondering if this was what Ben also loved so much about it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so hyped for Rey discovering classical music! Here's what I think she has (although not these recordings, I might pitch a fit if I saw any of these in a clearance bin, lol):</p><p>Tchaikovsky - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/0FMHWDfNpLU1J3z8djrN5j?si=4csB59qeR1C_VLfUw13G0g">Symphony No. 5 in E minor</a><br/>Mozart - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/7uXaeH44zRtYheqhBZ5Kiy?si=Qp67Ubp5R1CceMJoWRwTjw">Requiem in D minor</a><br/>Bach - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/4mbXv08z3Ip6nhZjsBfLym?si=skVJns9JQberomr-oAiHRw">Brandenberg Concertos &amp; Orchestral Suites</a><br/>Beethoven - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/0ImIZMwY995BIGAdEBGrTx?si=0_MP7wnfSa-DULbi8L6Yzw">Symphony No. 9 in D minor</a> :)<br/>Brahms - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/16HrQbgfbiCLRpl6HBxONt?si=GT-mH1nwTuKPXqfkdy6R3g">Symphony No. 3</a><br/>Stravinsky - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/7wi0U5sLGPlnH9peSKn1Tv?si=LIopz_41R1ual4eY53SQsA">Rite of Spring</a> (I have a music degree and this one will <em>always</em> be the one from <em>Fantasia</em> with the dinosaurs.)<br/>Corelli - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/6ETjxGFWCOgyqXCnexhPvU?si=IrocNZzZRaWBvsJF3O-35A">Concerti Grossi Op. 6</a> (more obscure stuff, proud of our girl!)<br/>Chopin - Probably a collection of his piano solos, like <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/09EEGLk26DjMohK9XCSOgu?si=PhDRDwNPSoucgBq7OYiKig">this one</a> of his preludes and impromptus (the <a href="https://youtu.be/LnxiRjzB6S4">Raindrop Prelude (Op. 28, No. 15 in D Flat Major)</a> is my favorite!)</p><p>If you have any favorites by these composers that you think Rey is listening to, I would love to hear about them! Please enjoy some lovely music, and I'll see you soon for Chapter 15!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Can I help you, sir?”</p><p>Ben turned to see a male employee, probably in his mid-twenties, with a scruffy red beard and thick-rimmed glasses, his hands clasped, waiting for Ben to answer.</p><p>“Um, hi,” Ben said. “Are these all the cellos you have?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” the salesman said. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”</p><p>Ben scoffed. “I’m looking for <em>my</em> cello,” he said bemusedly.</p><p>“Did you play?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben reached out to trace his finger along the scroll of one of the cellos. “For a long time. It’s been a while though.”</p><p>The salesman nodded. “Sure,” he said, trying to look interested but Ben could tell he wasn’t, the guy probably made eleven bucks an hour and just wanted to make the sale. “Do you want to try one out?”</p><p>“Can I?” Ben’s hand closed around the neck of one of the cellos on display, a model with a beautiful dark stain, the color of molasses.</p><p>“Sure,” the salesman said, gesturing to a chair. “Let me get you a bow.”</p><p>Ben took a seat in the chair, settling the neck of the cello on his shoulder. He loosened the endpin screw and let the pin drop, adjusting it to the right height. He plucked each string, bending over to twist the fine tuners—the tuning was close, but he was fussy and precise, each string had to sound <em>exactly</em> right.</p><p>“Here you go, sir,” the salesman said, returning with a bow and holding it out to Ben.</p><p>“Thanks.” Ben took it and tightened the screw so the horsehair was taut, tilted it in the light to be certain it was rosined properly. His hands trembled as his fingers adjusted to the proper hold position. The weight of the bow felt unfamiliar—his bow was wood, and this was probably carbonfiber, which he hadn't used since he was in high school—but he could work with it. It had been years since he had held a cello, and he hoped he remembered how to play.</p><p>He took a deep breath and laid his fingers on the strings, the bow poised in his right hand. <em>Just play something,</em> he thought. <em>Play what’s in your heart.</em></p><p>One of the last things he had worked on before everything had turned upside down, the Mendelssohn <em>Lied ohne Worte</em>, a sentimental, lyrical piece. The music was still in his fingers and they found their way across the fingerboard as his eyes closed and the bow delicately encouraged the notes to come out. Back then he had worked on it with an accompanist, but he could still remember the piano playing along with him and he played with its distant memory. The cello had an aching dark tone to it, and Ben found himself fighting back tears. Occasionally he stumbled, his hands unaccustomed to the motions, but he could feel the music in his heart setting them right again. He was a young man in school again, finding solace in music, the only thing that comforted him in a dark time when everyone in his life wanted him to do better.</p><p>Rey’s voice in his mind: <em>You should play a recital for me.</em></p><p>He stopped, the strings still ringing, lingering on the last notes he had played, and he immediately covered his face with one hand, astonished at how wet his cheeks were.</p><p>“Wow…” the salesman said, reminding Ben he was still there. “That was…you play really well, sir. How long did you play before?”</p><p>“A long time,” Ben said, his voice barely above a whisper. He slumped slightly, as if he could collapse into the instrument. He looked at the bow in his right hand as he reached up to his face with his left to swipe at a stray tear.</p><p>The salesman, his hands still clasped in front of him, shifted uncomfortably. “Well, anyway, this is an excellent cello for advanced or professional players, and you can outfit it with the bow and case of your choice.”</p><p>“How much?” Ben looked down at it, assessing it.</p><p>“Uh, it retails for about seven thousand dollars, sir.”</p><p>Ben sat up and tilted the cello back towards the salesman. “Ah. I don’t really have that kind of money right now.”</p><p>“We do offer a rental program? This one would rent for one-seventy-five a month.”</p><p>Ben shook his head. “I’m an Uber driver,” he said awkwardly. “That’s a lot of money.”</p><p>The salesman took the cello away from Ben and set it back on the display, trying to mask his annoyance that he wouldn’t be making this sale and Ben was just wasting his time. “Unfortunately, most of our higher-end models are going to be in this approximate price range,” he said flatly. “We have student level models that are more affordable?”</p><p>Ben scoffed. “I appreciate it, but no thanks.”</p><p>The salesman’s mouth set into a firm line. “Sorry we weren’t able to meet your needs,” he said brusquely. “Was there anything else I could help you find?”</p><p>Ben stood up, realized he was still holding the bow, and handed it back to the salesman. “I guess not,” he said uncomfortably. “Thanks for your time.”</p><p>The salesman walked away, leaving Ben standing alone and still looking at the cello. He had foolishly forgotten that a good cello was expensive, and it made his awful decision all those years ago feel even more damning. How much had he sold his cello for back then? Maybe two hundred dollars? Enough for him to get his fix for a week or two. He gritted his teeth as he thought about it.</p><p>He wished at that moment, as he often did, that he could turn back time, that he could tell the insecure young man he was that he was enough, he was doing fine, he didn’t need to numb himself with painkillers. But it was impossible, and now he found himself alone once more, separated from the instrument he loved and separated from the girl he couldn't stop thinking about.</p><p>A lot of decisions had led him here, and he didn’t know what his next move would be.</p><p>He went out to his car, locked the doors, and cried.</p><hr/><p>Rey looked up from her notebook, suddenly aware of a customer standing in front of her.</p><p>“May I check out here?” A woman with a regal but kind face, her hair dyed lavender purple, held out a book, an old one with a worn, dingy cover.</p><p>“Yes, ma’am.” Rey clicked her pen and set her notebook aside. “Did you find everything okay?”</p><p>“I did,” the woman said. She glanced at Rey’s notebook. “What were you writing?” Her smile lit up her whole face, eager to hear the answer.</p><p>Rey scoffed. “Oh, nothing,” she said, punching the code into the point of sale screen. It took forever to come up with the total—it was no mistake that “point of sale” and “piece of shit” shared an acronym. She looked at the woman, and the curious and earnest way she was looking back at her made her elaborate. “Just a poem.”</p><p>“A poem? I’d like to take a look, if you don’t mind,” the woman said, her smile even warmer.</p><p>“It’s not that good,” Rey said dismissively. “Your total is fourteen fifty-one.”</p><p>The woman handed her a twenty. “Do you write a lot?” she asked.</p><p>“I used to,” Rey replied, counting out the change. “I stopped for a while because I work two jobs and my boyfriend—<em>ex-</em>boyfriend—used to tease me for it.”</p><p>The woman narrowed her eyes, accepting the change that Rey handed to her. “Asshole. Good riddance.” She reached into her purse and dumped the change into a little pouch. “And you’re writing again?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey said. “It felt right, you know?”</p><p>The woman nodded solemnly. “I do know.” She took the book off the counter and tucked it under one arm as she offered her right hand to shake. “I’m Amilyn, Amilyn Holdo.”</p><p>Rey tentatively took Amilyn’s hand and shook it. “Rey.”</p><p>“Rey.” Amilyn smiled. “Rey, I run a literary magazine in town called <em>Rebels.</em> I don’t know if you’ve heard of it?”</p><p>Rey shook her head.</p><p>Amilyn waved dismissively. “It’s new, so we’re just getting off the ground,” she explained. “Anyway, I’m wondering if you’d be interested in joining the team.”</p><p>“You need a poet?” Rey tried not to look too hopeful.</p><p>Amilyn laughed. “I can’t bring you on as a poet if you won’t let me see your work!” she said. “But actually, I’m looking for an assistant.” She smiled conspiratorially. “And maybe once you work with me for a while, you’ll trust me enough to let me read your poems.”</p><p>“But I…” Rey trailed off. “I can’t just…It’s flattering, but…”</p><p>Amilyn held up a hand. “Think about it, okay?” She reached into her wallet and pulled out a business card. “My phone number is there. Give me a call and let me know what you think.”</p><p>Rey took the card and cradled it in her hand. “I’ll think about it,” she promised.</p><p>Amilyn smiled. “Good. Nice to meet you, Rey. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Rey felt a smile creep across her face.</p><p>She slipped the card into her notebook, a chance at something new, a ticket closer to her dreams.</p><hr/><p>Ben dropped the needle on his record, making sure to gently turn down the volume as the vinyl crackled to life—Armitage had been on his case before about his late night listening sessions and he was in no mood to deal with a confrontation.</p><p>He lay on the floor next to the record player as the sounds of the Elgar <em>Sospiri </em>flowed around him, focusing on the delicate strumming of the harp, just audible over the orchestra. He remembered being a little boy and begging his dad to take him to the symphony concert to see his mother play, and he finally relented. Ben must have been seven or eight, and he was entranced—awed at the beautiful music played by these professional musicians, all dressed up in black tuxes and dresses, playing their instruments as if they were extensions of themselves, the cellists leaning forward to swoop their bows across the strings, flutists bouncing along with a particularly rhythmic line. It was exhilarating, and he wanted to go home and immediately practice his scales so he could be like them one day.</p><p>He could remember everything about that concert. The main showpiece was the Vaughan Williams’ London Symphony, but before that the strings performed two Elgar pieces—the <em>Elegy</em> and the <em>Sospiri</em>. He remembered how proud he was to see his mother, perched on a stool, her hair in an elegant updo, dressed in a floor-length black dress, black heels, and large black stud earrings, lean forward to strum her harp, almost with her full body, her eyes intently watching the conductor. He kept pointing her out to his father, newly proud every time he could hear her gentle strings.</p><p>She was always so busy then. Being one of the few harpists in the area, and probably one of the best, her skills were always in demand—weddings, funerals, this orchestra, that orchestra, a Mahler performance in this state, flying out as an emergency substitute to perform Mozart in a different state, not to mention all of her rehearsals and practicing. She had to miss one of Ben’s orchestra concerts, when he had a solo—a short one, granted, but still a solo, his first ever—when he was eleven, and he just kind of assumed that this was a normal life for a musician. This would be what he would inherit.</p><p>At the time, he resented it a little bit, but at the same time he understood. Music was life. He couldn’t live without it. Neither could she.</p><p>But maybe there was a part of him that thought that music mattered to her more than he did.</p><p>His father wasn’t musical—he was a cargo pilot, and was often away for long periods of time. But he tried to understand Ben’s love of the cello—clapping for him when he scratched out “Twinkle, Twinkle” for the first time, asking him what he was practicing and nodding like he knew it whenever Ben told him, taking Ben to the music store to size up his cello or get a string replaced. He craved those moments that he shared with his parents, and they were some of the best memories of his childhood—but he could still vividly remember concerts or recitals when he looked out to the audience and saw only one, or neither of his parents looking back at him.</p><p>A tear rolled away from his eye, trickling down his temple and settling on his scalp. Even though they had failed him sometimes, and he had failed them, he still couldn’t bring himself to hate them.</p><p>He felt his phone buzz, jerking him out of his memories. Confused, he reached into his pocket and pulled it out, then sat straight up when he saw a new message from Rey—he tried to remember the last one he got from her as he tapped to open it. How long had it been? Two weeks? It had felt like much longer...</p><p>
  <em>I can’t sleep. Tell me what to listen to.</em>
</p><p>Breathlessly, Ben’s fingers tapped across the screen. <em>I was afraid I wouldn't hear from you again.</em></p><p>
  <em>I’ve never heard of that one. Who’s the composer?</em>
</p><p>Ben scoffed, smiling. Oh, he missed her so much. <em>Got something on your mind?</em></p><p><em>Actually, yeah. </em>She began to type, the bubble popping up, then vanishing, before it finally stopped for good.</p><p>Ben paused. <em>Do you want to meet somewhere?</em></p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>Ben’s heart sank.</p><p>
  <em>I’m not ready to see you, Ben.</em>
</p><p><em>Okay. </em>He stopped. <em>I miss you.</em></p><p>Rey didn’t respond for what felt like forever, and Ben began to regret being so vulnerable. This is why texting after two in the morning was always a bad idea.</p><p>But finally: <em>I miss you, too. So much.</em></p><p>It was like an instant shot of serotonin.</p><p>
  <em>But I’m not ready to be around you, Ben.</em>
</p><p>Oh. Ben slumped slightly. He wondered briefly if Rey knew what she was doing—he felt something for her, she felt something for him, so they should just <em>go for it</em>, Poe be damned…</p><p>…but Rey had to make her own decisions. One of those times someone else decides where you are.</p><p>Even if that place was miserable.</p><p>
  <em>Look, this was a mistake. Sorry I bothered you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Elgar.</em>
</p><p>Rey didn’t respond for a minute, and Ben worried that she had just turned off her phone or started ignoring his messages. But then she texted back: <em>What?</em></p><p>Ben pressed forward, his fingers tapping the screen. <em>Elgar’s string orchestra pieces. To help you sleep.</em></p><p>
  <em>Which one is your favorite?</em>
</p><p><em>Sospiri. </em>He hadn’t considered it, but now he was certain of it.</p><p>
  <em>Okay, I’ll listen. Thanks.</em>
</p><p>Ben waited for a moment. <em>I hope you get some good rest, and that everything’s okay.</em></p><p>He didn’t expect Rey to text back but she did after a minute.<em> It’s actually a good thing, which is wild. I got a lead for a job at a literary magazine.</em></p><p>
  <em>Rey, that’s awesome!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is :) It’s just so sudden though. I don't know if I'm ready for it. I feel like I can’t leave my coworkers, but I really don’t want to bartend or work retail anymore.</em>
</p><p><em>Change is always hard. But just because you’re not working with them, it doesn’t mean you won’t see them ever again. </em>He paused. <em>You’re not abandoning them, you know.</em></p><p><em>That’s true. </em>She stopped. <em>I’m just scared though.</em></p><p>
  <em>Understandable. Changes can be scary. But it means you’d be closer to your dream, right?</em>
</p><p><em>It does. </em>She paused. <em>I just have to think about it, I guess.</em></p><p><em>You will make the right decision for you, </em>Ben typed. <em>I know you will. </em>He thought for a moment. <em>And I think you're more ready for this change than you think. You're stronger than you know.</em></p><p><em>Thanks :) </em>Pause. <em>Have you started to play the cello again?</em></p><p>Ben winced. <em>I went to a music store today.</em></p><p>
  <em>How did that go?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cellos are expensive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oof :( Can you rent?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nope. Still too much.</em>
</p><p>Rey didn’t respond for a while, and Ben wondered if she fell asleep.</p><p>
  <em>This may be out of line, and you can tell me so, but have you thought about asking your parents for help?</em>
</p><p>Ben’s lips pressed together. <em>It’s been years since I talked to them. If I asked them for money they would assume it was for drugs.</em></p><p><em>Oh. </em>She stopped. <em>But you’ve been clean for a while. You should let them see that.</em></p><p>
  <em>I’ll think about it.</em>
</p><p>Rey didn’t answer immediately. <em>Again, not my place, but...</em> She paused. <em>If my parents gave a damn about me like I'm sure your parents do, I would ask them for help if I needed it.</em></p><p>That gave Ben pause. He bit his lip, trying to remember the last time he saw his parents. It was definitely after he dropped out of school, back when he had told them...</p><p>His breath caught in his throat. Back when he had told them that he had sold his cello.</p><p>How could he ask them for help with buying another cello when he had so foolishly given his up a long time ago?</p><p>A new message from Rey pulled him out of his thoughts. <em>The Sospiri is beautiful. Do you have anything else I should listen to?</em></p><p>Ben sighed. <em>Nimrod,</em> he replied.</p><p>
  <em>Excuse me?</em>
</p><p>Ben smacked his forehead. Idiot. <em>No, sorry! It’s by Elgar. It’s literally called Nimrod. </em>Pause. <em>One of the Enigma Variations. It’s beautiful. </em>Pause. <em>Sorry, I’m not making fun of you!</em></p><p><em>That’s such a weird title. </em>Ben imagined Rey laughing at him, and it made him smile. <em>But you’ve sold me on it. I’ll try it.</em></p><p>
  <em>You’ll love it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thanks. Is that one you played?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Years ago, yes.</em>
</p><p><em>I’ll listen for you. </em>She stopped. <em>Good night, Ben.</em></p><p>
  <em>You, too. Sleep well.</em>
</p><p>He reached up to lift the needle off of his record, then quickly pulled up Spotify, typing in <em>Elgar variations nimrod</em> and tapping on the first result that came up.</p><p>He lay back on the floor, listening intently to the slow, aching strings next to his ear, his left hand sweeping up and down, his body exhausted but muscle memory overtaking him. His eyes closed, and he imagined Rey, somewhere, drifting off to sleep, listening to the same music he was, feeling for a few languid moments that they were connected to each other, Elgar’s music a tether between them.</p><hr/><p>Rey set her phone down and settled into her pillow, the Elgar filling the darkness. It was a cold night—her heating was on the fritz <em>again</em>, and the landlord couldn’t come check it until the morning—and she wrapped her comforter tighter around her.</p><p>It wasn’t enough. She wished he could be with her, to warm the coldness, to fill the emptiness.</p><p>She closed her eyes, focusing on the music, trying to find the cello. Even with her untrained ear, she could find it, a warm, dark sound, a sound of heartbreak and healing—a fine whiskey sound, a sound that was purely Ben. She tried to picture him playing along with the orchestra, wearing a dark suit, bent over a cello, his left hand quivering over the neck as his right guided a bow with precision.</p><p>The music was a little more bombastic than she expected, with brass cutting in and leading the orchestra to a brilliant crescendo, but Rey could still find the cello, and imagined Ben reaching for her, his hand resting on her back, his fingers moving up and down her spine, tracing the notes with his gentle fingers.</p><p>“I miss you,” she whispered, feeling a tear glide down her cheek as the orchestra settled back to a peaceful resolution. “I miss you, I miss you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think I'm gonna need Adam Driver to hold a cello, just once, for science ;)</p><p>LOTS of references this chapter, here we gooooo:</p><p>Felix Mendelssohn <em><a href="https://youtu.be/V__MnI0Pfec">Lied ohne Worte, </a></em><a href="https://youtu.be/V__MnI0Pfec">Op. 109</a>.<br/>Ralph Vaughan Williams <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/6aGrd8fLuyBmT5hG7AruU4?si=OkB6KFmVTY-InPs0p3znEA">Symphony No. 2, "London"</a><br/>Edward Elgar <em><a href="https://youtu.be/HEFwFT36bhs">Sospiri, </a></em><a href="https://youtu.be/HEFwFT36bhs"> Op. 70</a><br/>Edward Elgar <em><a href="https://youtu.be/cmwLlZujbt8">Elegy</a></em><a href="https://youtu.be/cmwLlZujbt8">, Op. 58</a><br/>Edward Elgar Variations on an Original Theme, Op. 36 "Enigma" - IX. <a href="https://youtu.be/YIfq3KS6McU">Nimrod</a> - Another very beautiful piece of music that I think Ben hears in his head when he thinks about Rey...and listen to that <em>cello line</em>. Also it was shockingly hard to find a decent performance of this...I have no idea why so many conductors like to conduct this in an ungodly slow tempo (looking at <em>you</em>, Leonard Bernstein), but I hope you like this one :)<br/>Also, you are probably already familiar with Elgar's work...if you've been to a graduation ceremony, you've probably heard "<a href="https://youtu.be/qGIM5HdnY4g">Pomp and Circumstance</a>," which was written by Elgar!</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 16!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben stared at his phone, sitting in front of him on his coffee table. His elbows were propped up on his knees, his hands folded, his chin resting on his crossed thumbs, lips twitching nervously.</p><p>Chewie, sitting lazily on the couch next to him, tilted his head and grumbled.</p><p>“I know,” Ben sighed. “I should just call them, right? What's the worst that could happen?”</p><p>Chewie wagged his tail, resting his head on his paws.</p><p>“Thanks, buddy.” He picked up the phone and, with shaky fingers, began to dial.</p><p>He took a deep breath and brought the phone to his ear, dragging his free hand through his hair as he nervously counted the rings on the other end.</p><p>Three rings.</p><p>Maybe they were ignoring him. Ben felt his heart sink as he counted a fourth ring.</p><p>“Hello?” His father, Han.</p><p>Ben sat straight up, trying to remember how to talk. “D—dad?” he stammered.</p><p>There was such a long pause that Ben was afraid that he was going to start berating him, or worse, hang up on him.</p><p>Then, finally, “Ben...son?”</p><p>Ben felt his eyes swim with tears. Han wasn't angry. He was surprised and amazed, and Ben could swear that he could detect a note of <em>hope</em> in his voice.</p><p>“Dad, it's me,” Ben confirmed, scrubbing a tear away. “It's Ben.”</p><p>“Ben.” Han chuckled, at a loss—for once—for words. “How are you, son? Where are you? Are you okay?”</p><p>“I'm fine.” Ben rubbed at his eye. “How are you? How's Mom?”</p><p>“Your mother's great. We're doing great.” He chuckled again. “God, it's good to hear from you, son. We miss you.”</p><p>It was useless now, Ben could not keep the tears from streaming down his face, so he stopped trying to wipe them away. “You too, Dad.” He took in a shaky breath. “Listen. I was hoping you could help me with something.”</p><p>“Yes, son. Anything.”</p><p>“I want to play the cello again, Dad,” Ben said, trying to keep his voice even. “I was stupid to sell mine. It was stupid. I don't want money for drugs, Dad, I'm clean now, I just...I mean...I'm an Uber driver, so I'm not really making a lot right now, and...”</p><p>Han cut him off. “Ben, are you asking for money to buy a new cello?”</p><p>Ben felt like he was punched in the gut. “Yes, but Dad, I <em>promise</em>...”</p><p>“Ben. Stop.” Han paused. “You're serious about it?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Another long pause. Ben lay a hand across his eyes, bracing himself for the <em>no</em> that was certainly going to follow.</p><p>But Han didn't say it. He laughed.</p><p>“Dad...”</p><p>“Ben. I can do you something even better.”</p><p>Ben furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“You won't believe this...I have your old cello.”</p><p>Ben dropped his phone, paralyzed at this information. He picked it back up, put it against his ear again. “You <em>what?</em>”</p><p>“You sold it to that sorry looking pawn shop on 7<sup>th</sup> and Main, right? God, what a dump. I was dropping off something for your mother at the dry cleaners across the street and I saw it in the window.” He laughed again. “It was beat to hell, but I took it to the shop and they said it still played fine. Said if it had sat in that window much longer, it would have opened a seam.” He scoffed. “Whatever that means. You know I never knew much about this stuff.”</p><p>“You have...my cello.”</p><p>“That's right.”</p><p>“The one I sold.”</p><p>“The same.”</p><p>“Mine.”</p><p>“Yours.” Han's voice was soft with affection.</p><p>“You had it all this time?”</p><p>“Yep. I've just been waiting for you to call me.” Ben could hear the smile in his voice. “I'm so glad you called, son.”</p><p>“Thanks, Dad.” Ben felt the tears well in his eyes again.</p><p>“So, an Uber driver, huh? Bet you meet some interesting people.”</p><p>Ben chuckled, picking at a loose thread on his couch. “Oh, you have no idea.”</p><p>“I can't wait to hear all about it.” Han's voice was warm. “When are you coming home?”</p><hr/><p>Finn rubbed his hands together for warmth before gesturing to a group of college kids to show him their IDs.</p><p>He squinted at them in the dim light, taking a second glance at one girl who looked suspiciously young for twenty-three. “You're good,” he told them finally, cocking his head towards the club as he leaned back against the doorway.</p><p>He checked his phone. 1:00. <em>Damn.</em> His shift wouldn't be over for another few hours. Rey's shift ended in an hour and he had barely had the chance to talk to her yet. He had been so caught up in Poe's constant drama that he felt like he was neglecting her.</p><p>He scoffed. Poe was starting to get on his nerves anyway. He kept showing up at Finn's apartment, drinking all his beer, and bitching <em>constantly</em> about Rey and the Uber driver. He had expected this to all pass by now, but Poe was still worked up about it.</p><p>Poe was Finn's best friend, but so was Rey, and listening to Poe say such awful things about her was exhausting. Besides, even though Rey did the wrong thing by kissing—what was his name? Ben, right?—she really seemed to like him, and he was a good guy. The more Poe complained about Rey, the more Finn thought that Ben was better for her.</p><p>He checked his phone again. It was about time he took a break.</p><p>He was about to walk inside when he heard some car doors slamming behind him. Well, one more group, and then time for a break.</p><p>“Let me see some ID,” he said to the group approaching him.</p><p>One girl proudly presented her driver's license. “Here,” she declared. “It's my twenty-first birthday today.” Her hand quickly went up to stop a tiara from slipping off her head. “Oop, there goes my crown.”</p><p>Finn chuckled. “Happy birthday,” he said with a smile. “You're good, go on in.”</p><p>He waited for them to walk through the doors. <em>Okay, break time. </em>He started to reach for the door.</p><p>But something stopped him, and he looked back over his shoulder. The car that had dropped the last group off hadn't driven away.</p><p>A white Honda Civic.</p><p>He squinted. <em>Was that...</em></p><p>Sure enough, it was Ben in the driver's seat. He was just sitting there, looking at the club.</p><p>Instinctively, Finn pulled out his phone and pretended to start texting like he didn't see anything, but when he casually glanced back up, he noticed the way Ben was looking at the club and he knew he hadn't seen him. He looked like a puppy sitting on his owner's porch, waiting for someone to let him in out of the rain.</p><p>Finn's brow furrowed.</p><p>Ben's arm moved, as if he was reaching for the door handle, as if he was telling himself to just open it and walk into the club, but he hesitated, and instead swung his hand up to rest on the steering wheel. He put his car into gear and slowly, reluctantly, pulled away.</p><p>“Fuck,” Finn sighed as the Civic disappeared into the night. That had to have been one of the saddest things he had ever seen.</p><p>He shook his head, and reached for the door handle, mumbling, “Those two idiots, for fuck's sake.”</p><hr/><p>“Need another?” Rey asked Finn, picking up his newly emptied glass and sweeping it under the bar with one smooth motion.</p><p>Finn nodded. “Please.”</p><p>“Coming right up.” She filled a fresh glass with ice and poured some Coke into it. “I'm so glad to see you,” she confessed as she set it in front of him. “I feel like we barely see each other these days.”</p><p>“I know, weird, right?” Finn lifted the glass in a toasting gesture. “How've you been?”</p><p>Rey smiled slightly. “I've been okay,” she said.</p><p>Finn looked at her skeptically. “Yeah? Just okay? You sure?”</p><p>“It's fine.” Rey sighed. “I'm trying to decide if I want to go for this job.”</p><p>“Job?” Finn's interest was piqued. “What's the job?”</p><p>“This lady came to the bookstore, runs a literary magazine.” She leaned towards Finn, like she was about to share some important information and she really wanted him to hear it. “She wants me to be her assistant.”</p><p>Finn's eyes widened with excitement for his friend, but his eyebrows cocked in confusion. “Not a writer? Isn't that what you've wanted to do?”</p><p>“I...” Rey trailed off. “It's embarrassing, but, I was too shy to show it to her. It just felt too real, you know?”</p><p>Finn nodded. “But it's still an in. You're going for it, right?”</p><p>Rey visibly slumped, and Finn knew she thought that he couldn't tell. “I don't know.”</p><p>“What do you mean, you don't know? Rey, this is a great opportunity! An amazing one!”</p><p>“I know...” She held up a finger to Finn while she took an order from a customer.</p><p>“It's just that...” Rey continued, trailing off as she walked towards the fridge to grab a beer, “I don't know. Working here and at the bookstore, I've found some kind of belonging, you know?” She opened the beer and set it in front of the customer, picking up the bill that he left for her. “I would feel like I was abandoning you.” She made change at the till and set it delicately on the bar next to the customer's beer, smiling gratefully as he slid the change into the tip jar. She looked back to Finn. “Maybe that's too sentimental of me.”</p><p>Finn swirled his soda around in his glass. “I was about to say, that's probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say.”</p><p>Rey blinked. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“Come on, Rey. You can't say you're happy here, working late nights, having to get up to go work at the bookstore, barely making ends meet. You know I know you barely make rent every month. You want to keep going like this? It's just so much...” He trailed off, staring into space to find the right word. “...Stagnation.”</p><p>Rey frowned thoughtfully. “Stagnation,” she repeated.</p><p>“You could have a way out of this.” Finn set his glass down. “Rey, you don't belong here.”</p><p>Rey looked down at the bar. “You won't hate me if I leave?” she asked.</p><p>“Of course not,” Finn insisted. “None of us will. We'll still be your friends. You're just on a different path.”</p><p>A small smile brightened her face. “Thanks,” she said. “I really needed to hear that.”</p><p>“So you'll go for the job?”</p><p>“Maybe.” Her smile widened, teasingly.</p><p>“You better,” Finn admonished, smiling in return. He took a sip from his glass. “Hey, uh, so what's the deal with that Ben guy?”</p><p>Rey's smile faded quickly, her jaw dropping slightly. “I, uh, well...nothing, at the moment.”</p><p>“Rey.” Finn rubbed his eyes. “He <em>clearly</em> likes you. What are you doing?”</p><p>“What makes you say that?”</p><p>“I saw the way he looked at you. You know, that one night.”</p><p>Rey shook her head. “I just...”</p><p>“Rey, he literally dropped off a group like ten minutes ago and he really looked like he wanted to come inside.”</p><p>Rey bit her lip, her eyebrows tilting up. She looked about as lost as Ben did. “I didn't want him to just be a rebound,” she said softly. “I wanted to be with him when I'm ready.”</p><p>“You really like him.” Finn shook his head and sighed, taking another sip.</p><p>“You're annoyed because of Poe,” Rey guessed.</p><p>“No, I'm annoyed because you both are idiots. What's stopping you guys?”</p><p>Rey visibly deflated. “I don't really know, to be honest. I guess I'm afraid...that he'll end up leaving me, too. Or he'll end up disappointing me, like Poe.”</p><p>Finn's face softened. “Rey. Come on. What if he doesn't? What if he <em>stays</em>? What if he's everything you've wanted?”</p><p>A flicker of hope flashed in Rey's eyes, but it was quickly extinguished. “I don't know,” she said. “I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship.”</p><p>Finn shrugged, nodding in understanding. “I get it,” he said. “But I don't think you should wait for too long. You guys should be together.”</p><p>Rey scoffed and shook her head, a smile spreading across her face despite her attempt to hide it. “Even after all that with Poe?”</p><p>Finn pressed his lips together and blew air through them as he brought his glass to his lips. “Listen,” he said before swallowing a sip. “After all the shit I hear from him, <em>all the time</em>, I would much rather see you with the guy you cheated on him with.” He held up a hand as Rey opened her mouth to protest. “<em>I know, I know</em>, it was just a kiss, but you get what I mean. Point is, Poe was never right for you.” He tilted his head back and drained the rest of the glass. “For what it's worth,” he said, setting the glass down on the bar, “I only met Ben once and I called him after he brought you back to his place, and I have to say for Poe's sake, I don't like him, but for yours—Rey, he's a good guy.” He got to his feet. “And if you both ever come to your senses, well, maybe I'll like him. For your sake.”</p><p>Rey grabbed his glass off the bar. “Now <em>you're</em> the one getting sentimental,” she teased as she wiped down the bar with a rag.</p><p>Finn chuckled. “Yeah, well, don't tell Poe, okay?” He held out his fist, which Rey met with her own. “Thanks for the soda. We'll hang out soon, yeah?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“And you're gonna call that lady? About the job?”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“Rey.”</p><p>“I'll think about it.”</p><p>Finn nodded. “Don't think too long, okay? Life's short. Don't let it pass you by.” He paused, his expression turning thoughtful. “You can't always wait for things to feel right. Sometimes you just have to do it, because you know it <em>is</em> right.”</p><p>Rey nodded, her mouth twisting as she considered this. “Yeah,” she said finally. “Thanks, friend.”</p><p>Finn smiled and waved, walking back towards the door, but just before he crossed the threshold, he looked back over his shoulder at Rey, who was smiling at a customer as she listened to her order.</p><p>He shook his head before pushing the door open and stepping out into the cold. “They're both idiots,” he muttered to himself, smiling wryly.</p><p>He slipped his phone out of his back pocket, punched in the passcode, and checked his contacts, sliding up until he found the name he was looking for. “Ben Uber Driver.”</p><p>He smiled to himself as he clicked the phone off and put it back in his pocket. <em>Might come in handy someday,</em> he thought as he gestured to an approaching group. “Evening. Can I see some ID?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben opened the passenger door. “Come on, Chewie,” he coaxed, patting the seat.</p><p>Chewie, with a wag of his tail, jumped into the car, and Ben pushed it shut carefully. It was 2:30 in the morning, and if he woke up Armitage, there would be hell to pay.</p><p>He tossed a duffel bag in the backseat. <em>Not that it matters anyway,</em> he thought as he shut the door and circled the car.</p><p>He climbed into the driver's seat and pulled the door shut. “Gotta pick something interesting to listen to,” he told Chewie, digging his phone out of his pocket. “We're going to be driving all night. What do you think, buddy?”</p><p>He looked down to see that he had a missed text from Rey.</p><p>
  <em>Hey. Are you awake?</em>
</p><p>Ben stared at his phone, his thumb hovering over the keyboard as he considered a response.</p><p>He shook his head, closed the messenger app, and opened up Spotify. He had to get on the road.</p><p>“Mahler sound good to you, bud?” he asked Chewie as he hit play. “That'll keep us up.”</p><p>Chewie yawned and curled up in the seat.</p><p>As the sounds of the orchestra rose from the speakers, Ben put the car into reverse, checked his mirrors, and pulled out of the driveway, his headlights cutting through the early morning mist, illuminating his way home.</p><hr/><p>Rey set her phone down after checking it for the fourth time, brushing a tear away.</p><p>Maybe Ben was sleeping. Or he was still driving.</p><p>A doubtful voice in the back of her mind: <em>Or he's ignoring you.</em></p><p>She slid under the covers, pulling her blankets over her head, Finn's words lingering in her mind: <em>Sometimes you just have to do it, because it </em>is<em> right.</em></p><p>And what she thought was right was to talk to him, ask him to come pick her up so she could tell him how she felt, that she wanted to be with him, and they should just <em>go for it...</em></p><p>She poked her hand out of the covers, checked her phone again. 3:42. No messages.</p><p>She stared at the screen for a minute. 3:43. No good trying to stay awake for him. She had to get up for her appointment with Dr. Kanata in a few hours anyway. Dr. Kanata had been <em>adamant</em> that the <em>only</em> opening she had for <em>weeks</em> was 9:00 on Wednesday (and frankly, who found <em>that</em> surprising, who wanted to start their day with drudging up childhood trauma), and she needed sleep.</p><p>She opened Spotify and went right to her saved playlists, searching for the one that she knew would help her drift off: the Bach cello suites.</p><p>She hit “play,” set her phone down, and closed her eyes, concentrating on the music.</p><p>But all she could see was Ben, bent over a cello, and her heart ached as she listened, waiting for sleep to make her forget, even though she knew it wouldn't come.</p><hr/><p>There was hardly anyone else on the road for miles. The sky had just started to lighten, the world a cloudy blue-gray, the mist lifting enough so Ben could still see his surroundings, but still adding a striking beauty to the landscape, curling around the austere mountains that loomed over the unchanging highway.</p><p>He glanced down at his phone. 5:37. Another few hours yet and he'd be home.</p><p>He had reached the fifth movement of the Mahler symphony he had been listening to—No. 2, the Resurrection Symphony, his favorite—which was this quiet, anticipatory section, the chorus and the orchestra building slowly, like a flower opening. There was just something so perfect and lovely about that moment, driving at dawn, almost like the sound of the orchestra itself was illuminating the world.</p><p>He wanted so badly to have Rey experience it with him. If she didn't like classical music as much as he did before, she would definitely be won over then.</p><p>He sighed, shifting in his seat and adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. He had wanted to say goodbye to her. He had been driving, and one of his rides just happened to take him to the club. He was parked outside, willing himself to just get out of the car and go in and see her, that was <em>all</em> he needed to do, and he couldn't bring himself to do it. He almost did, but he remembered what she had said the night before: <em>I'm not ready to see you, Ben.</em></p><p>So he left her alone.</p><p>He didn't know how long he would be gone. Han encouraged him to come home for an extended visit, get away from things for a little while, and since most of Ben's life was flexible anyway, he threw caution to the wind, cleaned up his apartment, packed a couple bags, and once he had finished his Uber rides for the night, he loaded up his car and headed for home.</p><p>Chewie's head popped up and he stretched with a yawn, his ID tags jingling. “Hey buddy,” Ben said, reaching over to scratch the little dog's ears while his eyes stayed on the road. “We'll be home soon.”</p><p>Chewie's tail wagged and he licked Ben's large hand, his ears pricking up to listen to the soprano and mezzo-soprano's voices rising from the stereo.</p><p>Ben put his hand back on the steering wheel. The orchestra thundered into a rallentando as the chorus arrived at a clean unison, both forces joining together to a arrive at a brilliant climax. The chorus was perfectly balanced, the orchestra dropping back to let them shine (probably rightly, Ben conceded, since they'd been waiting for so long to get their chance), and as they reached a thrilling cadence, the sopranos shimmering in the stratosphere before arriving to earth and being greeted by chimes, he finally let out an unconscious sigh, suddenly aware that he had scarcely breathed.</p><p>“God, I love Mahler,” he said to Chewie, but mostly to himself, as the brass carried the orchestra back home, the gates of heaven opened to them.</p><p><em>So </em>that <em>was why it was called the Resurrection Symphony</em>, Ben thought. It felt appropriate for returning home, returning as a changed man, ready to embrace what was once lost and who he could now become.</p><p>Having reached the end of the playlist, Spotify interrupted his thoughts by shuffling to the next thing: Bruckner's Symphony No. 4. Ben scoffed and turned off the stereo. “Hate Bruckner,” he muttered, looking for a sign for the next rest stop. “I guess that means we should make a pit stop, huh, Chewie?”</p><p>Chewie rested his head on his paws, wagging his tail.</p><hr/><p>Rey all but tore into Dr. Kanata's office, having predictably overslept and arriving nearly fifteen minutes late. “Dr. Kanata, I am <em>so sorry</em>,” she began breathlessly, reaching up to reposition a bobby pin that had come loose in her messy bun, then breaking off when she saw Dr. Kanata was on the phone.</p><p>Dr. Kanata held up a finger and gestured to the waiting area. “I understand. You know that this is a late cancellation, though? I will have to charge my full fee.” Her tone was level, empathetic, but Rey could detect a note of...exasperation? Rey busied herself at the carafe in the waiting room, trying not to listen as she dipped a chamomile teabag in a mug of hot water to steep.</p><p>“I have a patient, so I do need to end this call, but will I be seeing you next week? Ah. I see. Well, keep me posted. Take care.” She hung up the phone and sighed, making some adjustments in her schedule.</p><p>“You can come in now, Rey,” she called.</p><p>“Dr. Kanata, I am <em>so sorry</em>,” Rey started again, balancing the mug in her hand as she took a seat on the couch. “I work late, and I overslept, and I...”</p><p>Dr. Kanata held up a hand. “I understand, Rey. My 10:00 just cancelled, so I can give you your full time.” She shook her head and sighed. “Sorry. I'm just surprised. It's not like...it's not like them.” She waved a hand. “Anyway. It's your time now. How are you doing, Rey?”</p><p>“Fine, I guess,” Rey said, taking a sip from her tea.</p><p>“Fine?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Rey trailed off. “I'm just...I've got some opportunities in my life that I want to take, but I don't know if I'm ready to.”</p><p>“Such as?”</p><p>“I have a chance at a job,” Rey said. “A day job. Not retail or bartending.”</p><p>“This is something you've been wanting.”</p><p>“Yes.” Rey took a long sip from her tea.</p><p>“So what's stopping you?”</p><p>Rey set her mug down and leaned forward, her elbow propped up on her knee as she rested her chin in her hand. “Well, I was feeling like I could last night, after talking to Finn, but now I still don't know. I guess I've just gotten used to the routine of it all,” she admitted. “And all the friends I've made.”</p><p>“Do you think they'll stop being your friends when you leave?”</p><p>Rey bit her lip. “No.”</p><p>“Does this anxiety feel familiar to you?”</p><p>Rey stopped and considered. She shook her head and laughed humorlessly. “Do you know that I looked for my parents for years?” she said. “For a while, every time I changed foster homes, I would cry, because I would be afraid they wouldn't be able to find me.” She blinked, her eyes threatening to tear up. “I don't think they tried.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata nodded sympathetically, her eyes warm but knowing. “So. You're afraid that you leave these familiar places and people and...that's it. You never see them again.”</p><p>“Isn't that ridiculous?” Rey laughed, her eyes fully tearing now. “Finn told me so, and he's right. Like I <em>know</em> I can always still see them but it's like...an ending.”</p><p>“It's not ridiculous at all.” Dr. Kanata took a sip of her tea. “But can you see how different the situation is? You're not leaving them because you don't care. You're not leaving them because you're selfish. You're moving on because this is something <em>you want</em> for yourself.”</p><p>“Isn't that being selfish?” Rey asked.</p><p>“There is nothing selfish about doing what <em>you feel</em> is right for you. You know yourself better than anyone, Rey.” Dr. Kanata's mouth twisted wryly. “Your parents made a choice, and we may never know why, but can you see the difference?”</p><p>Rey nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>“You can always visit the bar and the bookstore and see your friends, just as a friend, and not a coworker,” Dr. Kanata went on. “You're not abandoning them. It's not an end, it's a beginning.”</p><p>Rey nodded, more confidently. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” Her face brightened. “It would be nice to not have to work late nights and weekends anymore.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata gestured wisely. “See? It's a good thing. I'm sure all of your friends at work will understand.” She took down some notes. “So. Are you going to apply for the job?”</p><p>Rey nodded again, emphatically. “Yes. Yes, I'll do it.”</p><p>“Good. Healing is a journey with many steps, Rey. It doesn't happen overnight, and some steps take more courage than others. But I think you're taking a very important step here.” She smiled encouragingly. “Anything else on your mind, Rey?”</p><p>Rey squirmed in the couch, nervously tugging at the cuff of her sweater. “Um, I tried texting Ben last night. I think...I think I'm finally ready.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata's eyes flickered briefly behind her thick glasses. “Oh? And what did he say?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Rey replied, deflating. She sighed. “I'm afraid I waited too long. But Finn said he saw him outside the club last night, and that it looked like he really wanted to go inside.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata shrugged. “Maybe he isn't ready yet. Or maybe he's just been busy.” Her eyes slid away from Rey's. “But I'm so glad to hear that you are open to having a relationship again. That's very big for you.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Rey looked down. “I mean, I don't know <em>how</em> ready I am, but I care about him, and I want to be with him, so I guess I'm ready for the risk.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata nodded. “There's a risk in every new relationship. And there's no rush. You can always take one step at a time.” She smirked. “And since you and Ben are in therapy already, I'm sure that you will both be open to couple's counseling if you feel that would be a helpful resource.”</p><p>Rey tilted her head. “How do you know Ben's in therapy?” she asked.</p><p>Dr. Kanata blinked. “Oh, I, uh, thought you mentioned he was.” She waved one hand dismissively. “Perhaps it was my own conjecture. The point is, there are resources, should you need them.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “Thanks. But I gotta hear from him first. I'm not planning the wedding or anything.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata tilted her head, conceding. “Of course. So start with what you can control.”</p><p>“The job, you mean.”</p><p>“Why not? It's a good place to start. And it's all in your control.”</p><p>Rey smiled, her entire face brightening. “Yeah. I can do this.”</p><p>Dr. Kanata's eyes twinkled. “You can. I know it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Mahler <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/2SVkyvRyCXIZ8WsGe8j0xc?si=-zIqx7RSTYyeZBISIlqnSw">Symphony No. 2 in C minor, "Resurrection"</a> - one of my most favorite pieces of music ever, and I'd gladly sit onstage for an hour just to sing that finale! The final movement is quite long (the album in the link splits it up into 11 tracks), and I'd recommend giving the <a href="https://youtu.be/ID5b0rStx3g">whole thing</a> a listen, but Ben was listening to the section starting around <a href="https://youtu.be/ID5b0rStx3g?t=1307">here</a>. (At least, I think so...I wrote this section a while ago!)<br/>Here's one place where I wasn't projecting my musical tastes on Ben...I don't have much of an opinion on Bruckner, but my friends that do pretty unambiguously hate him (shrugs). Anyway, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/1WqJn6V2xD6ZkZgVy4gSMK?si=OXhbF8DRTZqdl0IJaILcIA">Symphony No. 4 in E-flat Major, "Romantic"</a></p><p>See you soon for Chapter 18!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben put the car into park and looked at his childhood home.</p><p>It was a typical suburban house: two floors, perfectly shaped like a pentagon, with green siding, white windows, black shutters, a picket fence, and a porch swing. The hedge looked like it had been trimmed very recently, with sharp, unnatural lines, well-manicured in stark contrast to the dry, muddy lawn.</p><p>He gripped the steering wheel, suddenly feeling anxiety like a bowling ball on his chest. “It's okay,” he told himself. “It's home. You used to live here. It's okay.” He glanced over at Chewie, who wagged his tail as his head tilted inquisitively.</p><p>“I should just go in,” he said to the dog. “It's Mom and Dad. How bad can it be?”</p><p>Chewie's tongue popped out, panting as if he agreed (or perhaps just wanted to be pet).</p><p>Ben nodded, and took a deep breath. “I can do this.”</p><p>He opened the car and stepped outside, walking around the car to open the passenger door to let Chewie out. He grabbed his bags from the backseat, slinging the duffel bag over his shoulder, eyes still on the house.</p><p>
  <em>It's okay. You used to live here.</em>
</p><p>He walked across the street, Chewie running at his heels, reached out, and slowly unhinged the gate.</p><p>He was startled by the front door opening, and he braced himself, ready to hear that he made a mistake, he shouldn't have come home.</p><p>“Ben!” Han stepped out onto the porch, one corner of his lip turned up into a loving but carefree smile. “Hey. It's so good to see you, son.”</p><p>“Han? Is it him?” a voice called from inside, and before Han could respond, Leia, Ben's mother, pushed past him, hurrying down the steps with quick, ginger paces, her arms outstretched to greet her son.</p><p>“Mom.” Ben was astonished at how small she looked compared to him. Throughout his childhood, his mother had been a ferocious presence, unwilling to take shit from anyone, so she always seemed large and commanding. Now she looked frail, her rich chestnut hair faded to gray, her face creased with a permanently tired, troubled look. He wondered if it had really been that long, and she had aged that much, or if he was just suddenly aware that he was no longer a boy, and his mother was not a queen or a goddess but a human.</p><p>Perhaps it was both.</p><p>He dropped his suitcase and bent down to embrace her, his mother gripping him tightly around his waist, as if she was afraid he wasn't real. “I can't believe it's really you,” she murmured in his ear, her voice shaking.</p><p>“It's me, Mom. It's really me.” Ben took in a sharp breath, afraid he too was about to cry.</p><p>“Come on, now,” Han said, approaching them. “Let's have some room.” He stretched his arms out, joining his wife and his son in their embrace.</p><p>This time, the tears did come, Ben's heart feeling the burden of all of those years without his parents, his disappointment with them, their disappointment with him, but also the limitlessness of their unconditional love for him, and his for them. He was the prodigal son that returned and was welcomed back with open arms.</p><p>Chewie ran around their feet, barking, wanting to be a part of the group. Ben laughed, wiping some tears away from his eyes. “I think Chewie is feeling left out,” he joked with a shaky chuckle.</p><p>“Well, come on inside,” Han said, slapping Ben on the back. “You must be hungry. I've got breakfast made. Pancakes, bacon, coffee. Figured you'd want a good meal after driving all night.”</p><p>“Thanks, Dad.”</p><p>“Han, take the boy's suitcase,” Leia instructed.</p><p>“Mom, I can—” Ben started, but Han already had his hand on it.</p><p>Han smirked. “It'll make your mom happy,” he said in a conspiratorial aside. Before Ben could protest, Han picked up the suitcase and walked back up the steps, his movements stiff but stubborn.</p><p>“How are you doing, Mom?” Ben asked Leia, as they both walked towards the house.</p><p>Leia scoffed. “Oh, son, you're not interested in hearing about <em>me</em>, are you?”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>Leia shook her head, leaning slightly into Ben as they both walked up the porch steps. “Well, I'm not as nimble as I used to be,” she remarked dryly. “Your father keeps talking about moving into a condo, but damned if I leave my house because of my old bones.”</p><p>“Why not? I think it's a good idea.”</p><p>Leia leveled a withering look at Ben. “Don't be ridiculous, Ben. This is <em>our</em> home.”</p><p>“Home is wherever you want it to be.”</p><p>“Well, this is where I want it to be.” She patted Ben's back lovingly as he held the door open for her and Chewie.</p><p>The memories came flooding back to Ben as he stepped into the house, everything familiar snapping back into place. <em>First door on the left, kitchen. First door on the right, bathroom. Second door, study. Living room and dining room at the end of the hall. Bedrooms and guest rooms upstairs.</em> He dropped his duffel bag and slid out of his shoes.</p><p>“Here, son, I'll get your coat,” Han said, coming down the stairs. “Come on, breakfast is hot.” He tilted his head as he reached into the closet to grab a coat hanger. “I'm afraid I don't have anything for the pup,” he said, frowning. “I can run to the store this afternoon and pick something up?”</p><p>Ben shook his head, sliding his jacket off. “I've got some kibble in my trunk,” he said. “Chewie's not fussy.”</p><p>Han scoffed, taking Ben's jacket. “Come on, he's my guest, too. I've got some leftover ham in the fridge, you think he'd like that?” He put the jacket on the hanger and leaned into the closet to hang it up.</p><p>Ben stifled a chuckle. “Yeah, I think he would.”</p><p>Han nodded, closing the closet door. “It's settled, then. Now, get some breakfast or there'll be hell to pay from your mother.” He shook his head, laughing fondly. “Sent me to the grocery store yesterday to get all kinds of stuff. You know, all the things you would eat when you were younger. I kept telling her, 'Ben's a young man, it's been years since he's been home, his palate's probably more refined these days,' but you know how your mother is.”</p><p>Ben felt his lip tremble at the reminder of how much time had passed. “Probably hasn't changed too much,” he said softly. “I still dream about her spaghetti every now and then.”</p><p>“Spaghetti.” Han grinned. “Perfect. We can do that.” He slapped Ben on the shoulder. “Good to have you home, kid.” He walked towards the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, “When you're done eating, I've got your cello in your old room. Waiting for you.”</p><p>Ben gazed at the stairs, longing to go up to his childhood bedroom and reunite with his beloved cello, but as he reached for the banister, a loud growl tore from his belly.</p><p>“I suppose I should eat first,” he told Chewie.</p><p>Chewie poked his nose into the air, sniffed a few times, then scampered off to the kitchen, his tail wagging. “All right, all right, pup,” Ben heard Han grumble good-naturedly. “You like ham, huh?”</p><p>Ben walked through the kitchen—past Han quickly plating up a ham steak for an eager Chewie darting around his feet—and sat down at the table across from Leia, who had settled in and was reading a newspaper with a cup of coffee balanced in one hand. She lowered the paper and smiled.</p><p>It felt, Ben thought as he reached over to pour himself some coffee from the ancient goldenrod carafe, almost <em>normal.</em> Like he had stepped back in time.</p><p>Han slid into a chair between them, having placated Chewie, who was now noisily gnawing on a piece of ham. He chuckled. “Been a while since we've had a dog in the house,” he remarked, reaching for the carafe.</p><p>“Yeah, he's a good dog,” Ben said, helping himself to a few pancakes and offering some to his mother.</p><p>She folded her newspaper and set it aside before accepting the platter. “Your dad says you've been working as an Uber driver,” she said casually, daintily serving herself two pancakes before passing the platter to Han.</p><p>Ben nibbled at a piece of bacon. “Yeah.”</p><p>“How do you like it?”</p><p>“It pays the bills.” Ben took a sip of coffee.</p><p>“And you've been off the painkillers,” Leia said so directly that she couldn't even look Ben in the eye as the words left her mouth.</p><p>“Leia...”</p><p>“Yes. I'm clean. I've been clean.” Ben squirmed in his seat. <em>So much for normal.</em></p><p>“Right. We don't need to discuss that any further,” Han told Leia.</p><p>Leia waved dismissively, but dropped the subject.</p><p>Ben chewed quietly, suddenly feeling out of place in his parents' kitchen, keenly aware of the differences since he had seen it last. They had removed the flowery wallpaper in favor of a cheerful yellow paint, the old, familiar lace curtains replaced with blinds. The appliances had been updated too—they must have gotten the stainless steel fridge recently, the polished metal surface gleaming in the morning sun.</p><p>“You've, uh, changed up some stuff around here,” Ben said weakly, picking up his coffee mug.</p><p>“Isn't it great?” Han asked, his face lighting up proudly. “Finally retired a couple years back and had the time to update a few things.”</p><p>“I'd only been asking for a new refrigerator since you were in diapers,” Leia told Ben, rolling her eyes dramatically towards Han.</p><p>“Hey, we had financial commitments,” Han said. “I mean, we had your travel expenses, and Ben's cello lessons, and the college fund, and...” He drifted off, realization and shame washing over his face. He took a deep breath. “Listen, son...”</p><p>Ben, his appetite gone, stood up. “I, uh, I'm kind of tired. From the drive. I'm just going to go upstairs.” He took a breath. “Sorry. Breakfast was delicious.” He pushed his chair back into place and walked out of the kitchen.</p><p><em>This part</em>, he thought bitterly to himself, <em>feels familiar, at least.</em></p><hr/><p>Rey checked her phone after leaving Dr. Kanata's office, seeing if any texts had come in while she was in therapy.</p><p>Nothing from Ben. Just a meme from Finn.</p><p>Rey sighed, and she started to open it, but then something made her look up and past the screen, and recognition dawned on her.</p><p>Certainly she had always known that Dr. Kanata's office was not far from the bookstore, just across the boulevard. But it was like something clicked in her brain, a recollection. Breakfast at the diner, sitting across from Ben.</p><p>
  <em>I've been seeing a therapist near the bookstore. On Wednesdays I go to therapy, then buy myself a record.</em>
</p><p>And then Dr. Kanata offhandedly mentioning that Ben was in therapy.</p><p>
  <em>Her 10:00 had cancelled...</em>
</p><p>Ben must also be seeing Dr. Kanata.</p><p>Rey had no idea what to do with that information, but something felt off.</p><p><em>It's nothing, </em>Rey told herself as she climbed into her car, <em>just go home and get some sleep. Maybe something just came up</em>.</p><p>She pulled her car door shut and stuck the key in the ignition, but hesitated to turn it.</p><p>It still didn't feel right.</p><p>She picked up her phone. “What am I doing?” she asked herself as she pulled up her contacts and found "Ben – Uber driver."</p><p>She hit the call button, and brought the phone to her ear.</p><p>She counted the rings...</p><hr/><p>Ben's hands were trembling as he opened the latches on the cello case. It was scuffed somewhere over the years, and yet it was still familiar to him—the pebble texture, that one stubborn latch that could never open on the first try, the bumper sticker from the conservatory that he had gotten at freshman orientation.</p><p>The latches all undone, he opened the case, holding his breath as he looked at his old cello. Han was right—it <em>did</em> have a few new scratches on it, and Ben's fingers instinctively ran over them as if he was tracing a scar, but it was still <em>his</em>. He studied it, recalling every inch of it, tears welling up in his eyes. The beautiful dark stain of the wood, a deep reddish brown, the color of Cherry Coke, with the grain <em>just barely</em> visible, the strong, ebony tuning pegs, the gold fine tuners. He had fallen in love with it the day he saw it at the music store, not long before he went off to college, and now, reunited with it, he was overwhelmed with the love for it that had never faded.</p><p>Delicately, he picked it up, and took a seat at his desk chair, loosening the end pin and letting it drop to the right height.</p><p>Han had just brought it to the music store to get tuned—after sitting for years waiting for Ben, its new strings had loosened and were unplayable—but even so, Ben still fussed with the fine tuners. He knew his cello. When it was perfectly in tune, it <em>sang.</em></p><p>Finally satisfied, he tightened his bow, adjusted the cello so it could lean on him more comfortably, and he began to play the first thing that came to mind.</p><p>Rachmaninoff. <em>Vocalise.</em></p><p>It was another piece he had been preparing for his senior recital, the one that he never performed. At first his fingers stumbled over the strings, needing to reacquaint themselves with the movements, but he felt a sharp focus on nothing else but the music and the way his body moved to encourage it, and the Rachmaninoff flowed from his hands like magic. It was an aching, longing piece, one that had meant something back when he was still at the conservatory, but now, it had a much different meaning to him.</p><p>He closed his eyes and played as if Rey could hear him, as his heart sang to hers through his instrument.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe you can play a recital for me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am, Rey, can't you hear me? It's all for you.</em>
</p><p>He was so absorbed in his music that the faintest buzz coming from his phone, abandoned on his bed, did not disturb him at all...</p><hr/><p>Voicemail again.</p><p>Rey sighed and put the phone down.</p><p>She turned the key in the ignition, pulled out of her parking spot, and turned in the direction of the bookstore.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sergei Rachmaninoff <em><a href="https://youtu.be/-DgIfRXwPPI">Vocalise</a></em>. There are multiple different instrumentations of this piece, but I think it sounds the best on cello. (I think Ben would agree with me.)</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 19!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rey? What are you doing here? It's your day off!” Rose blinked at Rey, her face wavering between delight and confusion.</p><p>As the door swung shut behind her, the bell jingling, Rey suddenly felt awkward standing in the bookstore, realizing she had no plan and no reason to believe this would help anything. Still, anxiety gnawed at her stomach and she figured if she was going to find Ben, this would be a start.</p><p>“Uh, hi, Rose,” she said slowly. She fidgeted with her car keys in one hand. “Yeah, I know I'm not working today but...have you guys seen Ben this morning?”</p><p>That settled it, Rose's face now telegraphed confusion. “Ben, Wednesday morning Ben?” she asked. Her face lit up. “Oh! Are you going to ask him out? Please please please say you are!”</p><p>“Um, I guess you could say that,” she said, smiling as Rose began to clap her hands in excitement. “But he's not answering my calls and I'm kind of worried about him.”</p><p>“Oh.” Rose's eyebrows tilted upwards in concern. “No, we haven't seen him this morning. I hope he's okay.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey replied, turning to see if she could spot him through the window. “Well, thanks. I think I'll swing by his house and see if he's there.”</p><p>“Wait.” Rose held up a hand. “Can I come too? For moral support?” She checked her watch. “I can take my lunch break now.”</p><p>“I mean, you shouldn't feel obligated,” Rey began, but Rose was already heading towards the office.</p><p>“Too late,” Rose called over her shoulder. “I'm coming with!”</p><hr/><p>Ben lowered the bow, his chest heaving as if he was finally able to breathe after being underwater. He cradled the neck of the cello in his elbow as he uselessly wiped at the tears that poured down his face, unable to fully comprehend what he was feeling—joy, relief, sadness, pain, renewal.</p><p>It was all coming back to him, like he had barely been away.</p><p>Now it was his again, and he would never give it up.</p><p>Dragged back down to earth, exhaustion tugged at him, and he reluctantly, gently returned the cello back to its case and slid the bow back into its holder. He lovingly closed the latches as he shut the lid.</p><p>He climbed into bed, Chewie settling in at his feet, and he fell into an easy sleep, dreaming of playing his instrument in a big recital hall, with Rey the only one in the audience, listening with rapt attention as the strings sang seductively to her, only to her.</p><hr/><p>“You sure you know where you're going?” Rose asked, as Rey glanced up and down yet another street, hoping to spot something familiar.</p><p>“It's around here <em>somewhere</em>,” Rey insisted, impatiently flicking her turn signal.</p><p>Rose shifted uneasily. “Have you even been to his house?”</p><p>“Once.” Rey chose not to mention that she was <em>very</em> drunk at the time. But she had a vague recollection of what the house looked like—an older green Victorian house with a front porch, split into a duplex.</p><p>“So, what's the deal between you guys?” Rose asked, adjusting her sunglasses. “Like, have you guys been seeing each other, or just hanging out, or...?"</p><p>“Well, nothing, at the moment," Rey admitted. "It's been a couple weeks since I've seen him last."</p><p>Rose gasped. “Oh, but you're thinking you're ready to date again, then? That's why you're trying to find him?” She looked hopeful.</p><p>“Sure, something like that,” Rey said, chuckling uneasily as she looked up and down the street at the houses. “Fuck.” She flicked her turn signal again.</p><p>Rose's face fell, sensing Rey's distraction. “Hey, um, maybe if it's not down this next street, can you bring me back to the bookstore? I mean, I <em>want</em> to help, I just only get—”</p><p>“It's here!” Rey yelped, hitting the brake and pointing at the duplex. “That's the one.” She reached to put the car into park.</p><p>“Rey?” Rose looked up and down the street. “Um, can you pull over maybe? You're kind of in the middle of the road.”</p><p>“Oh! Idiot,” Rey chided herself. She pulled over in front of the house and put the car into park.</p><p>She looked at the house, craning her neck and squinting at the driveway to see if Ben's car was parked there. “Do you see a white Honda?” she asked Rose.</p><p>Rose shook her head and pointed towards the porch. “No, but maybe let's ask that guy over there. He must be a roommate or something.”</p><p>Rey nodded, unbuckled her seatbelt, and got out of the car.</p><p>She walked up the driveway, noticing that the apron met the street at an odd angle, and thought briefly that it seemed impractical and wondered if Ben ever got stuck backing out on snowy days. She forgot about it, though, as she looked up at the tall, red-haired man who stood at the front door, his arms crossed over his chest, staring back at Rey. “If you're looking for Ben, he's not here,” he called as their eyes met.</p><p>“He's not? Where is he?” Rey asked, still moving towards the duplex.</p><p>The man smirked. “You're Rey, right?”</p><p>Rey blinked. “Have we met?”</p><p>He scoffed, shaking his head. “We did, but you were too far gone to remember me, I bet. I'm Armitage. I live in the lower half of the duplex.”</p><p>“Hi.” Rey paused in front of the porch steps. “So, Ben's not here? Do you know where he is?”</p><p>Armitage shrugged. “No idea. Bastard left at 2:30 in the morning. Woke me up with his door slamming.” He rolled his eyes. “Typical Solo. Up all night making noise, slamming car doors, playing his music at odd hours. Some of us have normal sleep schedules to keep, you know.”</p><p>Rey cleared her throat and looked at her shoes, at a loss for what to do. It still didn't feel right. Why would he just leave at 2:30 in the morning and not come back?</p><p>Armitage hitched his chin towards the car. “Hey, who's your friend?” he asked.</p><p>Rey looked over her shoulder. Rose had gotten out of the car and was watching both of them with her hands on her hips, her sunglasses parked on top of her head. “Oh, um, that's Rose,” she said. “So, Armitage, I—”</p><p>“Rose? She's cute. What's her deal?” His entire face was changing before Rey's eyes, from a cold disinterest as he spoke about Ben, to a warm intrigue as he looked at Rose looking back at them.</p><p>“Her deal? I don't...” Rey shook her head. “Listen. I need to see Ben. You don't know where he is or how long he'll be gone?”</p><p>Armitage's face snapped back to disinterest, his eyes occasionally lighting up as he looked past Rey to Rose. “Listen. Ben and I are not friends. He keeps to himself and I keep to myself and that's how it is. He woke me up at two fucking thirty in the morning, so I'd say that I'm not feeling particularly rosy about him anyway. He's gone. I don't know where he is or why he's gone, but he's not here, and maybe I'll finally get some fucking peace and quiet for once.”</p><p>Rose walked up the lawn towards them. “Everything good?” she asked Rey.</p><p>Before Rey could respond, Armitage stuck his hand out, stepping down to their level. “Hi, I'm Armitage,” he said, brushing past Rey. “And you are?”</p><p>“Rose.” Her lips quirked up into a shy smile as she shook his hand. “So, are you Ben's roommate, or...?”</p><p>“Housemate,” Rey interrupted. “He lives on the lower level.” She sighed and looked up towards the windows on Ben's half of the duplex. “Do you think...do you think we could get into his part of the house?”</p><p>Armitage blinked at her like she had asked if they could commandeer a spaceship from NASA. “I don't have a key, if that's what you mean,” he said dismissively.</p><p>Rey pulled a bobby pin out of her hair, raising her eyebrow. “That's fine. We don't need one.”</p><p>“You're crazy.” Armitage shook his head.</p><p>“Rey, we can't,” Rose protested. “That's <em>illegal.</em>”</p><p>“Who will know?” Rey asked. “You, me, and him.” She turned to Armitage. “Are you gonna call the cops on us?”</p><p>Armitage scoffed. “No. I don't give a shit. Do what you want.”</p><p>Rey turned back to Rose and nodded. “Good. We'll just pop in for a second. We won't touch anything.”</p><p>“I don't know about this,” Rose said nervously, looking from Rey to Armitage. “We should just go.”</p><p>“Fine. Then I'll do it myself. You don't have to go with me.” Rey turned to Armitage. “What's the best way in?”</p><p>“The side door,” Armitage told her, pointing around the house. “Up the stairs.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Rey turned away from him and walked around the side of the house.</p><p>She stood in front of the side door and slowly reached out to put her hand on the doorknob and turn it. The door stuck at first as she pushed it, and she thought that maybe it was locked, but after giving it a stubborn shake it opened up and she was looking up at the staircase. It all looked vaguely familiar, as if she had seen it in a dream, and it took a moment for her to recall that it had felt like a dream because it might as well have been. These were the stairs Ben carried her up that night—that night she was so <em>stupid...</em></p><p>She shook her head. There would be plenty of time for self-pity later. Something could be wrong with Ben, and she needed to know. She walked up the stairs, one step at a time, wondering to herself what she was going to find, going through every possible scenario in her head, straightening the bobby pin to make a pick.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe he had a relapse. Maybe he got into an accident. Maybe he's in trouble, or worse. And what about the dog? Has he been left alone?</em>
</p><p>“Rey?” Rose called up the stairs. “I'll come with you.”</p><p>Rey nodded, and Rose followed a couple of steps behind her. “Um, not to pry, but what's so important?” she asked.</p><p>Rey assessed the lock on Ben's door. “I know some things about him,” she said simply.</p><p>“Oh.” Rose looked down, too uncomfortable to ask any further.</p><p>Rey slipped the straight edge of the pin into the lock, bending the tip just slightly. She reached into her hair for another pin, her messy bun unwinding and her hair tumbling to her shoulders. She bent the second pin in half, hooked it into the bottom of the lock, and then got to work using the straight pin.</p><p>“How do you know how to do this, anyway?” Rose piped up.</p><p>“One of my foster brothers taught me,” Rey replied through clenched teeth, turning the lock back and forth, trying to find the right groove. It didn't work twisting to the left, so she began to turn to the right as she slid the straight pin in. She hadn't picked <em>many</em> locks before—only a few here and there, and <em>only</em> with a good reason—and this was a good reason.</p><p>She heard a click, and with a satisfied smile, she twisted the doorknob and opened the door to Ben's apartment.</p><p>Stepping cautiously inside, Rey looked around. She remembered some parts of it—the mismatched dining chairs, the couch, the carpeting. But now that she was sober and alert, there were other things about it that she noticed. It looked barely lived in, like it was just a place to eat and sleep, and not a home. The walls were bare, no pictures, no art. Everything was neat and tidy, and it looked like he had at least vacuumed recently. It smelled like him, the faint scent of his deodorant permeating the air, and Rey's thoughts distracted her as she wished that she could snuggle into him and just keep breathing in that smell.</p><p>“I mean...it's just a <em>home</em>,” Rose said, shrugging. “Do you see anything unusual?”</p><p>Rey stared at the carpet. “Yeah...he has a dog.”</p><p>Rose nodded thoughtfully. “I wouldn't have guessed that he has a dog, honestly.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I mean...” Rose's eyes darted around. “Where's the dog's water dish? Do you know where Ben keeps that?”</p><p>“Kitchen, probably.” Rey headed in that direction, and stopped in the doorway. She turned back and shook her head. “It's not here.”</p><p>Rose bit her lip. “I'm sure there's an explanation, Rey,” she said. “Let's get out of here.”</p><p>Rey nodded slowly. She started to head back, but hesitated, and reached out to tug on the refrigerator door handle.</p><p>“Rey, don't <em>touch</em> anything!” Rose gasped, rocking on her feet nervously, unsure if she wanted to go stop Rey or just stay where she was.</p><p>“There's <em>nothing</em>.” Rey felt a weight press on her chest as she stared at the empty shelves. All that was left was a half-used bottle of ketchup and a few varying types of salad dressing, but nothing anyone could make a meal out of. “Rose. He's <em>gone</em>.”</p><p>“Rey. There has to be a reason.”</p><p>Rey shook her head. “No. There's no food in the refrigerator, his dog's bowl and water dish are gone, his <em>dog's</em> gone...” She trailed off, pressing one hand to her mouth, feeling her breath start to quicken in panic. “Why would he just <em>leave</em>?”</p><p>“I don't know,” Rose said softly.</p><p>Rey pushed the refrigerator door shut and swiped at her eye. He had left her. Just when she needed him, he had <em>left</em>.</p><p>“I was so stupid,” she choked, her voice thin and small. “I was so <em>stupid.</em>” She took in a deep, shuddering breath, desperately trying to hold back a sob.</p><p>Rose crossed the room and rested her hand on Rey's shoulder. “It's going to be okay,” she soothed. “Let's just get out of here, okay?” She glanced past Rey at the clock on Ben's stove. “Hey. Let me call Paige and see if they can go without me for a little while longer. We'll get some lunch. How's that sound?”</p><p>Rey sniffled. “I think I just want to go home and be alone for a while,” she said, wiping her eye. “I'll drop you off.”</p><p>Rose nodded. “Sure. Whatever you want.” She gently pulled on Rey's arm. “Come on.”</p><p>They walked out together, Rose carefully checking that the door was locked behind them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben woke up with a start. He took three deep breaths as consciousness washed over him and he remembered where he was.</p><p>He reached for his phone. 3:24. “Damn,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes before checking his notifications. He had to figure out how to readjust to a normal sleep schedule, now that he was on vacation.</p><p>He swiped up, and that's when he noticed the two missed calls from Rey.</p><p>His gut clenched in panic. He hadn't even heard his phone ring, and he worried if she was okay. With his hand shaking, he tapped on the screen to return the call.</p><p>“Hi, this is Rey, I can't come to my phone right now, but if you leave me a message...”</p><p>He hung up. His call had gone straight to voicemail. She must have turned off her phone.</p><p>He stared blankly at his phone, not sure what to do next. He was hundreds of miles away from her at that moment. He couldn't just go check on her, and she wasn't answering her phone, so now what?</p><p>Not sure what else to do, he sent a text.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, sorry I missed your calls. Is everything okay?</em>
</p><hr/><p>Rey, laying on her couch, stared blankly at the ceiling, tears sliding from her eyes. Everything felt numb and heavy, as if her thoughts pressing on her mind were manifested as weight on her body.</p><p>
  <em>He was outside the club last night...why didn't he come in?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why didn't he say goodbye?</em>
</p><p>“Shit.” She had no idea how much time had passed. She quickly wiped her lingering tears away and reached for her phone to turn it back on, and it slipped from her hand and clattered to the floor out of her reach.</p><p>“Fuck me,” Rey muttered, slowly rolling onto her stomach and stretching to ease it closer to her with her fingers. Having exerted the extra energy getting the phone back within arm's reach, she left it on the floor as she pushed the button to turn it on.</p><p>The phone blinked, then turned on, taking a long moment to load like it usually did. Rey grumbled impatiently, knowing she should probably just replace it, but not knowing when she would have the money.</p><p>After an eternity, a message finally appeared on the screen. <em>Hey, sorry I missed your calls. Is everything okay?</em></p><p>“Seriously?” Rey asked out loud, picking her phone up off the floor and beginning to type out a response.</p><p>
  <em>You couldn't even say goodbye? You just disappear?</em>
</p><hr/><p>Ben ran a hand through his hair. “Shit,” he muttered.</p><p>
  <em>I thought you didn't want to see me.</em>
</p><p>Rey started typing a message back immediately. <em>So you just take off? I was worried about you. I thought something terrible happened to you. Why would you do that?</em></p><p>Ben's fingers felt numb. <em>I'm so sorry, Rey.</em></p><p>
  <em>Where are you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm away...at my parents' house.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When will you be back?</em>
</p><p>Ben sighed, shaking his head, realizing he had made a huge mistake. <em>I don't know.</em></p><p>There was a very long pause, but her response was a gutpunch.</p><p>
  <em>I'm glad you're patching things up with your parents. Mine left me without saying goodbye, too, you know.</em>
</p><p>Ben stared at his phone feeling hurt, then angry. Rey was the one who turned him down and said she wasn't ready. This whole time, he had been waiting for her, putting up with her weeks of radio silence, wondering if she had forgotten him or if she just didn't give a shit anymore, and now that he was trying to patch things up with his parents, <em>at her suggestion, </em>she couldn't stand that he was away from her—even when she had explicitly told him she didn't want to see him—and that he was reciprocating the silence that she had dealt him.</p><p>He was not her parents, would never be, couldn't be. He resented the comparison. He had never abandoned her. He had never done anything she didn't want.</p><p>Before he could think about it, he was firing off a response. <em>I'm sorry that you feel like I've abandoned you, but I didn't think I needed to ask your input. We're not dating or anything, remember? You ignored me for weeks.</em></p><p>As soon as he hit “send,” he regretted it. He sucked in a breath as Rey began to type back, his heart pounding so hard he thought it would explode out of his chest, but then all at once she stopped and there was nothing.</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry, Rey. That was mean. I'm an idiot. I should have said something to you.</em>
</p><p>Still nothing.</p><p>
  <em>Rey. Please.</em>
</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>Ben threw his phone against the closet door, startling Chewie, who barked in that direction. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, barely suppressing his scream of frustration at himself and the world.</p><p>Everything was a mistake. All of it was a mistake. Everything he touched went wrong.</p><p>His phone began to ring, and immediately hopeful, he dove to pick it up, not even looking at the screen before he brought it up to his ear. “Rey, I'm so sorry, I'm <em>so sorry</em>,” he began, a sob escaping his chest.</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>Another gutpunch. His uncle Luke. His blood ran hot through his veins.</p><p>“Is this Ben?”</p><p>Ben, taking a deep breath to regain his composure, replied, “Yes, Uncle Luke, it's me.”</p><p>“Well, it's good to hear your voice, kid. How've you been?”</p><p>“What is this about?” Ben blurted, wanting more than anything to just get off the phone and bury himself back in his bed to cry about the mess he made.</p><p>“Leia told me you were in town. I was hoping to see you.”</p><p>“Leave me alone,” Ben growled, disconnecting the call before he could hear Luke's response. He tossed the phone aside again, not even looking to see where it landed. He ran one hand through his hair, leaning back, defeated, against the closet door.</p><p>Chewie whined, his ears pinned back, and he nudged Ben's free hand. Ben moved his hand away from his face and looked at the dog with a sigh.</p><p>“This was all a fucking terrible idea,” he muttered, scratching Chewie's head.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I feel like I've been neglecting you all with music recs! Honestly, I've been so distracted by *gestures to extremely consequential election* and I've also been really close to finishing writing this fic that I've felt a little behind on things.</p><p>But of course, I have been listening to a lot of music to de-stress and to help me write. (I also recommend listening to classical music while cooking or baking, especially if you like to cook as much as I do! It makes it so much more relaxing.) Anyway, here are a few that I've found especially comforting lately:</p><p>Mozart's <a href="https://youtu.be/dV9GgXX674Q">Ave Verum Corpus, K. 618</a>. Chances are if you're a choral person, you've done this at least once. Mozart's choral works are particularly dear to me, and this one is especially sublime. It's truly one of the most beautiful choral pieces ever written, but maybe I'm biased because it's one of my most favorites.<br/>Tchaikovsky's <a href="https://youtu.be/r6veaj2gst8">Hymn of the Cherubim</a>. I know Tchaikovsky primarily as an orchestral composer, so I was absolutely astonished when I happened across this piece and learned that he wrote it. I think it's even a little ahead of its time...when I first heard it, I didn't think it could have been written before the 20th century. Anyway, Russian choral music is some of the most luminous ever written, and this is no exception. Try listening in the dark for the full transcendent experience. (If this pandemic ever gets under control my choir is supposed to perform this piece sometime in the spring, and I'd really, really like to...please send good vibes!)<br/>Rheinberger's <a href="https://youtu.be/foeigWaOLVE">Abendlied</a>. Just such gentle, gorgeous writing, and it's simple in just the way that works best for this kind of piece. The text is basically a short evening prayer, and each line is so uncomplicated, but the way they layer together, you wouldn't even know. (I'm a nerd with a music degree and I've seen the score, so these are the things I notice, haha.)</p><p>Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying some lovely music. I'll see you very soon for Chapter 21!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More of Ben's backstory in this one, so please mind the tags &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey's head pounded, but from a lack of sleep or an abundance of emotion she couldn't say.</p><p>Her phone kept going off and she knew it was Ben, but she couldn't bring herself to check her messages. <em>Why should I give a shit? Nothing he's going to say is going to make this better.</em> Instead, she stared impassively at her phone lighting up, then blinking off, the sound of the buzzing making the hurt eat at her heart more.</p><p>He left without saying goodbye. He didn't know when he was coming back. He might never come back.</p><p>She swiped one hand over her eyes. Not like it would make a difference. Of course he didn't need her permission to <em>leave, </em>that wasn't the point, but...well...</p><p>She had <em>wanted</em> to be with him. She was ready to take a leap of faith for him, something that she had never done in her life. And she was rewarded for being willing to take the risk for him by having him respond to her like <em>that</em>.</p><p>She reached for her notebook on her coffee table, ready to pour out her pain onto the cream-colored pages, and slid it towards her, but it tumbled through her fingers and landed face-down on the floor. “Fuck,” she muttered, sitting up slowly to pick it back up, and as she did, a slip of paper caught her eye.</p><p>Amilyn's business card. It was still tucked in the pages.</p><p>She stared at it for a moment, transfixed by it.</p><p>
  <em>Start with what you can control.</em>
</p><p>She picked it up and reached for her phone, and with a deep breath, began slowly dialing the number. She held it to her ear, her heart pounding.</p><p>Two rings. Anxiety gripped Rey's gut and she wondered if she was doing the right thing. No, maybe she should hang up and forget the whole thing. Maybe she should...</p><p>“Hello, this is Amilyn Holdo.” Amilyn's voice was kind and professional, and Rey was so overtaken by just how <em>nice</em> she sounded that she thought she would start crying again.</p><p>“Hi...um...Amilyn?” Rey stammered, trying to control the way her voice shook. “Um, this is Rey. From the bookstore?”</p><p>“Oh, hi, Rey!” Amilyn replied warmly and with immediate recognition. “I'm so glad to hear from you.”</p><p>“Uh, thanks.” Rey took in a breath. “I, um, was wondering if the job was still available. You know, the...”</p><p>“Oh, yes. I'm so glad you called about that. Listen...”</p><p>Hearing the way Amilyn began the sentence, the way her tone changed, Rey felt her heart sink. <em>You waited too long. Of course you did. Now you've lost out on two opportunities. </em>She braced herself.</p><p>“I've been thinking. It's not fair for me to just <em>hire</em> you without some kind of interview, don't you think?” Amilyn chuckled. “God, I've always <em>hated</em> job interviews. But I think it would be nice for us to, you know, talk a little bit about the position so we can determine if it's a good fit. What do you think?”</p><p>Rey, at a loss for words from the feeling of hope lifting weights off of her chest, finally managed to choke out, “Sure. That sounds great.”</p><p>“Awesome. Would...10 AM tomorrow work for you?”</p><p>“I, uh...” Rey wasn't sure how to formulate her thoughts, remembering she should be professional. “I have to work at the bookstore at 11 tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh, no problem,” Amilyn replied. “It won't be very long. Half an hour, tops.”</p><p>“Okay. 10 AM, I can do that.”</p><p>“Sounds good, Rey, I'll see you then.” She paused for a beat. “Oh! One more thing.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I'd like to see one of your poems. Just one. As long or as short as you want. So if you could bring that with you, that would be great.”</p><p>Rey swallowed, her throat suddenly feeling dry. “Uh...sure,” she stammered. “No problem.”</p><p>“Great! I'll see you tomorrow, Rey. Good to hear from you.”</p><p>“Thanks, see you tomorrow.” The weights kept lifting off of her chest until she felt so light and free she thought she could levitate off of her couch.</p><p>“Take care, now.” Amilyn hung up.</p><p>Rey set her phone down on her coffee table, finally daring to breathe.</p><p>She did it. She took a leap of faith. She had a chance at something new, something better for herself.</p><p>Rey hugged herself, overwhelmed and thrilled with excitement, daring herself to imagine a life where she wasn't working late nights or dealing with difficult customers, a life where she could finally let herself dream that better was possible and she wouldn't be stuck in the same place forever.</p><p>She wished...</p><p>She wished she could tell Ben.</p><p>She thought about it, even began to reach for her phone, but she stopped herself, remembering the events of the day.</p><p>Her hand dropped, gripping her knee.</p><p>She couldn't imagine a better life where he wasn't there. But maybe she would have to.</p><p>Well, she didn't need him anyway. She could handle things on her own.</p><p>Even if it <em>did</em> feel kind of lonely.</p><hr/><p>Ben slumped down the stairs, Chewie following at his feet, and he walked into the kitchen, where Han was standing at the stove, wearing an apron and stirring something in a pot with a wooden spoon.</p><p>“Hey, son,” Han said, glancing up at him. “You get some rest?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben muttered.</p><p>“Good. Your mother's running behind with her lessons today, so I'll be cooking tonight.” He grinned. “Same spaghetti recipe, but I think mine's better, if you ask me. Your mother has a bad habit of skimping on the oregano.”</p><p>Ben nodded, his brow creased. “Sounds good, Dad.”</p><p>Han nodded. “So,” he said, carefully setting the spoon down. “Your Uncle Luke told me he called and the conversation didn't really go well.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, seems a lot of conversations I've had today haven't been going well,” Ben mumbled.</p><p>Han frowned. “Is this about this morning?”</p><p>Ben winced, remembering that that <em>also</em> had happened that day. He leaned against the refrigerator. “Well, yeah, that was one of them.” He took a deep breath. “Dad...did you ever try to find me?”</p><p>Han sighed, turning away from the stove to face Ben. “You bet we tried,” he said. “We filed police reports, but they told us you were an adult and you had left on your own free will. We hired one private investigator, and he ended up running off with the money we gave him. The second guy tracked you to Chicago and then couldn't find you after that. Told us the best we could do was wait for you to contact us. That's why we still have our landline.” He stopped. “What were you doing in Chicago, anyway?”</p><p>Ben shrugged. “Took a bus there. I don't remember why.” He slumped, unable to look at his father. “That's where I overdosed.” He shut his eyes, blocking out the memory. He had been sitting on a bench in the bus station, trying to figure out where to go next, and then he blacked out. He had just stopped breathing. The doctors told him he was lucky—an off-duty nurse happened to walk past him and check on him, and if she hadn't called for help when she did, he might have suffered permanent brain damage, or worse, he might not have woken up.</p><p>It was a second chance, they told him. A chance he took as soon as they released him from the hospital, since that was the last push he needed to get help and finally break free for good. He was finally able to catch that bus out of the city, and found a new home, a new life.</p><p>“My God.” Han ran a hand over his face. “Ben...I'm so sorry. I wish we could have been there for you.”</p><p>“I don't know that I would have let you,” Ben said, so quietly that Han had to lean closer to him to hear. “I got out of the hospital and threw my phone into the lake. I didn't think you'd want to see me again. I fucked up pretty bad. I thought you hated me.”</p><p>“Why would you think that?” Han asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “That we hated you?”</p><p>Ben shrugged. “I don't know. Because I didn't turn out the way you wanted me to be.”</p><p>“The way <em>we</em> wanted you?” Han repeated. “Ben, we always wanted what was best for <em>you</em>. You're our son. Of <em>course</em> we wanted what was best for you.” He tilted his head. “I mean, I think sometimes we got a little too <em>caught up</em> in our own lives and...” He trailed off. “Ben, do you know that I have a list in my desk of every one of your concerts I missed?”</p><p>Ben shook his head, furrowing his brow. “Why would you do that?”</p><p>“Because I had to remember all of the times I let you down, son. Because I wonder if maybe I had gone to all of them, things might have turned out differently.” He shook his head. “I'm so sorry, Ben.”</p><p>Ben could hardly speak, his eyes misting, a heavy ball on his chest. “No, Dad, it's my fault.”</p><p>Han shook his head. “Stop blaming yourself, Ben.” He affectionately smacked a hand on Ben's arm. “Listen. The only way we can really deal with this...I don't know, this <em>burden</em> of our past is to just do the best we can with what's ahead. You know, make it right.” He smiled, his lips wobbling at the corners as if he himself was trying not to cry. “Thank you for giving us that second chance, Ben.”</p><p>Ben was unable to suppress a sob that he had held deep in his chest, one that he had been holding for years.</p><p>“Hey, come here,” Han said, opening his arms and pulling Ben into a hug. “You're probably the bravest person I know,” he told him, patting his back. “You've been through a lot. But you got through it. I'm so proud of you.”</p><p>“Thanks, Dad,” Ben wept, wiping his eyes with a swipe of his hand.</p><p>“Hey.” Han stepped back, still holding onto Ben's arms. “Talk to your mother. You wouldn't know it, but she's taken everything very hard. You know how she is. She'd rather work than confront her own feelings.” He sighed. “I think you both need that.”</p><p>Ben nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I'll talk to her.”</p><p>Han smiled, and reached up to pat Ben's cheek. “Good,” he said. He took a deep breath, turning back to the stove to give the sauce another stir. “Heard you playing the cello earlier,” he remarked, setting the spoon down. “Feels good?”</p><p>Ben smiled, brushing a stray tear away from his eye. “It's like I never was away,” he said.</p><p>“I'm glad to hear that,” Han said. “You know I know nothing about music, but...it made me awfully proud to hear you play. I'm glad you're getting back into it.”</p><p>“Me, too.”</p><p>Han grinned. “I am proud of you. I'm sorry if I never said it enough before.”</p><p>“Thanks, Dad.” Ben took a deep breath. “So, oregano? Really?”</p><p>Han chuckled. “Your mother thinks she puts enough in but...” He shook his head, a sly twinkle in his eyes. “Anyway, I like having more time to cook. It's relaxing, you know? And, I don't know, I like it more when I'm cooking for people I care about.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben smiled. “That's real nice, Dad.”</p><p>“Don't tell your mother,” Han admonished. “She'll have me cooking all the time.” He scoffed, still smiling. “I guess I wouldn't mind that...but don't tell her that, either.”</p><p>“Nah, I won't,” Ben laughed. “You know, it's good to be home, Dad.”</p><p>“It's good to have you, son.” Han had a misty-eyed look for a moment before he shook his head quickly and said, “Okay, okay, that's enough, you're going to make me cry. Get me a colander. Make yourself useful.”</p><p>“Yes, Dad,” Ben replied, still smiling.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...never really knew how much I needed Domestic Han Solo in my life until now, tbh</p><p>I got mixed up and thought there were references in this chapter, but it turns out that was <em>next</em> chapter, so I regret that I don't have more recs in the queue for you, but please enjoy this lovely little Saint-Saens choral piece I discovered over the summer: <a href="https://youtu.be/Jc8bH8MCOhw">Calme des nuits, Op. 68, No. 1</a>.</p><p>I will see you soon for Chapter 22!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben found Leia in her study, tuning up her harp. It was a meticulous process that Ben used to watch her do all the time when he was little, awed at how his small-statured mother, with a single tuning wrench and stubborn determination, could patiently tune up so many strings on such a large instrument, turning sour sounds to sweet tones.</p><p>Now he could see how difficult it was for her. Turning the wrench was clearly uncomfortable, and so was reaching the tuning pegs. She moved slowly and carefully, softly grunting in pain every time she had to stretch or stand on her tiptoes to reach the next string.</p><p>It is never easy for a child to watch his mother grow old and remember she isn't immortal, but for Ben it was especially painful, as he thought of how much time with her he had missed. He tried to remember the last time he had watched her tune her harp. Was it much easier for her then? Or was the discomfort just starting to settle in, so that with each day after, it got a little more painful for her? He hated that he didn't know the answer.</p><p>“Mom,” he said softly, and Leia jumped, unaware that he had been standing at the door. “Would you like me to help?”</p><p>“Ben! I didn't know you were there.” She turned around to face him. She flexed her wrist, stretching out her fingers, wincing with pain. She held out the tuning wrench. “If you don't mind,” she told him. “Do you know how?”</p><p>“Of course,” Ben said, taking the wrench. “I've only seen you do it a hundred times.” He smiled gently at her and began to work on the string she had been tuning.</p><p>Leia sank gratefully into her chair, watching him. “I've been wondering if maybe I should take up the ukulele,” she joked.</p><p>Ben chuckled. “It'd be easier to tune, that's for sure.”</p><p>“It would be,” she said with a wistful sigh. She scoffed. “I suppose it wouldn't be as interesting. I doubt that Mozart or Handel wrote anything for ukulele.”</p><p>“Maybe not,” Ben conceded, satisfied with the tuning of the string and moving to the next one. “But they're doing some interesting things with ukuleles these days.” He turned the wrench, plucking at the string to check the tuning. “Got any performances coming up?”</p><p>Leia shrugged. “I just finished up with Debussy the week before last. I try to be more selective these days.”</p><p>“<em>La Mer</em>?” Ben guessed, glancing over at her for confirmation. “I like that one.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>Ben turned the wrench and checked the string, scoffing when the electronic tuner on Leia's music stand revealed it was sharp. He slowly turned it in the other direction. “Any idea of what you want to do next?”</p><p>“Well, I got asked to do the <em>Firebird</em> again in a couple months.”</p><p>“Are you going to?” Ben asked, turning the wrench slowly back and forth, trying to get the tuning just right. “That one's a fun piece. I've always wanted to play that.”</p><p>“I don't know. It'd be my, what, fifth time?” She stared off into space, mentally counting. “No. Sixth.”</p><p>“Could be a fun experience. It's always different every time. There's always <em>something</em> different.”</p><p>“Maybe. Hauling around this big old thing is tough these days. I'm not sure if dragging it out for a sixth performance of the <em>Firebird Suite</em> is worth it.”</p><p>Ben nodded thoughtfully, moving on to the next peg. “That makes sense.”</p><p>They fell into an uncomfortable silence, Leia watching Ben tune her instrument with the care and precision he would use on his own. “Ben, I'm so sorry,” she said finally.</p><p>“What for?” Ben's eyes stayed focused on the tuning wrench in his hand.</p><p>“You know,” she said vaguely, unable to say the words and clearly hoping Ben could read her mind.</p><p>Ben looked at her, finally lowering the tuning wrench. His brow creased.</p><p>Leia sighed. “Sometimes I think that I expected too much from you and then wasn't there for you enough.” She shook her head. “Ben, did you even <em>want</em> to play the cello?”</p><p>“I did,” Ben said. “Of course I did.”</p><p>A flicker of relief passed over Leia's face—this, at least, was reassuring to her. “But then...did we ever make you feel like you weren't...you weren't good enough?”</p><p>That was a more complicated question. Ben turned the wrench over in his hand. “Sometimes,” he admitted. He sighed, turning back to continue tuning the harp, needing to use up some of the nervous energy that was building up in his shoulders. “You know...I understand <em>now</em>, but...do you remember how the first time I had a solo, you had to miss it?”</p><p>Leia nodded slowly, her eyes cast down at a spot on the floor. “I remember,” she said softly. “I was out of town.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben moved onto the next string. “I mean, I was a kid, and it was stupid...but you know, I kind of felt like I wasn't important. And that made me push harder.” He looked up, but couldn't look at his mother's eyes. “So I could be so good that I would matter.”</p><p>Leia pressed a hand to her lips. “I shouldn't have sent you to that school. I just thought you could learn a lot from your uncle.”</p><p>“I did, too.” He sighed. “I thought you would be disappointed in me if I went somewhere else. Somewhere...less intense.”</p><p>“I thought it would challenge you.” Leia rested her hand over her eyes. “I'm so sorry, Ben. I never asked you what you wanted.” She took a shuddering breath, and Ben glanced back at her, wondering if his strong, stoic mother was really about to cry, his jaw dropping as he watched her extricate a bunched up Kleenex from her pocket and dab it over each eye. “I sent you there thinking that was what was best for you and that's when I lost you.”</p><p>Ben was silent for a moment. “Mom, do you remember the day I told you I sold my cello?”</p><p>“Of course I do.”</p><p>“You looked at me like I had sold my soul,” he said, so softly he wasn't entirely sure he was speaking at all. “That was when you lost me.”</p><p>Leia stood up then, wringing her hands. “It was never about the cello,” she told him. “Never. I could see what was happening to you, that something was very wrong, and God...Ben...I was so <em>scared. </em>You were closing yourself off to us, and I had no idea what to do, or if I was even going to see you again, and then...knowing there was more that I should have done...” She coughed in a vain effort to stop the tears that were now gathering in her eyes. “I still dread the sound of the phone. Every time it rang there was just this little voice in my head that said 'someone's calling about Ben.' I was afraid you were truly lost to me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My baby boy.” She grabbed his arm and looked up at him, her eyes full of anguish. “Ben, I'm so sorry I didn't give you the help you needed. What can I do to take it all back?”</p><p>Ben bent down to hug his mother, uncertain he could keep from crying himself. “There's nothing either of us can do now,” he said, “but it's just so good to be home and see you again, Mom.”</p><p>Leia's arms tightened around him, as if she was thinking of all of the hugs that she wasn't able to give him until that very moment, and she finally began to sob, her entire body shaking.</p><p>“I love you, Mom.”</p><p>“I love you, too, Ben. I'm so sorry.” She lifted her head with a sniffle. “So. You want to play again. What would <em>you </em>like to do?”</p><p>Ben hadn't considered this. At first, his only goal was to start playing again, but he didn't know what he wanted to come next.</p><p>“I don't know,” he said finally. “I just wanted to play again. Maybe I'll go back and finish my degree...but I don't know. Maybe I should just play.”</p><p>Leia nodded solemnly. “Well, whatever you decide to do, Ben, your father and I will support you. I'm just so glad to hear you playing again.”</p><p>Ben swiped at his eye. “Thanks.” He let go of his mother and turned back to the harp. “I have no idea what string I left off on,” he admitted with a shaky laugh.</p><p>Leia waved dismissively. “It's a start,” she said. “That'll be work for tomorrow.” She took the wrench back from him and set it on her music stand. She swiped a few stray tears away and sat down in her chair. “So. Tell me all about your life now. Catch me up on things.”</p><p>Ben chuckled sheepishly. “Well, you see, there's this girl...”</p><hr/><p>“Rey!” Finn called, leaning over the bar. “Did you call that lady?”</p><p>Rey glanced over her shoulder and beamed. “Hey, Finn,” she called back. “The usual?”</p><p>“Rey.” Finn rolled his eyes. “Don't leave me hanging.”</p><p>Rey filled a glass with soda and walked over to him, setting it down in front of him. She took a big breath, resting both palms on the bar. “I called her,” she said after a dramatic pause.</p><p>Finn's eyes lit up with excitement for his friend. “Okay, and?”</p><p>“I'm meeting with her tomorrow!” Rey could barely contain herself, her face as bright as a Christmas tree. “10 AM.”</p><p>“Yes!” Finn cheered, pumping his fist in the air. “I knew you could do it!” He held up his hand for a high-five, which Rey slapped with gusto. “You have to tell me as soon as it's done. I want to hear what happens.”</p><p>“You got it,” Rey said. She breathed a big sigh, waving both her hands to show how nervous she was.</p><p>Finn chuckled. “You're going to kill it,” he assured her. He took a sip of his drink. “Okay, so that's one big thing down. Have you decided what you're going to do about Ben?”</p><p>Rey deflated so quickly that Finn thought she would collapse on the floor in front of him. “Nothing,” she grumbled, grabbing a nearby rag and wiping down the bar.</p><p>Finn blinked. “Did something happen?”</p><p>Rey sighed and explained everything that happened in the last 24 hours: the text that Ben ignored, her appointment with Dr. Kanata, going to the bookstore, going to Ben's house—conveniently leaving out the part where she broke into his apartment—the argument that ensued.</p><p>She had just barely finished her story when Finn broke in with “Rey! Are you <em>kidding me?</em>” He winced and smacked his forehead. “You both are idiots. <em>Idiots</em>. I can't believe you two.”</p><p>“I'm sorry?” Rey lifted an eyebrow expectantly.</p><p>Finn clapped his hands together, emphasizing what he was about to say next. “Rey. <em>You told him you didn't want to see him. </em>And now you're upset...that he didn't see you. Do you not see how you're part of the problem here?”</p><p>“But I...”</p><p>“Rey. No. You both suck so bad at communication.”</p><p>“But he said...”</p><p>“I'm not saying what he said was okay. I'm not even saying that him <em>just leaving</em> was okay. He really should have said something to you. But <em>fuck</em>. You guys are just...” He trailed off, putting a hand to his head like he had a headache. “If this is going to be the way you just let things leave off with him,” he continued, lowering his hand, his tone more level, “you are making a really big mistake.”</p><p>“You're supposed to be on my side,” Rey pointed out.</p><p>“I am,” Finn said. “You and Ben are both acting stupid. How's that?”</p><p>Rey frowned. “Not much better,” she said stubbornly.</p><p>“I'm only speaking objectively,” Finn said with a shrug.</p><p>Rey glared at him, turning away from him for a moment to listen to a customer's order. She grabbed a clean glass and scooped up a few ice cubes, poured some whiskey into it, and set it down on the bar. “Anyway, it doesn't matter,” she told him over her shoulder as she swiped the customer's card. “The point is, he just left and he doesn't know when he's coming back.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So, maybe he'll be gone forever.” Rey slid the card, the receipt, and a pen back over to the customer, smiling gratefully when she saw the tip he left.</p><p>“Or,” Finn told her, “he could be back tomorrow.”</p><p>Rey scoffed, sliding the receipt into the till. “Doubt it.”</p><p>“You never know.”</p><p>“Listen...” She trailed off, trying hard to not betray her uncertainty. “I don't think it's going to happen. I tried. Sorry to disappoint you.”</p><p>Finn's mouth twisted in annoyance. “Rey, it was always about <em>you</em>. It was never about me or Poe or anyone else.” He shook his head. “Do you think I never saw the way your face lit up when you talked about him? Do you think I never noticed the way you guys act like sad puppies without each other? Come on. This one's different.” He sighed. “Listen, if you just want to let him go and never talk to him again, I'm here for you but...you can't just go back to what your life was before you met him, you know? You guys kind of need each other.”</p><p>Rey considered this. “No,” she said softly, finally letting her barriers fall, her eyes open and vulnerable. “Finn, I really like him a lot.”</p><p>“So tell him that. Tell him you messed up and you're sorry.”</p><p>“Don't you see though? He's gone.”</p><p>“Wait until I tell you how phones work.”</p><p>Rey's eyes shot daggers at him. “That's not what I meant. It might not matter.”</p><p>“Rey. Just text him and apologize. That's all you can do right now.”</p><p>Rey considered this. “Want a refill?” she asked, reaching for a clean glass.</p><p>Finn nodded. “Please.”</p><p>Rey scooped some fresh ice into the glass. “You know, it's funny,” she said, reaching for the soda gun. “I mean, maybe this is reading too much into things but...meeting Ben kind of changed my life, you know?”</p><p>“How so?” Finn asked, nodding thanks as Rey set the glass in front of him.</p><p>“I know this sounds like a total rom com thing for me to say,” Rey began with a scoff, “but...I might still be trying to make things work with Poe, and I might not have started writing...” She trailed off. “I'm angry he left but...I was stuck, and now I'm not.” She tilted her head thoughtfully. “It's like my life is...less fucked now.”</p><p>Finn slapped his palm on the bar. “So <em>tell him.</em>”</p><p>“What if it's too late?”</p><p>“You won't know if you don't say something.”</p><p>Rey nodded thoughtfully. She grinned, her eyes lighting up mischievously. “So, you've decided that you like Ben now,” she teased.</p><p>Finn scoffed, taking a sip. “Maybe. But you're both still acting stupid. And he better have a good fucking apology for you.”</p><p>Rey shook her head, walking away to take another order, but Finn could still see a glimmer of hope in her eyes as she turned away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Claude Debussy <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/5vUbpuxa3jAZllK5SOrnP8?si=M-dXnypzQdyJti9d1Xhm4g">La Mer</a></em>.<br/>Igor Stravinsky, <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/65ueUVkKQPPkbW2Kk4CPjQ?si=se6ZavAhR0i92l1Cra9YTQ">The Firebird Suite</a></em>.</p><p>Oh, and speaking of <em>The Firebird Suite</em>, I can't resist sharing <a href="https://youtu.be/8A1Aj1_EF9Y">this video</a> that Vox made a couple years back about how a tiny gesture from that piece made its way into pop music! (Guarantee if you've listened to any music made in the last 40 years, you have heard this effect!)</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 23!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay, so let me get this straight,” Han interrupted, holding up a hand. “You're saying the reason why you're here is because a girl you drove home in your Uber told you to?”</p><p>Ben smiled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah.”</p><p>“And you just decided you were interested in getting your cello back?”</p><p>“You think Bach is boring?” Leia demanded indignantly.</p><p>“Honey...” Han cut in, putting a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“Well...yeah. I mean, not that Bach is boring. It just makes me kind of sleepy. But I don't know...I hadn't thought much about it until she came along.”</p><p>"And you said...<em>that</em> to her," Leia said, narrowing her eyes.</p><p>"Yeah," Ben said. He frowned and rubbed his eyes, newly humiliated at his stupidity. When he lowered his hand away from his face, he saw Han and Leia both staring back at him in puzzlement.</p><p>“What?” he asked, suddenly feeling exposed.</p><p>They didn't answer at first, only continued to stare at him. Finally, Han said, “Ben...what are you doing here?”</p><p>Ben swallowed. “I came to see you.”</p><p>Han crossed his arms over his chest. “And how long were you planning on staying?”</p><p>“You told me to...” Ben began.</p><p>“Ben...” Leia cut him off. “We love that you're here but...you should go back to her.”</p><p>Ben looked confused. “But I came all this way to see you.”</p><p>“Your mother's right,” Han said. “I mean...we're both so glad to see you, and we'll always be here for you. But you should go back. When people come into your life like that...you can't let them go.”</p><p>“But she said...”</p><p>“I know. But you've also said and done some pretty boneheaded things here, too.” Han shook his head. “You kids and your texting. I never understood it. What you both need is to sit down and talk this thing out.”</p><p>“She doesn't want to see me,” Ben said softly.</p><p>“Ben,” Leia sighed, “you need to go talk to her. None of these stupid games with your phones. You may not get the answer from her you want, but you can't just avoid each other forever.”</p><p>Ben narrowed his eyes. “So you want me to drive all the way back, after I came here to see you.”</p><p>“Correct,” Leia said, matter-of-factly.</p><p>“You'll be back,” Han assured him with a smile. “And I'm not usually a gambling man...”</p><p>Leia scoffed. “Since when?”</p><p>“...but I would bet the house that she'll be coming back with you,” Han finished, with a sarcastic glance at Leia.</p><p>“You really think so?” Ben asked, flushing.</p><p>“I do,” Han said. “You're a good kid. Even if you should probably never text anyone again.”</p><p>Ben rolled his eyes. “Well, I can't go back <em>now...</em>” he began.</p><p>“No,” Han agreed. “We're not telling you to leave right this minute. But sleep on it, okay?”</p><p>Leia shook her head. “I can't believe you think Bach is boring. I thought I raised you better than that.”</p><p>“I don't think he's boring, Mom,” Ben insisted, the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement.</p><p>“Even so.” Leia crossed her arms, mirroring Han. “You bring her here and I'll teach her right.”</p><p>Ben smiled despite himself, feeling his heart lift in hope. “Yes, Mom,” he said.</p><hr/><p>Rey, finally home and in her pajamas, sat with her notebook in her lap, staring at the blank pages, feeling panic settling in her chest.</p><p>She had gotten home from work and remembered that Amilyn wanted to see one of her poems, and flipped through what she had already written, thinking there might be something that was good enough to show her, but it all felt too raw, too personal, too unpolished. So, she thought she could write something new, something better, but of course her mind was a total blank. She didn't know what she wanted to write.</p><p>She looked at the time. 2:46.</p><p>Rey rested her chin in one hand, fidgeting with the pen in the other, trying to think about where to start, trying to think of what emotion she wanted to tap into.</p><p>
  <em>Come on. Just write something. You've done this so many times.</em>
</p><p>But something caught her ear, and she stopped.</p><p>She had put on some Tchaikovsky before she started writing and was only barely conscious of it, but now her attention was captured by an unfamiliar piece, performed by a female singer with a rich, dark voice, accompanied by a piano, a dreamy, longing sound. Almost every time she listened to Tchaikovsky, it had mostly been orchestral, maybe an occasional piano solo here and there, but Rey hadn't heard anything performed by a vocalist. Curious, she picked up her phone to look at the title.</p><p>Six Romances, Op. 6, No. 6, “None But the Lonely Heart.”</p><p>It sounded like poetry. She set her notebook aside and listened closely, trying to make out the words, but she couldn't. <em>Probably Russian,</em> she guessed, pulling up Google and typing in <em>none but the lonely heart lyrics.</em></p><p>She selected a result and started to scroll through until she found the words in English.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Only those who know longing</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Know what sorrows me!</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Alone and separated</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>From all joy,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I look into the sky</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>To the yonder side.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>Ah! the one who loves and knows me</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Is in the distance.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>It dizzies me, it burns</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>my guts.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Only those who know longing</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Know how I suffer!</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Rey lowered her phone, turning the words over in her mind. She skipped back to the beginning of the track, now aware of what the singer was singing about, and listened closely, feeling a heartache rising in her core.</p><p>
  <em>Is that it? Loneliness?</em>
</p><p>She thought about Ben, who drove at night because he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts, who had avoided his parents because he was afraid of how they would respond to him, even if that kept him from reuniting with the one thing he loved, the one consolation he had found—his music, which he had so freely shared with her so that she could understand him better and find the same solace and freedom he had. He was such a solitary person, and yet, he was the only one who had made Rey feel seen, who didn't want her to feel like she was ever alone the way he felt alone, who had touched her like she was something truly precious to him.</p><p>Her whole life she was afraid of loneliness, once a child afraid that her parents wouldn't be able to find her when they returned, now always choosing the safer options, fearing letting go of a bad relationship, hesitating from moving on to a job she really wanted, all because the world was too big and too scary to navigate by herself, and she didn't know if she really had the strength to do it.</p><p>But now she realized that he had been right behind her, reminding her that no matter what, she wasn't alone, because really he had been there for her every time, even when she was at her lowest, picking her up and taking her home, even if he had to carry her there.</p><p>
  <em>You could have handled yourself. I just showed up.</em>
</p><p>And now he was gone, and she didn't know where they were, or if they would ever figure that part out, but it was true—her life was irreversibly changed since she had climbed into his Honda Civic for the first time. Her life was better as long as he was there, and she wanted him to be in it more. They were two lonely hearts that had somehow found their way to each other in this big and scary world, finding consolation in each other through their mutual understanding of what it was like to feel truly alone.</p><p>The night before, she had reached out for him because of her loneliness, thinking she was ready for a relationship because everyone thought she should be with him, and she was afraid she would miss out if she didn't make herself ready. But there was still a hesitation that she couldn't explain, something within, some lesson she still needed to learn. Now, she could see that curing her loneliness wasn't a good enough reason, and it dawned on her that she had truly found her match, the puzzle piece that fit with her perfectly, and <em>that</em> was worth the risk.</p><p>It all made sense to her. She and Ben belonged with each other.</p><p>She pulled up her messaging app and slowly began to type, not knowing if it would make any difference, but choosing to speak her heart anyway.</p><p><em>I know. But I wish we were. I miss you. </em>She stopped, and added, <em>I'm sorry.</em></p><p>She hit “send,” then quickly set her phone back down on her nightstand, face down, so she wouldn't be tempted to pick it up again and do any further damage, and reached for her notebook. She clicked her pen and began to write.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I wanted to take his hand...</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>Ben, suddenly awake—a side effect of his nocturnal lifestyle—rolled over to reach for his phone and check the time. He rubbed his eyes.</p><p>2:58, and he had a new text from Rey.</p><p>His heart stopped as he tapped through to read it, twice, three times, to be sure he was actually reading it and not still dreaming, not just reading what he wanted to see.</p><p>Slowly, he put his phone back down.</p><p>He had to go back. He had to see her.</p><p>Ben looked around the room, thinking he should pack, wondering if he should leave now or first thing in the morning. He threw his covers back and started to get out of bed, thinking that he would have to drive for hours...how could he get to her faster?</p><p>His eyes fell on his cello case, suddenly quieting his racing thoughts. He stared at it for a moment, a new plan settling in his mind.</p><p>He knew he had to go to her, but there was one more stop he knew he needed to make, one more ghost from his past that he needed to reconcile with.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, <a href="https://youtu.be/uOcpG3xfC9o">"None But the Lonely Heart," Op. 6 No. 6</a>. So remember how I said I only was really familiar with Tchaikovsky as an orchestral composer? I also recently learned he's written art songs! I stumbled on this piece for the first time when I was writing the earlier chapters of this fic and I knew I needed to work it in somehow.</p><p>The words are a Russian translation of a poem called "Nur wer die Sehnsucht kennt," originally written in German by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, so instead of using a German to Russian to English translation (which can be found <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/None_but_the_Lonely_Heart_(Tchaikovsky)">here</a>), I just used the German to English translation found <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nur_wer_die_Sehnsucht_kennt">here</a>. There is a line in the film <em>Paterson</em> where a character says "Poetry in translation is like taking a shower with a raincoat on," and I would tend to agree...I think the music is a far better translation! But of course as a story it makes more sense to share the words ;)</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 24!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey took a seat across from Amilyn, uncomfortably adjusting her blouse as she settled in the chair, suddenly feeling self-conscious.</p><p>Amilyn folded her hands on her desk and smiled. “Would you care for some water?” she asked. “Tea, perhaps?”</p><p>Rey shook her head. “No, thanks.”</p><p>Amilyn tilted her head knowingly. “I don't want you to be nervous,” she said. “We can be informal here. I think if we're going to work together, we should get to know one another.”</p><p>Rey swallowed and nodded.</p><p>“So. Why don't you tell me about yourself, Rey?”</p><p>Rey scanned the room, considering her answer. Clearly the office was new to Amilyn, with boxes still only partially unpacked and office equipment needing to be set up, but it still managed to be personal, like she wanted to make it comfortable for herself first before tackling the practicalities. For starters, there were plants <em>everywhere</em>, of varying sizes and species, including an orchid that sat right in front of her. Rey found herself wondering if Amilyn watered them all at the same time or if she kept some sort of schedule, and if so, how she managed to keep track of it.</p><p>Realizing Amilyn was still waiting for her answer, she stammered, “I-I didn't bring a resume. I mean, I have one, I just don't have a printer...”</p><p>Amilyn waved dismissively, with a kind smile on her face. “No need. Just tell me what I need to know about you.”</p><p>Rey sucked in a breath. “Well, I work part-time at the bookstore, as you know,” she began. “I also bartend at nights, at Niima Outpost.”</p><p>Amilyn nodded. “You know, I used to bartend, ages ago. It's tough, isn't it?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey said, now feeling more comfortable. “It can be.”</p><p>“Okay.” Amilyn nodded thoughtfully. “You must be a hard worker, if you're working two jobs.”</p><p>“I guess so.” She shook her head quickly, remembering that this was a job interview. “I mean, yes, I am. I've been bartending for two years and I've worked at the bookstore for about a year and a half.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I brought you a poem, like you asked,” she blurted, her hand trembling as she held it out to Amilyn.</p><p>Amilyn looked at the paper for a second, then back at Rey before she took it and carefully unfolded it.</p><p>Rey shifted in her chair, her foot anxiously tapping the floor.</p><p>Amilyn lowered the paper and rested it on the desk. “Where did you study?” she asked.</p><p>Rey swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. “I, uh...I didn't really go to college. I took some creative writing classes in high school.”</p><p>Amilyn nodded. “Your writing is so raw,” she said. “Did you write this about someone you know? I can tell you really connect with the subject.”</p><p>“Uh, sort of...” Rey trailed off, trying to not think about how Ben still hadn't texted her back.</p><p>“Not the ex-boyfriend, I hope,” Amilyn said with a sly smile.</p><p>Rey chuckled, feeling a little more at ease. “No, definitely not.”</p><p>“Good.” Amilyn brightened. “Well, Rey, I have to say your writing is a little...how should I put this? It's a little...unpolished.”</p><p>“Oh?” Rey's heart sank.</p><p>“You think I mean it's bad,” Amilyn guessed. “It's really not. I promise. I love the structure, and you use some wonderful imagery. You have such a unique voice. It just needs...a bit of focus.” She handed the paper back to Rey and leaned forward on her desk. “Rey, I'm going to level with you. I have a very small operation. I'm used to doing everything. I really need someone around so I'm not tied up with minutiae.” She smiled warmly. “So I can take the time to do the things I love about my job. Like being a mentor for my writers.”</p><p>Rey blinked, confused. “I don't understand,” she stammered. “I thought you needed an assistant.”</p><p>“I do. But I think you're smart and can do a lot more than that. I'd like to eventually have you be one of my writers, too.” She raised her eyebrows inquisitively. “When do you think you can start?”</p><p>Rey's mind went blank in disbelief. “Do you...you really mean...” She finally remembered to take a breath. “Do you water your plants all on the same day or do you have a schedule?” She slapped a hand over her mouth.</p><p>Amilyn tilted her head. “I'm sorry?”</p><p>“Sorry, I panicked,” Rey cringed. “I meant, I'd love to work here. I can start in two weeks.”</p><p>“Very good.” Amilyn's smile widened. “And yes, I have a schedule to water my plants but most of them have a self-watering system. I know you'll pick up these things really quickly.”</p><p>“Oh, I will,” Rey promised. She stood up and held out her hand. “I'm so excited about this. Really.”</p><p>Amilyn stood and shook Rey's hand. “I am, too. Welcome to the Rebellion.”</p><hr/><p>Ben looked around at his uncle's office, trying to see if there was something—anything—different about it.</p><p>Nothing he could see. Luke was many things, but innovative was not one of them. It was the same bookshelves, full of the same old texts that Ben doubted Luke had even bothered to read, and the same old faux leather chair, with the same split in the seat, which he had stubbornly attempted to patch at one time, but Ben could still feel the roughness of the tear every time he shifted.</p><p>It was like Ben was a student again, in the least comfortable way.</p><p>Luke took a seat at his desk, looking in assessment at Ben. His beard was scruffier, grayer now, and his eyes were magnified by a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. “Hmm,” he began.</p><p>“I hope you don't mind I have my dog with me,” Ben broke in, gesturing to Chewie, who was laying at his feet. “It's pretty cold out, and I didn't want to leave him in the car.”</p><p>Luke shrugged, peering over the desk to look at the dog. “He's housetrained, right?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. He's really well-behaved.”</p><p>“Good.” Luke settled back in his seat, lowered his glasses, and looked at Ben over the frames. “I'm surprised to see you, Ben. You know you can't hang up on me in person.”</p><p>Ben squirmed, feeling the tear in the seat poking him again. “I'm sorry about that,” he said, cringing. “I wasn't having a good day.”</p><p>Luke lifted an eyebrow. “I see. Better now?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben looked down at his hands in his lap.</p><p>“How've you been?”</p><p>Ben couldn't look directly at him, instead selecting a spot on Luke's desk to stare at. “I've been good. I got clean...eighteen months.”</p><p>Luke adjusted his glasses. “I'm glad to hear that, Ben,” he said, and Ben could have sworn that he almost sounded sincere, or at least as close as he could manage.</p><p>“I want to play the cello again,” Ben started, then faltered before finally pushing ahead. “...I was wondering...well, if I ever went back to school again...if there was any way I could transfer my credits. Or something.”</p><p>Luke stared at him, his expression blank.</p><p>“I don't know if it's something I'll actually do,” Ben went on. “But I was so close, and...”</p><p>“Yeah,” Luke interrupted flatly. “You were close.”</p><p>Ben stopped and frowned. “You're not about to guilt trip me again, Uncle Luke,” he said. “You <em>always</em> used to do that to me.”</p><p>“You take things so personally, Ben,” Luke chided, leaning back in his chair. “I never guilt-tripped you.”</p><p>“No? Ever since I was a kid you would criticize me. All the time.”</p><p>“I was trying to help you improve. Your bow-hold was atrocious when you started. Your teacher should have been ashamed. Didn't it feel much more comfortable playing the way I showed you?”</p><p>“<em>Everything</em> I did was wrong!” Ben exclaimed, sitting forward, suddenly agitated. “Why wasn't anything I ever did good enough? I mean, <em>fuck,</em> was it any wonder I—” He cut off, putting a hand to his mouth before he could finish his sentence.</p><p>Luke narrowed his eyes, leaning forward on his desk. “Any wonder you what? What are you saying?”</p><p>Ben shook his head.</p><p>“Are you saying it was my fault?”</p><p>“No,” Ben said, lowering his eyes.</p><p>Luke's eyes softened, just barely, but the rest of his face was still firm. “I've seen lots of students burn out here, Ben,” he said. “It's not a program for everyone. You were just one of them.” He paused for a moment.</p><p>Ben lifted his head, already opening his mouth to respond.</p><p>Luke held up a hand. “That doesn't mean I wasn't sorry about it. Seeing what you were going through, and Han, and your mother...” He trailed off. “Before I knew about...your problem, I thought I was doing you a favor as a professor by letting you just figure out your own way. You have real, honest to God talent, but I thought maybe you were realizing this wasn't for you.” He shook his head. “As your uncle, though...I should have tried to do something. I should have known you needed it.” He reached into his desk and pulled out a manila folder, setting it in front of Ben. “This was why I was hoping to see you. Do you know what this is?”</p><p>Ben looked down at the folder and shook his head.</p><p>“Your transcripts,” Luke explained. “Do you want to know how close you were?” He didn't wait for an answer before he picked up the folder and flipped through the pages. “Obviously, you didn't finish the courses you were taking, but your GPA was already so high that they don't matter so much, and you had finished all your required courses the semester before. You can retake the incomplete courses if you really wanted to, but frankly, the only real requirement you had left was your senior recital.”</p><p>Ben blinked. “I don't understand. My performance requirements...”</p><p>“We can work around those. The recital is more important.”</p><p>“And my classes...and lessons...” Ben shook his head. “There's no way I just need to put together a recital.”</p><p>“And yet, I'm telling you that you do.” Luke dropped the folder back in font of Ben.</p><p>Ben looked at the folder, then back at Luke, skeptical. “This isn't because I'm your nephew, is it?” he asked doubtfully.</p><p>“You're just like your father, you know. No,” Luke said, folding his hands. “It's because you were a good student, and you are a damn good cellist.” He looked over his glasses at Ben, waiting for his answer.</p><p>Ben shook his head. “I don't know. It's been so long since I've played.”</p><p>Luke shrugged. “Muscle memory and a dedicated practice routine can be a powerful thing.”</p><p>“I can't afford tuition. I just drive an Uber.”</p><p>“Ben, you keep coming up with reasons why you can't, and I still haven't heard a real good one. Money isn't important. What do <em>you</em> want to do?”</p><p>Ben sat back in the chair, considering this, the tear in the seat poking him again. He could do a semester of school...it would mean uprooting his life and coming home, but he could make it work. So much of his life was easy to uproot, anyway. He could live with his parents again, or find an apartment nearby, maybe keep driving an Uber to make money on the side. He could do it.</p><p>But Rey...the whole reason he was going back...could he leave her behind?</p><p>He hesitated, looking uneasily back up at Luke.</p><p>Luke opened his hands. “Well, Ben...what do you think?”</p><hr/><p>Rey threw the door to the bookstore open, the bell jingling madly. “Sorry I'm late!” she blurted, rushing to stamp salt off of her shoes. There was a snowstorm in the forecast for that night, and the salt trucks were already out getting the roads ready, salting every surface they possibly could.</p><p>Rose, standing at the counter, blinked back at her, and Rey realized that she had been talking to someone—a tall man, with red hair, who was leaning against the other side of the counter.</p><p>“Oh, sorry,” Rey stammered, embarrassed, thinking she had interrupted a transaction, but then the man turned his head in her direction, and her jaw dropped.</p><p>“What's up, Rey?” Armitage greeted her, a smirk on his face.</p><p>“Rey, you remember Armitage, right?” Rose asked, her face turning pink. “From Ben's...”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, Ben's housemate,” Rey finished, staring back at them, trying to figure out what was going on. “How are you doing, Armitage?”</p><p>“Can't complain,” he replied, a shy smile on his face as he glanced back at Rose. “I had no idea this bookstore was here, and I thought I'd check it out.”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Rey answered uncertainly.</p><p>Rose cleared her throat. “Uh, so, Rey,” she began, “did you ever hear from Ben? I've been thinking about you guys all day.”</p><p>Rey frowned, remembering that he still hadn't texted her back. “No,” she said flatly. “I haven't heard from him.”</p><p>“Well, I, for one,” Armitage cut in, “slept like a log last night. It's nice, having some peace and quiet for a change.” Rose shot a look at him, and, off his guard, he began to stammer, trying to find the right words to recover. “Uh, but yeah, it's weird that he's gone, but I'm sure he'll be back in no time.” He smiled uneasily at Rey.</p><p>“I don't want to talk about it,” Rey muttered, walking past them to get to the office. She could hear Rose and Armitage talking to each other, their voices low, Rose abruptly bursting out into laughter at something Armitage said.</p><p>Rey shook her head as she hung her coat up. Well, at least <em>something</em> good came out of her visit to the duplex yesterday.</p><p>She checked her phone one more time, smiling when she saw Finn's excited response to her news about the job, but feeling a sore in her heart when she saw that Ben still hadn't said anything.</p><p>She had done what she could, and now maybe she just needed to forget. With a sigh, she clicked her phone off and buried it back in her purse.</p><p>Ready to work, she stepped back out on the floor, and Rose was still giggling about something, her face even pinker, and Armitage had a huge ridiculous smile on his face.</p><p>Rey glanced over at Beaumont, who simply rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Well, I should be taking off,” Armitage said, checking his watch. “I'll let you get back to work...should I pick you up at 7:30?”</p><p>Rose brightened. “Perfect,” she told him. “See you then.”</p><p>“Great.” Armitage's face lit up with a look of nervousness and excitement, which quickly fell as he glanced over at Rey. “Uh, good to see you again, Rey. Hope you hear from Ben soon.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Rey mumbled, looking down at the floor.</p><p>Armitage nodded self-consciously to Beaumont, then walked out of the store, the door jingling behind him.</p><p>An uncomfortable silence passed between the three of them. Beaumont shook his head and got busy wiping down the counter, choosing to ignore what just happened, which left Rey and Rose trying to decide how to address it.</p><p>Rey spoke first. “Uh...so...you...” she stammered, still processing and searching for the right words.</p><p>“Yeah,” Rose finished. “Well, we talked for a little bit while you were...um...while you were heading for Ben's apartment. I gave him my number and he called me last night.” She smiled anxiously, already gauging Rey's reaction. “We're going out tonight. You know, on a date.”</p><p>Rey's eyes widened in surprise, but knowing she should be supportive of her friend, she smiled. “That's really exciting, Rose,” she said. “I'm happy for you. Really.”</p><p>“Do you really think so?” Rose's face was glowing. She giggled. “I'm just so <em>nervous</em>.”</p><p>“It'll be great,” Rey assured her. “I can't wait to hear all about it.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Rose was still smiling, but her eyebrows quirked in concern. “I mean, I feel really bad, because I feel like it should be you and Ben going out...”</p><p>Rey cut her off, holding up a hand. “Don't be ridiculous. You should have fun. Don't worry about me.”</p><p>Rose looked relieved. “You're a good friend, Rey,” she said.</p><p>Rey smiled, but felt the corners of her lips turning down as she remembered she had to share her news with Rose. “Hey, um, I need to tell you something,” she said finally.</p><p>“What's wrong?” Rose asked.</p><p>“It's nothing <em>wrong</em>,” Rey said quickly. “It's actually a good thing. Well, for me it is. I don't know how you're going to react.”</p><p>“Okay, can you tell me what it is?” Rose prompted.</p><p>Rey took a big breath. “I got a new job,” she said. “So...I have to quit.”</p><p>“What's the job?” Rose turned to straighten a pile of books, not looking at Rey.</p><p>“This new literary magazine called <em>Rebels</em>,” Rey said. “I'm going to be the assistant for the lady who runs it.”</p><p>Rose finally turned to face Rey, her eyebrows lifting, clearly impressed. “That's so cool!” she exclaimed. “Do you think they'll ever print any of your writing? I see you writing in that notebook all the time. I bet it's good.”</p><p>“Maybe someday,” Rey said. “But anyway, I really like working with you, I just...”</p><p>“Rey,” Rose interrupted. “Stop. This is so cool for you. Really.” She paused, a sad smile on her face. “I mean, <em>of course</em> I'll miss working with you. But you should do what makes you happy. And we'll still see each other...after all, we'll still be friends, right?”</p><p>Rey smiled, relieved. “Of course,” she promised.</p><p>Rose looked thoughtful. “Do you think your new boss would be interested in having us sell her magazine here?” she asked. “I can talk to Paige, but I'm sure we can work something out. Might be a cool partnership we can do.”</p><p>“That's a great idea! I'm sure Amilyn would be all for that.”</p><p>“Great!” Rose grinned. The bell at the door jingled, and her head swiveled towards it. “Customer,” she whispered to Rey.</p><p>“I'm on it.” Rey headed towards the door, her steps so light she thought she was flying.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No references today, but I am missing performing, so here are a couple of pieces that I was supposed to perform this year:</p><p>Ralph Vaughan Williams, <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/3D6jtOGpNy8eORqS7EhNWz?si=YicthtDiRA24aFVFBYfIzw">Dona Nobis Pacem</a></em>. This is one of my all-time favorite choral works. I performed the <a href="https://youtu.be/26h-cYcRvrk">"Dirge for Two Veterans"</a> movement years ago and it was the reason why I wanted to go into music. Vaughan Williams is an excellent choral composer, but also listen to that wonderful brass!<br/>Morten Lauridsen, <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/1n2eKsdOGrPlHEhRL9mrtt?si=NgxzqAnQTgG9Rf-oaw76Dg">Lux Aeterna</a></em>. (Apologies that I couldn't find a decent recorded album with just that piece, but really, Lauridsen's music is pure light, so I hope you choose to listen to the whole album.) I've already performed this once a few years ago and it is glorious. There are a few moments in the <a href="https://youtu.be/-SVBM-amUtI">"Introitus"</a> movement that just hit me so hard every time, I'm a little jealous I didn't write them myself.</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 25!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben sat back in the driver's seat, remembering the reason why he preferred driving at night.</p><p>No traffic.</p><p>He had barely moved in the past ten minutes, staring at the bumper of the minivan in front of him, everything at a standstill, and he helplessly watched the time tick by on the clock, every minute he was stuck a minute further from him getting home.</p><p>He had left Luke's office with a vague excuse that he needed to think—much to Luke's irritation. Fortunately, he had plenty of time to think, but admittedly he wasn't doing much of that, distracted by the slowness of the traffic around him and his eagerness to get back home.</p><p>His fingers tapped impatiently on the wheel. “Fucking finally,” he muttered when he could finally ease the car forward, but it wasn't much, only about half a car length before he was stopped again.</p><p>Chewie sniffed at Ben, wagging his tail, wanting attention. Ben reached over and patted him. “Yeah, bud, I know,” he said. “I want to be home, too.”</p><p>Chewie licked his hand, rolling over on his back so Ben could scratch his belly.</p><p>Ben chuckled. “Good boy,” he said softly. The minivan in front of him moved forward again, and he moved his hand back to the steering wheel as he took his foot off the brake. Chewie grumbled and rolled back over on his stomach, finally curling up in a little ball.</p><p>Stopped again, Ben ran a hand through his hair, reflecting on what a whirlwind week it had been for him, from still being stuck in the same rut to finally reuniting with his parents and his beloved instrument...</p><p>...and then, everything with Rey...</p><p>Truth be told, she was the reason he had left Luke's office without an answer, because he knew he couldn't take one more step without seeing her. He had thought about what to text her, or how, but he didn't know what to say to her that he didn't badly want to tell her in person. It seemed like such an inadequate way for him to convey how he felt, if anything because he felt so mixed up that nothing felt right. He just wanted to see her.</p><p>He shifted in his seat, feeling restless, like he was too big for his car. This whole time he had been making a mess of things, making all the wrong decisions, saying all the wrong things or nothing at all, and he wouldn't blame her if she was still upset with him and if, in the end, she decided he wasn't worth it...in fact, maybe she would change her mind...he had hurt her enough...maybe it would be better to just leave it and pretend it didn't happen, because it would hurt too much to not have her around...she deserved better than him, anyway...</p><p>But before his thoughts could continue to spiral, the music changed and he stopped.</p><p>Rachmaninoff. Piano Concerto No. 3. D minor.</p><p>The music that played the first time Rey climbed into his car, the night his life was about to change and he hadn't even known.</p><p>It was a moment of clarity for Ben, an epiphany, right there, in the middle of traffic on a sunny afternoon, with Rachmaninoff playing on his car stereo.</p><p>His whole life was defined by his fear of not being enough—not being good enough for his parents to pay attention to him, not being good enough for Luke to finally stop finding things to criticize, not being good enough to be the musician he wanted to be—and now he was back in the same spiral, fearing that he was not good enough for Rey, because she didn't choose him as soon as she had the chance. He knew this was irrational and ridiculous—Rey had her own reasons, and of course consciously he understood—but that dark part of him that had eaten at him since childhood still turned his thoughts that way, despite his best efforts.</p><p>But suddenly, none of that mattered, because his life was so much better with her in it than it had been without her.</p><p>Before, he had been stuck in a rut, living his life as if he was just trying to survive, but it was a lonely, incomplete existence, driving so many people around town but never connecting with any of them, listening to music all night but never making any of his own, coming home to tell his dog about his day, but missing having someone to tell him about theirs...</p><p>...And then Rey climbed into his car and filled that space, and he remembered what it felt like to really be alive, to really connect with someone and look forward to seeing them, to have someone listen without judgment, to have someone remind him that nothing was impossible and that he was always enough. She could have run from him when she learned about his past, but she didn't. Instead, she had wakened a part of him that was buried, and helped set him on his way to complete the healing that he had left unfinished, so he could come back to her whole.</p><p>He loved her. It felt strange to think that, because of course he was aware that felt something powerful for her, but it was still a revelation, like he could finally put a name to it. He still worried whether he was good enough, but not in the same way—rather, he wondered if he <em>could</em> deserve her, because she had changed his life for the better and he still kept making mistakes that hurt her. But then, there was a part of him that was hopeful that maybe she felt the same way for him, and that maybe she could give him a second chance, to move forward and make things right.</p><p>Once he thought his life was just a series of decisions, and he could probably go back as far as he wanted to trace the line of those decisions, good and bad, that led him to her. But the universe is a delicate thing, always seeking balance, and whatever way it thought Rey and Ben could provide that balance, even if it was only for each other—well, that was a decision that was out of their hands...and perhaps something closer to fate.</p><p>Newly determined, he looked for the next exit, and signaled, hoping that when traffic was moving again, someone would let him merge over. “There's got to be another way,” he said to Chewie. “Let's get home.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Shorter chapter this time, but we're about to hit the climax, and the chapters will get longer. It just made more sense to isolate Ben with his thoughts before it all starts going down :)</p><p>Anyway, as a belated birthday tribute to the king himself, Adam Driver, please enjoy the <a href="https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_ni_jAuWRWqCLmLNNp---JNrZHkS22_UtQ">Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 3 in D minor</a>.</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 25! I am <em>really</em> anxious to share how this story goes!!! Ahhh!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was long past dark when Ben finally pulled back into town, all of the plans he had in mind now abandoned as he considered how he should get to Rey.</p><p>He had hoped that he would be home sooner, and maybe he could have caught her leaving work at the bookstore or outside her apartment, but now it was 7:36 and she was almost certainly working at the club by now.</p><p>Ben debated whether he should go there right away, or wait until she got off work. Going to see her during her shift was probably not a good idea—it wasn't fair to be a disruption when she was trying to work, especially if she was still upset with him—but he didn't know if he could make it until 2 AM, with his anxious need to see her and tell her how he felt. He couldn't decide which situation was better—or worse.</p><p>He spotted a gas station and quickly looked at his gauge. “Goddammit,” he muttered. Well, he might as well fill his tank while he was thinking about what to do.</p><p>He flicked his blinker, checked his mirrors, and pulled into the lot.</p><hr/><p>Finn leaned against his car, watching the pump add up how much gas was going into the tank. It was supposed to be a cold, snowy night, and he was always worried about his tank freezing up—God knew that was the last thing he wanted to deal with when leaving work so late at night—so he figured it wouldn't hurt to fill it up before heading to work.</p><p>He idly looked around at his surroundings, and at first didn't notice the white Honda Civic pulling over to the tank next to his, until he casually glanced over in its direction—and did a double take.</p><p>
  <em>Is that...</em>
</p><p>Ben didn't notice Finn as he got out of the car and swiped his card at the pump, and for his part, he looked like he was deep in thought, furrowing his brow with a faraway look in his eyes, chewing on his lip. Finn kept staring in his direction, astonished, trying to process the situation, trying to decide if he should say something, wondering if Rey knew he was back in town. In a panic, he held his breath, attempting to blend in so Ben wouldn't see him.</p><p>A dog's head appeared over the dashboard, briefly distracting Finn. For a moment, they both looked at each other. <em>Good dog, </em>Finn thought. <em>Please don't bark.</em></p><p>Apparently the dog couldn't hear Finn's thoughts, because almost immediately he began to bark at him, jumping around in the seat to get his human's attention. Ben looked up and Finn whirled around, grabbed a squeegee and scrubbed at the salt at his window, holding his free hand up to block his face from view.</p><p>“Chewie, for God's sakes,” Ben scolded, tapping gently on the window. “Lie down.” He glanced back over at Finn. “Sorry if he startled you. He's really friendly, I swear.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Finn replied, pitching his voice lower to avoid detection, hunching behind his hand even further, still scrubbing at the same window.</p><p>If Ben knew, he didn't let on, falling silent and turning back to the pump as it ground to a stop. He removed the handle, closed the tank, and climbed back into the Civic.</p><p>Finn waited for Ben to drive away before finally relaxing and putting the squeegee away. He exhaled, watching Ben signal and turn out of the lot.</p><p>So. Ben was back in town.</p><p>It was beginning to snow, and a plan began to formulate in his head.</p><hr/><p>“So, how does it feel to be you, Miss Two-Weeks-Notice?” Jannah asked, nudging Rey with a smile.</p><p>Rey laughed. “It feels great,” she grinned.</p><p>“I'll miss you, you know,” Jannah admitted. “It's been really fun to have another girl to work with. You know, lady bartender power.” She flexed her bicep, pulling her face into a mock scowl, almost immediately breaking up into laughter.</p><p>“I'll miss you too, Jannah,” Rey told her. “We'll see each other, though?”</p><p>“Absolutely.” Jannah's eyes sparkled. “You'll remember us when you're famous, right?”</p><p>Rey scoffed. “I don't know if <em>famous</em> is in my future,” she said, “but I'll never forget you guys. Promise.”</p><p>Jannah smiled, picking up a pint glass and filling it with ice. “This is your year, girl,” she told Rey. “It's only going up from here.”</p><p>“I hope so,” Rey said, exhaling a big breath.</p><p>Jannah's eyes flicked past Rey. “Hey, Finn,” she called. “Come to congratulate Rey on finally leaving this shithole?”</p><p>Rey turned around. “Oh, hey, I didn't see you there!” she greeted him, already reaching for a pint glass. “Need some Coke before your shift?”</p><p>Finn looked a little nervous, and he waved his hand. “Ah, maybe later,” he said. “Hey, did you hear from Ben at all?”</p><p>Rey frowned. “No,” she said. “I texted him last night and he never responded.”</p><p>“Oh.” Finn looked even more nervous. “Okay.”</p><p>“Are you feeling all right?” Rey asked, narrowing her eyes.</p><p>“Fine,” Finn said abruptly. “I just...I gotta take care of something before I punch in. Be back in a minute.” He walked away from the bar and back through the door.</p><p>“What's his problem?” Jannah asked, confused.</p><p>Rey shook her head. “<em>No</em> idea.” She turned to a customer that had approached the bar. “Evening. What can I get you?”</p><hr/><p>Ben paced around his living room, running his hands through his hair, his heart racing, his stomach turning over in nervousness, wondering what he should do, wondering if he was brave enough to actually do it.</p><p>Chewie, sitting lazily under the table, tilted his head and whined.</p><p>“I know, I know,” Ben sighed. “I should just go to her...but while she's working? That's kind of a shitty thing to do to a girl, right?” He stopped in place, his hands resting on the back of his head. “Fuck. This is a bad idea. I don't think I can do this.”</p><p>Chewie got up and trotted away. A few moments later, Ben could hear him slurping water from his dish.</p><p>“That's not helpful, you know,” Ben called in his direction. He threw himself on his couch and sighed.</p><p>His phone began buzzing from his pocket, and, briefly distracted, he dug it out, squinting at the number. He swiped, then brought the phone to his ear, confused. “Hello?”</p><p>“Don't say anything. Just listen to me. I don't have much time.”</p><p>Ben's brow furrowed. “Who is this?”</p><p>“It's Finn!” the voice on the other end snapped impatiently. “Rey's friend.”</p><p>“Oh, Finn! Sorry,” Ben said, putting a hand to his forehead.</p><p>“I know you're in town,” Finn went on. “And I know that Rey doesn't know.”</p><p>Ben stopped, wondering where this was going. “Yes?”</p><p>“You're going to pick her up from work,” Finn told him. “At 2 AM.”</p><p>“Doesn't she have her car, though?” Ben asked, incredulous. “How can I pick her up if she can just drive herself? What if she leaves before I get there?”</p><p>“Leave that to me,” Finn said.</p><p>“How?”</p><p>Finn sighed. “I don't know. I'm kind of making this up as I go along. But I'm trying to make sure you guys don't keep fucking this up. I'll help you. Okay?”</p><p>Ben nodded. “Okay. 2 AM?”</p><p>“2 AM.”</p><p>“And you're going to make sure she's there.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Okay. I'll be there.” He stopped. “Wait...why are you doing this for me?”</p><p>“It's not for you,” Finn insisted. “Rey's my best friend, and I want her to be happy.” He stopped. “You're good for her, Ben. You owe her one hell of an apology, but you're good for her.”</p><p>“Well...thanks,” Ben said, his heart lifting. “Listen...I know you're mad at me because...well, you know, the whole thing with Rey and Poe, and I'm really sorry about that, but...well, I hope one day we can be friends.” He took a breath. “I do really care about her a lot. Really.”</p><p>Finn didn't say anything at first, and Ben rubbed his eyes, wondering if he said the wrong thing.</p><p>Finally, he said, “You're a good guy, Ben.” A beat passed, and he exclaimed, “Shit! I gotta go. 2 AM. Don't make me regret this.”</p><p>“I'll be there.”</p><p>Finn hung up.</p><p>Ben dropped his phone from his ear, shaking his head.</p><p>Fate intervening, balancing the universe.</p><p>He checked the time. 8:26. He wondered if he could wait that long.</p><p>He got up and walked to the window, looking out at the snow that was starting to fall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a quiet night, and with no one in sight, Finn walked away from the door for a moment to take another look at Rey's car in the employee parking lot.</p><p>He had spent the first part of his shift distracted, trying to figure out how he was going to keep Rey from leaving. It had been very slow so far, with fewer people going out because of the snowstorm, and there was a very real possibility that if it was <em>too</em> slow, Rey could just go home early, and that was the one thing that could <em>not</em> happen.</p><p>He stood in a spot that allowed him to keep an eye on the front door but also look at the employee lot while he thought about what to do. The lot was pretty small and narrow, the spaces in a single long row, just enough to accommodate the staff with usually a space or two to spare. Like she normally did, Rey had parked at the end, right next to the building, a single empty spot on the other side of her, and Finn knew that as soon as she had the chance, she would be stepping out the back door and right into her car and then she would be gone into the night.</p><p>Finn shook his head, still thinking, and he walked back to the front door. He had thought about coming clean and just telling her about Ben, but after all she had been through, he thought she deserved something big, something special. Besides, knowing how stubborn Rey could be, and how terrible those two were at communicating, he couldn't let them keep fucking things up.</p><p>They just needed to be in the same space for more than five minutes, not whatever the fuck it was they were doing.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe if I borrowed her keys...and pretended to lose them...</em>
</p><p>That was it. He would get Rey's keys and pretend he lost them in the snow.</p><p>It was a really, <em>really</em> stupid idea, but it was all he had, and worth a shot.</p><p>With nothing else happening at the front door, he walked back inside and up to the bar.</p><p>Rey spotted him. “Hey,” she said, looking puzzled. “Taking your break already?”</p><p>“Me? Nah,” Finn said. “Hey, I need to borrow your car keys.”</p><p>“Why?” Rey tilted her head.</p><p>Finn hadn't prepared for this. <em>Fuck. </em>“I just...I need them.”</p><p>“What for?” Her eyes narrowed, and her hand rested on her hip, already anticipating that Finn had an inadequate answer.</p><p>“Um...Poe said he left something in there,” Finn stammered.</p><p>Rey's eyes darkened in irritation. “You can tell Poe that he's full of shit,” she told him. “I cleaned <em>everything</em> of his out of that car, <em>including</em> his trash. There is not a single thing of his in that car.” She turned away from Finn to listen to a customer's order.</p><p><em>Damn. </em>Embarrassed, Finn started to walk away. So much for <em>that</em> plan.</p><p>But then, he reconsidered, and turned around, walking to the other side of the bar. “Jannah!” he hissed until she turned her head in his direction.</p><p>“<em>What?”</em> she hissed back.</p><p>“I need a favor,” Finn told her, glancing in Rey's direction to make sure she was still distracted. “Please.”</p><p>“What do you need?”</p><p>“Whatever happens,” he said urgently, “<em>don't</em> let Rey go home early today.”</p><p>Jannah looked at Finn like he had lost his mind. “What? Why?”</p><p>“Please. It's important. Do whatever you can. <em>Please</em>.”</p><p>Jannah shook her head, rolling her eyes. “Okay. Fine,” she sighed. “There better be a good reason for this.”</p><p>“There is,” Finn promised. “Thanks.”</p><p>Jannah turned away to listen to someone's order. Finn, at least temporarily relieved, walked back outside.</p><p>It was starting to snow harder.</p><hr/><p>“Sorry, I just need to run inside for a minute,” Armitage said, pulling over in front of the duplex. “It'll be really quick. I'm so sorry.”</p><p>“It's fine!” Rose insisted. “Really. Don't worry about it.”</p><p>“I just can't believe I forgot my wallet,” he muttered, unbuckling his seatbelt. “I was just so nervous, you see...”</p><p>“Armie. It's fine. I swear.” Rose smiled at him in reassurance.</p><p>A slow smile crossed Armitage's face. “Thanks,” he said. “I'll only be a minute.” He got out of the car, then stopped, looking up at the duplex. “God<em>dammit!”</em> he exclaimed, his head rolling back. “Are you <em>shitting </em>me?”</p><p>“What's wrong?” Rose asked him, alarmed.</p><p>“Ben's home,” he glowered. “Look, his lights are on.”</p><p>Rose looked up to the second level of the duplex, and sure enough, all of the windows were lit up, and she could see Ben's large shadow standing at one of them, looking out at the snow. Her jaw dropped.</p><p>“Well, so much for peace and quiet,” Armitage muttered, before shutting the car door.</p><p>Rose watched Armitage head back towards the duplex, then looked back up at the window. Ben had disappeared, but the lights were still on, confirming that she wasn't seeing things.</p><p>She pulled out her phone and started texting.</p><p>
  <em>Rey. Ben's back. A and I saw him at the duplex.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Rey leaned against the bar, looking out at the snow falling outside the door. She sighed, thinking about how she would have to drive through the unplowed roads back to her cold apartment, and nothing in the world sounded like a more miserable way to end her day.</p><p>She wondered why Ben hadn't texted her back. Even if he wasn't around to make her evening less miserable, she still wanted to hear from him. Just <em>something</em> to acknowledge that she had said something that it had taken her a lot of courage to say.</p><p>Even if it was to say that he didn't feel the same way about her. Then it would be something, at least.</p><p>“Hey...you okay?” Jannah asked her, interrupting her thoughts.</p><p>Rey shook her head. “I'm fine,” she said. “Just watching the snow.”</p><p>Jannah made a disgusted sound. “I'm so sick of snow, aren't you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey agreed, pushing away from the bar with a heavy sigh.</p><p>“You sure you're okay?”</p><p>Rey smiled at Jannah. “I'm fine...really,” she said. “Just distracted, is all.” She brightened. “It's pretty slow,” she said hopefully. “Maybe we'll close up early.”</p><p>Jannah tilted her head. “Yeah, maybe.” She changed the subject. “Well, we should celebrate your new job...you want to make chocolate mocktails? I know you don't drink anymore.”</p><p>Rey brightened. “Jannah, that's a perfect idea!” she said, her thoughts about Ben and the snow forgotten, for now.</p><hr/><p>Ben could hardly sit still, and to distract himself from constantly checking the time, he took his cello out and dug through the crate of sheet music he had brought from home, eventually ending up nervously scratching out Vivaldi's Cello Concerto in A minor, which had a quick tempo and rapidly moving rhythmic figures and, although a real exercise for his unaccustomed fingers, was definitely appropriate for how frantic he felt. It was true that most Baroque music made him sleepy, but on the other hand so much of it was so uptempo and energetic that it had the opposite effect on him.</p><p>Chewie, curious, sat in front of him, tilting his head.</p><p>“Fuck, I'm just so nervous, Chewie,” he said, his bow churning out a long, fleeting melisma.</p><p>Chewie wagged his tail, his head moving back and forth as he watched the bow, and Ben idly wondered if maybe he thought it was a stick and was waiting for him to throw it.</p><p>Ben lifted his hand off the fingerboard and tapped on his phone to check the time. <em>Please let it be close.</em></p><p>11:26. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he resumed his anxious bowing.</p><hr/><p>“Rey, where are you going?”</p><p>Rey shot an annoyed look at Finn. “On my break,” she said slowly, emphasizing each word. “What is <em>with</em> you today?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Finn said quickly. “Have a good break.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Rey muttered, walking past him to go downstairs to the office. She scoffed and shook her head, exasperated. Finn had been inexplicably agitated the entire night, enough to make her even more anxious than she already was.</p><p>It was almost as if he knew something she didn't...</p><p>Well. Fine if he didn't want to tell her. If only he wasn't so <em>annoying</em> about it.</p><p>Finally alone with her thoughts, Rey wondered if Ben had responded to her while she was working. She got her phone out of her purse and turned it on, waiting impatiently for it to reboot. “Piece of shit,” she muttered to herself.</p><p>Her phone finally blinked alive and the notifications began to catch up, and that's when she noticed the text from Rose.</p><p>
  <em>Rey. Ben's back. A and I saw him at the duplex.</em>
</p><p>Rey could hardly breathe now, staring at her screen, thinking that surely Ben had replied to her—there was no way he wouldn't say <em>something</em> to her.</p><p>“Come on,” she murmured impatiently.</p><p>Minutes passed like an eternity, and still, there was nothing.</p><p>Suddenly exhausted, her knees trembling under her, she sat down on the floor, her back against the wall, a hand pressed to her mouth, focusing on her breathing, her eyes filling with heartbroken tears.</p><p>She had ruined everything. She had opened herself to him and it didn't matter.</p><p>All day, she had been telling herself to forget, but somehow, this hurt more than anything else, because truly, she needed to forget him, even though she knew that was impossible.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Antonio Vivaldi, <a href="https://youtu.be/Jp9PwVMUKPY">Cello Concerto in A minor, RV 418</a>. A lovely piece of Baroque music, but also very easy to imagine an incredibly stressed and angsty Ben playing this in his living room while he waits to go see his beloved &lt;3</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 28!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Today is Thanksgiving in the US, and since I am thankful to all of you for coming along on this journey with me, I decided to post an extra chapter!</p><p>Please enjoy Chapter 28, and I hope you all have a happy and safe day! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 1 AM, and Finn was desperate. Rey's shift officially ended in an hour, but considering that they had seen maybe four customers come through since midnight, it could be over sooner than that, and he had no idea how long Jannah could stall her.</p><p>
  <em>I could offer to take the snowplow to the parking lot and pile a bunch of snow behind her car...</em>
</p><p>No...it was a lot of work for something that might ultimately not be anything more than an annoyance.</p><p>
  <em>I could disconnect the battery...</em>
</p><p>No. That wouldn't work either. He'd need Rey's keys to get under the hood.</p><p>
  <em>I could just tell Rey she can't drive home...</em>
</p><p>No...Rey was already suspicious of him and she probably wouldn't listen.</p><p>His thoughts were interrupted by a voice calling to him. “Hey...hey, buddy? Can you help me with something?”</p><p>Finn's head snapped in its direction, finding a man leaving the bar. “Me?” he asked.</p><p>“Yeah, please, can you help?”</p><p>“What do you need?”</p><p>“Listen,” the man said. “I accidentally drank too much and I don't want to drive home. My girlfriend said she'd pick up the car in the morning. Do you think it would be a problem if I left it? It's parked over there.” He gestured towards an SUV parked on the street.</p><p>Finn shook his head. “Nah, you'll definitely get towed if you leave it there,” he said. He blinked, an idea popping into his head. “Hang on a sec. I might know somewhere better.”</p><p>“I appreciate it, man, thanks,” the man said.</p><p>Finn nodded, then rushed to the employee parking lot. He spotted Rey's car, still parked at the end of the row, and just as he remembered, there was still a space open next to it, the lines between the spaces impossible to see because of the accumulating snow.</p><p>He rubbed his hands together. Yes. This was it.</p><p>Time for the worst parking job he could possibly manage.</p><p>“Hey, man,” he called, walking back to the front of the club, “If you give me your keys, I can park you in the employee lot, okay?”</p><p>The man looked dubiously grateful. “Hey, that's great, but...won't my car get towed if it's parked there?”</p><p>“Don't worry about it,” Finn said. “I'll vouch for you. You're doing a good thing.”</p><p>The man handed over his keys. “You're a good guy, thanks.”</p><p>“No, thank <em>you</em>,” Finn said over his shoulder, trying not to sound too pleased, as he walked towards the SUV.</p><hr/><p>“Jannah, how many more limes do you need me to cut?” Rey asked miserably.</p><p>“Rey, you know the weekends get really busy,” Jannah pointed out.</p><p>“Yeah, but...we can't possibly need this many limes.” Rey gestured to the containers that were now full of lime wedges.</p><p>“You never know.”</p><p>“Fine, but do we need to do this all <em>tonight</em>?” Rey protested.</p><p>“When we're busy tomorrow and Saturday, you'll be grateful you took the time to cut all those limes,” Jannah told her. “No time like the present.”</p><p>Rey sighed. “Fine.” She reached for another lime, glancing around at the nearly empty club.</p><p>Finn burst through the door. “Rey!” he called, striding over to the bar. “Oh my God. Someone's parked your car in.”</p><p>Rey set down her knife and turned to face Finn. “Sure, Finn, like Poe left his stuff in my car, huh?” she replied sarcastically.</p><p>“No, Rey, I'm serious. Come look.” Finn gestured towards the door.</p><p>Rey shot a puzzled look at Jannah, who shrugged. She followed him outside and around back to the employee lot.</p><p>“Oh, <em>fuck me</em>,” she shouted, her hands pressing on her forehead. “Who the fuck <em>parks </em>like that?”</p><p>Finn had parked the SUV so close to Rey's car that she would have had a tough time pulling out, and even if she could he had parked far enough back that she wouldn't have space to get around it. Her car was completely trapped.</p><p>“Jesus.” Rey's face flickered between annoyed and upset, and it was enough for Finn to feel bad, but he reminded himself it was all for her. “<em>Now </em>what?”</p><p>“Fuck, Rey, I'm sorry,” Finn said, pulling his face into a look of sympathy. “Listen, I'll call you a cab.”</p><p>Rey shook her head. “No, I guess I'll call an Uber.”</p><p>“Please, Rey,” Finn pressed. “I feel responsible for this. I insist.”</p><p>Rey sighed. “Okay, whatever,” she grumbled. “Do what you want.” She glanced back at her car, then back at Finn. “You know, today was going really well until now. First the thing with Ben, and now this.”</p><p>Finn's eyes widened in surprise. “What thing with Ben?” he asked.</p><p>“He's back in town,” Rey said sadly. “And he still hasn't said anything to me.” She looked up at Finn, her eyes filling with tears. “Why won't he just say something? Even if he doesn't feel the same way about me?” She scrubbed at her eyes.</p><p>Finn couldn't stand seeing Rey so upset, and he felt guilty for lying to her. His face softened, and he took a deep breath. “Rey. He didn't say anything because he's coming here for you.”</p><p>Rey laughed derisively. “Stop trying to make me feel better, Finn.”</p><p>“I'm not. He really is. He really likes you.”</p><p>Rey shook her head. “Sure, whatever,” she said, her voice blurring. “I should have known better.” She sniffled, turned around, and walked back towards the club.</p><p>Finn watched her go, and waited until she was out of earshot before he reached for his phone. “Fuck me, these two are going to fucking kill me,” he muttered, scrolling through his call history.</p><hr/><p>Ben was laying on his couch, a bundle of nerves, staring at the ceiling, wondering how it was possible for time to move so slowly.</p><p>“Is time slowing down, or is it just me?” Ben asked Chewie, who was eyeing him uncertainly from the recliner.</p><p>Chewie only stared at him.</p><p>“I know, I'm being dramatic,” Ben sighed.</p><p>Abruptly, his phone started to buzz from his pocket, and, startled, he sat up. He pulled the phone out and almost dropped it on the floor, finally catching it with an unsteady grip as he swiped the screen with a shaky thumb. “Hello?”</p><p>“Ben? It's Finn.” Finn sounded stressed. “Hey, you think you can come sooner?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben said, surprised, already getting up and reaching for his jacket. “Why? Did something happen?”</p><p>“She knows.”</p><p>Ben was silent for a moment.</p><p>“She knows you're home. I tried telling her you were coming here to see her, but she doesn't believe me.”</p><p>“Shit.” Ben was sliding his jacket on, ready to take off. He spun around, looking for his keys, finally locating them on his dining table, and he craned his neck to look out the window. “Oh, fuck. You have to keep stalling, Finn. I need more time.”</p><p>“You can't leave now?” Finn's voice raised in exasperation.</p><p>“The roads,” Ben pointed out. “It's snowing.”</p><p>Finn groaned. “Okay. But <em>hurry.</em>” He hung up.</p><p>Ben checked the time. 1:18.</p><p>“I can do this,” he said to himself, reaching for the door.</p><p>He rushed out to his car, picking up his feet, shaking out the snow that was getting into his shoes. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he cursed. It was already ankle deep, but light and fluffy, probably his least favorite thing to drive in. But for Rey, he would have driven through a blizzard, through an avalanche. He turned his key in the ignition and the engine roared to life.</p><p>He didn't even bother putting on any music. He couldn't afford any further delays.</p><p>He put his car into reverse, checked his mirrors, and pulled out of the driveway—and immediately got stuck in the snow.</p><hr/><p>“What was that noise?” Rose asked, pulling back the curtain to look through the window.</p><p>Armitage, struggling with a wine bottle opener, flicked a glance in her direction. “Probably a snow plow,” he said. “Hey, are you sure you're all right hanging out here? I can drive you home if you don't want to stay. Really.”</p><p>“Oh,” Rose said, briefly distracted. “Do you...I mean...do you want me to...”</p><p>“No!” Armitage insisted quickly. “No, I'm having a great time.” He scoffed at himself and shook his head. “I'm sorry. It's just been a while since I've had a first date. We can hang out as long as you want.” He smiled. “I really like hanging out with you. Really.”</p><p>Rose smiled back at him. “Me, too,” she said. She looked back out the window, then stood up. “Armie,” she called urgently. “It's Ben. He's stuck in the road.”</p><p>“Shame.” Armitage didn't look up from the bottle opener.</p><p>Rose watched Ben through the window as he desperately tried to pull the car forward and then reverse it, and she wondered why he could possibly want to be going anywhere this late, in a snowstorm...</p><p>She gasped softly. “He's going to her,” she whispered to herself. Out loud, she said, “Armie. We should go help him.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Rose furrowed her brow, and Armitage stopped twisting the bottle opener. “It's a nice thing to do for your neighbor,” she told him. “Please. He looks so upset.”</p><p>Armitage sighed, and set down the wine bottle. “All right, fine,” he muttered. He smiled fondly at her. “I'll go help him. You stay inside, stay warm, okay? I'll be right back.”</p><p>Rose smiled back at him. “You're doing a good thing,” she told him.</p><hr/><p>Ben was on the verge of a panic attack, trying in vain to rock his car back and forth to get unstuck, yelling in frustration, slamming his hand on the steering wheel.</p><p>He glanced at the clock. 1:28. He was becoming more and more certain that he had blown his last chance with Rey. <em>This was such a fucking stupid idea,</em> he thought, putting his car back in reverse. <em>I really fucked up this time.</em></p><p>A tap on the window interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up, startled, to see Armitage, holding a shovel and looking like this was the last thing in the world he wanted to do.</p><p>Ben, astonished, rolled down his window. “Sorry,” he said, already bracing himself for whatever Armitage was going to yell at him for. He wondered what he was up to. Maybe shoveling...at 1:30 in the morning...</p><p>“I see you're stuck,” Armitage said flatly. “I'm here to help.”</p><p>Ben looked at him blankly. “You...want to help me.”</p><p>“You want to just repeat what I'm saying, or do you want to get out of here?” Armitage asked, annoyed, already scooping snow away from the back tire. “Come on, try backing your car up now, before I regret doing this.”</p><p>Ben stuck his head out the window. “I'm sorry. I'm confused. Why are you doing this?”</p><p>Armitage stopped, and glanced back at the duplex. He looked back at Ben. “It's just a nice thing to do for a neighbor,” he said simply. “Okay. Reverse.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's my fanfic and I'll redeem Hux if I want to... ;)</p><p>No references this chapter but I figured now is an ideal time to share my all-time favorite recording of anything ever, Giuseppe Verdi's <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/477thSIoYSHr5DKIzDqwjt?si=UG59toEJRCe_uRarnpKKHg">Requiem</a></em>, conducted by Arturo Toscanini in 1954. The Verdi <em>Requiem</em> is probably one of my favorite choral/orchestral works of all time (it's basically on the top of my musical bucket list), and I have not heard a recording that I love as much as I love this one. It's just so reverent and terrifying and sincere.</p><p>Why do I bring this up? The whole time I was writing Ben trying to leave his house, I was thinking of the <a href="https://youtu.be/_GRVcyWQs6Q">"Dies Irae"</a> movement, lol! (I did originally have him listening to this particular movement but it felt too extra. But it was on my mind!)</p><p>Also, just because I adore the Verdi <em>Requiem</em> and this recording so much, please enjoy the <a href="https://youtu.be/i7EFGmffjn0">"Requiem &amp; Kyrie"</a> movement, featuring an opening cello line that's simply sublime.</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 29!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finn checked the time again. 1:47. “Jesus, Ben, where <em>are </em>you?” he muttered, looking up and down the road.</p><p>The door opened, and Jannah poked her head out. “Finn, Kaydel wants us to close up and go home,” she said. “It's just too slow. I can't keep stalling her.”</p><p>Finn grumbled, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Just tell her her ride's not here yet,” he said.</p><p>“Well, when will it get here?”</p><p>“I don't know,” Finn said irritably, craning his neck to look down the road. “Soon.”</p><p>Jannah scoffed. “Fine. But can I at least let her punch out? We're all about ready to leave.”</p><p>“Sure, fine.”</p><p>“I expect a full explanation for this, by the way,” Jannah informed him, before letting the door shut and turning the “open” sign off.</p><p>“Goddammit, Ben,” Finn growled, pulling his phone out of his pocket and punching the screen to call again.</p><p>Three rings, and he braced himself for Ben's voicemail greeting.</p><p>Instead, he heard Ben respond, “Hello?”</p><p>“Where the fuck <em>are you</em>?” Finn demanded.</p><p>“I'm here—about to pull up in front.” Ben was breathing heavily, like he was trying to calm himself, but there was a distinct note of relief in his voice.</p><p>Finn pulled the phone away from his ear, and seconds later, the white Honda Civic pulled up in front of the club, the only car on the entire block. He had really done it. He had managed to get Rey and Ben in the same place, <em>finally.</em></p><p>“Fuck yes,” he said softly to himself, pumping his fist, and he turned to go back into the club, where he found Rey all bundled up and sitting on a bar stool, looking miserable.</p><p>“Rey, your ride's here,” Finn told her, gesturing towards the door.</p><p>Rey sighed and picked up her purse. “Thank God,” she muttered. “See you tomorrow, Finn.”</p><p>“Sure,” Finn said. “Have a good night.”</p><p>Rey smiled faintly over her shoulder, waved, and pushed the door open.</p><p>Rey always thought snow in February was overrated. To her, it was never as pretty as it is in December, when it's new and fresh and exciting, but by February it was just gray and sloppy and she wished it would hurry up and be spring already. But the storm had lightened enough so it was December snow—fat, fluffy flakes falling in slow motion, the world coated in an untouched white, and she had to stop to admire it for a moment.</p><p>It was just so quiet and peaceful. She exhaled a deep breath, her hurt and anger lifting away from her in a plume of vapor, and for a moment she forgot that she was going home to a lonely apartment, that Ben was home and not speaking to her, or even that a ride was waiting for her. It was a moment of stillness, long needed after an overemotional day.</p><p>She didn't notice the Civic at first. She only saw the snow.</p><p>But then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw him—walking towards her, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets, his eyes never leaving her, his mouth turned up into a shy smile.</p><p>Her breath caught in her chest. “Ben,” she whispered.</p><p>His dark hair fluttered in the gentle wind, and the snow fell around him like a snow globe, the streetlights surrounding him with a warm golden halo. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, and the sight of him filled her with warmth—the cold was nothing compared to how much love she felt for him at that moment.</p><p>He stopped a few feet in front of her and they looked at each other. How had she forgotten just how tall and broad he was? He took in a deep breath, clearly shaking with nervousness as he stood in front of her, as if he was afraid of what he had to say, but she could see by the way his mouth was set that he was ready to finally be honest, to take that risk for her.</p><p>“Rey,” he began, “I'm so sorry. I just got so caught up in my own head and I thought...” He hung his head. “I guess I thought that if you didn't want to be with me that somehow...” He sighed. “Somehow I wasn't good enough. But Rey, you've done so much good for me. More than you know. I'm in a much better place than I was before I met you.” He buried his hands further into his jacket pockets. “My life is better with you in it. Whatever way you choose to be.”</p><p>Rey could hardly breathe. She stepped closer to him. “No, Ben. I'm sorry. I thought the worst of you and it wasn't fair.” She closed the distance between them, and reached up to rest her hand on his arm. “Ben...” She trailed off, her eyes misting. “I don't know where I'd be if I didn't meet you. Probably still stuck.” She quickly swiped tears away from her eyes, but it was useless. She dared herself to look up at him.</p><p>Ben was looking at her intensely, his eyes soft, like she was the only person he ever wanted to look at. He chuckled nervously, his smile broadening. “God, I don't even know what to say next,” he said. “I'm just...I'm just so happy to see you, Rey.”</p><p>Without another word, her eyes full of wonder, still astonished that he was right in front of her, Rey reached up to his face, tracing the dimple that formed with his smile. He slowly bent his head towards her, hesitating, until she got up on her tiptoes to kiss him. She felt him relax with her touch, relieved that he finally had his answer, and his arms closed around her as he returned her kiss, one hand sliding up her back, tracing the notes of some music that only he could hear. She idly wondered to herself what it was he was playing, and made a mental note to ask him later, as the rest of the world faded away—just them, the night lights, and the silent snow falling around them.</p><p>They pulled apart, their foreheads touching, and Ben radiated so much joy that Rey thought he might burst with happiness. He giggled, a pure and delighted sound that made Rey's own smile widen even more.</p><p>“Well,” he said finally, his voice warm and affectionate. “Ready to go home?”</p><p>Rey reached up to lovingly fluff his hair. “It's weird,” she said, as he melted into her touch, “I kind of feel like I already am.”</p><hr/><p>Jannah and Finn stood inside the club, which was entirely empty but for the remaining staff closing out and getting ready to leave, watching the scene unfold through the door. Finn exhaled in relief and turned to Jannah. “Is that an explanation enough for you?” he asked her.</p><p>Jannah, baffled, shook her head, still staring through the door. “No, I think I'm going to need more of a story on this one,” she said.</p><p>“Another time,” Finn promised. “I'm fucking exhausted.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Your Honor, I love them :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, I hope you all enjoyed your trip on the Angst Train...now, all aboard the Fluff Express!!! (There is still story left, but I also wanted to write some Reylo fluff, so I hope you enjoy it!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben unlocked the door to his apartment and pushed it open. “After you,” he said to Rey. “You can go ahead and take your shoes off.”</p>
<p>Rey shook snow off of her coat and slid out of her shoes. “Oh, hi!” she greeted Chewie, who ran excitedly up to her and darted around her feet. “I remember you.” She smiled back at Ben, who was watching them as if he was the happiest man in the world at that very moment. “What is your dog's name?”</p>
<p>“Chewie,” Ben answered. “He likes you.”</p>
<p>“I like him.” She bent to pet him, and Chewie immediately rolled on his back, begging for a belly rub. With a giggle, Rey obliged. “Good boy.”</p>
<p>“Here, let me take your coat,” Ben offered.</p>
<p>“So where's the cello?” she asked, shrugging her coat off. “And does it also have a name?”</p>
<p>Ben chuckled, hanging her coat on one of the mismatched dining chairs. “Would you like to have a seat?” he asked her, gesturing to the couch. “I'll give you the full demo.”</p>
<p>“I can't wait.” Rey settled into the couch, hugging herself in a vain effort to contain how profoundly joyful she felt.</p>
<p>Ben couldn't stop smiling as he unlatched the case and gently lifted his cello. He dragged one of the chairs around the couch, turning it to face Rey, then retrieved his bow, still holding the cello in one hand. He took a seat and held the cello out for Rey to see it. “Here it is,” he said proudly, and he instinctively twisted at the fine tuners to get the strings to exactly their perfect pitch.</p>
<p>Rey gasped. “Oh, it's so beautiful,” she murmured. “This was yours? The one you sold?”</p>
<p>Ben nodded. “I thought it was gone forever,” he confessed. “I still can't believe my parents had it this whole time.”</p>
<p>“It's like fate,” Rey said, still admiring it. She looked up at Ben. “Can you play it? For me?”</p>
<p>Ben laughed nervously. “You really want me to? It's been so long.”</p>
<p>“Please, Ben?”</p>
<p>Ben looked back at her, a slow smile spreading across his face, and that was when he knew that he could never say no to her. “I'll play you some Rachmaninoff.” He tightened his bow. “I actually thought of you when I played it last,” he admitted shyly, bending down to loosen the endpin. “I was hoping I'd get to play it for you for real.”</p>
<p>Rey sat forward in anticipation, resting her chin in her hand, a contented smile on her face. Chewie leaped up next to her on the couch, and she absently scratched him behind his ears. “What's it called?” she asked him.</p>
<p>“<em>Vocalise</em>,” Ben answered, his bow poised. He took a deep breath, and with a shy glance back at Rey, he began to play.</p>
<p>Rey watched him, transfixed. It was just as she had seen him in her dreams, his large hands gentle on the fingerboard and bow, skillfully encouraging his instrument to produce each note in pure, rich tones, that ached in an almost human way, as if they were coming deep from his own soul. His face was set in pensive concentration, channeling the exact emotion he wanted the music to reflect, but occasionally he would glance up at her, hoping that she approved, then smile bashfully and blush before dropping his eyes back to look at his hands as he realized how intently she looked back at him. It was the most thoughtful, most intimate thing that anyone had ever done for her, a confession of love told in more than words—because clearly, to Ben, this was the way his heart spoke, and she understood him completely.</p>
<p>It was, she thought, like a really good poem.</p>
<p>He delicately brought the last line to a close, the strings still ringing on the final notes as he lifted his bow, his chest heaving like he had been holding his breath the entire time. He looked up at Rey, his eyes alight but his eyebrows tilting up, anxious for her reaction. “It sounds better with the accompaniment,” he told her sheepishly, hunching over slightly.</p>
<p>“Ben...” Rey breathed. “Ben, that was just so <em>good</em>.”</p>
<p>He sat straight up, brightening. “Do you really like it?” he asked hopefully.</p>
<p>“I loved it,” Rey told him. “Really. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.”</p>
<p>He smiled, his eyes softening. “It's not as beautiful as the music I hear in my head when I think about you, Rey,” he said.</p>
<p>“You were playing something, earlier,” Rey said. “What was it?”</p>
<p>Ben looked at the floor, immediately embarrassed. “I'm sorry, is that weird? It's a reflex. I'll try to stop if you don't like it.”</p>
<p>“No! Not weird at all,” Rey reassured him quickly, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. “I like it. It's very sweet.”</p>
<p>Ben lifted his eyes to meet hers, taking in a hopeful breath. “Do you remember the Adagio for Strings? From that one night? When we...”</p>
<p>Rey's eyes lit up. “Of course I remember. How could I forget?” She smiled dreamily. “It's so beautiful.”</p>
<p>“Isn't it?” Ben smiled, delighted that Rey remembered. “So this was what I was playing for you.” He poised his bow, ready to play, his fingers already resting on the fingerboard, but then they were both startled by an abrupt pounding at the door. “Shit,” Ben muttered, standing up. “What the fuck does he want now?”</p>
<p>“Is your housemate normally like this?” Rey asked, irritated at the disruption, getting out of her seat to follow him.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ben muttered. “He's probably going to complain about the music.” He lowered the cello back into the case and closed the lid. “All right, Jesus, I'm coming,” he called towards the door. He unlocked it and swung it open.</p>
<p>“Ben Solo, goddammit, I did <em>one nice thing </em>for you,” Armitage started, fully prepared to launch into an argument, but then he spotted Rey and he stopped, his jaw dropping. “I, uh...hi, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Wait...you <em>know</em> each other?” Ben asked, looking from Rey to Armitage in surprise.</p>
<p>“I—I didn't know you had company,” Armitage stammered, embarrassed.</p>
<p>“Armitage.” Rose appeared behind him, tugging on his arm. “Come on.”</p>
<p>“...Rose?” Ben asked incredulously. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, like he wasn't totally sure he was seeing things correctly.</p>
<p>The four of them stared at each other in confusion, none of them speaking, but then Rose broke the silence with a gasp of realization, her face lighting up, and she clapped her hands in excitement. “I <em>knew</em> it,” she said with a delighted giggle. “<em>Finally.</em>” She reached past Armitage to put her hand on the doorknob. “We were just about to head out,” she told Rey and Ben. “You two have a <em>very</em> good night.” She pulled the door shut, sweeping Armitage, who was still dumbstruck and frozen in place, out of the way with her free arm.</p>
<p>Ben and Rey stared at each other, wondering if the other was just as confused as they were. “Okay, what was that?” Ben asked. “Am I missing something?”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head. “A long story,” she said.</p>
<p>“Are they...they're not <em>dating</em>, are they?” Ben stammered, also shaking his head. “I mean, Rose is great, but...Armitage?”</p>
<p>“I'm as surprised as you are,” Rey said. “But he seems like someone who could use a real good influence, don't you think?”</p>
<p>Ben scoffed. “You could say that again.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled thoughtfully. “Well, I don't know if I'll ever get used to the idea, but I'm glad I'll still be able to see her when I leave the bookstore.”</p>
<p>Ben tilted his head. “Leave?”</p>
<p>Rey gasped, remembering that she hadn't told Ben yet. “Oh! I took that job. The one I told you about.” She brightened, eager for his reaction.</p>
<p>“The literary magazine?” Ben's eyes lit up in excitement. “Rey, that's amazing!” He pulled her into a hug. “How does it feel to finally move on?”</p>
<p>“I'm so happy,” Rey said, resting her head on his chest. “It's like a dream come true.”</p>
<p>Ben kissed the top of her head. “I knew you could do it,” he told her. “I'm so proud of you.” He pulled away, one hand smoothing through her hair. “When are you going to read me one of your poems?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey blushed, one hand reaching up, her fingers circling his wrist. “I don't have my notebook with me,” she said, looking down at the floor. “Besides, they're not that good yet.”</p>
<p>“I'm sure they're wonderful,” Ben said, smiling affectionately, “but whenever you want to share one with me, I'd love to hear it.” He kissed her forehead. “What a week, huh?” he chuckled, his nose brushing against her brow. “You with your poetry and your job, me with my cello and my parents...”</p>
<p>“And <em>us</em>,” Rey insisted.</p>
<p>Ben laughed. “Yes, and us. The best part.”</p><hr/>
<p>It was nearly dawn, and Rey and Ben were laying on the couch, exhausted but unready for sleep, listening to the final notes of a Mendelssohn symphony. “Okay,” Ben said, reaching for his phone. “What do you want to listen to next?”</p>
<p>Rey reached for her phone faster. “No, it's my turn—please.”</p>
<p>Ben chuckled. “What is it? Have you been listening to classical music this whole time?”</p>
<p>“I have,” Rey said with a smile, scrolling through her saved playlists. “Are you impressed?”</p>
<p>“I am,” Ben said. “I can't wait to hear.”</p>
<p>Rey tapped on the track, then set her phone down on the arm of the couch, settling back into Ben's arms with a contented sigh. Ben brushed a kiss on her cheek, then tilted his head as he listened to Rey's selection. “I haven't heard this one before,” he murmured, amazed. “What is it?”</p>
<p>“You've really never heard of it?” Rey asked, her smile widening as Ben shook his head. “It's by Tchaikovsky. Your favorite.”</p>
<p>“Well, I guess there are some things of his I haven't heard,” he said. “What's it called?”</p>
<p>“It's called 'None But the Lonely Heart.' I think he wrote it about us.”</p>
<p>Ben listened thoughtfully, not understanding the words but able to pick up on the sentiment behind them. “About us, you think?” he asked with a sleepy smile.</p>
<p>“Well, we were both alone once,” she explained. “And that's how we found each other.” Her hand idly dragged through his hair.</p>
<p>“Hmm, I like that a lot.” He tightened his arm around her waist.</p>
<p>“I think it might be my favorite,” she admitted. “I've listened to a lot of music and...I don't know, I really <em>connected</em> with this one. It's like music and poetry.”</p>
<p>Ben reached for his phone. “What did you say it was called?” he asked.</p>
<p>“'None But the Lonely Heart,'” Rey repeated. “Why, what are you doing?”</p>
<p>“I'm adding it to the playlist.” He tapped on the screen a few times.</p>
<p>“What playlist?” Rey asked, her interest piqued.</p>
<p>Ben smiled. “I've been making a playlist of all the music we've listened to together. Even when we were apart.”</p>
<p>“Ben,” Rey gasped. She took his phone from his hand and scrolled through it, remembering the titles and the memories she connected to them—the Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 3, from the first time they met, the second movement of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony, conducted by Toscanini, that he talked about so lovingly when they met for coffee, Barber's Adagio for Strings, from the first time they kissed, the Bach Cello Suites...</p>
<p>“I don't know what to say,” Rey whispered. “Ben. This is so sweet.” She smiled teasingly at him. “Is this the music you hear in your head?” she asked.</p>
<p>Ben was watching her, his eyes soft. “Some of it,” he said.</p>
<p>She kept scrolling, squinting at the track names. “I don't recognize some of these,” she said. “When did we listen to them?”</p>
<p>“We haven't, yet,” Ben admitted. “I was hoping we'd be able to, someday.”</p>
<p>“Can we?” Rey asked him. “Right now?”</p>
<p>“I'd love that,” Ben told her. “Go ahead, hit play.”</p>
<p>She did, and she noted the title of the first piece that came up before she set his phone down—Albinoni's Adagio for Strings and Organ, a slow, majestic, romantic piece—and gently guided Ben's head to her shoulder as they both listened in quiet, everything that they wanted to say already understood between them. Ben closed his eyes and sighed peacefully as Rey lovingly ran a hand through his hair, her thumb lightly tracing the outline of his ear. His fingers pressed on her back, following along with the cello line, his gestures growing fainter the further he slid from consciousness, despite his urgent attempts to keep awake and stay with her.</p>
<p>Fully exhausted, but feeling safe at home at last, they both finally released themselves to a contented rest, with Rey's last conscious awareness the feeling of Ben's arm around her waist, her fingers combing through his soft hair, and the sound of the music carrying them both away to sleep.</p>
<p>Everything felt right again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Lot of references to some pieces that have come up before, so I won't link them all, but I'll post the highlights :)</p>
<p>Sergei Rachmaninoff, <em><a href="https://youtu.be/-DgIfRXwPPI">Vocalise</a></em><br/>Samuel Barber, <a href="https://youtu.be/VLR7s8Rq7Dw">Adagio for Strings, Op. 11</a><br/>Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, <a href="https://youtu.be/uOcpG3xfC9o">None But the Lonely Heart, Op. 6 No. 6</a></p>
<p>And some new stuff:</p>
<p>No specific references for which Mendelssohn symphony they were listening to, but I've always been partial to the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/6IULmhNsnliLBqWqqt25J0?si=Aves5QTCQZ-F3tECr51FOw&gt;Symphony%20No.%204%20in%20A%20Major,">Symphony No. 4, "Italian"</a><br/>Tomaso Albinoni, <a href="https://youtu.be/ZIEDPTYPRcA">Adagio for Strings and Organ in G minor</a></p>
<p>See you soon for Chapter 31!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey stirred, the harsh winter sunlight streaming through the windows and filling her eyes as she first opened them. She blinked and remembered where she was, relieved that it wasn't just some lovely dream she had, looking down, smiling, at Ben's peacefully sleeping face, his head still resting on her shoulder. She softly kissed his forehead, her fingers brushing through his hair with the softest touch, afraid to wake him but her heart so full that she couldn't resist.</p><p>His eyelids fluttered, then opened, and he smiled at her like he was waking from a pleasant dream, or perhaps waking to an even more pleasant one, his eyes crinkling so endearingly that Rey's smile grew to match his. “Hmm, good morning,” he mumbled warmly, lifting his head to kiss her. “How did you sleep?”</p><p>“Better than I have in a while,” Rey told him, pushing his hair back. “You?”</p><p>“Same.” He blinked a few times, as if he was still unsure he was really awake. “I was afraid it wasn't real,” he confessed. “But you're really here.”</p><p>“I am,” Rey laughed. “And you're really here.”</p><p>Ben's arm squeezed around her waist. “God, I'm just so happy, Rey.” He kissed her cheek. “I don't really know how this works,” he admitted, looking down at her with concern. “I've never...well, I've never been in a real relationship before. If that's what we are. Not that we need to...you know, put a label on it, or anything.” He looked hopefully uneasy, worrying that he said too much. “Fuck, just tell me to stop talking, okay?”</p><p>“Stop. You're fine,” Rey assured him. “I mean...truth be told, this is all a lot faster than I'm used to...But don't worry. We'll figure it out together. One step at a time, right?”</p><p>Ben nodded, smiling in relief. He reached for his phone to check the time. “Jesus, it's almost noon already. You didn't have to be at work this morning, did you?”</p><p>“Nope. Not until I bartend tonight.”</p><p>“Oh, good.” He slid around her to get off the couch, brushing a kiss on her forehead as he got to his feet. “Well...are you hungry? Do you want breakfast?” He looked thoughtful. “Is it breakfast at this point of the day, or is it lunch? Brunch, maybe? Isn't that a weekend thing?”</p><p>Rey laughed. “Well, it's brunch on the weekend because that's when people sleep in,” she said.</p><p>Ben's eyes twinkled in amusement. “Well, we're having a Friday brunch.” He considered. “I'd offer to cook, but I cleaned out my fridge before I left and I don't really have anything to work with.”</p><p>Rey shrugged, stretching her legs. “I know. It's fine. We could go somewhere?”</p><p>Ben looked puzzled. “What do you mean, you know?”</p><p>Rey, realizing her slip, sat up slowly, a guilty look on her face. “Um, well, when I didn't hear from you, and you weren't answering my calls, I...well, I kind of broke into your apartment.” She hunched over, cringing up at him. “I was worried,” she added quickly. “I thought something was wrong.”</p><p>Ben stared at her for a moment, considering this information. “Like...you picked the lock?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey said, looking at her hands in her lap. “Are you mad?”</p><p>Ben ran a hand over his face, pretending to think.</p><p>Rey lowered her head and bit her lip.</p><p>“Do you...do you think you could teach <em>me</em> how to do that?” Ben finally asked.</p><p>Rey scoffed, her face lighting up. “Yes, I can teach you.”</p><p>“Then no, I'm not mad,” Ben said. “That's kind of touching, actually. I've never had anyone commit a felony out of concern for my safety.”</p><p>“Oh, stop,” Rey teased, rolling her eyes. “It's hardly a felony if it's for someone's welfare.”</p><p>“Maybe you should be telling that to a lawyer,” Ben teased back, holding out his hand to pull Rey to her feet. “I suppose I deserve it. I should have been checking my phone. I'm sorry.” His eyes met hers. “Are you mad at <em>me</em>?”</p><p>“I'll get over it,” Rey said with an exaggerated sigh. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “But no. I'm not. Just don't do it again.”</p><p>“Oh, I won't, now that I know you can break into my house.” Ben laughed. He pressed his forehead against hers. “But I really mean it. I was an ass this week. I want to be better than that.”</p><p>“I was an ass, too.” Rey took a deep breath. “You know...Dr. Kanata said you'd be open to couple's counseling,” she suggested.</p><p>Ben blinked. “Wait...you're seeing Dr. Kanata, too?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Rey laughed softly. “You know, I kind of think she was trying to set us up. Isn't that weird?”</p><p>“That <em>is </em>weird,” Ben agreed, amused but his brow creased in befuddlement. “Well, anyway...yes, that sounds like a great idea.” He kissed her forehead quickly. “So, brunch?”</p><p>“Can we go pick up my car first?” Rey asked. “I kind of want to go back at my apartment to change.”</p><p>“Of course,” Ben said, brushing her hair away from her face. “We have the next forever, after all.”</p>
<hr/><p>“There's another thing I need to tell you,” Rey said, slipping her hand into Ben's, his fingers immediately opening to allow hers to lace through. “Something else to get off my conscience.”</p><p>Ben smiled indulgingly at her. “What's that?”</p><p>“Well...” Rey trailed off. “You remember the first time you gave me a ride? You know, as an Uber?”</p><p>“Of course I do.”</p><p>“The thing is...well, I gave you a rating...and...” Rey took a deep breath. “I gave you three stars.”</p><p>Ben stopped walking. “You gave me...<em>three stars</em>?”</p><p>Rey cringed. “Yeah...I've just felt so bad about it since then.”</p><p>“Rey...that dropped my average for a while. I was wondering what happened.”</p><p>“I'm sorry.” Rey squeezed his hand. “I was in a really bad mood that night, and...” She bit her lip. “Are you really mad?”</p><p>Ben considered. “No,” he said finally. “Because I gave you only four.”</p><p>“<em>Only four</em>?” Rey exclaimed, indignant.</p><p>“You weren't particularly nice,” Ben pointed out. “I mean, I thought you were cute, but...you made me turn off my music.”</p><p>“I can't believe you.”</p><p>“You gave me <em>three</em>.”</p><p>“All right, there's one way we can settle this,” Rey said, taking her phone out of her purse and unlocking it. “I'll put in a ride request.”</p><p>Ben broke out into incredulous laughter. “Are you serious?”</p><p>“I've never been more serious,” Rey told him. “Get in the car and accept my ride request.”</p><p>“Rey, Uber ratings are so arbitrary. My average drops for stupid shit. We can just forget it, okay?”</p><p>“No,” Rey persisted. “Get in the car.”</p><p>Ben shot a playful look at her, his eyes twinkling, then climbed into the Honda and shut the door behind him. He opened the door again and poked his head out. “I have to give you the full experience, though,” he said. “I can't just pick you up from my driveway.”</p><p>“Whatever you need,” Rey said, then turned and walked around to the front of the duplex to stand on the sidewalk. She pulled up the app, then put in a ride request.</p><p>Ben zoomed past her out of the driveway, and before she could walk to his car, he had put it in gear and was driving down the road, shooting a roguish smile in Rey's direction as he drove away.</p><p>“What the fuck,” Rey muttered to herself, unable to repress a laugh. “That boy.” She waited a few moments before her phone buzzed, and she looked down at it, relieved that some other poor unsuspecting driver hadn't accepted her ride request.</p><p>She looked up to see Ben, having clearly driven around the block, coming back down the road, and she covered her face and laughed as he pulled over in front of her.</p><p>He rolled down the front passenger window. “Are you Rey?” he asked, visibly trying to keep a straight face. “I'm your Uber.”</p><p>“You really commit to the part, don't you?”</p><p>“What part? I'm your Uber driver.”</p><p>“Ben.”</p><p>“Meter's running, ma'am.” Ben could barely contain his laughter as he rolled the window up.</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes. “This was <em>my</em> idea,” she sighed to herself, climbing into the passenger's seat.</p><p>“Most passengers pick the backseat,” Ben deadpanned, “but you're fine there, I guess.” He checked his mirrors and pulled away from the curb. “So...Niima Outpost? Can't imagine it's really that exciting to visit this time of day.”</p><p>“Actually, it's quite interesting in the before noon hours,” Rey said, deciding she should play along with the bit. “Great for people watching.”</p><p>“People watching,” Ben emphasized with as much feigned interest as he could manage, his lips twitching in amusement as Rey pressed her hand to her mouth in a vain effort to smother a laugh. “That sounds like a very exciting way to spend the day.”</p><p>“It is,” Rey answered. “Would you care to watch with me?”</p><p>Ben winced, sucking in a breath through his teeth. “You know, I'd <em>love to</em>, but I'm kind of meeting this girl for brunch.”</p><p>“Brunch on a Friday?”</p><p>“Yeah, it's this thing we're trying.” Ben smoothly turned right.</p><p>“Well, would you consider cancelling your plans to hang out with me?” Rey could no longer keep the smile off her face, thoroughly enjoying this scene.</p><p>“I don't know,” Ben said, smiling. “I really like her, like, a lot.” He glanced at her, his eyes warm. “She's this kickass poet, she's super smart, she likes my music, she can pick locks, and my dog just loves her. Plus, she's just <em>ridiculously</em> beautiful.”</p><p>“Wow, she sounds really special,” Rey said, her face flushing and her heart feeling completely full. “Well, I guess that's all right, because I'm about to meet this guy.”</p><p>“Yeah? What's he like?” Ben slowed down to stop at a red light.</p><p>“Well, he's as big as a refrigerator,” Rey teased. “He's the best at cuddling, and he plays the cello, and I think that's <em>really</em> sexy.” She flirtatiously lifted an eyebrow in Ben's direction.</p><p>Ben cleared his throat, clearly off his guard. “Huh...and you were wanting to hang out with <em>me</em> instead of this guy?”</p><p>“Nah, you're right,” Rey said. “I better keep my plans with him.”</p><p>“Well, I hope you have fun,” Ben said, pulling over in front of the club.</p><p>“You, too,” Rey told him. “Enjoy your Friday brunch.”</p><p>Ben tapped his phone, then turned to Rey, dropping the act. “I think it's going to actually charge you real money, though,” he warned her. “I can pay you back.”</p><p>“You would give me a free Uber ride in exchange for a good review?” Rey gasped, pretending to be shocked. “The scandal. I thought that was against the Uber Code of Ethics.”</p><p>Ben shook his head, laughing. “Fine. I'll pay for brunch, then.”</p><p>“Deal.” Rey kissed his cheek. “Meet at my apartment first?”</p><p>“Sure.” He watched Rey reach for the door handle, then held out a hand. “Wait a second, you have to write me a review.”</p><p>Rey winked, opened the door, and stepped out, waving her phone at him before slamming the door behind her.</p><p>Ben shook his head, laughing to himself. He picked up his phone.</p><p>
  <em>Would you like to leave a rating for your passenger?</em>
</p><p>Ben considered, then began to type.</p><p>
  <em>She's the most beautiful, funny, sweet girl I've ever met, and she makes me so happy when she's around. I'm in love with her. I would take her anywhere she wanted. </em>
</p><p>Five stars.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Would you like to leave a rating for your driver?</em>
</p><p>Rey glanced back at the Honda, spotting Ben smiling as he typed into his phone. She grinned, then began to type.</p><p>
  <em>Ben is the sweetest, kindest person, and I'd let him drive me anywhere. Good driver and even better human. I love him.</em>
</p><p>Five stars.</p>
<hr/><p>“Professor Skywalker.”</p><p>“Hey, Uncle Luke, it's Ben.” Ben craned his neck to make sure Rey got to her car, then put his car into gear when he spotted her tail lights turning on.</p><p>“Ben. So you've thought about it.”</p><p>“I have.” Ben checked his mirrors, signaled, and pulled into traffic. “I'm not going to do it. You'll have to help me transfer my credits.”</p><p>“<em>What?”</em> Luke demanded. “Ben, it's literally just your recital.”</p><p>“I'm aware. I can't go back home right now.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>Ben smiled to himself. “Well, there's this girl,” he said. “And...well, her life is here, and so is mine. I can't leave.”</p><p>“Ben. It's just for a few months. Please think about this carefully.”</p><p>Ben signaled, checked his blind spot, then changed lanes. “Fine. I'll put on the recital there. But I'm going to do all the work from here.”</p><p>“<em>What?</em>” Luke repeated, raising his voice. “Ben. Do you know the <em>logistics</em> of preparing your recital? You have to practice with your accompanist, then put on your recital permission for the faculty...”</p><p>Ben cut him off. “You keep coming up with reasons for why I can't just do all the prep work from here, and I've yet to hear you come up with an actual reason. I can drive out there any time I need to. I'm staying here.”</p><p>Luke made a noise that sounded like something between a groan and a deep sigh. “Fine. We'll make it work.” He grumbled. “See, <em>this</em> is because you are my nephew.”</p><p>“Thanks, Uncle Luke, I appreciate it. I gotta go.” He hung up before Luke could say anything else, then slowed down to pull over in front of Rey's apartment building.</p><p>He put his car into park and looked up at the building, a slow smile spreading across his face.</p><p>Home was wherever he wanted it to be, and wherever Rey was, he was home.</p><p>He got out of the car and walked towards the building, already texting Rey, <em>I'm here. Want me to come up?</em></p>
<hr/><p>Finn approached the bar, resting both hands flat on its surface, and leaned forward. “Rey,” he called.</p><p>Rey had been talking with a customer sitting at the bar, but when she heard Finn's voice, she turned around. “Finn, hey,” she said, reaching for a clean glass. “Sorry. Coke for you?”</p><p>“I wanted to apologize,” Finn blurted. “I wanted to make sure you and Ben were in the same place at the same time, and I...well, I should have just told you from the beginning.” He shook his head. “I mean, I'm not sorry that I helped you guys, but I was the one that parked you in, and you were just so upset, and...” He trailed off, realizing he was rambling. “Anyway, I'm sorry if I hurt you.”</p><p>Rey blinked at him. “That was you?” she asked finally. “And you parked that badly on purpose?”</p><p>Finn rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah,” he admitted.</p><p>Rey laughed. “God, that was masterful,” she said. “You really had my car trapped.”</p><p>Finn relaxed, then mimed brushing dust off his shoulder. “It was nothing,” he said. “It was all to help a friend.”</p><p>Rey grinned. “Well, I really appreciate it. I didn't at the time, but I know what you were trying to do.” She set a glass of Coke in front of him. “Thanks, Finn. You're the best friend a girl could ask for.”</p><p>Finn picked up the glass and lifted it in a toasting gesture. “So. You and Ben figured things out?”</p><p>Rey's eyes lit up, and she glanced back in the direction of the customer she had been talking to. Finn craned his neck, and it dawned on him that it was Ben that was sitting at the bar, smiling adoringly at Rey, a glass of ice water in front of him. He noticed Finn, and nodded to him, lifting his glass in his direction.</p><p>“Yeah, we did,” Rey confirmed.</p><p>Finn scoffed, clearly pleased that all his work had finally paid off. “I see that.” He nodded back at Ben. “How's it going, Ben?”</p><p>“Good,” Ben chirped, his eyes twinkling back in Rey's direction. “How are you?” He gestured to the empty stool next to him, inviting Finn to sit.</p><p>“You know, I'm good,” Finn said, sliding into the empty stool. “I'm glad you guys've worked things out.” He held out his glass to Ben.</p><p>Ben lifted his glass to clink against Finn's. “Me, too,” he said, once again turning his head to look at Rey, who was looking back at them in thorough delight.</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Jannah cut in, approaching them. “I'm feeling left out. I want to meet Rey's new man, too.”</p><p>Rey gestured in Ben's direction. “Jannah, meet Ben.”</p><p>Ben immediately held out a hand for Jannah to shake, and Jannah studied him for a moment before holding out her own. “Okay, I like you,” she said.</p><p>Ben chuckled. “Thanks. It's nice to meet you, Jannah.”</p><p>“Okay, he is <em>way</em> better than Poe, oh, my God,” Jannah said to Rey. “This boy has manners!”</p><p>Rey was beaming so brightly she was nearly incandescent. “He's very good, that's for sure.”</p><p>Ben, by now fully blushing, checked his phone, then took a final pull from his water. “Hey, I should get some driving in,” he told Rey, reaching for his jacket. “You want to come over when you're done with work?”</p><p>“I'd love to.” She leaned over the bar to kiss him. “Drive safe, okay?”</p><p>“I will.” He nodded to Finn and Jannah. “Good seeing you, Finn, and Jannah, it was nice to meet you. See you later.” He waved, smiled one last time at Rey, and walked out of the club, sliding his jacket on.</p><p>“Look at <em>you,</em> Rey,” Jannah said approvingly. “New job and a new man in the same week!”</p><p>“Yeah, <em>about time</em>,” Finn deadpanned. Rey shot him a look and he said, “Kidding. I'm really happy for you, Rey.”</p><p>“Thanks, friend.” Rey swept Ben's glass off the bar. “So...do you like Ben now?”</p><p>Finn pretended to think. “Yeah. Yeah, I like him.”</p><p>“For my sake?”</p><p>“Nah, to hell with Poe's sake. I like him because I like him.” He drained his glass and set it down on the bar with an emphatic motion. “So there.” He extended one fist to Rey, which she met with her own. “So...how do you feel?”</p><p>Rey smiled, her eyes glowing. “Happy,” she said simply, collecting his glass and moving towards a customer that had approached the bar.</p><p>Finn watched her for a moment, smiling, before he turned and went out to start his shift. “Those idiots,” he muttered to himself, his smile broadening.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Four Months Later...</em>
</p><p>Rey pushed through into Ben's apartment, sliding out of her shoes and dropping her purse and bag by the door. “Hey, Chewie,” she greeted the dog, who was running around her feet in excitement, his tail wagging so fast it was a blur as he eagerly tried to jump up into her arms. She scratched his ears, laughing when he licked her hand. He zoomed back towards the kitchen, as if to alert Ben that Rey had arrived.</p><p>Rey's lips quirked up into a smile as she walked towards the kitchen, where she found Ben, who was standing in front of the oven, punching something into the timer. She stopped behind him and wrapped her arms around his thick waist, snuggling into his back, inhaling the combined scent of his deodorant and aftershave, her most favorite smell in the world.</p><p>“Hey, sweetheart,” Ben greeted her affectionately, lifting one arm so Rey could slide under it. He bent down to kiss her, winding his arm around her. “How was your day?”</p><p>“Good. I ran some deliveries out today.”</p><p>“Oh, that's right, it's delivery day!” Ben smiled, knowing that this was a favorite task of Rey's.</p><p>“Yeah.” Rey smiled, her hand smoothing over his abs as she wrapped her arm around his torso. “I saw Rose at the bookstore. She's really excited for your recital.”</p><p>“I'm glad she's coming,” Ben said. He chuckled. “Between you, my parents, and your friends, I might get a whole ten people in the audience!”</p><p>“Stop,” Rey admonished him, squeezing her arm tighter around him. “It's going to be wonderful. I'm so proud of you.” She kissed his cheek, then released him, and he let go of her as she reached for the fridge. “But anyway, I was driving around, listening to some music, and I heard this lovely art song by Debussy.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Ben spun around to lean back against the oven, casually crossing his arms, tilting his head in interest. “Nice use of 'art song.' Tell me about it.”</p><p>Rey grabbed the Brita filter, then reached up to get a glass from the cabinet. “It was called 'Beau Soir,'” she said.</p><p>“'Beautiful night,'” Ben replied.</p><p>“Have you heard of it?” Rey asked, pouring herself a glass of water.</p><p>“No, sorry,” Ben said, shaking his head quickly. “I took French in high school. I just translated the title.”</p><p>“I didn't know you took French,” Rey said, putting the filter back in the fridge.</p><p>“I don't remember much of it,” Ben admitted. “Just some random words and phrases and sentences like...” He trailed off, staring into space, trying to think of something. “<em>Le chien est dans la chambre avec le fromage.</em>”</p><p>“Ooh, that sounds kind of sultry,” Rey said, impressed. “What does it mean?”</p><p>“The dog is in the room with the cheese,” Ben translated, struggling to keep a straight face.</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes. “I shouldn't have asked,” she said. “Just let me believe you were telling me sweet nothings in French.”</p><p>Ben suggestively lifted an eyebrow. “I'll learn some sweet nothings, just for you. For special occasions.” He smirked.</p><p>“You're so bad,” Rey giggled, taking a sip of water.</p><p>Ben laughed and kissed her forehead. “So, <em>ma chère, </em>tell me about this Debussy art song you heard.”</p><p>“It's this lovely French poem,” Rey went on. “I looked up the words on my lunch break. I know the translation's probably not exact but it's about the beauty of nature and being alive.” Her eyes darted around the room, trying to remember the lines she liked. “<em>When in the setting sun the rivers are pink / And a warm shiver runs over the wheatfields...</em>” She trailed off, forgetting the rest of it. “I forget how the rest of it goes. But it's lovely. I love those words...'a warm shiver runs over the wheatfields.' Isn't that just powerful imagery?”</p><p>Ben nodded, intrigued. “It sounds like one of your poems. Can you play it for me later?” he asked.</p><p>“Of course.” Rey took another sip of water. “So. How was your day, my love?”</p><p>“Good.” Ben peeked into the oven, then shut the door and leaned back against it. “Did a little driving.” He chuckled. “You know, the thing about driving during the day—people tend to be a little more...sober.”</p><p>Rey laughed. “That's a good thing, right?”</p><p>“It is,” Ben agreed, “but they also don't tip as well. But I'm not complaining,” he added quickly. “I like being home at night.”</p><p>“You're still getting used to it,” Rey reminded him, reaching out to pick a fuzz off of his black T-shirt. “You've been driving at night for so long.”</p><p>Ben nodded. “But I'm glad we have nights free,” he said, grinning. “Feels something like normal.”</p><p>Rey smiled in return. “Me, too,” she said. “Did you get some good practicing in?”</p><p>Ben looked uncertain. “Yeah,” he said finally, stretching out the word doubtfully. “I got a few hours in.” He sighed. “It just doesn't sound as good when I'm not playing for you.”</p><p>Rey tilted her head, looking concerned. “Do you want to practice for me after we take Chewie for his walk? If Armitage throws a fit, I'll kick his ass for you.”</p><p>Ben scoffed, remembering the last time Rey and Armitage had butted heads. As much as Ben avoided confrontation, Rey dove headlong into it, and she had lit into Armitage so ferociously that Ben had to hold her back and Rose, always the diplomat, bravely stepped in to restore peace between them. Since then, Armitage regarded Rey with a level of begrudging respect. “Well, I think after the last time, Armitage doesn't want to get in your way, and Rose probably won't let him, anyway,” he said. “She's a real pistol.”</p><p>“She is,” Rey agreed proudly.</p><p>“But anyway,” Ben went on, “I appreciate the offer, but I guess...well, some things have to be a surprise, right?”</p><p>Rey frowned. “Well, it's not like I haven't heard your entire program already,” she protested. “But fine. I don't mind listening, if it would help. Whatever you decide.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Ben went quiet, his eyes dropping, and Rey watched him for a moment. “I'm nervous to meet your parents,” she confessed finally, changing the subject, taking his hand and guiding his arm over her shoulders.</p><p>“They're so excited to meet you,” Ben reassured her. He smiled and kissed her temple, gently pulling her closer. “They're going to love you so much. My dad keeps texting me and asking what you like to eat.”</p><p>“And what did you tell him?”</p><p>“Everything,” Ben teased.</p><p>“Ha ha,” Rey deadpanned. “Well, wise guy, what's for dinner?”</p><p>Ben opened the oven a crack so Rey could see. “I stumbled on this recipe for eggplant parmesan, and it sounded so good that I knew I had to make it for dinner tonight.”</p><p>“Ooh,” Rey breathed, admiring it. Her face turned thoughtful. “You just <em>happened</em> on this recipe?”</p><p>“Yes,” Ben said, shutting the oven.</p><p>“Where did you find it?”</p><p>“Online.”</p><p>“I just pinned an eggplant parm recipe...you didn't steal my phone and go through my Pinterest, did you?”</p><p>“I didn't have to steal your phone. I got my own account and I found you.”</p><p>“You what? How?” Rey put a hand on her hip.</p><p>Ben looked down at Rey, enjoying this interaction entirely too much. “How many Reys do you think there are, that would have an entire board dedicated to 'Food I Want Ben to Make For Me.'”</p><p>“Oh...you found that,” Rey muttered, embarrassed.</p><p>“Don't know how I could miss that,” Ben teased. “You have, like, three hundred pins.”</p><p>“Two hundred and eighty five,” Rey argued.</p><p>“Right, right,” Ben said, “and maybe two-thirds of those are some kind of bread.”</p><p>“I like fresh baked bread,” Rey mumbled, frowning and hanging her head.</p><p>“Hey.” Ben slid his hand under her chin and lifted it so she was looking at him. “I think it's cute. Really. I'm sorry. I was only teasing you.” He smiled. “So. New to-do list after my recital. Learn to bake bread, and learn some sultry French phrases to whisper in your ear at night. How does that sound?” He bent down to kiss her slowly, his hand sliding up her back, until he felt her frown relax.</p><p>Rey giggled. “I love you,” she told him.</p><p>“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Ben answered, and Rey knew by the way he looked at her that he meant every word.</p>
<hr/><p>Ben woke up, checked the time—2:25 in the morning—and realized that Rey wasn't in bed next to him. He rubbed his eyes, pulled the covers back, and got out of bed.</p><p>He found her in the living room, sitting on the couch with a single lamp on, wearing a long-sleeved black henley she had—well, she would say <em>borrowed </em>from his closet, which was so large on her that she had the sleeves pushed up to her elbows and the neckline hung loosely over one of her shoulders. She was bent over her notebook, scribbling something down with intense concentration, occasionally stopping to read what she wrote while idly petting Chewie, who was drowsily curled up tight next to her.</p><p>He leaned against the doorframe, admiring the scene. He loved her so much. It was hard for him to remember a time when his life wasn't fully intertwined with hers, when she wasn't coming back from work and having dinner with him, when his sweatshirts weren't disappearing from his closet and miraculously reappearing at her apartment, when she wasn't sitting on the floor, playing with Chewie, who absolutely adored her.</p><p>It felt like a distant past, another life, when he dreaded being home at night and alone with his thoughts, but now, it was his most favorite time of day, as long as she was there. It had been four months of enchanted evenings for them, but it was like it had already been a lifetime. Some nights he would practice his recital repertoire for her, or play her favorite art songs to make her smile when she had a bad day, or soothe her with some Bach when she was tired and wanted to rest. Other nights, she would read poetry to him, her fingers running through his hair while he rested his head in her lap, and he would focus not just on the words, but on the musicality of her voice as she read them, as if Keats and Teasdale and Whitman not only wrote words, but also music. He had known next to nothing about poetry before he met Rey, and now he was fascinated by it, but mostly by Rey reading it to him.</p><p>Careful not to disturb her, he walked behind the couch, brushed her hair to one side, and bent to softly kiss the back of her neck. She gasped sharply, startled, clearly not realizing he was in the room, but her hand remained steady in place on the page. “I need to finish the next few lines,” she told him, not moving her head. “Count to forty, please.”</p><p>“One...two...three...” Ben started counting, a teasing smile spreading across his face.</p><p>“<em>Inside</em> your head, smartass,” Rey rebuked him, but Ben could hear the smile in her voice.</p><p>He waited patiently for her to finish. One of the many things he loved about Rey was how he could trust her to be honest with him and set boundaries—she had made some real progress with Dr. Kanata. She would always tell him if he said or did something she didn't like, and always told him how long she needed him to wait for something.</p><p>Rey sighed, shut her notebook, and set it aside. She leaned back in her seat so she was looking up at him. “Hi,” she said, her voice warm.</p><p>Ben rested both hands on the back of the couch and leaned on them to look down at her. “Hi,” he said, smiling lovingly. “You're awake.”</p><p>“So are you.” She sighed again, relaxing into the couch. “I know I only have a half day tomorrow but I wanted to give something to Amilyn to look at over the weekend.” She rubbed at her eyes. “I woke up and I had this idea that I needed to write down, and...” She gestured towards her notebook. “So.”</p><p>Ben furrowed his brow. “You're welcome to keep your notebook in my nightstand,” he reminded her. “If you have an idea, you can write it down, your little reading light doesn't bother me. You won't wake me up.”</p><p>“I know, my love, but the last time I kept my notebook in your nightstand I forgot it and then you were at your parents' for the weekend, so I've been keeping it in my work bag. I didn't want to wake you with me moving around so much.”</p><p>“Shit. That's right. I've been meaning to get you a key.”</p><p>Rey shrugged. “It's okay.”</p><p>“Can you keep a different notebook in my nightstand?” Ben suggested, walking around to the front of the couch and sitting next to her. She grabbed his hand and draped his arm around her shoulders, leaning into his chest. “Just for writing down ideas you have at night?”</p><p>“I guess I could do that...” Rey trailed off, and sighed. “I don't know. I just like keeping everything in one place. I don't like having a notebook here, and a notebook at my apartment, and a notebook I take to and from work. It's just too much.”</p><p>Ben smoothed his hand through her hair. “Why do you feel like you would need so many?”</p><p>“I don't know. Because sometimes I stay here and sometimes I go back to my apartment. Because I get up early and run from here to my apartment to get ready for work. If I just have the one notebook in my bag, it's all in one place, wherever I go.”</p><p>Ben fell silent, wanting so badly to say something that had been on his mind for some time. He cleared his throat. “Rey, this is all so impractical.”</p><p>“I know,” Rey sighed.</p><p>They were silent for a moment, and Ben figured he might as well push forward. “Rey...I like when you stay here with me.”</p><p>Rey smiled up at him. “I like it, too.”</p><p>“I've just been thinking,” Ben went on, his voice trembling, “and well...you can say no, and that's fine, but I thought...well...we can talk about it after my recital is done, but maybe we can talk about...maybe you and me living together? In the same place?”</p><p>Rey didn't answer at first, resting her head against his chest.</p><p>“You don't have to make up your mind now,” Ben assured her quickly. “And I won't be upset if you don't want to. I just think...well, it makes a little more sense than you running around so much. And, well, I like having you here. It would make me really happy.” He chuckled. “It would be nice having all of my clothes here, too. But it doesn't have to be here. We can move into your apartment, or find a new place. Whatever you want. I'm happy wherever. But only if you want to.”</p><p>Rey was still quiet, and Ben wondered if she had fallen asleep.</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>“You talk a lot when you're nervous, did you know that?” Rey said, not moving.</p><p>“I get nervous when you don't answer me,” Ben admitted. “Sorry. Anyway, whatever you'd like to do.”</p><p>She lifted her head and turned to look at him. “One condition.”</p><p>“Name it,” Ben said, his heart lifting in hope.</p><p>“Can we make this place feel more like a <em>home</em>? You know, pictures on the walls? Décor? Maybe some bookshelves? I feel like I'm sleeping in a halfway house sometimes.”</p><p>Ben let out a relieved laugh. “Done.” He tilted his head. “So...you want to live here? You don't want to look anywhere else?”</p><p>“I like it here,” Rey said. “I mean, there's Armitage, but with Rose around so much, he's been a lot better, and it's nice to see her..." She trailed off, realizing she herself was rambling. "Why, do you want to look somewhere else?”</p><p>Ben smiled at her, leaning towards her to press his forehead against hers. “I'm home wherever you are, sweetheart. Whatever makes you happy.”</p><p>Rey brightened. “Me, too,” she answered.</p><p>Ben brushed a kiss on her forehead. “Are you still writing? Can I hear it?”</p><p>Rey smiled slyly, then with an exaggerated gesture, opened her notebook to a random page. She cleared her throat. “Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and temperate.”</p><p>Ben pressed a hand to his heart. “Wow, <em>swoon</em>,” he teased. “God, that's even better than Lord Byron.”</p><p>“Shakespeare,” Rey corrected him, shutting her notebook.</p><p>“Shakespeare.” Ben chuckled. “I knew that.”</p><p>Rey leaned against him, setting her notebook aside. “Sorry. I just don't know if it's that good yet.”</p><p>“Don't apologize, please. I'm sure it's wonderful. I'd love to hear it when you're ready.”</p><p>Rey smiled up at him, reaching up to run her hand through his hair. “How could I possibly deserve someone like you, my Ben?” she asked him softly.</p><p>Ben caught her hand and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I ask myself that about you every day, sweetheart.”</p>
<hr/><p>Rey quickly kissed Ben's cheek as she gathered her purse and bag. “Goodbye, my love,” she told him.</p><p>“Have a good day, sweetheart,” Ben said. “What time are you getting off work?”</p><p>“About noon. Pick me up from my apartment at 12:30? I have a few things left to pack but it shouldn't take long.”</p><p>“I'll be there.”</p><p>“Bye, Chewie,” Rey told the dog, who had followed her to the door, and gestured to him to stay and not follow her. She smiled at Ben, waved, and shut the door behind her.</p><p>Chewie sat down, tilting his head, his ears pricked up hopefully, expecting Rey to come back through the door to tell him what a good boy he was for staying. He tilted his head to the other side, then looked forlornly up at Ben, whining softly, his ears pinning back.</p><p>“I know, bud,” Ben told him, bending down to scratch him under his chin. “I feel the same way.”</p>
<hr/><p>Rey waited impatiently towards the end of a long line at the coffee shop, cursing herself. After nearly four months of picking up Amilyn's coffee in the morning, she had a pretty good idea of when the busy times were, but this particular Thursday morning, she had been very wrong.</p><p>“Goddammit,” she muttered, pulling out her phone to text Amilyn to let her know she was delayed, but her grumpiness subsided when she clicked her screen on to find that Ben had texted her. She tapped to open it.</p><p>He had sent a picture of Chewie watching the door, his head tilted, listening in anticipation. <em>I'm trying to load the car and this little guy is waiting for you.</em></p><p>Rey smiled. <em>Aww, sweet boy :)</em></p><p>
  <em>Yeah, he's been sitting here and crying since you left.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are you sure that it's just the dog or are you sitting at the door crying too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe ;)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you. I'll see you soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love you, sweetheart.</em>
</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>Rey looked up, her head snapping in the direction of the voice that called from behind her. Her smile faded. “Poe.”</p><p>They stared at each other, an uneasy look in Poe's eyes making it abundantly clear that he hadn't thought this through and maybe regretted trying to talk to her. It had been a while since Rey had seen him, and it was like her bubble of happiness had loudly burst and fallen around her as she studied him. She found herself immediately assessing him, noticing how much shorter he was than Ben, remembering that his eyes never lit up quite the same way as Ben's when he looked at her. There were some changes, too—he had grown out his facial hair and he looked a little older than he did when she had seen him last, which was surprising to her, since she had never seen him anything but clean-shaven.</p><p>She knew him, but now he was practically a stranger to her. He had been eight months of her life, and she wondered how that was ever possible, now that her life was at the duplex, with her and Ben and Chewie, a life that felt so easy and natural that it seemed like it had always been that way.</p><p>“Uh...it's been a while,” Poe said finally, breaking the silence. “You look good.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Rey said faintly. “So do you.”</p><p>“Thanks.” He looked her over, doing some assessing of his own. “So...how have you been?”</p><p>“I'm good.” Rey smiled, unable to keep on her guard as she thought about her life since she saw him last. “I, uh, got a new job.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Poe looked mildly interested. “Not bartending anymore?”</p><p>“No. 9 to 5 lifestyle.”</p><p>“That's great. Congrats.”</p><p>“Thank you.” She opened her mouth, considering if she should tell Poe more.</p><p>Fortunately, Poe prompted her. “Finn tells me you've been seeing someone.” He looked even more uncomfortable, almost like he wished he hadn't brought it up. “The Uber driver, right?”</p><p>It felt strange and a little annoying to Rey that anyone could refer to Ben as <em>the Uber driver</em> when to her, he was so much more than that—but surely Poe wouldn't be interested in hearing about how Ben was a beautiful cellist, a wonderful cook, a thoughtful listener, a kind, gentle, affectionate soul who made her feel alive every time he touched her...</p><p>“Yeah, Ben,” Rey corrected him, brightening as she spoke his name. “We're, uh, going out of town for a long weekend. He plays cello, and he's performing his senior recital on Saturday. We're staying with his parents.”</p><p>Poe nodded, trying to look interested. “Wow, that's cool. Meeting the parents, that's big.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Rey smiled. She paused, then added, “We're going to be moving in together, soon.”</p><p>Poe cringed, just slightly, and Rey remembered anew that they had once dated and that was something that he had asked from her.</p><p>“That's great,” Poe said finally. “I'm happy for you, Rey.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Rey glanced over her shoulder to see if the line had moved at all.</p><p>Poe started speaking and Rey's head snapped back to look at him. “It wasn't all bad, was it? You and I?”</p><p>Rey frowned. “Poe,” she sighed, “that's another part of our lives now.”</p><p>“I know,” Poe said, dropping his eyes. “I just...I guess I wanted to believe that it wasn't a waste of time, you know?”</p><p>Rey considered this, wishing the line would move faster. “I did care about you, Poe. We just...we weren't right for each other.”</p><p>“Right.” Poe nodded.</p><p>“Ma'am? Can I help you?”</p><p>Rey exhaled in relief, turning around to see the barista was ready to take her order. “Uh, yeah, can I get a large dark roast, and...uh, I don't suppose you have peppermint mocha this time of year, right?”</p><p>“Ah, it's usually not on the menu in June,” the barista said, tapping her order in, “but we can make something for you. What size?”</p><p>“Large,” Rey said, smiling. She slid her card into the chip reader and turned back to Poe. “Take care of yourself, okay?” she told him, slipping her card back into her wallet.</p><p>“Thanks, Rey. You, too.”</p><p>Rey took her order off the counter and headed for the door, smirking as she remembered that all of this had started because Poe had set an alarm for the wrong time and it never went off anyway. She recalled that night, standing outside the club, furious that he wasn't answering his phone and that she had to wait for an Uber...and then Ben just appeared in her life, Rachmaninoff playing from his speakers, and he never left.</p><p>In a way, she supposed, pushing out into the warm June sunshine, she had Poe to thank for everything.</p>
<hr/><p>Rey shut her laptop with a long exhale and reached for her purse. “Need anything before I go?” she asked Amilyn, who was busy reading over a submission with her chin thoughtfully propped up in one hand.</p><p>Amilyn started, then looked up at the clock. “Oh...noon already!” She lowered her reading glasses. “No, Rey, nothing else. Good work today.” She smiled. “I'm glad you're taking a long weekend. You deserve a break.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Rey said, smiling in turn.</p><p>“Any big plans?” Amilyn shuffled some papers on her desk.</p><p>“Ben's putting on his recital this weekend,” Rey told her.</p><p>“Oh, that's right, that's <em>this</em> weekend! Well, give my best to Ben.” Her smile widened. She had only met Ben a few times, when he came to see Rey at work, but even if she hadn't, she had read all of Rey's poems about him and knew enough to like him.</p><p>Rey tilted her head. “I'm meeting his parents, too, and I'm so nervous,” she confided. “I hope they like me.”</p><p>“Stop.” Amilyn set her papers down and looked directly at Rey with a blue, soul-piercing stare. “They'll love you. It's going to be amazing.” She flipped through another page, finding what she was looking for. “Oh! Before you go. I looked over one of the poems you left me, and I think it's really good. You've really improved.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Rey said, pleased. “I kind of scribbled it out at 2 in the morning.”</p><p>“Really?” Amilyn looked amused. “Us night owls. I do some of my best work after midnight.” She gestured to her coffee. “That's why I need a large coffee every day,” she joked. “Anyway. I still need to go through the rest of what you gave me, but that one for sure I'd like to put in the next issue, if you're okay with that.”</p><p>Rey put a hand to her mouth, stunned. “You really think it's good enough?”</p><p>Amilyn smiled warmly. “Of course. What do you think?”</p><p>“I'd love that,” Rey said, overjoyed. “Yes. That would be great.”</p><p>“Excellent.” Amilyn nodded and moved the sheet to a different pile. “It's going in.” She looked back up at Rey. “Have a great weekend, Rey.”</p><p>“You too!” Rey called over her shoulder, her excitement already kinetic energy, driving her out the door and towards her car, anxious to get home and tell Ben all about it.</p><p><em>My life,</em> she thought, <em>has never been better than it is right now, at this moment.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...of course, since I introduced Domestic Han Solo, I could not possibly deprive you of Domestic Ben Solo &lt;3</p><p>Claude Debussy, <a href="https://youtu.be/sGgccgTRT-w">Beau Soir</a>, which by the way also sounds lovely on <a href="https://youtu.be/VBrdF-M2csA">cello</a>. The original French poem by Paul Bourget can be found <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beau_soir">here</a>. (Admittedly, I don't speak French, so I got a little help from Google Translate with the words.)</p><p>Since Rey loves poetry and Ben's music, art songs seemed like the perfect thing she would connect with! (I'm a singer so I love them too! But I promise I wasn't projecting my musical tastes on Rey!)</p><p>Speaking of poetry, the poets I mentioned have had their works set to music! Here are some samples:</p><p>Richard Danielpour, <a href="https://youtu.be/-eC4yso3k64">"Dies Irae" (from <em>An American Requiem</em>)</a>. I've mentioned Ralph Vaughan Williams' "Dirge for Two Veterans" in a previous chapter, which is a setting of a Walt Whitman poem. Here's another (although slightly more bombastic) setting of the same poem, incorporated with the Dies Irae text.<br/>Ralph Vaughan Williams, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/1Ii7kqC7CX7NWHo90sf8Qy?si=1hDda0jWRKqfv9f2kGFMwQ">A Sea Symphony (Symphony No. 1)</a>. Speaking of Ralph Vaughan Williams, he was a big fan of Whitman's! The entire symphony is based on Walt Whitman's poetry.<br/>Ēriks Ešenvalds, <a href="https://youtu.be/5LdIQlbPsjs">Stars</a>, a setting of a Sara Teasdale poem (and yes, those ARE tuned wine glasses! Modern music is wonderful)<br/>Charles Villiers Stanford, <em><a href="https://youtu.be/6HIhbs7pIEw">La belle dame sans merci</a></em>, a setting of a poem by John Keats. (I'm not really familiar with a lot of musical settings of poems by Keats, I just like his poems!)</p><p>See you soon for Chapter 33!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>All right, everyone, we're about to get to the end of the story, and I first want to thank all of you for coming along on this journey with me. As I mentioned in the beginning, this is my first published fic, and I am so excited and touched that so many of you have read it and said such lovely things about it. I hope you will be very happy with the way the story ends! &lt;3</p><p>With that in mind, I will be taking a little extra time between these chapters. I am not quite done with the final chapter (it's SO hard to say goodbye to this story!), and I want to take time to ensure that it's exactly how I want it. So, I will not be publishing a chapter this Tuesday. I am hoping that it will be ready by Friday, and if not, by next Sunday. Please know that I want it to be complete as soon as I can so that you can all enjoy the end of the story, but I also don't want to rush to the finish line and have it be disappointing (who am I, JJ Abrams???).</p><p>Please enjoy Chapter 33 :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben buckled his seatbelt, smiling at Rey as she slid into the passenger's seat, holding Chewie in her arms. “Ready?” he asked her.</p><p>“I want to be the navigator!” Rey announced, shifting Chewie to one arm so she could buckle her own seatbelt with her other hand.</p><p>Ben laughed. “Rey, I have GPS on my phone.”</p><p>Rey narrowed her eyes. “I want to be the navigator,” she repeated, insistently.</p><p>He smiled lovingly at her. “Okay. You can be the navigator,” he agreed. “So, there's a rest stop about halfway where we can switch off? I'll let you know when we're close.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “Sounds good.”</p><p>Ben handed her his phone. “What should we listen to?”</p><p>“Mahler?” Rey asked, scrolling through his playlists.</p><p>“God, I love you,” Ben said, casting a adoring look in her direction. “Which one are you picking?”</p><p>“The one with the cowbell?” Rey lifted her eyebrows in uncertainty.</p><p>“Sixth,” Ben said, and Rey nodded, selecting the album she wanted and hitting “play.” He turned up the volume. “Ready?”</p><p>“Ready,” Rey said. She looked down at Chewie. “Ready, Chewie?”</p><p>Chewie licked her nose, and she laughed.</p><p>“All right, guess that means we're off.” Ben put the car into gear, checked his mirrors, and pulled out into traffic.</p><p>They drove in silence for a little while, the sound of the orchestra filling the silence between them. “So...how was work?” Ben asked finally, signaling to turn onto the onramp. “Did you have a good day?”</p><p>Rey gasped, remembering her news. “Oh! Amilyn looked over my new poem. The one I was writing last night.”</p><p>“What did she think?” Ben asked, checking his blind spot and merging onto the freeway. He didn't look at Rey but his tone audibly brightened, immediately interested.</p><p>“She's putting it in the next issue,” Rey told him, putting a hand to her face, still in shock but scarcely able to keep in how thrilled she was.</p><p>Ben's face lit up, and he glanced at her quickly, sharing her excitement but still keeping an eye on the road. “Rey, that's incredible! I knew you could do it!” His smile turned sly. “Now you'll have to share it with me,” he teased. “Since you know it's good.”</p><p>Rey considered. “No,” she said finally. “It has to be at the right time.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Ben asked.</p><p>“Well...it's about you,” she said, shyly. “And I want to read it to you, but...it's for a more romantic moment, and hurtling down the highway at seventy miles an hour isn't it.”</p><p>Ben processed this for a moment, and even though he was looking straight ahead, Rey could see his face soften, clearly touched by this information. “About me?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Ben nodded slowly. “Okay. A more romantic moment.” He smiled at her. “I can't wait to hear it.”</p><p>“I write lots of poems about you, you know,” Rey said. “This is just another one.”</p><p>“All of them are special,” Ben said. “You wrote them. I love them all.” He turned his head to check his blind spot before changing lanes. “I'm really proud of you, Rey. I know I've been so focused on my recital, but I hope you know that you're so important to me.”</p><p>“I do know.” Rey smiled to herself, snuggling Chewie closer, laughing when he lifted his head to lick her cheek. She looked at Ben out of the corner of her eye, and he looked perfectly content, tapping his hand on the steering wheel to the tempo of the music. “Are you nervous at all?”</p><p>“At the moment, no,” Ben admitted. “But we'll see how I feel on Saturday.” He sighed. “I'm excited, but I'm also ready for it to be over, you know?”</p><p>“It's going to be beautiful.” Rey smirked. “I should know, you've played your entire program for me.”</p><p>“Maybe I should ask Uncle Luke if it'll still count if you're the only one in the audience. I'll play so much better.”</p><p>Rey considered her response. They had been working together with Dr. Kanata for the past few months, and one thing that Rey learned from their counseling was that Ben hated to be told not to worry about something, but he liked workable solutions. “Then look at me when you're playing,” she told him. “If you get nervous. Pretend it's only for me.”</p><p>Ben contemplated this, glancing over his shoulder to change lanes and pass another car. “That's a good idea,” he said finally, settling back into his seat. “I can do that.” He exhaled a deep breath. “Can you come to my auditions, too? I'd play so well they'd have to make me principal.”</p><p>“You know I can't,” Rey told him gently. “I wish I could. But I know you'll be playing as if I'm there.” She smiled. “Have you thought about what you're going to play?”</p><p>“I've got a few things up my sleeve,” Ben said with a cryptic smile. “I've got some time to perfect it, though.”</p><p>“Plenty of time. It'll be lovely.”</p><p>“But first I want to take time with you,” Ben went on. “Once this recital is over.” He smirked. “I have to learn how to bake bread, and speak French, and set up bookshelves.”</p><p>Rey beamed. “And paint?” she asked hopefully.</p><p>Ben's smile widened. “Of course,” he promised. “The place could use some brightening up. We can paint every room, if you want.”</p><p>Rey nodded, already excited. “And houseplants?”</p><p>“A whole greenhouse, if you want.”</p><p>“And we need more pictures,” she reminded him.</p><p>“Sure. What kind of pictures do you want?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Oh, I don't know. Are you thinking about art? Or are you thinking more like photographs?”</p><p>“I want it to feel like a <em>home</em>,” Rey emphasized. “Like, real people live there. So I want more <em>pictures</em>. You know, of us, and Chewie, and our friends.”</p><p>“Definitely,” Ben agreed.</p><p>Rey smiled dreamily. “Can you believe it? It'll be <em>our</em> home.” She turned to Ben. “What do you want? What'll make it feel like home for you?”</p><p>Ben thought about this as he slowed down to let a car change lanes in front of them. “I haven't thought much about it, to be honest,” he said. “Well...maybe a few things.”</p><p>“Name them,” Rey said. “It'll be your home, too.”</p><p>“A clean kitchen,” Ben started. “A little corner to practice in...” He trailed off, and glanced at her. “And you and Chewie. That's all.”</p><p>Rey frowned. “Well, now I feel a little bad for asking for everything else,” she said.</p><p>Ben signaled, checked his blind spot, and changed lanes. “Nope,” he said. “You have no reason to feel bad. I'm just so glad you said yes.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling up in that way that made Rey's heart melt every time. “You can paint, you can move all the furniture, you can can do whatever you want, I'm just happy that you'll be coming home to me.” He glanced at her again, his eyes warm and genuine.</p><p>Rey's eyes misted, and she snuggled Chewie closer to her chest, laughing out loud when he poked his nose in her face and began licking her cheek. “I was always coming home to you,” she told Ben. “This whole time.” She scoffed, wiping her eyes with one hand. “But now...I'll have a place to keep my notebook.”</p><p>Ben glanced at her again, his smile even warmer, and they both fell into a happy silence, thoughtfully watching the road, dreaming to themselves about what more could be ahead of them. Soon, it would be a home together, but there were so many wondrous and brilliant possibilities they could face, as limitless as the sky above them.</p><p>But in that moment, the best part of it was that even though they had no idea where their journey would take them, they knew that they were going somewhere, and they were going there together.</p><hr/><p>Ben reached up and turned down the volume on the stereo. “Hey, navigator,” he said with a teasing smile, his eyes still on the highway ahead of them, “why don't you take a look at the map and pick somewhere for us to get something to eat?”</p><p>Rey didn't answer at first.</p><p>“Rey?” Ben looked over at her, with quick glances back to the road.</p><p>She was curled up asleep in the passenger's seat, Chewie's head resting on her shoulder like a baby. He lifted his head to look at Ben, his ears pricked up eagerly, his tail wagging lazily.</p><p>“Good boy,” Ben told him softly, smiling at how peaceful Rey looked. He turned the volume down further so she wouldn't be disturbed, and he signaled to change lanes. “Well, what do you think, buddy? Let's get some food for when she wakes up.”</p><p>Chewie yawned and rested his head back on Rey's shoulder, his tail still wagging.</p><p>Ben's smile widened, and he craned his head to look for an exit, wondering if there was any way he could possibly be any happier.</p><hr/><p>“Pull over here,” Ben said, pointing.</p><p>Rey slowed to a stop and put the car into park. “Okay,” she said, so softly that Ben wasn't sure if she was responding to his directions or trying to reassure herself.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows in concern.</p><p>“Fine,” Rey said, looking at the house. “Just...I'm nervous.” She shook her head quickly. “It's stupid.”</p><p>“It's not stupid,” Ben reassured her. “It's not.” He slid his fingers under her chin and gently turned her head to look at him. “Hey. They're going to love you. I promise.”</p><p>Rey smiled nervously. “What if they don't?” she asked, her tone lighter, but still trembling with anxiety.</p><p>“Well,” Ben said, lifting one eyebrow suggestively, “we <em>could</em> see if we could stay at my old college dorm.”</p><p>Rey laughed, her eyes starting to twinkle with amusement. “That's worse, Ben,” she told him.</p><p>Ben chuckled. “You have no sense of adventure,” he teased. He leaned in to kiss her. “Ready?” he asked her.</p><p>“Yeah. Let's do this.” Rey reached to take Chewie from Ben, and they both got out of the car. Rey waited for Ben to get his cello case out of the backseat and sling it over his shoulder, then held a hand out to him. He took it and gave it a reassuring squeeze as they walked towards the house.</p><p>Ben unlatched the gate, and the front door opened, startling Rey, and she instinctively shied behind Ben's broad shoulder, tightening her arm around Chewie.</p><p>“Rey,” Ben murmured gently. “It's okay.”</p><p>“Well, look who's here!”</p><p>Rey peeked around Ben's shoulder to see who she guessed was Ben's father, Han, standing on the porch and watching them come up the walk. He walked slowly down the steps towards them.</p><p>“Han? Are they here?” The door opened again and Ben's mother, Leia, stepped onto the porch, following behind Han, her footsteps stiff but eager.</p><p>Ben stopped walking, and Rey stopped next to him, still keeping close. Chewie squirmed in her arms, whining, eager to greet Ben's parents, and reluctantly, Rey set him down on the ground, and he immediately took off towards them.</p><p>“All right, all right, hello to you, too, pup,” Han said gruffly, pausing for a moment to give Chewie a pat before opening his arms to give Ben a hug. “How are you, son?”</p><p>“I'm good,” Ben said. He released Han, and turned to hug Leia. “It's good to see you.” He let go and stepped back, resting his hand on the small of Rey's back. “This is Rey,” he told them.</p><p>Han smiled and turned to Rey. “Rey, welcome,” he said, opening his arms to give her a hug. “We've just heard so much about you.”</p><p>“Ben's told me so much about you,” Rey replied, trying to smile in sincerity but fearing her lips trembling gave away her anxiety.</p><p>“Good things, I hope,” Han quipped. His smile was lopsided, with one corner quirked up higher than the other, much like the way Ben smiled sometimes, and Rey wondered if Han liked to tease Leia the way Ben liked teasing her. “Ben's told us that you are a poet.”</p><p>“I guess you could say that,” Rey said. “I mean, I like to write poetry...”</p><p>“One of her poems is getting published,” Ben interrupted proudly.</p><p>“In this literary magazine I work for,” Rey explained quickly, “no big deal.”</p><p>“What? I'd say that's a big deal,” Han said, impressed. “Pretty neat to have a poet in the family. Can you send us a copy? When it's published?”</p><p>“Of course,” Rey said, touched, her eyes misting.</p><p>“Han, move aside, let me see her,” Leia interrupted, cutting in front of Han. She took Rey's hands and squeezed them. “I'm so glad to finally meet you, Rey,” she said, her voice so warm and sincere that Rey's eyes began to sting with tears.</p><p>Rey, overwhelmed, looked back at Ben, who gave her a knowing nod, immediately understanding what she was feeling.</p><p>“Me, too,” she said finally, her smile more relaxed.</p><p>Leia studied her with dark, kind eyes. “She's lovely, isn't she, Han?” Her smile was kind and maternal.</p><p>Rey could hardly speak, her heart feeling sore as she realized how keenly she felt the absence of this kind of love that Ben's parents were already showing her—kind and loving despite only meeting her, proud of her as if she was their own. She bit her lip, afraid she was about to start sobbing in front of them.</p><p>“I regret to inform you,” Leia said, lowering her voice and flicking her eyes in Ben's direction, “that my son is a bit of an idiot.”</p><p>“Mom...” Ben interrupted, resting a hand on Rey's shoulder.</p><p>“How's that?” Rey asked, swallowing her tears and smiling in amusement.</p><p>“He thinks Bach is boring,” Leia told her, as if it was a big secret.</p><p>“I don't think he's boring,” Ben protested, looking at Han for support. Han shrugged.</p><p>“Don't worry,” Leia assured her, “I'll teach you. So at least you'll know better.”</p><p>Rey laughed. “I don't think he's boring, either,” she said, looking back at Ben. “He just makes me sleepy.”</p><p>Leia sighed dramatically, releasing Rey's hands. “Oh Lord, not you too,” she said resignedly, but with a twinkle in her eye that let Rey know she was only teasing. Rey's smile widened, remembering that Ben sometimes had that same look, and now she could see where he got it from. She was certain she would get along with them perfectly.</p><p>“Leia, we should let them get in the house,” Han cut in. “They've been driving all day.” He grinned. “You guys must be hungry. It's a nice evening, so we thought we'd have dinner on the patio.”</p><p>“That sounds perfect,” Rey said. “Ben's told me so much about your cooking. I've been looking forward to it.”</p><p>Han scoffed. “It's nothing special,” he demurred, waving his hand dismissively. “But I hope you like it. Ben sent me this recipe...this lemon pasta salmon stuff.”</p><p>“Oh?” Rey asked, looking up at Ben, whose eyes were sliding away to avoid hers as his eyebrows raised in feigned innocence. “Did he say where he found it?”</p><p>“Online, somewhere,” Han said, gesturing vaguely. “He didn't say where.”</p><p>“Oh, Ben's just so good at finding these things,” Rey deadpanned, sliding her hand into his.</p><p>“Well, that's true,” Leia said, patting Rey on the back as they all turned to walk towards the house. “But he's got good taste, doesn't he? He found you, after all.”</p><hr/><p>Ben pulled back the covers and slid carefully into bed next to Rey, who was already curled up and—he assumed—was asleep. He smothered a laugh when he realized that Rey was wearing one of his T-shirts, which he had noticed was missing about a week ago. He settled in next to her, smiling to himself, thinking that it wouldn't be much longer before his clothes would all be in one place—and Rey would have easier access to them.</p><p>“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he whispered, wrapping his arm around her waist and leaning in to kiss her cheek, but was astonished when he realized that her face was wet, and she was not asleep. She was breathing in shallow, sniffling breaths, like she had been crying, but fighting to keep more tears from coming.</p><p>“Rey, what's wrong?” he asked her, alarmed.</p><p>Rey, knowing it was useless to keep hiding it, exhaled a big sob. “They're just...” she started. “They're everything I'd hoped they'd be.”</p><p>Ben realized immediately what she meant, feeling his own heart ache for the hurt he knew she was feeling. He tightened his arm around her.</p><p>“He said...” Rey went on, her voice shaky. “He said...I was part of the family.”</p><p>“You are,” Ben murmured, nuzzling into her shoulder. “Of course you are.”</p><p>Rey's shoulders shook with another sob, completely overcome.</p><p>“Hey. Come here,” Ben said gently. He rolled onto his back and, instinctively, Rey rolled towards him, her head resting on his chest, Ben's arms enveloping her. “You're not alone,” he whispered to her, smoothing back her hair. “You belong.”</p><p>Just five very short words, and that was all he needed to say.</p><p>Nothing could possibly make up for the years of pain Rey endured, looking for a family that never wanted her and never came back for her, but somehow, hearing Ben say those words convinced her that she could find healing, that she had not only found a home with him, but a family that welcomed her. She mattered. She was important. She belonged.</p><p>Rey sighed shakily as her arm slid around Ben's waist, and his left hand moved down her back, his fingers light, playing something beautiful that he was hearing in his mind, his love language, the way he spoke to her when he knew words weren't enough.</p><p>
  <em>You matter. You're important. You belong.</em>
</p><p>“I love you,” she murmured into his chest as she fell away from consciousness, lulled by the music of Ben's heartbeat and his fingers against her spine, feeling fully surrounded by the love she had been waiting her whole life to feel.</p><p>Ben watched her eyes fall shut, and he smiled to himself, remembering how not so long ago he was without his parents, and it was Rey that had encouraged him to go back and make peace with them. He couldn't have possibly imagined then, but he knew very clearly now, that by healing that bond, he also gave Rey a chance at healing a wound of her own.</p><p>He knew he couldn't take away the burden of her past. But he loved her so much he would do anything to try to make things right for her as they moved forward together.</p><p>A home, a family, his love. That was what he could give her, and he gave it wholeheartedly. After all, she had given him his life back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...and now that I've introduced you to Domestic Han Solo and Domestic Ben Solo, I hope you appreciate my headcanon of the Domestic Solo Men exchanging recipes with each other... ;)</p><p>Gustav Mahler, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/7lRXekhUZExzoPPXmqP6zo?si=M16B8FFJRKWlsXnTOleQ5w">Symphony No. 6 in A minor, "Tragic"</a></p><p>See you soon for the final chapter!!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for your patience while I wrote this chapter! It took me longer to write than I was hoping, but I'm glad I gave myself the time because I think I finished it exactly the way I wanted to. I hope you love it &lt;3</p><p>Please enjoy the finale of this fic :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rey, how come we're sitting all the way up here?” Finn asked, as Rey led them to a row in the upper level of the recital hall. “Don't you want to sit in the front row so you can see Ben?”</p><p>“He says we should sit here,” Rey told him with a shrug. “Something about the acoustics. He says it sounds better if we sit further up.”</p><p>Finn shrugged, conceding. “He would know.”</p><p>“Are you excited, Rey?” Rose asked, as they slid into their seats.</p><p>“I don't know why I'm even here,” Armitage mumbled before Rey could answer. “I can hear him play at home. I know what it sounds like.”</p><p>Rey shot him a dark glare, but before she could say anything, Rose held up a hand. “He's my friend, and he's your neighbor,” she reminded him. “We're being supportive.” She turned to Rey, a smile lighting up her face. “I'm so excited to hear him. I mean, I've heard him practice, but...well, it's different when it's a real <em>performance</em>, right?”</p><p>Rey smiled, flicking a look in Armitage's direction. He cleared his throat and sat further down in his seat. “It will be,” she promised. “He knows it's for real this time.”</p><p>“Oh, <em>nice</em>, he's playing Debussy!” Finn exclaimed, looking over the program.</p><p>Rey turned to look at him. “I didn't know you were into classical music,” she said.</p><p>Finn adjusted his tie. “Did I ever tell you I used to play trumpet in middle school?”</p><p>“No!” Rey exclaimed, intrigued. “That's so cool!” She looked past him to Jannah. “Did you play anything, Jannah?”</p><p>“Clarinet,” Jannah said, shrugging casually, her smile self-assured. “First chair in my high school band.”</p><p>“Do you still play?” Rey asked her.</p><p>“I still take it out every now and then,” Jannah said. “My neighbors basically hate me, but whatever. They're getting to hear me play for free.”</p><p>Rey laughed. “What about you, Finn? Do you still play?”</p><p>“You know, it's been a while,” Finn said, “but hearing you talk about Ben and his cello, it kind of makes me think I should try again.” He smiled, his eyes lighting up. “What do you think? Clarinet, trumpet, and cello trio?”</p><p>“I'll ask Ben,” Rey promised him with a bright smile. “I'm sure he'd be game for it.”</p><p>“Would you mind not playing that upstairs?” Armitage cut in, leaning over.</p><p>“Armitage.” Rose rested a hand on his knee. “Babe. We talked about this.”</p><p>Rey smirked at him. “Don't worry, Armitage, we won't leave you out. You're always welcome to come by and listen. Don't be shy.”</p><p>Finn and Jannah snickered behind their hands, but Armitage's face was unamused. “Wonderful,” he said flatly.</p><p>“Don't listen to him,” Rose assured Rey. She ruffled her hand through his hair and, despite his efforts not to, he smiled and leaned into her touch. “He thinks Ben sounds great. He told me so the other day.”</p><p>Rey blinked in surprise. “Really?” she asked.</p><p>Armitage sighed. “There are worse things to have to listen to,” he said resignedly.</p><p>Rose raised her eyebrows and nodded knowingly at Rey.</p><p>“Coming from you, Armitage, that's high praise,” Rey told him. She took in a deep breath, noting the time, wondering how Ben was feeling while he was waiting to come out on the stage, wishing she could be there with him to remind him he was going to play beautifully. She smoothed her skirt of her white lace dress over her knees with clammy hands.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Rose asked her.</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey said quickly. “Just...” She chuckled. “I know this sounds weird, but it's almost like I can feel how nervous he is from here.”</p><p>“Not weird at all. Have you heard from him?”</p><p>Almost on cue, Rey's phone buzzed. “That's him,” she said, lifting it to read his message.</p><p>
  <em>Hey.</em>
</p><p><em>Hey back,</em> Rey typed. <em>How are you doing?</em></p><p><em>Nervous</em>, he typed back. <em>I wish you were here.</em></p><p>
  <em>I know. Breathe. It's going to be so beautiful :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Breathe. I can do that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love you, my Ben. You'll be just fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love you, sweetheart. I'll be playing for you.</em>
</p><p>“How's he doing?” Rose asked quietly.</p><p>Rey smiled, sighed, and slid her phone into her purse. “Nervous, as expected,” she said. “But he'll be fine. He knows his program.”</p><p>Rose nodded, smiling. “He's been working so hard.”</p><p>An older man with scruffy gray hair and glasses stepped out onto the stage. “Uh, good afternoon, everyone,” he began, scanning the audience. “Welcome. My name is Professor Luke Skywalker, and I'm on the faculty here...”</p><p>“Who's that?” Finn asked Rey.</p><p>Rey shook her head. “Ben's uncle Luke, I think. I haven't met him yet.”</p><p>“We're very proud of Ben,” Luke went on, “and we're very excited for him to present his senior recital. And so, without further, ado...”</p><p>Rey sucked in a breath and sat forward in her seat. Rose patted her arm reassuringly. She didn't even hear the rest of Luke's remarks, the words having no meaning for her, because her eyes were focused on the stage door, waiting for Ben to enter.</p><p>The door finally opened, and Ben walked out with his accompanist behind him, holding his cello in one hand, his bow in the other. He looked self-conscious, unaccustomed to the way his black tuxedo fit him and the way everyone's eyes were on him, but Rey finally exhaled at the sight of him, struck anew at how beautiful he looked. He stopped and bowed, and then looked up to where she sat, his eyes meeting hers almost instantly, a warm smile brightening his face as he visibly relaxed under her gaze. Rey noticed his black bowtie was just slightly askew as if he had been fussing with it, and she clenched her hands, fighting back a foolish but loving instinct to reach out and fix it, even though she was sitting so far away from him.</p><p>“He looks so good in a tux,” Rose whispered approvingly.</p><p>“He does,” Rey breathed, still watching him.</p><p>Ben waited for the applause to die down, and the audience, expecting him to take a seat and begin his recital, finally settled into a tentative silence, a few scattered claps sprinkling throughout the recital hall and then halting. Rey furrowed her brow, confused. “What are you doing?” she asked him under her breath, worrying that he was so nervous that he simply froze in place.</p><p>“This isn't in the program,” Ben started. His voice trembled, and he cleared his throat. “But before I start with the <em>Variations on a Rococo Theme</em>, I have a piece that I wanted to dedicate to someone who is very important to me.”</p><p>Rey's jaw dropped, stunned, and she could sense her friends turning to look at her, Jannah and Rose both sighing an audible “aww!”</p><p>Ben gestured up to where Rey was sitting. “This is for Rey, and she's...well, she's kind of my everything, and she's been so incredible and supportive and loving, and...” He trailed off, catching himself about to ramble, remembering he had an audience. “Anyway...Rey, this is for you. I picked something very special. I love you, sweetheart.”</p><p>Rey's hand was pressed to her chest, her thoughts and emotions a blur, not certain if she wanted to cry or laugh. His smile widened—he knew this was a total surprise, and that was how he had wanted it—but his eyebrows lifted hopefully, ready to play his absolute best for her.</p><p>
  <em>Look at me when you're playing. Pretend it's only for me.</em>
</p><p>She had no idea this entire time that he was planning to do exactly that.</p><p>Ben took a seat, adjusted his endpin, and looked to his accompanist for his pitch. He checked his tuning, fussing again—like he always did—with the fine tuners, until it was exactly where he wanted it. He took a deep breath and poised his bow, nodding to his accompanist to signal he was ready.</p><p>The accompanist began to play, and Rey immediately recognized it, her hand flying to her mouth to suppress a gasp. Even if he couldn't hear her, Ben noticed anyway, his eyes lighting up as he delicately swept his bow over the strings, playing her a melody that he knew meant the world to her.</p><p>Tchaikovsky. None But the Lonely Heart. The piece Rey could swear was written for them.</p><p>Ben had a whole audience there to see him—a modest one, but certainly more than he had been expecting—and yet he played as if they weren't there, because in his mind, he was only playing for her, as if every seat was empty but hers, in the place where he knew it would sound exactly as good as he hoped. He mused to himself that the white lace dress she was wearing made her look like an angel, or a goddess on high, and he was at her altar, his music a loving offering to her.</p><p>He didn't need to look at his hands to be sure he was playing right. The music was in his heart, and he could see Rey's face, and how proudly and affectionately she looked back at him, and that was all he needed.</p><p>
  <em>We were both alone once. And that's how we found each other.</em>
</p><p>Rey was afraid to breathe, her hand still pressed to her mouth, sitting at the very edge of her seat. How often had he played for her, and why was it so much more...<em>affecting </em>this time? Was it the tuxedo? Was it because it was his recital that he had spent months preparing? Was it...</p><p>He was still looking at her, and everything fell into place. There were people there to see <em>him</em>, and yet, at that moment, they were inconsequential; he was sitting in the heavenly glow of the stage lights, wearing a tuxedo, and she was above him, tucked in the shadows, but he was only performing for her, like they were in his living room—<em>their</em> living room—and no one else could hear. He would tell her all the time that he loved her, would never let her forget, but she could always see it in the way he played for her, in every gesture, his face soft and thoughtful, the music as natural to him as his own love for her. Rey's eyes misted despite herself, the stage lights sparkling through her tears.</p><p>Ben closed his eyes as he delicately guided the piece to a loving rallentando, lingering on the climax with the softest touch, before gently bringing the final line to a close. He lifted his bow off the strings and exhaled, finally lifting his head to meet her eyes, a shy smile spreading across his face as the audience clapped for him. He looked so delighted, thrilled that his plan to surprise her had paid off, anxious to see if she liked it as much as he hoped she would.</p><p>As if she was in a dream, Rey got to her feet, speechless, her hands covering her mouth, and his face lit up. For a moment he looked dazzled by her, his eyes soft like a puppy's, but then he remembered that he was in the middle of a performance, and he quickly stood up and bowed, but only to her. He lifted his head, and blew her a kiss, mouthing, <em>I love you, sweetheart, </em>as the applause started to die down.</p><p>Rey lowered her hands away from her face. <em>Love you, my Ben.</em></p><p>“That was the sweetest thing,” Rose gushed as Ben returned to his seat and settled the neck of the cello on his shoulder. “Wasn't that just adorable?”</p><p>“Rey, you better fucking marry this guy,” Finn told her.</p><p>Rey started, remembering she was still standing, and settled back into her seat. “I think I'm going to,” she said, half to Finn and half to herself, an idle thought passing through her mind that at that moment, she was a little jealous of that cello.</p><hr/><p>Rey glanced around Han and Leia's backyard as she slid some hors d'oeuvres onto a plate, smiling as she mentally counted how many people had come to Ben's post-recital reception. All of these people had come to see <em>him</em>, and he deserved it. She watched Ben chatting with a guest, feeling a swell of pride as she thought about how far he had come.</p><p>His recital was a triumph, and Rey knew that even <em>he</em> knew this—normally so self-critical, he had bowed to the audience with such confidence, smiling up at her despite the tears of relief that threatened to pour down his face, looking at her like he couldn't believe he had actually done it. And he had—all those hours of practicing, all of those arguments with Armitage, all of the nights where he woke Rey up humming his repertoire in his sleep, every ounce of effort he had poured into his playing, all of it had paid off beautifully.</p><p>Rey knew that he would probably always regret the time he had lost, but this was such an important step for him to finally reconcile with his past and the mistakes he had made, and she couldn't be prouder of him. Of course, she knew Ben, and he would insist that it was her that inspired him, and while that may have been partly true, Rey also knew he had a brave and loving heart—always trying to do better for the people he loved and the music he loved.</p><p>And, as a bonus, they had gotten started on the pictures that Rey had wanted. After the recital was over, Leia was too happy to take Rey's phone and take photos of Rey and Ben and their friends. She reminded Rey so much of a proud mom about to send her kids to the prom but not without taking thousands of pictures, and once again Rey was overwhelmed that she finally had someone in her life that could be like a <em>mother</em> to her, and Ben, knowing this, patiently obliged them both. Rey was already thinking about which shots she wanted framed—Leia had certainly given her a lot to choose from.</p><p>“So.” Ben's uncle Luke appeared behind her, interrupting her thoughts. He studied her in assessment, his blue eyes hard underneath his furrowed brow. He swirled a highball glass of whiskey in one hand, the ice cubes clinking softly. “You must be the girl.”</p><p>Rey glanced around her, caught off-guard. “You're Ben's uncle,” she said, holding out a hand. “It's nice to meet you. I'm Rey.”</p><p>Luke looked at her hand, then back up at her. “Hmm,” he grunted. “You know, you've caused me a lot of trouble.”</p><p>Rey lowered her hand, narrowing her eyes. “I'm sorry?”</p><p>“My fool nephew,” Luke scoffed. “Driving hours and hours to put this recital together. So many scheduling headaches. And all because of a girl.” He shook his head. “I had no idea he knew how to <em>talk</em> to girls.”</p><p>“He does,” Rey insisted. “He talks to <em>me.</em>”</p><p>“Hmm,” Luke grumbled, rolling his eyes.</p><p>Fortunately for Rey, Ben appeared behind her and interrupted them. “I see you've met my uncle Luke,” he said flatly, hooking an arm around her waist, an almost protective gesture, as he leveled a dark look at his uncle. “This is Rey.”</p><p>“I know,” Luke said. “Nice to meet you, Rey.” He cleared his throat. “Well, Ben, that was a great recital, and you should be proud.” His voice was almost monotone, even if his words were congratulatory. “So. You have auditions coming up.”</p><p>“Yes,” Ben said. “There are a few orchestras not far from home. My first audition is in six weeks.” It was his dream, but his voice was even, like he was protecting something very precious from his uncle's judgment. Rey smiled and leaned into him, smoothing her hand over his abs, as if she, too, could keep his dream safe.</p><p>“That's not much time,” Luke pointed out. “Have you thought about what you'll be performing?”</p><p>“I thought I'd play the Tchaikovsky.” Ben tightened his arm around Rey.</p><p>“The <em>Rococo Theme</em>?”</p><p>“No, the one that I played for Rey.”</p><p>Luke scoffed. “What? An art song? That's not really a great demonstration of your skill, Ben. You're better than that.”</p><p>“I know it's not the <em>hardest</em> piece, but it means a lot to me.” Ben's voice was less level now.</p><p>Luke sighed. “Well, you don't have to decide <em>now</em>. You've got six weeks to practice.”</p><p>“Well, it might be a little less than that,” Ben admitted. “Now that my recital is done, I wanted to spend some time with Rey. We're moving in together, and I promised her I would help get things settled.” His hand settled on her hip, and Rey smiled up at him.</p><p>“Ben. You have auditions in six weeks.”</p><p>“I'll still practice,” Ben added quickly, and Rey could sense that his heart rate was already elevating. “It just won't be my highest priority for a little while.”</p><p>Rey, losing her patience with this man that she barely knew being so openly critical of his nephew, her Ben, spoke up. “Luke—Professor Skywalker, whatever—I don't know you, but you seem like a really miserable person.”</p><p>Luke's eyes snapped to Rey. “Oh, am I?"</p><p>“Yes.” She could feel Ben's large hand push her back away from Luke, already anticipating that Rey was prepared for a fight if she needed to be. “Ben's worked hard for <em>months</em>, he just put on this wonderful recital, he's going to play <em>beautifully</em> at his auditions, and if he wants to take two fucking weeks to paint and build some goddamn bookshelves, he should.”</p><p>Ben, drawing his confidence from Rey's outrage, took a breath and added, “Uncle Luke, there's more to life than practicing and performing. I burned out once before. I'm never letting that happen again. This is important to me.”</p><p>Luke blinked, aware of his misstep but unwilling to concede. “I'm not saying you need to practice <em>all the time</em>, I just need you to consider your priorities...”</p><p>“Luke.” Leia, still dignified and poised even on her second or third glass of wine, cut her brother off, resting a hand on his shoulder. “It's a party. What the hell is wrong with you?”</p><p>Luke, chastened, looked uncomfortably from Ben to Rey. “Sorry,” he mumbled, his head dropping to stare at his whiskey. “You...you did good, Ben. I'm proud of you.” He stalked off, taking a long sip from his drink.</p><p>Leia shook her head, taking a sip from her wine. “Well, that was certainly a first impression for you,” she said to Rey.</p><p>“Is he always like this?” Rey asked.</p><p>“He is talented,” Leia conceded, “but not very social. He's never been good with people.” She took another sip of her wine.</p><p>“I had no idea,” Rey scoffed. She looked up at Ben, and he visibly relaxed as he returned her gaze. “Are you okay?” she asked him.</p><p>“I'm fine,” he said, smiling.</p><p>“You're not going to end up like him,” Rey assured him.</p><p>“You better not,” Leia warned. “I <em>do</em> want grandchildren, Ben.”</p><p>Rey bit her lip to suppress a laugh as Ben's face turned a deep pink. “Uh...well...uh...” he stammered. “I guess that can be arranged?” He shook his head quickly. “I mean, not right <em>now</em>...Mom, we've only been together four months...” He looked down at Rey, cringing. “Help?”</p><p>“Why? This is fun.” Rey smiled mischievously.</p><p>“Can I get you a refill, Mom?” Ben blurted, his blush deepening.</p><p>Leia shook her head and patted Ben on the shoulder. “I'm good, son,” she said, and with a wink at Rey, walked away from them.</p><p>Ben sighed, but smiled down at Rey. “Hey,” he said.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Are you doing okay? You're not with the others.”</p><p>“Yeah...” Rey trailed off. “I don't know. I'm not really good at parties.”</p><p>“Me either.” He loosened his arm and turned to face her. “You want to get away for a little while?”</p><p>Rey's eyes lit up. “Can we? It's your party, though...”</p><p>Ben scoffed. “Of course. They'll barely notice we're gone.”</p><p>Rey reached up and straightened his bow tie. “Okay. Let's go.”</p><p>“Done.” He picked up his tuxedo jacket from a nearby chair and threw it casually over one shoulder, offering his free hand to her. “Come on. I know a place.”</p><p>Rey took his hand and squeezed it. “Lead the way,” she said.</p><p>They walked around to the front of the house, past Han and Luke sitting on the porch, smoking cigars, the noxious smoke just barely detectable in the summer evening air. Chewie was sitting at Han's feet, and he wagged his tail when he spotted his humans. “Hey,” Han called. “Where are you kids going?”</p><p>“We're just going for a little drive,” Ben told him. “We'll be back soon.”</p><p>Han grinned back at them, that lopsided smile that was so much like Ben's. “Have fun. Don't be gone too long.”</p><p>“We won't,” Ben promised. He slipped his jacket around Rey's shoulders and opened the Civic's passenger door for her. “Ready?” he asked her.</p><p>Rey got on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, then climbed into the car, clutching his jacket tighter around her with one hand.</p><p>Ben shut the door, then came around the car to get into the driver's seat. He handed his phone to her. “Play whatever you want,” he told her.</p><p>Rey took it, and scrolled through his saved playlists. “What's this one?” she asked, stopping at an album she hadn't seen before. “Elgar's Cello Concerto in E minor?”</p><p>“Oh...” Ben said, turning the key in the ignition. “Just a dream piece of mine. We don't have to listen to that one. You've listened to cello music all afternoon.”</p><p>Rey smiled, her interest piqued. “A dream piece? Now we have to listen.” She tapped on the album and hit “play.”</p><p>Ben smiled affectionately at her, checked his mirrors, and pulled away from the curb.</p><p>They drove in silence for a few moments, Ben's left hand twitching over the steering wheel as he listened to the opening cello line, Rey sitting back in her seat, entranced by the sound, gazing thoughtfully through the windshield. It was getting later in the evening, but the world was still a glowing twilight blue, the sun stubbornly hanging over the horizon, surrounded with pink and gold clouds. Rey sighed softly, admiring the beauty, and Ben glanced at her.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked softly.</p><p>“Fine,” Rey reassured him quickly. “It's just...everything's just lovely right now.”</p><p>“I'm sorry about my family,” he said abruptly. “They can be a little...well, they can be a little much.”</p><p>“I can handle that,” Rey told him. “I love your parents. Your uncle is a piece of work, though.”</p><p>Ben scoffed. “He is. But we'll go home tomorrow and he won't matter anymore.”</p><p>Rey nodded, distracted by the music coming through the speakers. “Ben, this piece is <em>gorgeous.</em> You should play it someday.”</p><p>“I really want to,” Ben confessed. “It's been a favorite of mine for so long.” He scoffed. “You know, now that I've finished my recital, it feels like...like I <em>could</em> play it someday.”</p><p>“You will,” Rey told him. “You're going to get into one of those orchestras and you're going to play so well that they'll want to show you off.”</p><p>“Only if you're sitting in the audience,” Ben said. “So I can play for you.”</p><p>“I would never miss it.” She turned her head to look at him. “So where are we going?”</p><p>“Just this place on campus I used to go to a lot,” Ben said. “I liked to go there to clear my head. I thought maybe you'd like it, too.”</p><p>“I'm sure I will.” Rey's smile widened, and she settled back in her seat again.</p><p>Ben slowed to stop at a red light, and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. The sunset cast a golden glow over her, her hair shimmering in the light, transformed into a glorious sun goddess. She still wore his jacket over her lacy dress, and even though it was so large it practically swallowed her, he thought it looked much better on her than it did on him. She was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and he longed to have his cello in his hands to serenade her, or have the same gift with words that she did so he could tell her how awed he was by her.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” Rey asked him, still smiling.</p><p>Ben blushed, a shy smile spreading across his own face. “Just you,” he told her, moving his foot to the gas as the light turned green.</p><hr/><p>“We're almost there.” Ben tightened his grip on Rey's arm to steady her as one of her black pumps sunk into the grass. “Sorry.”</p><p>“No, it's these stupid shoes,” Rey grumbled. “I'll just take them off.” She stopped, starting to bend down and slide her shoes off.</p><p>“I've got a better idea,” Ben said, and bent down to pick her up, bridal style, like he did that night when he brought her home. Rey, startled, gasped, then screamed with laughter, settling into his arms.</p><p>“Oh, shit, one of my shoes fell off,” she giggled.</p><p>“We'll come back to get it,” he promised. “I'll just carry you around.”</p><p>“That works for me.” Rey buried her head in his neck, sighing lovingly as she smoothed one hand over his pecs, laughing as she lost her other shoe.</p><p>They approached a white gazebo, sitting next to a fountain, illuminated by floodlights and a large lantern hanging from its center. Ben carried her over the threshold, then seated her on a bench. She smoothed one hand over her skirt and adjusted Ben's tuxedo jacket with the other, then leaned against him as he took a seat next to her.</p><p>“This is surprisingly...romantic,” Rey told him, glancing around the gazebo. “You used to come here a lot?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben said distractedly, looking around as if he was seeing it for the first time. “You know, I used to come here to think, but I guess I never really <em>looked</em> at it, you know? But you're right.” He looked down at her, sliding an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe it's because you're here.”</p><p>Rey settled against him, falling into a thoughtful silence.</p><p>“What are you thinking?” he asked her finally, his fingers brushing against her arm.</p><p>Rey didn't move, but she began to recite:</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>My lover plays the cello,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>making music with his hands,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>strong like steel,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>soft like satin,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>strong enough to make the angels cry,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>but soft enough to dry their tears.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>His hands are the music</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>and when he lays them on me</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>my soul sings a symphony,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>a sound I'd never heard,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>a song I didn't know I knew.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>But his hand fits mine perfectly, and</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>perhaps between his hand and my hand</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>there is a red thread of fate </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>tying them together</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>so that wherever he goes, I go</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>and wherever I go, he comes along,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>and his music is my music,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>and my music only for him.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Ben didn't speak at first, feeling a lump rising in his throat. “Is that...is that the poem you wrote? The one that's getting published?” he finally managed.</p><p>“The one I wrote for you,” Rey confirmed, lifting her head. “Isn't it a romantic enough moment?”</p><p>“It is,” Ben agreed. “Sorry, I'm just...wow. That was beautiful.”</p><p>Rey smiled. “I'm glad you like it.” She took a deep breath. “I still can't believe it. This is kind of a dream come true.”</p><p>“It's just the beginning,” Ben promised her. “I'll build you bookshelves, and you'll fill them with your poems.”</p><p>“I hope so.” Rey smiled lazily and reached up to fluff his hair. “You know, after you played that song for me...” She trailed off, scoffing at herself. “You know what, never mind. It's stupid.”</p><p>“Tell me.” Ben kissed her forehead, his free hand moving up to rest on the back of her neck, his fingers lightly circling her skin, sending shivers over her scalp.</p><p>Rey could hardly keep any secret from him. “Finn told me I should marry you.” She laughed. “Isn't that funny?”</p><p>Ben didn't respond, his eyes dropping, and Rey's smile faded, worrying that she said the wrong thing. “Sorry, I know it's stupid,” she mumbled, embarrassed.</p><p>“It's not stupid,” Ben insisted. He stopped. “Because...well, I think about it a lot.”</p><p>Rey gasped. “You do?”</p><p>“I do.” His eyes wouldn't meet hers, but Rey could see the earnestness etched in his face.</p><p>“You've never said anything.”</p><p>“No,” Ben admitted. “It just felt...soon for that, you know? And it still does, but...” He sighed in exasperation at himself. “Well. It's something I hope will happen, someday. When it feels right. If you want to.”</p><p>“I do,” Rey agreed. “Someday.” She smiled, twisting a lock of his hair around her index finger. “What is it you like to say? We have the next forever?”</p><p>“That's right.” Ben's eyes crinkled as his smile widened. “We'll get there, someday.”</p><p>Rey tugged gently on one of his suspenders, until he leaned towards her to kiss her, slowly and leisurely, over and over, as if all they wanted to do forever was kiss each other as the summer sun sank low in the sky. Rey shrugged the tuxedo jacket off of her shoulders, the material whispering as it landed on the arm of the bench, and Ben's left hand traced her spine, the way it always did, exactly the way she loved.</p><p>For a long, beautiful moment, Rey swore she could hear the music that Ben always claimed to hear.</p><p>With contented sighs, they pulled apart, their foreheads still touching, not needing to speak a word, the summer air still humming around them.</p><p>“Well,” Ben said softly, his lips quirking up in a lopsided smile. “Should we go back now?” His tone was expectant, and Rey knew that he was hoping she would say no.</p><p>Rey pretended to think about it. “No,” she said finally, leaning in closer, her lips brushing against his. “I'm still listening to the music.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Claude Debussy, <a href="https://youtu.be/8J6hWX1Wv9w">Rêverie, L. 68</a>. I don't know if this was exactly the piece in his program, but it feels very "Ben," so let's say it was :)<br/>Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, <em><a href="https://youtu.be/avtu0aMJ1SU">Variations on a Rococo Theme for Cello and Orchestra, </a></em><a href="https://youtu.be/avtu0aMJ1SU">Op. 33</a><br/>Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, <a href="https://youtu.be/-_x2ZaVuGno">None But the Lonely Heart, Op. 6 No. 6</a> performed on cello. Part of the reason why I knew I had to incorporate this piece was because when I originally found it, I was looking for cello music! There are multiple arrangements out there, and I don't know if Ben had one in particular he liked or if he just played the vocal part as written on cello, but this is a sample of how that piece sounds on cello :)<br/>Edward Elgar, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/0O62RntbSupfaZeryUMml5?si=gRhQhAnUQdavKKHnhXHvQA">Cello Concerto in E minor, Op. 85</a>. I REALLY wanted Ben to play this piece but I could never find a good place to fit it in. But I think it really suits him...just so passionate and dramatic!<br/>I wrote the poem...poetry is not my strong suit, but I really wanted Rey to have this moment, so I tried my best! (Please don't be mean if you don't like it, lol!)</p><p> </p><p>THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you who have read my fic! Sharing this story with you has honestly been a highlight of my year. A special shout-out to my friends for encouraging me to post this in the first place, and have been texting me their reactions every time I post a new chapter...I truly have the best, most supportive people in my life, and that means the world to me. Thank you also for all of the kudos and the lovely comments. I hope you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it, and I hope you've enjoyed the music as well!</p><p>So, what's next for me? I can't wait to write more! I truly love the Reylo community and I hope to have some more fics for you soon. I have several works in progress that I might pick up and start posting, and some one-shots (including a TROS fix-it) that I want to clean up and post hopefully soon. And maybe I'll write an epilogue for this story someday! I truly love this fic and I'm so sad to say goodbye to it.</p><p>Until then, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking this journey with me. Be well, stay safe, and listen to some beautiful music &lt;3</p><p>Love, NorthStarofJakku</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>SURPRISE! I'm back with an epilogue! I've got so much fluff for you :)</p><p>I was hoping to have this posted for Valentine's Day, but I didn't have it ready in time. So, here is my belated Valentine for you, dear readers...I hope you love it &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Three years later</em>
</p><p>“Hey guys, come on in,” Rey greeted her friends, opening the front door wider while blocking a very eager Chewie with one foot to allow them to come through. “Make yourselves at home.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Finn said, walking through the door into Rey and Ben's house and taking a look around. “Nice place,” he said approvingly. “I like what you've done with it.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Rey said with a satisfied smile, lovingly straightening a frame that had gone slightly askew, pausing to admire the photo of her and Ben in front of the coliseum in Rome. “We've been <em>so </em>busy, with work and putting everything together here, but it's worth it. We really like it here.”</p><p>“I miss living right downstairs from you,” Rose confessed, “but I'm glad you're still not far away.” She peeked over Rey's shoulder, smiling when she saw the photo that Rey was looking at. “That's a really nice picture,” she said. She pointed at another one further up on the wall, a group photo from Rose and Armitage's wedding the past fall. “I like this one best. I love when Armie smiles for pictures.”</p><p>“I love it, too.” Rey laughed to herself as she looked at the smiling faces. Rose, the happiest bride Rey had ever seen, was laughing uncontrollably as she was being lifted off the ground by Ben, Finn, and (a very happy and <em>very</em> tipsy) Armitage, with Rey, Jannah, and Paige, in their matching cranberry bridesmaids dresses, crouched in front with big cheesy smiles, their arms spread in presentation, to show off their radiant friend. No one could remember for sure if it was a moment of spontaneity or if it was planned—not even Rey and Ben, who were probably the only ones who were completely sober—but Rey cherished it, a treasured memory with the people she loved like family.</p><p>“Your wedding was so much fun,” Jannah remarked.</p><p>“Mm, it was,” Rey agreed.</p><p>“We'll have to recreate that photo next time,” Rose said. “It's tradition now.”</p><p>“We'll do that,” Rey promised. “Next wedding.” She sighed sentimentally, then turned to her friends. “Anyone want coffee? I just put a pot on.”</p><p>“Maybe later,” Jannah said. “You have to tell us all about your trip.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Finn said, bending down to pet Chewie, who was whining anxiously for attention. “Let's hear about it. Don't spare any details.”</p><p>“<em>Any</em> details?” Rey laughed bemusedly, gesturing to invite them to have a seat. “Well, we just got back, I haven't had a chance to get the pictures printed.”</p><p>“But you took pictures, right?” Jannah asked.</p><p>“<em>Lots</em>,” Rey confirmed, taking a seat in an armchair. Chewie leaped up onto her lap and she began petting him, not noticing that Finn, Rose, and Jannah were all pretending that they weren't focusing in on her left hand. “I can't wait to show them to you guys. I'll post them on Facebook once I choose the ones I like best. I brought you guys some presents, too, I just haven't had time to unpack them yet.”</p><p>“No rush,” Finn assured her. “How was Prague?”</p><p>“Beautiful,” Rey sighed. “We loved it so much. We're already talking about going back someday.” She smiled wistfully. “You know, when Ben was in rehearsals—I mean, a lot of the other musicians brought their wives or husbands or girlfriends or whatever, and sometimes some of them would ask me to go sightseeing with them, and sometimes I'd go with them, but I really liked just wandering around alone and doing my own sightseeing.” Her smile widened. “I did <em>so </em>much writing. I filled an entire notebook with poems. I had to find a bookshop to get another one.”</p><p>“I hope Ben got to spend some time with you, too,” Rose said pointedly. Finn and Jannah nodded in agreement.</p><p>Rey brightened. “He did. We had a wonderful time.” She stopped petting Chewie to reach up and untuck a diamond shaped pendant, with sparkling deep red stones, that had slipped under the collar of her tank top. “He bought me this necklace—we found this lovely little shop just tucked away in the Old Town. The owner had seen Ben perform the night before and just <em>loved</em> him.”</p><p>The trio leaned forward to look, murmuring approval. “It's so pretty,” Rose told her.</p><p>“It's garnet,” Rey told them proudly. “Ben picked it out.”</p><p>“Ben's got good taste,” Jannah remarked.</p><p>Rey smiled, then let the pendant fall back against her breastbone, the chain clinking softly. “He does,” she murmured.</p><p>“How were the concerts?” Finn asked. “I think you told me what they were performing, but I forgot.”</p><p>Rey nodded. “Well, Ben finally got to play the Elgar Cello Concerto,” she said, her eyes lighting up, remembering how excited he was. “He's been wanting to play that for a while. And they also did Vaughan Williams' <em>Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis, </em>and <em>The Planets</em> by Holst.” She sighed contentedly. “It was an incredible program. Ben was so thrilled. They had three different performances, and I never got tired of listening to them.” She stared off into space, her mind wandering into a memory of sitting in the audience, and Ben's eyes meeting hers as he lifted his bow, giving her the slightest nod with that lopsided smile of his, the smallest but most loving gesture to let her know that he was giving his entire performance to her.</p><p>And, of course, after he finished the Elgar, he would stand to bow to the audience, but he would always bow in her direction—no one else there mattered to him the way she did, and it was her approval he looked for. How could she not be so proud of him? He had come so far from that night that she had climbed into his Uber for the first time—now he was an accomplished musician, a soloist whose star was on the rise, the principal cellist in an orchestra that toured internationally, successes that he attributed to Rey and always shared with her.</p><p>He promised her, time and time again, that he would never make her feel forgotten the way he once felt, a promise he kept every time he looked for her in the audience.</p><p>“That sounds incredible,” Rose said. “There'll be a recording, right? I'd love to hear it.”</p><p>Rey, snapping out of her daydream, nodded quickly. “Yes. Soon. I'm sure Ben would love to have you guys listen.” She smiled indulgingly. “But I'll ask him, of course. He gets kind of sensitive about recordings.”</p><p>“So...” Finn started, his smile tilting nervously. “What was the best thing that happened on your trip?”</p><p>Rey blinked, confused. “Uh...well, Ben and I took a cruise on the river one evening.” Her face softened. “It was lovely. Just a perfect summer night.” She scoffed. “I don't know if I can pick what was the <em>best</em> thing, but that's something I know we'll be thinking about for a while.” Her eyes scanned the wall, already scoping out a place for the pictures they had taken that evening.</p><p>“Well...then what was the most <em>exciting</em> thing?” Jannah prompted.</p><p>“Something <em>life-changing</em>,” Rose added, raising her eyebrows at Jannah and Finn, who both shot looks in her direction.</p><p>Rey furrowed her brow. “Uh...maybe I'm just jet-lagged and can't remember, but...well...one of the trombonists got food poisoning and had to sit in the back with a bucket next to him for one of the concerts.” She tilted her head, like a puzzled student hoping her answer was correct.</p><p>Rose and Jannah looked disappointed, but Finn recovered, distracting Rey by saying, “Wow, that's actually pretty exciting. Did he get sick much?”</p><p>Rey laughed. “Fortunately only at intermission, but the poor guy looked so <em>green</em> the whole time. He was a trooper.” She sighed. “Anyway, what's with all the questions? You're really working my brain here.”</p><p>Before anyone could answer, the doorbell rang. “Oh, sorry, hang on,” Rey told her friends. “I'm expecting a delivery today.”</p><p>Rose, Jannah, and Finn all looked at each other in bewilderment while Rey greeted the delivery man and signed for a large package, then looked away as she dragged the box into the house. “Can I help you with that?” Finn asked, getting to his feet.</p><p>“Yeah, if you wouldn't mind,” Rey grunted. “It's heavier than I thought.”</p><p>“Sure, I've got you.” Finn crossed the room and picked the box up. “Oof, that <em>is</em> heavy,” he said, his voice strained. “Where do you want it?”</p><p>“Just put it by my chair, if you don't mind,” Rey instructed, shutting the front door. “I've got something in there that I want to show you.”</p><p>“Bricks?” Finn joked, setting the box by Rey's chair, gently nudging Chewie, who was curiously sniffing at the package, out of the way with his foot.</p><p>“Not bricks—books,” Rey corrected him, rubbing her hands together.</p><p>“Books?” Jannah asked.</p><p>Rey tore the packing tape off and opened the box. “Books,” Rey repeated, a sly smile on her face. She reached in, pulled out three books, and handed one to each of her friends.</p><p>Rose gasped. “Rey...this is—”</p><p>“My first published collection,” Rey finished proudly. “Fresh off the presses.” She let out a relieved laugh. “Do you know how hard it was to keep this a surprise?”</p><p>“Rey, that's amazing!” Finn exclaimed, admiring the cover. “I mean, I knew you were trying to get it published, but I didn't know you found someone.”</p><p>Rey shrugged modestly. “Amilyn helped me out. She used to work at a publisher years ago and she still had some connections. Apparently, they were able to get my manuscript to the right person.” She exhaled. “I really owe so much to her, you know. Since publication expanded and I got moved to an editing position, I don't get to work as closely with her as I used to.” She smiled. “I still water her plants, though. Every week.”</p><p>“That's incredible.” Rose cradled her copy in her hands, flipping through the pages. “You must be so excited!”</p><p>“I told you you would be famous,” Jannah said, holding up her copy as proof. “Look at you!” She turned the book over and pointed to Rey's portrait on the back cover. “Look, you even got your picture on it!”</p><p>Rey laughed in embarrassment, cringing behind one hand. “Oh, no, don't remind me,” she teased. “That photo shoot...it just reminded me so much of school picture day.” She sighed, picking up another copy, turning it over to look at the back cover. “Ben loves this picture, though,” she conceded. “He asked for it in almost every size he could get. It really <em>was</em> like a school picture. I'm sure if they had let him, he would have had it printed on a big-ass canvas to hang up in the dining room.” She laughed at her own joke, returning the book to the box.</p><p>“That's sweet,” Rose gushed. “He's so proud of you.”</p><p>“He is,” Rey smiled. “And I'm proud of him.” She smiled. “And you guys. You know I love you all.” She yawned and got to her feet. “Well, I'm still jet-lagged, so <em>I </em>need coffee, anyone else want some?”</p><p>Jannah looked at Rose and Finn, who nodded. “I think we'll all want some,” she told Rey, getting to her feet. “Let me help you.” She glanced back at Rose and Finn as she followed Rey to the kitchen, lifting her eyebrows in confusion.</p><p>Finn sighed and shook his head. “That idiot,” he muttered.</p>
<hr/><p>The conductor lowered his hands, then checked his watch. “Well, that's our time for the day,” he said, setting his baton on his podium. “Good work today, everyone. See you tomorrow.”</p><p>Ben flipped off the light on his music stand, folded up his score—his heart lifting with excitement as he reread the title, Mahler Symphony No. 2, “Resurrection”—and gave his cello's fine tuners one final, precise twist before lovingly replacing it in its case. It was true that his instrument didn't <em>look</em> as expensive or nice as the ones his peers in the cello section used, but the sound he drew out of it, dark and aching, and the skill with which he played it made it <em>his</em>, and he wouldn't trade it for anything else.</p><p>Besides, the scars on his instrument reminded him always of where he came from and what he had to overcome. Like his cello, his own scars would always be there, but they were healing, now that he had reconciled with his parents, finished his performance degree...and...</p><p>He smiled to himself. <em>And found Rey.</em></p><p>Really, he owed all of it to her, and so he dedicated everything to her, since his accomplishments were hers. Without her, he would probably still be driving drunk college students home from the bars every night. Now, they were both fulfilling their dreams—Rey was about to have her first collection of poems published, and he was playing the cello again, and they had just bought a house together. He expected that he would someday snap out of what was surely an incredible dream. There were still nights that he would wake up and be surprised that she was still there, asleep next to him, and he would just watch her, his heart full of love and awe and gratitude for everything that she had given him.</p><p>He sighed. <em>If I'd only had the courage...</em></p><p>“So, excited to get back to it, Ben?” Tallie, the cellist that sat next to him, asked, interrupting his thoughts. She scoffed. “I'm still so jet-lagged. I probably sounded so sloppy today.”</p><p>“Nah, you were fine,” Ben told her kindly. “Or, at least, I didn't notice. I'm still jet-lagged, too.” He gestured to his thermos, lifting one eyebrow mischievously, conveying that he had broken the rules by sneaking in some coffee. “I'm just happy to be playing the Mahler. It's one I've wanted to do for a while.”</p><p>Tallie nodded in understanding. “Hey, you did a really great job with the Elgar,” she told him. “I probably told you that already.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Ben smiled, slinging the strap of his cello case over one shoulder.</p><p>“Did Rey enjoy the trip? I heard she spent a lot of time by herself.” Tallie tipped her head, her eyebrows quirked in concern.</p><p>“She loved it,” Ben said, brightening. “She wasn't trying to avoid anyone. She just likes to spend time alone.”</p><p>Tallie nodded again. “I get it. Well, tell her I said hello.”</p><p>“Will do.” Ben checked his phone. “Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but we're expecting guests today...”</p><p>Tallie waved. “You're good. See you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Ben nodded a goodbye, then took off towards the exit, exhausted, but anxious to go home to be with Rey and visit with their friends.</p><p>He was loading his cello case into the Honda Civic when his phone buzzed from his breast pocket. He juggled it in one hand while shoving the case into the backseat with the other. “Hey, Finn,” he said. “Aren't you guys at the house yet? Oh, and Rey told you you're welcome to stay for dinner, right?”</p><p>“Ben,” Finn answered. “What the <em>fuck</em>.”</p><p>Ben stopped wrestling with his cello case and stood up straight, his free hand dragging through his hair. He sighed. “Is Rey with you?”</p><p>“She went to run a quick errand,” Finn said. “We didn't spoil it for her, but what the <em>fuck</em>.”</p><p>Ben groaned. “I know, I know,” he chided himself. “It just...there didn't feel like a good time to ask, you know?”</p><p>“What are you <em>talking</em> about?”</p><p>“I don't know...” Ben trailed off, shutting the car door. “There were just so many other people around, I didn't want to make a scene.”</p><p>“Ben, you play the goddamn cello in front of thousands of people <em>all the time. </em>What happened? Performance anxiety?”</p><p>Ben scoffed. “Ha ha,” he deadpanned, climbing into the driver's seat.</p><p>“Rey told us about the boat on the river. Why didn't you ask her then?”</p><p>Ben sighed, his head thudding against the steering wheel. “I thought about it. I couldn't do it.” He rubbed his eyes. “I had the ring with me and everything, I just...I don't know, Finn. I couldn't do it.”</p><p>“What are you afraid of?” Finn asked, his tone softening. “She's not going to say no.”</p><p>“But she might,” Ben pointed out.</p><p>“You guys talked about it before, right? Do you really think that she's hung around you for three years just because? Come on.”</p><p>“No...” Ben stopped to think. “You know, do you ever see those videos of guys proposing at, like, the World Series or something?”</p><p>“Since when do you watch baseball?” Finn interrupted.</p><p>Ben ignored him and continued. “Well, I guess I've always wondered if those girls say yes because they really want to marry that guy, or if they just don't want to embarrass him. And that's what I wondered about Rey. Like, would she say yes just because there are a bunch of tourists around watching us and we're about twenty minutes from going back on the bus and hanging out with these people I work with, or will she <em>actually</em> say yes because she wants to marry me?”</p><p>“The latter,” Finn confirmed with an even tone. “Definitely.”</p><p>“You're sure?” Ben asked softly.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” Finn emphasized, exasperated. “Didn't you guys already have this conversation? Just <em>ask her, </em>for fuck's sake<em>.</em>”</p><p>Ben took a deep breath. “Okay. I'll ask her.” He smiled. “You're a great friend, Finn. Thank you.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Finn sighed, but Ben could hear the smile in his voice. “You guys better name your first kid after me, is all I'm gonna say.”</p><p>Ben laughed. “Deal.” He slid his key into the ignition. “I'm just leaving rehearsal now. If Rey gets back before I do, tell her I'll be home soon.”</p><p>“You got it, Ben. Later.”</p><p>Ben hung up, took in another deep breath, then released it. He reached into his hip pocket and fished out a small, black velvet box, flipping it open to reveal an engagement ring, a pale blue aquamarine stone set in a delicate silver band. He cringed, remembering all the times when he and Rey were together in Prague and he'd start to reach for his pocket, but something would stop him, whether Rey got distracted by something she spotted in a shop window, or some tourist asked him to take their picture, or, most humiliating of all, he just didn't have the courage to ask her.</p><p>He couldn't change any of that now. But that didn't mean he had missed his chance.</p><p>“Just <em>ask</em> <em>her</em>, for fuck's sake,” Ben told himself, closing the box and returning it to his pocket.</p>
<hr/><p>Rey set her pen down, smiling at the inscription she had written on the title page:</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>To Mom and Dad,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Pretty neat to have a PUBLISHED poet in the family, huh? :)</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>All my love,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Rey</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>“I have to take Chewie for a walk and drop something off at the post office,” Rey told her friends, sliding the book into a padded envelope. “Sorry, this is for Ben's parents, otherwise I'd wait...”</p><p>“Go on ahead,” Finn told her. “We'll be fine while you're gone.”</p><p>Rey smiled, reaching for Chewie's leash. “Thanks. There's some snacks in the kitchen, or you can help yourself to the drinks in the fridge. I won't be long.”</p><p>Once outside, she tucked the envelope under one arm. “Quit pulling, Chewie,” she chided, gently tugging back on the leash as she reached for her phone and began dialing.</p><p>“Hello?” Leia's voice sounded bright and eager, and Rey couldn't help but smile.</p><p>“Hey, Mom, it's me,” Rey answered. “I'm on my way to the post office to send you something. How are you?”</p><p>“Rey! How are you, sweetie? Hang on, let me get you on speakerphone.” Rey stifled a laugh as she heard Leia shouting “Han? Han, Rey's on the phone!”</p><p>“All right, I'm coming,” Han grumbled good-naturedly.</p><p>“Can you hear us okay?” Leia asked.</p><p>“Fine,” Rey confirmed. “How are you guys?”</p><p>“I'm trying a new chicken recipe from that cookbook you gave me for Christmas,” Han told her. “There's some real good ones in there. Thanks again.”</p><p>Rey smiled. “I'm so glad to hear that. Can you text me a picture when it's done?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“And how are you, Mom?”</p><p>“Oh, honey, you don't want to hear about <em>me</em>,” Leia said dismissively. “I want to hear about you. How was Prague?”</p><p>Rey pulled Chewie away from a half-eaten sandwich that someone had abandoned on the sidewalk, now covered with thousands of ants. “I loved it,” she said. “Ben's performances were wonderful. We had a great time.”</p><p>“Anything exciting happen?” Han asked.</p><p>Rey furrowed her brow. <em>What is </em>with<em> everyone today?</em> “Well, it's a whole new country, Dad,” she said. “Everything is exciting.”</p><p>“What he means is,” Leia began, pausing to formulate her thoughts. “Did Ben...give you something while you were there? Some jewelry, maybe?”</p><p>“Leia...” Han warned her.</p><p>“Oh, stop, I know what I'm doing,” Leia rebuked him.</p><p>“Um...” Rey began, stopping at the curb and waiting for Chewie to sit before looking both ways and crossing the street. “He bought me a really beautiful necklace. You know, Czechia is famous for garnets.”</p><p>Leia, a seasoned traveler herself, gave a murmur of agreement. “A necklace?”</p><p>“Yes?” Rey was puzzled. “Was there...something you were expecting him to give me?”</p><p>“Uhhh,” Leia started.</p><p>“Don't,” Han cautioned.</p><p>Rey stopped abruptly and Chewie, startled, also stopped, tilting his head in confusion. “What was Ben going to give me?” she asked.</p><p>Han groaned, and Leia blurted, “A ring.”</p><p>“A ring?”</p><p>“Leia.”</p><p>“An engagement ring,” Leia said, cutting Han off again. “He was going to ask you to marry him.”</p><p>Rey's jaw dropped. “He <em>what</em>?”</p><p>“Dammit, Leia,” Han sighed.</p><p>“So he didn't ask you?” Leia asked, ignoring Han.</p><p>Rey swallowed hard, her mouth and throat suddenly dry as a desert. “No. He didn't,” she answered in a small voice. She stared at her left hand as if she would find the ring there, like Ben proposing to her in Prague would have been something she had forgotten.</p><p>“Shit,” Leia hissed. “I was sure he'd ask.”</p><p>“Well, cat's out of the bag now,” Han muttered.</p><p>“But why wouldn't he?” Rey asked, unsure if she was talking to Leia and Han or herself.</p><p>“I wouldn't worry, Rey,” Han reassured her. “He probably wasn't thinking.”</p><p>Rey finally resumed her walk, but at a much slower pace. “There were so many times he could have...” she started, trailing off.</p><p>“Han's right,” Leia added. “Don't worry about it.” She scoffed. “That idiot son of mine. Probably lost his nerve.”</p><p>“Stop,” Rey interrupted defensively. “You're right. He was really busy. He probably didn't even think about it.” She tried to sound cheerful, but feared that she still sounded unconvinced. She sucked in a breath. “Well, anyway, I'm about to drop a package in the mail for you, so look out for it, okay?”</p><p>“We will, Rey,” Leia replied, a note of sympathy creeping into her voice. “We're so glad you had a nice trip. You'll send us pictures?”</p><p>“Of course.” She bit her lip, feeling a lump rising in her throat, and was grateful to see that her destination was in view, so she could end the conversation quickly. “Well, I gotta go. We'll talk later?”</p><p>“Take care, Rey,” Han said. “Don't worry about Ben. Everything is fine.” He paused. “I'm sure it is.”</p><p>“Thanks, Dad,” Rey sighed. “Looking forward to hearing all about your chicken.” She forced herself to smile to brighten her tone. “Love you. We'll talk soon.”</p><p>“Bye, Rey,” Han and Leia called in unison.</p><p>Rey hung up and slipped her phone into her back pocket. Almost every other call with Han and Leia left her feeling like she was full of light and warmth, but this time she felt lost.</p><p><em>Why didn't he ask? </em>Rey thought to herself, staring blankly at the post office building, like it would spell out the answer for her somehow.</p><p>She sighed, and tied Chewie's leash to a tree outside. “I'll only be inside for a minute,” she told him.</p><p>Chewie tilted his head at her, his ears pricked forward. He whined softly.</p><p>“Don't look at me like that. You know they don't allow dogs inside.” She frowned, then lovingly scratched him under his chin. “Why do you think Ben didn't ask me to marry him, Chewie?”</p><p>Chewie licked her hand.</p><p>Rey smiled. “We did miss you, Chewie.” She got to her feet. “I'll be right back, okay? Stay.”</p><p>Chewie sat, his tail wagging, eager for praise.</p><p>“Good boy.”</p>
<hr/><p>Rey walked up the block towards their new house, with Chewie trotting at her heels, as she turned the entire trip over in her head, trying to think of any reason why Ben didn't ask her to marry him, some forgotten argument they may have had, some small way she might have offended him.</p><p>There wasn't a single thing she could think of. Sure, with some of the stress of traveling, they may have bickered meaninglessly once or twice, but Rey had mostly forgotten about it by now. They had lived together for three years, after all, which was a lot of time to see the best and worst in a person, and if Ben could still love her and forgive her at her worst moments, there was nothing that she could have done or said that would have had made him think any less of her.</p><p>She smiled to herself, thinking about their adventures when he had free time, wandering the streets in the Old Town, visiting museums, admiring the architecture, looking for whatever café made the biggest desserts. Ben was so content and happy—he loved what he did, he loved his tours, and he loved bringing Rey along with him and following her around when he wasn't in rehearsal. Sure, there were times he seemed a little <em>nervous</em>, but he was about to perform one of his dream pieces and he was anxious to get it right, so of course it made sense that he was nervous.</p><p>Chewie's tail started to wag, and Rey looked up, noticing that Ben's Honda Civic was parked in the driveway. “What is it? You see that Dad's home?” she asked the dog.</p><p>Chewie started to run ahead of her, yanking the leash in the direction of the house.</p><p>“All right, all right, let's go home,” Rey said. She sighed, torn over whether she should say something to Ben or not. Obviously, she wasn't supposed to know about it, so coming right out and <em>asking</em> why he didn't propose to her would make for a very uncomfortable conversation...</p><p>
  <em>But we've had uncomfortable conversations before, haven't we? Why shouldn't I ask?</em>
</p><p>She pushed the front door open, and Chewie took off to search for Ben with a delighted bark. “I'm back,” she called.</p><p>“Hey, sweetheart,” Ben greeted her, giving Chewie a loving scratch before getting out of his chair. He started to move towards her, but stopped, looking uneasy.</p><p>Rey froze in place, her eyes uncomfortably darting around the room, looking from Rose, to Jannah, to Finn, who were all watching her in anticipation, and then back to Ben, whose face was now shifting to concern.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, God. They all knew.</em>
</p><p>“Ben?” Finn interrupted, smacking him lightly. “Do you have something you want to say to Rey?”</p><p>Ben's eyes never moved from Rey, and she could tell that he wished he could fall through the floor at that very moment. He paled, his lips trembling.</p><p><em>He doesn't want to,</em> Rey thought, her heart sinking.</p><p>“Rey...” Ben started.</p><p>“I'm really tired,” Rey interrupted loudly. Noting everyone's look of surprise, she forced a nervous smile. “Jet lag. I'm just going to take a quick nap.” She took in a shaky breath, looking directly at Ben. “Was there something you wanted to tell me?”</p><p>Ben shook his head quickly, his eyes dropping. “No,” he said. “Have a good nap, sweetheart.” He watched her walk up the stairs, then sank back down into his chair with a defeated sigh. “Goddamn it,” he muttered, pushing his hair back.</p><p>Rose leaned forward and patted Ben's arm. “It's okay,” she assured him. “You'll get your chance.”</p><p>“I know, I know,” he sighed.</p><p>“You should have asked her in Prague,” Finn mumbled knowingly, glancing around the room as if to pretend he hadn't said anything.</p><p>“Well, he can't do anything about that <em>now</em>, Finn,” Jannah reminded him.</p><p>Ben's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out. “Shit, my mom just texted me,” he announced, swiping to open it. “She wants to know why I didn't ask Rey. Well, that's fucking great.” He tossed his phone onto the coffee table. “Goddamn it.”</p><p>Rose clapped her hands together. “What can <em>we</em> do, Ben? How can we help?” She smiled sympathetically.</p><p>Ben scoffed in self-deprecation. “Got two spare tickets to Prague on you?” he teased. He shook his head. “Thank you. This is something I need to do.”</p><p>Finn, Jannah, and Rose all nodded in unison, their expressions thoughtful. “Well, you can do it, Ben,” Finn said. “You'll figure out the best way to ask her.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben nodded, taking a deep breath. “Well, Armitage will be here soon, right?”</p><p>“Not too much longer,” Rose said. “He said he'd come right over after work.”</p><p>“Then I better get dinner going,” Ben said, getting to his feet. “Do <em>something</em> with all this nervous energy.”</p>
<hr/><p>Ben was practicing in the study when Rey gently knocked on the door. “Yeah, come on in,” he called, lifting his bow and gripping the strings to deaden the sound.</p><p>Rey opened the door and leaned against the frame, her face completely neutral. “You rang?” she asked, holding up her phone.</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben said, gesturing for her to come closer. “I've been practicing, and there's this one <em>line</em>, with a sustained note, and I can't decide how much vibrato to add. Can you tell me what you think?”</p><p>Rey shrugged. “Sure.”</p><p>“Okay. How does this sound?” He played the line, and then landed on the note in question, adding a soft and gentle, but consistent vibrato.</p><p>“That sounds fine, I guess.”</p><p>“Okay, then how does <em>this</em> sound?” He played the line again, this time gradually adding more and more vibrato to enrichen the tone. He looked up at Rey, waiting for her assessment. “Which sounds better?”</p><p>“The second one,” Rey told him. “Is that all?”</p><p>Ben was caught off-guard by Rey's terseness. “Are you okay?” he asked.</p><p>“I'm fine,” Rey insisted, her face unchanged. She turned around and reached for the doorknob.</p><p>“Okay, how does <em>this </em>sound?” Ben started casually, setting his cello down and reaching for something in his case. “I think we should get married.”</p><p>Rey stopped, her hand still outstretched towards the door. She slowly turned back towards him. “What?” she began wonderingly, and gasped when she saw him sliding off the chair to drop to one knee, the ring box cradled in his large hand.</p><p>“I was going to ask you in Prague,” Ben admitted sheepishly. “I freaked out. I'm so sorry. This probably wasn't what you imagined.”</p><p>Rey shook her head quickly, her eyes filling with tears. “I know you were going to,” she whispered. “I thought you'd changed your mind.”</p><p>“You <em>knew</em>? Who told you?” Ben demanded, astonished.</p><p>“Your mom.”</p><p>“Oh, God.” Ben rubbed his eyes. “That explains it. Fuck. No, I didn't change my mind. I want to marry you. I just thought...I don't know, there were just so many people around...”</p><p>Rey nodded in understanding. “You didn't want a scene.”</p><p>“Yes!” Ben exclaimed. “That's exactly it. I thought for some reason...that you would say yes just because you didn't want to embarrass me.” He smiled nervously. “You still haven't given me an answer,” he reminded her. “And whatever you want to tell me, it's okay. It's just us, now.”</p><p>“It's yes,” Rey told him, swiping uselessly at the tears already streaming down her face. “It always was.”</p><p>Ben finally exhaled in relief, and lips wobbled, like he himself was trying not to cry. He slid the ring onto Rey's left ring finger, his fingers still gently holding onto her hand for a moment to admire the way it looked. “It's perfect,” he declared. “Do you like it?”</p><p>“It's gorgeous,” Rey sighed, emotional, with overjoyed laughter bubbling from her chest and fresh tears spilling from her eyes.</p><p>“I'm so glad.” Ben's eyes sparkled, like he was awestruck by her, yet again, and Rey's heart felt full, radiating warmth through her body. He was right, it <em>wasn't</em> the proposal Rey had imagined, but somehow, this was even better—anywhere Ben was, that was where Rey wanted to be, and the answer would have always been the same.</p><p>Besides, with just the two of them, in their new home—it felt <em>right</em>. She didn't want it any other way.</p><p>“Okay, hold still,” he said after a beat, reaching for his phone.</p><p>“What? Why?” Rey demanded, the romance of the moment now absolutely shattered. “What do you need your phone for?”</p><p>“I have to text the others,” Ben said simply, poising his phone to get a good picture of the ring on Rey's finger.</p><p>“Right now? We literally just got engaged and you haven't even kissed me yet,” Rey pouted.</p><p>“Can you just hold your left hand like <em>this</em>?” Ben asked, ignoring her, holding his own hand up by his face, his palm facing towards him. He got to his feet, rubbing at his nose to disguise his lips twitching in an effort to suppress a teasing smile. “They might not believe it unless they see it's you.”</p><p>Rey's frown darkened. “I may have to call our engagement off, Ben,” she told him, calling his bluff.</p><p>“I'm <em>kidding</em>,” Ben said, breaking first, sliding his arm around her waist and pulling her closer. He leaned down to kiss her, his hand sliding up her spine, a silent assurance that this moment was only for them. In forgiveness, Rey reached up to lovingly trace his jaw, her fingers gently brushing over the lines and dimples she knew by heart.</p><p>Their lips parted, and Ben pressed his forehead into hers, his nose lightly brushing her cheekbone. “I love you, sweetheart,” he murmured.</p><p>“I love you, my Ben.” Rey smiled contentedly, her fingers carding through his hair. He leaned into her touch with the lightest sigh, and she could feel his lips move into a loving smile as he brushed a whisper of a kiss on her cheek.</p><p>After their one precious and eternal moment had passed, she giggled and snatched his phone out of his hand, turning the front-facing camera on. “Okay, let's tell the others,” she told him, holding his phone up and tilting it to get the best angle, like she had done thousands of times with him. “But let's do it my way. With both of us.”</p><p>“You know best,” Ben grinned, ducking down to get in the frame.</p>
<hr/><p>[Ben]: <em>So guys...Rey and I have some news... :)</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>AHHH</em></p><p>[Rose]: <em>OH MY GODDDD</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>I'm literally screaming, you guys are so CUTE!!!</em></p><p>[Rey]: <em>We're having another wedding! :)</em></p><p>[Rose]: <em>WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER WEDDING!!!! Rey, if you need help with the planning, please let me know, I'm happy to do what I can!</em></p><p>[Rose]: <em>I know, I've still got some stuff from when I was planning my wedding, I'll come over tomorrow and bring them to you, does that sound good? Oh! Send me your Pinterest board when you start one!</em></p><p>[Rose]: <em>I'm just so exciteddd AHHH I wish I could hug you both right now!!! :D</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>Rey, that ring is GORGEOUS!!!</em></p><p>[Ben]: <em>Thanks, I picked it out?</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>Please, Ben, it's not about YOU</em></p><p>[Ben]: <em>I see...</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>Just kidding! :) Good choice! Ahhh I love you both!!!</em></p><p>[Finn]: <em>Fucking finally</em></p><p>[Rey]: <em>Thanks, Finn! :)</em></p><p>[Finn]: <em>No but really congrats to you both! Glad you finally asked her Ben ;)</em></p><p>[Armitage]: <em>I don't get it, what's the news</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>Armitage</em></p><p>[Rose]: <em>Armie. Please don't be obtuse.</em></p><p>[Armitage]: <em>I am literally in the same room as you right now.</em></p><p>[Rose]: <em>I know. I am humiliating you publicly. Otherwise how would you learn?</em></p><p>[Finn]: <em>Armitage what do you think that picture means</em></p><p>[Armitage]: <em>Did Rey get her nails done or something? I'm so confused</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>ARMITAGE</em></p><p>[Ben]: <em>...</em></p><p>[Rey]: <em>Ben and I got engaged, Armitage</em></p><p>[Armitage]: <em>I thought you were already?</em></p><p>[Armitage]: <em>I'd like to make you all aware that Rose just threw a pillow at me</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>I would have, too</em></p><p>[Finn]: <em>Same</em></p><p>[Jannah]: <em>Rose, can you throw another one at him for me?</em></p><p>[Rey]: <em>I love you guys</em></p>
<hr/><p>Ben scrolled through the messages on his phone, chuckling and shaking his head. “Group chat took it about the way I expected they would,” he told Rey.</p><p>Rey laughed and slid into bed next to him, leaning against him to look at his screen. “Mm, they're just so excited,” she agreed. She yawned and let her head loll against his shoulder.</p><p>“I'm glad,” Ben said, setting his phone down on the nightstand. “And you?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her. “Are you happy?”</p><p>“Of course I am,” she replied sleepily. “Are you?”</p><p>“I'm <em>incandescently</em> happy. What do you think of that?”</p><p>“Very descriptive,” Rey told him, her eyes falling shut as she snuggled closer to him. “I like it.”</p><p>He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “So, what does your day look like tomorrow, my bride?”</p><p>Rey scoffed, her lips cricking into a smile. “I told Amilyn I'd be at the office tomorrow,” she said. “I thought I was just going to be bringing her my book and some Czech chocolates, but I guess I have a lot to share with her.”</p><p>“Hmm, I guess you do.”</p><p>“And then I guess I'll pick Rose's brain for wedding ideas,” Rey yawned, “since we have a wedding to plan and all.”</p><p>“We do.” Ben pondered a moment, his hand idly stroking her arm. “We haven't even really decided <em>when</em> we were getting married, did we?”</p><p>“Mm, no. We'll figure it out, though. We're good at that.”</p><p>“Rose and Armitage's wedding was nice. A fall wedding?”</p><p>“A May wedding? Springtime. All those flowers.” She sighed. “We don't have to decide <em>right this second</em>, do we? My brain is still in Prague.”</p><p>“Nope. Whenever.”</p><p>“Let's go there for our honeymoon.” Rey's hand smoothed over his abs as she stretched an arm around him.</p><p>Ben chuckled. “So, we don't know <em>when</em> we're getting married, just that we're going to Prague afterwards,” he teased. “Got it.”</p><p>“You're making fun of me,” Rey accused, her voice thick with drowsiness. “I'll remember this tomorrow.” She lifted her head to look at him, one eye opened just a slit, then she closed it and settled back against him. “I'm so tired.”</p><p>“Well, sleep, sweetheart,” Ben told her, reaching to turn off the lamp, careful to not jostle her, and, cradling her with one arm, he gently adjusted his position to lie back against his pillow. Instinctively, her cheek came to rest on his chest. “Sleep well,” he murmured to her.</p><p>“Hmm, sweet dreams, my love,” she mumbled.</p><p>Ben was exhausted, himself, but he dared not let his eyes close just yet. Instead, he watched Rey's face as she drifted off to sleep, hoping whatever dreams were waiting for her were happy and peaceful. “We'll go to Prague,” he whispered, stroking her hair with the lightest touch. “We'll take a tour across Europe, if you want. Find all the best desserts, with all the whipped cream you'd like.” He chuckled to himself. “Just tell me where you want to go, and I'll follow you.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “And it doesn't matter to me what time of year we get married. You'll be the most beautiful bride, regardless. As long as I get to see you walk up the aisle to me, I'm happy.”</p><p>Her arm around him tightened, and his hand found hers, his thumb brushing over the ring he had given her. He smiled sleepily.</p><p>“Good night, Mrs. Solo,” he murmured contentedly, before he nodded off to sleep, to meet her again in his dreams.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Not me using my fic to program the concerts I want to see right now...you all have NO IDEA how much I miss live music!</p><p>Anyway, references!</p><p>Edward Elgar, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/0O62RntbSupfaZeryUMml5?si=BQpK9W4sTuuYlfL2GqFsTw">Cello Concerto in E minor, Op. 85</a><br/>Ralph Vaughan Williams, <em><a href="https://youtu.be/A3mGMaKepHg">Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis</a><em>.</em></em><br/>Gustav Holst, <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/4U7th4tl5sajFoEpRpn6Xj?si=EQ35RzJFRGexSwU7sJ8ppw">The Planets, </a></em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/4U7th4tl5sajFoEpRpn6Xj?si=EQ35RzJFRGexSwU7sJ8ppw">Op. 32</a>. (This performance is conducted by the King himself, John Williams!) My favorite movement is <a href="https://youtu.be/FMdhgzCKGCo">Jupiter, The Bringer of Jollity</a>.<br/>Gustav Mahler, <em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/2SVkyvRyCXIZ8WsGe8j0xc?si=g3Nzw-5URR6jEqkx1xExYA">Symphony No. 2, </a></em><a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/2SVkyvRyCXIZ8WsGe8j0xc?si=g3Nzw-5URR6jEqkx1xExYA">"Resurrection"</a></p><p>Prague is also one of my favorite places to visit...really missing travelling right now! :(<br/>Also, imagining the group chat between Ben, Rey, Finn, Jannah, Rose, and Hux was already the highlight of my year...if you add Poe in there, you've pretty much got my pitch to Lucasfilm for Episode X, lol!</p><p>I hope you enjoyed the epilogue! I'm looking forward to having another fic soon. I just started writing this AU that I'm having a lot of fun with, and if all goes well, I hope to start posting it once I have more written :)</p><p>Until then, take care, stay safe, and listen to some beautiful music! &lt;3</p>
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